"Is It Actually A Wonderful Life?" Part four of a completely unnecessary Sailor Moon parody By Lord Azurite ============================================================================= The 4 generals of the Negaverse, Jedite, Neflyte, Malachite, and Zoisite awoke from a terrible night's sleep in their room at the Sheraton hotel in Baltimore. "What a terrible night." Neflyte declared. He looked at Jedite who was still curled up in a ball on the couch. "I wonder why he didn't sleep in bed." Neflyte wondered aloud. "He's afraid of you." Zoisite said eating some Certs. "Jedite? Afraid of me? I wonder why?" Neflyte asked. "We don't have time to discuss it now!" Malachite yelled. "Wake Jedite up it's time to leave!" Zoisite held Jedite's nose shut and he awoke gasping for air. "Wha- *cough* What are you doing?" He asked her. "Wake up, Minerva it's time to go." Malachite ordered. "Minerva?" Zoisite asked with a puzzled look. "Never mind. Let's just go! We'll miss our plane." Malachite said. The 4 of them packed the few things they had and ran to the elevator. As the elevator descended, Neflyte got tired of the stupid music it was playing. He quickly re-wired the sound system to a portable radio he didn't want any- more and piped in the funk. "I'm turning Japaneese, I think I'm turning Japaneese, I really think so!" The 4 of them sang along with Malachite struggling to keep up. When the elevator reached the ground floor, the doors swung open and the lobby filled with the sound. The generals rocked out of the building to the lingering tune behind them. They hailed a cab and were soon on their way to the airport. It took a while to find their plane because it was a mad rush since they stopped to pick up a few keychains. When they were on the plane, Jedite looked around and surveyed his surroundings. There, walking toward him was Roger Freebirth who when he saw Jedite turned and ran out of coach and up into first class. Also he noticed none other than Cindy! "Cindy!" He shouted. "I'm not Cindy," She told him, "I'm her twin Lindsey. You must be Jed. She told me about you and your friends." Jedite thought, "Cindy, Lindsey, all in three days. I still got it." They struck up a sturdy conversation about their trip which ended in Lindsey giving Jedite some toast and a copy of Roger Freebirth's new book "Flip -n- Learn Song Book for the Wee Piano Player Volume Two." She said it was a gift from Cindy. The plane took off and was soon high above Pennsylvania. Neflyte decided that the stars were calling him and walked to the back of the plane to the restrooms. He jiggled the handle on the door of the men's room but it didn't open. He pulled harder and broke the handle off. "Hey! What the hell are you doing?" A familiar voice inside yelled. "Oh!" Neflyte gasped, "I didn't know anyone was in there." "The sign says 'Occupied' or can't you read?" the voice asked. Neflyte's face turned red. Suddenly, a chainsaw blade ripped through the door and out popped Darien. "What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be with Queen Beryl in the Negaverse?" Neflyte asked. "Yes, but she figured she wanted to spend her last day alone shopping with her girlfriends (friends who are girls. This is a semi-clean series) so I came to spend the rest of your vacation with you." Darien explained, "Oh yeah and I'm back on the Sailor Scouts' side now because I never did like Beryl anyway." "Does that mean I have to fight you?" Neflyte asked. "No, I figure what the hell? We're on vacation." Darien said. "Oh, all right. Excuse me." Neflyte agreed as he stepped into the men's room and pulled the door upright. The sound of a zipper could be heard, followed by what sounded like running water. "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Neflyte yelped as he releived himself. "God, I gotta get out of here." Darien thought. He went and sat down next to Zoisite. "Yipe!!!" She uh, yiped, "What's cape boy doing here?" "I'm going to spend the rest of the vacation with you guys." He explained, "I'm back on the Scouts' side now but I figure, why fight? We're on vacation. Besides, it'll be back to the old routine tomorrow." "That sounds tolerable." Jedite agreed. The 4 of them agreed that they wouldn't fight until the next day and then Neflyte walked up. "What did I miss?" They all fell to the ground. The plane had suddenly lurched forward. The inercom came on, "This is your captain speaking," Jedite stood and saluted but Malachite pushed him back down in his seat, "We're experiencing some turbulance over the city of Hazleton, Pennsylvania. We'll be out of it soon. Thank you." Everyone relaxed and soon the plane was descending toward New York. Around 11:00 AM E.D.T. the plane landed at J. F. K. Airport in New York. The gang walked off the plane with one more person, Darien. Suddenly, Serena flew out of nowhere and hugged Darien. The 4 other girls popped up behind him. "What are they doing here?" Jedite asked. "Well, I hope you don't mind but they're going to tag along. Like I said, we're on vacation." Darien said. "I thought you said they weren't in this fic!" Malachite yelled. "As I said, I control the action. Play along or feel my wrath." the author scolded. "What if I don't 'play along'?" Malachite had to ask. The author quickly produced rain clouds which rained only on Malachite and struck him with a bolt of lightning. He was sent sailing back against a large brick wall which the author placed in the middle of where they were. "Ha ha ha! That'll teach you to question