The rest of the day seemed to fly by after Gus and I returned to Justin’s room. It wasn’t until Justin’s dinner arrived that I even realized how late it was getting. His mom should be back soon and that’s a confrontation I’d really like to save for later, but something won’t let me leave.

“Hey Dad?” I’d been staring out the window for the last few minutes watching the sky get darker.

“Hmm?” I turned around. Justin was pushing his dinner tray aside. From the look of it he’d barely finished half of it.

“Just checking to see if you’re still with us.” Gus was smiling as he began eating a little square piece of chocolate cake off of Justin’s tray. I just shook my head at them and smiled.

“Yeah I’m still here.” Justin and Gus are both watching me curiously now and I’m wondering exactly what it is that has them so interested in me.

“You look tired.” Still smiling at him I shrug.

“Your mothers need a new sofa.” Justin raises an eyebrow at that comment.

“Dad spent the night…”

“Don’t you need to get back home? Shouldn’t you have homework? Chores? Something?” I interrupt him hoping he’ll get the message to shut up now.

“…passed out in the living room. I’m still not sure how he ended up there. Why did you end up at our house?” Obviously the message was not received. Thanks sonny boy.

“Because Ted is an idiot.” It seems like more than enough of an explanation to me. Gus doesn’t seem satisfied, but the smile on Justin’s face tells me that he understands.

Justin laughs softly as he leans back against the pillows on his bed. He closes his eyes for a moment and Gus shoots a worried look over at him.

“You okay Jus?” He pushes the empty cake plate aside and bites the inside of his bottom lip while he watches Justin intently.

“Fine.” Justin smiles. “Tired.”

“You sure?” Gus still has him under a watchful eye. Justin nods again and closes his eyes. After a few minutes Gus seems to be satisfied and starts back in on me.

“So Ted’s an idiot… but somehow he’s not the one that ended up at our house.”

I make a sound and roll my eyes. I’m not sure if it would be classified as a snort or a huff, either way I made my point. I turn away from them and place my attention back toward the window.

“You ever think that maybe you drink too much?” Gus asks me seriously. That was probably the last thing I was expecting to hear. I don’t respond. I simply keep looking out the window.

“Gus… stop it.” I hear Justin warning him.

“What? Stop telling him what he needs to hear?” I keep my back to them and my attention focused at the world outside of this window.

“Gus.” From the sound of his voice I can tell that he’s exhausted. I turn and look at Justin. His eyes are only half open and he seems to be blinking in slow motion. That’s a sure sign that he’s only a few minutes away from sleep. I’ve watched him fall asleep enough times to be sure of that.

“Gus.” I say directing his attention toward me. “Thanks for your concern, but shelve it. This isn’t the time or the place. Got it?” The look I give him is unmistakable; I make sure that there is no possible way for Gus to misunderstand it. He nods and looks away.

It’s not long before Justin is sleeping soundly. I motion for Gus to follow me out of the room. I lean up against the wall and rub the back of my neck. Gus doesn’t say anything he just waits for me to speak, I don’t get a chance to say anything though, because just then Jennifer Taylor steps off of the elevator.

“Hi Gus.” She’s smiling at him as she walks over toward us. I can see the slight difference in her smile the second she finally realizes that I’m here as well.

“Hello Brian.” I feel myself sink further into the wall

“Hello Jennifer.” She looks to Gus with wide eyes as her fingers start to tremble slightly.

“Has something happened with Justin?” She looks terrified.

“Maybe you should tell me.” I say standing up straight. She gives me a confused look that I’m not buying for one second.

Gus starts to say something but I hold my hand up to cut him off. I’d nearly forgotten that they’d spent so much time together lately. He probably thinks she’s the nicest woman alive. I nearly have to gag at that thought.

“Gus, do me a favor?” He looks up at me and I hand him some money out of my wallet.

“Go get something for dinner and meet me back at the loft.” He nods and gives Jennifer a wave as he leaves us alone.

