"Is It Actually A Wonderful Life?" Part three of a completely unecessary Sailor Moon parody By Lord Azurite ============================================================================= The 4 generals of the Negaverse awoke the next morning to the brightness of the early morning sun. "I've never had a worse night's sleep." Zoisite declared rubbing her back. "Me neither." Malachite said. The 2 looked at Jedite who was still sitting upright in his bed holding a fire ax still on the lookout for Neflyte whose true personality was coming to light. Jedite turned his head slowly and spoke one word, "Breakfast." Malachite took the ax out of Jedite's hand and forced him to lie down. He made comforting noises and reassured him that Neflyte would not come near him while he rested. "Hello? Room service? Yes this is room 315. I'd like to place a breakfast order." Zoisite spoke into the phone, "We would like an order of toast, some coffee. No make that a whole pot. Gotta wake up hee hee hee. Um what else, ooh this looks good, con- continent breakfast. Oh continental! We'll take that too. Ok, thanks so much." Zoisite hung up the phone and saw Neflyte walk through the door still in the same outfit they left him in the elevator in. "Whoa I had some strange dreams last night." He said scratching his head. "I dreamt that I slept in an elevator," He elaborated, "The strange thing was that I woke up in the elevator with a really bad ache in my jaw. Part of the dream was about Jedite punching me." "Some dream." Malachite said. The food arrived and they ate and drank and sort of settled down to become their normal selves. Time passed and soon they were doing what they do best. Charades. Zoisite stood before them with her arms above her head. "A bug on a windsheild!" Neflyte yelled. "No stupid it's a slingshot!" Malachite said. "You're all wrong it's a Martian beetle giving a mating call." Jedite guessed. The 3 generals looked at him with curious faces. He finally said, "I'm just guessing." "It's a, a, um what do you call them?" Neflyte wondered, "A pretzel!" "Pretzels don't look like that stupid," Jedite said as he hit him, "It's a wine glass." "No it's a sign of peace." Malachite said. "PEACE!?!" Zoisite yelled coming out of her stance, "IT'S THE LETTER 'Y' God how much more plain could I make it?" "Oh," Malachite said, "You were great. Now it's my turn." Malachite struck a pose of Sailor Moon giving one of her speeches in her final pose where she points at the person she will punish. Everyone threw pillows, dishes, cats and assorted frilly things at him because they all knew what he was. Jedite got up next. He put his hands on his face and streched his features out while at the same time leaning to one side and screaming. "Oh, oh! I know this one!" Zoisite said jumping up and down on the couch. "It's just Jedite being himself." Neflyte said cracking another 'joke.' "I KNOW!" Malachite declared jumping up, "It's that painting by Picasso!" "Correct." Jedite said. "All right I think we did this enough." Neflite announced standing up and picking up a travel guide, "Time to do human stuff." "Hmm, this seems to be written in old time Egyptian." He said turning the book every which way, "Take a Vatican? What's that?" Jedite took it from him and said, "Give me that you idiot. You can't read. Now, it says here 'For the ultimate example of fun for the whole family, take a VACATION, not a VATICAN to the fabulous United States!' That's what we'll do. We'll take a trip to the United States." "Sounds good. Let's go get a plane ticket." Zoisite said hopping up and down gleefully. Jedite called the travel agency and booked a couple of tickets. They all packed a few things then ran down to the front desk. "Excuse me," Malachite asked. "Yeah?" "Yes we were wondering where we could pick up our gasoline combustion powered Volkswagen model transportation unit." "You must mean your crap. Oh did I say crap? I meant car." The guy at the desk said sarcastically. "Where can we pick it up?" Zoisite asked. "It's a might heavy so I don't know if you'd be able to pick it up." Said the clerk. "Cut it with the wise cracks," Jedite pleaded growing ever so impatient, "Can you just give us the keys?" "Yeah here they are." The clerk handed Malachite the keys but Neflyte proptly snatched them from him saying, "I can drive." The 4 piled into the large blue piece of crap, I mean car sitting in front of the motel. Neflyte fiddled with controls and finally figured out where the ignition was. He ran over the mailbox, a small dog, a couple of old ladies on their way to bingo and then barreled down the road swerving all over and causing massive pile-ups. Neflyte and Zoisite sat in the front while by special request (To be away from Neflyte) Jedite and Malachite sat in the back. Zoisite turned on the radio and tried to find a station. Neflyte slapped her hand and found a station that suited his needs. "YEAH! CRANK IT UP!" He yelled. "Everybody was dancin' and singin' and movin' to the groove 'n just when it hit me, somebody stood up and shouted, 'PLAY THAT FUNKY MUSIC RIGHT BOYS, PLAY THAT FUNKY MUSIC RIGHT! PLAY THAT FUNKY MUSIC RIGHT BOYS. LAY DOWN THE BOOGIE AND PLAY THAT FUNKY MUSIC 'TIL YOU DIE!" Everyone in the car groaned aloud at Neflyte's selection of music. The entire car rocked down the highway. As the song progressed everyone adjusted to it and started to dance in their seat. They were having a grand old time unaware that the entire county of Police were on their tail. The car continued to "drive" down the road with 400 amps going to each speaker and 4 idiots dancing inside. When they finally arrived at the airport they found that their plane was taking off. Neflyte gunned the motor and flew down the road. They came to a bridge that wasn't yet complete. In "Dukes of Hazzard" style the car jumped the bridge and flew through the air. The car sailed through the sky at an incredible speed. Everyone held their breath as the car started to descend. They were now falling from the sky right on top of their flight. The car made one final noise, stalled, and landed on top of the 747. The 4 exited the car like nothing was wrong and knocked on one of the windows of the plane. The woman that opened the shade died at the sight of Jedite hanging upside down staring in at her. They had to stop the plane and let them in then started back up again. When they finally got to their seats they were exhausted. "You know If I still had my powers I could've had a plane have us in the U. S. and hour ago." Jedite yelled directing his anger at Neflyte, "But no, you had to act all high and mighty and LAND on our flight instead of it LANDING in the U.S.!" Neflyte looked at him with a strange face and said, "Well excuuuuuse meee." An extremely attractive stewardess named Cindy came by and asked, "We'll be taking off shortly. Is there anything you want before we do?" Jedite asked, "Yeah, do you have toast?" The 3 other generals all slapped their heads and had the same idea in their minds: It's gonna be a looooong flight.