I notice somewhere between the living room and the car that Gus won’t even look at me. He hasn’t spoken to me either, except to offer me a ride. We get into Melanie’s car and I think I have a way of getting back on his good side. I clear my throat and look over at him. He’s still looking straight ahead trying to avoid me.

“I was thinking, instead of always depending on one of your mom’s cars, that you should probably have your own.”

He doesn’t say anything; he just continues looking straight ahead. Well obviously he doesn’t understand what I am getting at, so I continue.

“I’m buying.”

Still nothing, Jesus! If someone had offered me a car when I was seventeen, I’d have been jumping for joy. Well, not literally, but I would have at least shown a little enthusiasm or some gratitude.

“Gus.” I see his jaw clench.

“What?”

“Did you hear me?”

“Yeah.” His voice is flat.

“I’m offering you a fucking car.”

“I heard you. I don’t want it.” I don’t believe this. I don’t fucking believe it.

“What?” My voice rises a bit and I wonder how it is that he can act like a fucking two year old.

“I said I don’t want it.” Now he just sounds like a petulant child.

“And why the hell not?” Ok so I’m starting to sound just like him.

He steals a quick look at me and I see only anger and hurt radiating from him.

“Because Dad. You can’t just buy me something to fix this.” Ok there it is. The line has been drawn. He’s not going to forgive me, ever.

“Fix what?” I ask my voice quavering only slightly.

“Never mind.” He shakes his head and rolls his eyes.

Well this is going great. The first conversation we’ve had in over a week and instead of talking about the fact that he’s angry with me, I offer him a car and piss him off even more. I probably should just leave it alone. He’s obviously going to hold onto this for a long time unless he can get me to do what he wants. I’m not stupid I know what he wants. I can’t do that, but I might as well try another tactic since we’re still a good ten minutes away from where I left the jeep.

“You haven’t returned any of my calls this week.”

He’s quiet for a long time and I’m pretty sure he’s not going to answer me. I fumble in my jacket pocket looking for my cigarettes. Finally I find one and light it. He sighs.

“At least roll down the window. Mom doesn’t let anyone smoke in here.”

I roll down the window and stare at the cigarette in my fingers. The burning ember creeps its way closer to my fingers as the gray ash grows longer. Eventually I just toss it out the window. Fine he doesn’t want to talk at all, and since that’s never been my strong suit anyway I give up.

“Stop the car.” I order Gus quietly.

“What?” He apparently hasn’t heard me.

“Stop the car.” I try again a little louder.

“Why?” Gus is looking at me skeptically.

“Just stop the car okay. I want to walk the rest of the way.”

I stare out of the open window. I close my eyes and let the morning sun warm my face. I’m feeling almost suffocated and I’m trying very hard to stay calm. Gus pulls into a parking lot and stops the car not a moment too soon. His voice stops me before I can get the door open.

“I’m sorry that I haven’t called you back. I wasn’t avoiding you. Well not really. I’ve been busy…”

“Don’t worry about it.” I say as I open the door.

“Dad...” He pulls slightly on my arm trying to get me to look at him.

“I said don’t worry about it Gus.”

“Are you hungry?” He asks suddenly changing the subject.

“We could grab breakfast at the diner before we get the jeep.” He raises his eyebrows. I nod and close the car door. Just like that he lets me know he’s going to forgive me.

We get to the diner and settle into a booth in the back. After we’ve ordered Gus starts to talk about school and a few colleges that he’s thinking about applying to. Most of them are close to home, just a few hours away by car. A few are half way across the country.

“I just don’t know if I want to be that far away though.” He looks down at the table embarrassed.

“You know you can come home whenever you want on weekends and holidays.”

“Not if I go across the country.”

“Even if you go across the country you can be home in a few hours. That’s what airplanes are for.” He knows that I can afford to fly him home every damn weekend if he wants to be here.

“I guess.” He says softly. I notice how tired he looks. I hadn’t seen it before. Suddenly I remember that he’d just gotten in at four this morning. I look over at the clock on the wall and see that it’s almost nine o’clock now.

Our food arrives and we let a comfortable silence take over our booth. I’m sipping on my coffee when I notice Gus look over at the clock. His brow furrows and he puts his fork down. He wipes his mouth quickly with a napkin.

“I’m going to be late. I’ll be right back I have to make a call.” He stands up and I see him head toward the restroom. He has his cell phone out and he’s dialing as he heads out of my view.

I motion for the check and finish the last of my coffee before Gus returns. As he approaches the table I stand and head toward the register. He follows and I can’t help but wonder just where he needs to be so early on a Saturday morning.

He yawns a few times while I pay for breakfast and once more as he gets behind the wheel. As soon as I get in the car I take the keys out of his hand. He looks at me quizzically.

“Ok sonny boy. Just where are you heading after you drop me off?” I’m pretty sure that I know the answer, but I want to be sure.

“Don’t ask, okay?” He holds his hand out expecting me to drop the keys into his palm.

“I just asked.” He shuts his eyes and leans his head against the window.

“Do you know how hard I’ve been working at not saying Justin’s name all morning?” He asks quietly.

“The hospital huh?” He nods.

“You were just there a few hours ago.”

“I know but his mom has something to do today. She won’t be back until sometime tonight. She mentioned it last night and I offered to visit while she was gone. Can I have the keys back now?” He sighs and I shake my head no. “I called her from the diner and she’s already left. He’s asleep now… I want to get there before he wakes up.”

I don’t say anything more. I simply hand him back the keys. He starts the car and drives the five blocks to where I’d left my jeep last night. I get out and stand with the door open for a minute.

“Gus, go home and get some sleep. I’ll go sit with him for awhile. Okay?”

He tries to hide the huge grin that’s threatening to spill out all over his face. His eyes give him away though. I shake my head. Shit… What am I doing?

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I’m sure. You look like you could use a few more hours of sleep. I’ll stay until you get there.” I tell myself that I’m doing this for Gus. He does look exhausted. I shut the car door and he heads off with a wave.

To Be Continued.