“What do you mean, maybe I should tell you?” She puts her hands up on her hips and gives me her best glare.

“Just what I said.” She knows damn well what I’m talking about.

“Since when do you care? You haven’t even been here… in I can’t even remember how long…”

“Jennifer. Let’s stop playing this game. It’s getting old. I know the routine by now. He’s your son and I’m no one.”

“Brian I never said that.”

“Actually you did once. I’m sure you’ve forgotten that nasty little scene though. Anyway it doesn’t matter. What matters is you telling the doctors not to discuss anything with me.”

“Not just you Brian. He’s not to discuss it with anyone.”

“Except for you and Craig?”

“Who said anything about Craig?” Her eyes shift downward unable to meet mine.

“It’s pointless to deny what I already know. What the fuck is going on?”

Her shoulders slump and she begins to cry. I close my eyes and swallow hard. I know there is something more behind these tears than this little argument with me. We’ve had worse. She wipes at her eyes and steadies herself.

“I didn’t know who else to go to Brian. I don’t know maybe I would have talked to you if you were here, but you weren’t. Craig is his father…”

“Tell me.”

“They ran tests for these headaches he’s been getting. It could be very serious Brian.”

I do my best to appear calm. I steady myself against the wall.

“How serious?”

She doesn’t say anything. She just shrugs helplessly as more tears fall down her cheeks. After a few deep breaths I manage to swallow the huge lump I feel in my throat.

“Let me buy you a cup of coffee.” She nods and follows me toward the hospital cafeteria.

I find us a table in the back and pull out a chair for her to sit in. She looks up at me and I see the toll that the last few weeks have taken on her. She looks emotionally exhausted.

“Have you eaten today?” I find myself asking her.

“No I don’t think I have. I couldn’t if I tried.”

“I’ll bring you back a muffin or something.” She tries to protest but I’m already walking away pretending not to hear her.

When I get back to her a few minutes later, she seems to have pulled herself together again. Her red rimmed eyes are the only indication of her earlier emotional display. She looks up at me and smiles slightly.

“Thanks.” She says taking a cup of coffee off of the tray.

“No muffins. I got you a fruit cup instead.” She waves her hand to dismiss it and shakes her head slightly. I shrug pretending to be indifferent about it.

We’re quiet for awhile just sitting there drinking our coffee, both of us lost in our thoughts. I know I should be worried or upset, but I’m not sure that I can actually feel anything at this point, it’s like I’m numb all over. Finally I break the silence.

“Does he know?”

“I haven’t told him anything Brian. They don’t know what’s wrong yet. The possibilities are endless and most of them don’t sound good.” She’s crying again and I just concentrate on breathing for a few minutes.

“He thinks he’s going home in a few days.” She shakes her head. “I don’t want to worry him if it turns out to be nothing.” Her bottom lip quivers as she takes another sip of her coffee. I nod as I push the fruit cup closer to her.

“I wasn’t trying to exclude you Brian. I really wasn’t. I would have told you if you’d been here….” I can tell from her expression that she’s telling the truth. She picks up a fork and eats a little of the fruit.

How much time have I wasted? What if something happens? I realize that staying away just to avoid her and everything she’s done in the past was probably the stupidest thing I’ve ever done in my life.

“I don’t know how I’m going to tell him.” She begins sobbing and I find myself getting up and going over to sit next to her, then taking her in my arms to comfort her.

“Shhh. There might not be anything to tell him.” I feel her head nodding against my shoulder.

“It’ll be okay.” I whisper into her ear. I find myself letting go of the hatred I’d let grow for her over the years. Maybe it’s time for me to realize that she wasn’t the one that made me send Justin away. It wasn’t her, it wasn’t our friends, it was what I wanted because I couldn’t handle being in a relationship anymore. Maybe it was because I realized that it was only a matter of time before he left me.

To be continued