"Is It Actually A Wonderful Life?" Part four of a completely unnecessary Sailor Moon parody By Lord Azurite ============================================================================= Well, only a few more to go after this. I'd just like to take this time to talk to you about what the hell is going on. In case you didn't realize it, the Queen got rid of the Generals to spend a week alone with Prince Darien. The 4 have thus far been to a carnival and are on their way to the U. S. Their vacation there will take up 2 parts of the series and then I'll (finally) wrap it all up. I don't know how it will end yet. I think this sh- I mean stuff up as I go. I suspect the Generals will all eventually go back to the Negaverse to continue with their missions. We'll see though. -Lord Azurite PS: In this story I make several references to other fanfics. They're explained near the bottom. ============================================================================= The 4 generals of the Negaverse flew through the sky on their flight to the grand old United States of America. Jedite sat in his seat eating a huge pile of toast which the extraordinarily attractive stewardess Cindy brought him. (She developed sort of a crush on him.) Neflyte sat in back of Jedite next to Zoisite who was leaning over Malachite's chair (who was sitting next to Jedite) talking to him. Neflyte was busy cursing and swearing at the hand-held poker game he was playing. Zoisite and Malachite were talking about the last time they took a flight in an airplane which was on their trip to Hawaii last summer*. Suddenly, a voice on the plane's intercom announced, "This is the captain speaking," Jedite stood and saluted the P.A. system, "Because of wartime constraints we will shortly be dumping our fuel and ditching in the ocean approximately five miles from the California coastline. Please assume crash positions." "What the hell is he talking about?" Zoisite asked with confusion. "I think we're going to crash on purpose." Neflyte said. "Crash?!" Jedite yelled. He screamed loudly as he had been doing for a while now. The windows of the plane shattered causing the entire cabin to de-pressurize. The plane began to dive into a downward spiral. Malachite looked out the window and saw the plane's fuel being dumped into the air. The plane rapidly descended downward and finally, imapct. The enire plane desintigrated into a pile of nothingness in the ocean. "Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Jedite screamed in his seat. Cindy came over and began to rub his forehead and asked, "Is everything all right sir?" Jedite was shaking in his seat and realized that the whole incident with the plane crashing in the ocean was just a dream. "Will we be landing soon?" Zoisite asked, "I can't take this seat anymore." "Yes, we will be landing in a few minutes." Cindy said. "We won't be ditching in the ocean?" Jedite asked jittery. "Of course not, and if we were, I wouldn't let anything happen to you." Cindy reassured him. The 4 generals relaxed as the plane began to descend. "Hey! There's Los Angeles!" Zoisite yelled as she stared out the window. Neflyte whistled and said, "That be one damn big city." The plane landed on a long runway at the airport in L. A. It took the generals a while to find their baggage but eventually they did and they found themselves at the waiting terminal ready to fly to the East Coast. "Where exactly are we going?" Malachite asked, "Jedite, you made the travel plans." "Well, we are going to the spectacular city of Baltimore, Maryland. I'm going to the National Piano and Toast Emporium. You guys can do whatever you want. Then we're going to New York to wrap up our trip." "What's so fun about New York?" Neflyte asked. "I heard there was a giant woman out in Hudson river. I thought it would be interesting." Jedite explained. "Flight 800 to Baltimore is now boarding at gate 15." The intercom announced. "That's us. Let's go." Malachite ordered. The 4 boarded the plane and in a half hour they were in the air. The plane soared high above the clouds over many states as Jedite ate toast. In a few hours they were beginning their descent towards Baltimore. It was the same routine at the Baltimore airport as it was in L. A. It took a few hours to find their luggage but eventually they did and they were on their way to the National Piano and Toast Emporium. Jedite looked about with glee and suddenly, looming in the distance was the huge brick structure. Never in his life had Jedite felt such joy, and it was FREE admission! "I'll catch up with you guys later. I made reservations at the Sheraton hotel in Inner Harbor." Jedite told the other 3 as he exited the bus. Jedite entered the building and was immediately surrounded by the aroma of freshly baked bread and the sound of Bach, Beethoven, Mozart, Tchycovski, and Handel. "Oh-My-GOD!" Jedite yelled as he read a sign next to a large grand piano. "Free Lessons with Roger Freebirth" Jedite stood before the unsuspecting Roger and tapped him on the shoulder. "I-I'd like the free lesson please." He stammered. Roger looked up at him and almost died, "You! You're that kid from Tokyo. Do you follow me everywhere? I could've sworn I saw you on my flight to Los Angeles." "Please sir, it would be a great honor if I could have the free lesson." Jedite quipped. "Well, alright. Sit down." Roger agreed, "So, show me what you've got." Jedite took a deep breath and started to play a song called "Music Box Dancer" while Roger swayed to the music. As the song progressed, so did Jedite's pace. Instead of the normal tempo the song was moving 3 times faster than it should. Suddenly, Jedite stood and erupted into a finale of "Great Balls of Fire." When the great "Symphony" was over, Jedite noticed that people were crowded around him applauding. He took a bow and left Roger speechless as he walked away towards the toast end of the building. Neflyte, Zoisite, and Malachite were walking along the pier at inner harbor Baltimore. They came to a large building with the name "Baltimore Aquarium" on it. "Hmm, an antiquities hall." Neflyte said. "It says aquarium you illeterate fool." Malachite retorted. "What's an aquarium?" Zoisite asked, "Should we go in?" "Why not? It can't hurt." Malachite said. The 3 of them entered