me!" The author laughed. "Now I know where Queen Beryl gets her peeve about questioning orders." Zoisite declared. "What!?!" the author boomed. "Nothing!" Zoisite quickly replied. "Ok, now, carry on." the author ordered. "Now, let's check out my travel book." Jedite said flipping pages. Malachite walked over to the generals, Darien, and the 5 girls plus 2 cats who the author decided to add and said, "Man, that hurt." "That'll teach you to question him." Mina said. Malachite began to speak but the author appeared and pointed at him. He held his tongue. "Ok, it says here that the first ferry to the giant woman leaves at 12:00. If we hurry we can make it." Jedite said. Darien hailed a taxi and all 10 of them plus cats piled in. Don't ask me how. It's the author's idea. Wait a minute. Oh well. Anyway, the extremly overloaded taxi rolled down the streets of New York with the back end dragging and kicking up sparks. Soon they were at the south end of Manhattan looking out over the murky brown water. "Um, I think they say that if you get your water from the Hudson, you might want to strain it first." Lita quoted as she saw a tire float by. "Shall we board the ferry?" Luna asked. "Eeeeek! No way! I'm scared of boats!" Serena wailed. Zoisite snidely remarked, "You call yourselves sailors." "I'd like to make a request," Malachite said looking towards the sky, "Oh please great author, allow the Sailor Scouts to stay here." "Oh all right!" the author agreed. Instantly all the Scouts' minds about taking a boat ride to see a giant woman changed and they all agreed to wander around New York before meeting up at the Trump Towers hotel. The 4 generals plus Darien boarded the large vessel that suspiciously looked like a barge. The top deck, where Jedite insisted on staying, was packed with immigrants and people who didn't know how to speak English. (Or Japaneese depending on what mood they were in.) Jedite looked around and his eyes landed on a snack bar. He asked, "Does anyone want some Coke?" A security guard grabbed Jedite by the shoulder and said, "COKE!!! Where? If you don't hand it over, I'm taking you in." "But, I'm going to buy it." Jedite said. "From who? Which one of these people is your provider?" The guard asked. "Well, probably that guy behind the snack bar counter." Jedite said. Malachite forced the security guard to let go of Jedite and explained that he was going to purchase a Coca-Cola and not the other kind of Coke. "That's twice I saved you, Jedite." Malachite sneered, "I'd better get ice in my coke, I mean cola." Jedite went over and bought everyone a round of ice cold Coca Cola. Uh oh, copyright. Oh well, who from that company will read this? Anyway, the boat was nearing the large woman and soon it's figure could be seen through the fog. "Wow. Look at that." Neflyte said. Malachite tilted his head every which way as he looked at the huge woman standing above him. "Stop trying to look up her dress!" Zoisite growled. "I'm not! I'm getting a better look at her." Malachite weaseled his way out of a tongue-lashing. The boat stopped at a dock and the 5 of them got off. They walked to the huge woman and read some words written on a plaque. "Hey, this woman is called 'The Statue of Liberty.'" Jedite informed them. "Statue?!" Darien yelled, "You said it was a woman!" "Were you hoping to get lucky, cape boy?" Zoisite asked sarcastically. Dairen jumped onto a picnic table and yelled, "I'm sick of you nerds calling me cape boy! I'm not even wearing a cape right now and besides my name is Tuxedo Mask. Get it? Ttuuxxeeddoo Mmaasskk!!!" He sounded it out for them so they might understand. "Cool!" Jedite screamed. "What?" Neflyte, Zoisite, Malachite and Darien asked in unison. "It says here that you can walk up to her crown. Let's go!" Jedite encouraged them. "Sounds okay to me." Malachite said. They entered the pedastal and began the long climb to the top of the Statue of Liberty. They came upon a red headed girl and some nerdy kid in a Tuxedo who were walking up the steps. "Molly!" Neflyte gasped, "What are you and Melvin doing here?" Molly and Melvin morphed into one being, the author, who said, "Ha ha ha ha ha! I am the author. Bow before me!" "I know it's not my place to say so, but I think you're overstepping your boundaries." Malachite said. "And you're pushing your luck at being in the sequel." The author stated. "Sequel?" They all gasped. "Possibly. Hows about this?" The author pointed to the sky and an image of what the sequel might look like appeared, "The Generals do Vaudville!" The entire inners of the statue fell silent. "Uh, heh heh, um well, I have to go. Carry on." The author stuttered and then teleported out. "That's getting annoying." Darien stated as they continue their climb. Finally they reached the top where they surveyed the bay at a couple of hundred feet. Finally, everyone heard what they expected to. "I wonder if they sell any toast around here." Jedite wondered aloud. They quadruple teamed him and brought him to the ground where swift punches and kicks were administered. They descended down the statue and went to the center of the city where they found their hotel. When they checked in, the clerk at the front desk insited that they be searched for weapons or drugs. They looked "suspicious." They entered their rooms and found the Scouts lounging around doing nothing at all. They settled down for a good night's sleep. They were happy because tomorrow would be the final day of their journey in the human world.