the large building to the sight of hundreds of fish tanks interspursed with glowing columns of flowing water. "What's this? A waste treatment facility?" Zoisite wondered remembering the time she fell in a sewer. "I think it's a place where they show people a bunch of fish." Malachite guessed. "Fish?" Neflyte asked, "Why would anyone want to spend their time looking at fish?" "Maybe it's what humans do in their free time." Malachite explained referring to their original assignment. A man in a shark costume walked up to them and asked, "Are you kids having a good time?" "We aren't kids." Zoisite said. "Oh, I get it." the sharkman said, "You're a tour group from some high school aren't you?" "No." Malachite snarled, "We aren't in school." "Playing hookey are you?" The shark asked. "Zoi!" Zoisite yelled, but nothing happened, "Damn! I wish I had my powers!" Queen Beryl and Evil Prince Darien were watching them through her crystal ball and laughing. "I'll give them their powers back for an hour and let them have some fun." Queen Beryl declared. She waved her hand over the crystal. "Malachite! I have my powers back! But they're limited." Zoisite exclaimed. "Me too." Neflyte added. "And I." Said Malachite. "Cool!" Jedite exclaimed, "My powers are back. I can use my energy gathering technique to collect all the toast in this building and stockpile it. I'll have an unlimited supply! Ha ha ha ha ha!" "Now shark boy, Zoi!" Zoisite yelled. Some invisible energy slammed into the shark person and knocked him across the room. People began to scream. Malachite locked the doors and unleashed on the humans with his cool ring attack and sent them flying back. Neflyte produced a Star Sword and shattered all the fish tanks with it. The creatures poured out and electric eels began to electrifly the water. People were electrocuted as the 3 generals hovered above them. Somewhere in the building Neflyte teleported himself to and he hooked up the intercom to a radio and piped in the heavy metal. Unknown to him at the time, a frayed wire inside the building was starting to sizzle. It erupted in a flame and started to burn stuff. The fire spread quickly throughout the building despite the water on the floor and burned the building to the ground. Fire response units just weren't quick enough. The 3 generals were already away from the scene when the police arrived. All the toast in the building spiraled around and flew into Jedite's hand as he sent it back to the Negaverse. "Ha ha ha ha ha!" He laughed, "Very soon I will have the most toast in all the Negaverse." Suddenly a red rose flew through the air and the toast dropped to the ground. "What? What's happening?" Jedite asked spinning around. To his surprise he saw the Sailor Scouts and Tuxedo Mask standing in the entrance to the Emporium. "What are you doing here?" He asked. "Because of an insane plot twist, it just so happens that we are on foreign exchange here!**" Sailor Moon annoucned, "So in the name of the Moon and the United States, I will punish you!" "Tuxedo Mask, what are you doing here? I thought you were with Queen Beryl back in the Negaverse." Jedite asked. "Um, I'm, uh, who am I?" Tuxedo Mask asked. Suddenly he disappeared. "My fault." Said the author, "Carry on." Sailor Moon said, "Oh, yeah. I will punish you!" "But all I'm doing is stealing toast. Can't you go pick on someone else?" Jedite pleaded. "Toast?" Sailor Mercury asked, "Why?" "I love toast." Jedite declared, "I wanted to collect more than anyone in the Negaverse." "I love toast too!" Sailor Mars exclaimed. "Me too!" Sailor Jupiter added. "Oh really? Regular or grain bread?" Jedite asked. The 6 of them struck up a conversation about toast that lasted about 45 minutes until Neflyte and the other 2 generals arrived. "Jedite? What are you doing?" Neflyte yelled. "We were having a lovely discussion about toast." Jedite said. "Well, our powers are gone now." Malachite announced. "Really? Damn." Jedite cursed, "That means I can't collect any more toast." "What the hell do the Sailor Scouts want?" Zoisite asked. "I don't know. What do you want." Jedite asked them. "Come to think of it, nothing. We thought you were stealing energy." Sailor Moon said. "I guess you can carry on." "Thanks." They all replied. The Sailor Scouts left the 4 generals behind. "You stupid S.O.B.!" Malachite screamed holding Jedite by the collar, "Why didn't you attack them?" "That's not part of our mission." Jedite replied, "They're not even supposed to be in this story." "What?" Neflyte asked. "Oh, my mistake. I got carried away." The author told them. "Don't make anymore 'mistakes'." Malachite ordered. "Hey, I control you buddy." The author remided him. "Oh yeah." Malachite remembered. "Carry on." the author ordered. "Ok, uh. Let's go to the hotel." Malachite suggested. The three of them walked down a city block to a large hotel with glowing neon lights that shouted "Sheraton Hotel." They checked in and went to their rooms. "So tomorrow we have to catch a plane at 8:00 AM and fly to New York?" Zoisite asked with a toothbrush in her mouth. "Right. There we'll see the giant, colossal woman!" Jedite exclaimed cheerfully but then looked depressed, "I still wish I collected more toast." "Well, there will be time for that later." Malachite said turning out the light. Jedite's eyes widened in horror as he screamed realizing there were only 2 beds in the room. "What's wrong?" Malachite asked turning on the light. "I have to share a bed with--HIM?" Jedite asked pointing to Neflyte who was patting the sheets where Jedite was supposed to sleep. "Dammit Jedite, sleep on the couch over there. It pulls out into a bed." Zoisite said pointing to a couch in the middle of the room. Jedite promptly took a pillow and some sheets to the couch where he curled up into a ball and began to snore. "Just a few more days my dear, then it's back to the old routine." Zoisite whispered in Malachite's ear. He fell asleep with the lingering sound of Zoisite's voice in his head. ============================================================================= References to other fanfics * "Dream Trip to Hawaii" In that fic, Mal and Zoi take a flight to Hawaii. ** "Foreign Exchange" Part of Prodigy's Continuing Story in which the scouts go on foreign exchange to the U. S.