PERSPECTIVES

Title: Perspectives, 1/2
Author: Jaye (Copyright May 2004)
Codes: VOY C/Kellin (implied), C/7 (implied), J/C NC-17

Disclaimer: Star Trek and all related characters and concepts 
are the property of Paramount. No infringement is intended or 
profit made. This is NC-17 for adult themes, strong language, 
and sexual situations. If you aren't interested (or aren't 
old enough), don't read it.

Archive: Not without my permission, so please ask first. Okay 
for Trekiverse and Chakotay!Fest. Please keep the text 
(especially the disclaimer) intact.

Feedback: Yes, please, especially suggestions for 
improvement. E-mail is reader8901@fastmail.fm

Summary: It all depends upon your point of view.

Note: Written for the 2004 Blue Alert Contest. The first 
section is set at the end of "Unforgettable"; the others 
occur some time after "Endgame" and mention events from "Star 
Trek: Nemesis".

***************

PART ONE

"It really is just like Tom's vid."

The words---despite the softening of B'Elanna's usual crisp 
delivery in deference to the darkened mess hall and the 
lateness of the hour---jerked Kathryn's head up, startling 
her from the muddle of her thoughts.

And her attention from the sheaf of papers in her hand. 
Kathryn stood straighter, tensing as the reflection in the 
viewport showed B'Elanna's attention drifting to the sheets 
once again, dark eyes full of speculation. Kathryn took a 
moment to check her own expression, cool and composed, then 
turned to face B'Elanna and asked, "What do you mean?"

"Some '20th-century masterpiece'---you know Tom," the fond 
smile on the younger woman's face belied her disparaging 
tone. "I think it was called 'Roshamon' or something like 
that. You kept seeing the same events over and over from 
different characters' points of view..." Her eyes sought 
Kathryn's. "...I bet the stories about Kellin are a lot like 
that."

Kellin. The name sounded so soft, so nonthreatening. 
Admittedly, a bit like the description of the Remoran woman 
gracing the pages in Kathryn's grip.

At least, as much as Kathryn could discern through the 
bitterness edging each word. Even the handwriting seemed 
sharper than she remembered, the tips of ls and ds pointed 
like knives.

But then, it had been a long time since she'd taken pen to 
paper. Kathryn usually made a conscious effort to avoid the 
intimacy of it, the way the curves and angles and loops of 
flowing script revealed so much more than a computer log. 
Voyager's flat type hid so many things, once you got the 
phrasing just right.

Deciding a change of subject was in order, Kathryn asked, 
"What brings you here this time of night?" She raised an 
eyebrow. "Surely not a raid on Neelix's leftovers."

That got the expected chuckle from B'Elanna, but then her 
expression sobered as she glanced around. "No...I don't know 
how I ended up here, actually." Her hand swept the air in an 
aimless gesture. "Earlier tonight Tom and I found 
these...reports, I guess...we had written about a woman named 
Kellin. I don't know how long we spent dissecting them. Tom 
hit the sack about an hour ago. I was just walking around, 
thinking about Chakotay." A snort accompanied a rueful glance 
and another swift shrug. "He's had the worst luck when it 
comes to love. First he gets involved with a woman who 
betrays him in just about every way possible. Then he falls 
for someone who only wants to be friends."

She moved away, to lean against the viewport. "And now, he 
finally gives his heart to a woman who actually wants it, 
wants him," the lines around her mouth deepened as she 
frowned, "and he loses her so completely he doesn't even get 
to keep the memories of their time together."

B'Elanna made a frustrated sound. "I wish..." Her brows drew 
together, Klingon anger masking human helplessness. "It just 
isn't fair."

"No, it isn't." Kathryn well knew that. Nothing about life in 
the Delta was fair. You made the choices you thought you 
could live with, and hoped you were right.

And that Fate or Luck or whatever power may exist that 
tangled the threads of human lives didn't snarl your 
carefully-laid plans.

Kathryn glanced at the strange tale she had written. She was 
curious to hear B'Elanna's impressions of their temporary 
visitor, but didn't ask.

She wasn't willing to share her own in exchange.

B'Elanna's voice broke the silence that had fallen between 
them. "It's funny how different Tom's version is from mine." 
She shook her head slowly, slackened features matching her 
incredulous tone. "*He* thought that you were jealous of 
Kellin."

Unexpected, that Tom would see the situation more clearly 
than B'Elanna. And yet, by her own written account, Kathryn 
had surprised herself with the dark emotions the discovery of 
Chakotay's romance had sparked.

Funny how you never miss something until it's lost. Or taken 
from you.

The rawness of the words had stunned her. She had 
been...what? Hurt? Furious? Jealous? that Chakotay had fallen 
in love with Kellin. Twice, if the alien was to be believed. 
It hadn't been like Chakotay's encounter with Riley Frazer, a 
one-time thing partly born of Borg assimilation.

No, his love for Kellin had been real. And painful to see.

Because all that warmth and passion and tenderness could have 
been hers.

Kathryn wrenched her thoughts away from what-might-have-beens 
as B'Elanna's continued musings caught her attention.

"I mean, Tom just kept going on and on about it, waving his 
papers around and rambling about resurrected betting pools." 
B'Elanna snorted. "It took me a while to convince him how 
ridiculous his theory was."

"Why ridiculous?" Kathryn couldn't help the defensive tone. 
So what if this morning possessive thoughts about Chakotay 
hadn't entered her mind? They did yesterday, apparently---and 
maybe to some degree they were back again now. Even though 
Kathryn was only reading about events she no longer had a 
real stake in, the blithe dismissal rankled.

B'Elanna's expression was almost comical in its goggle-eyed 
disbelief. "You've got to be kidding me." A search of 
Kathryn's face apparently provided further evidence, because 
B'Elanna turned away, eyes unfocused as she processed this 
new bit of information. "You have *got* to be kidding me," 
she repeated.

But then it was Kathryn's turn to stare in shock, as she was 
suddenly confronted by a snarling half-Klingon. "What the 
hell do you think you're playing at?"

"*Excuse me*?" Kathryn drew herself up to her full height, 
glaring at her insubordinate subordinate. In truth, she was 
caught off-guard by B'Elanna's reaction. She would have 
expected the younger woman to be thrilled at the suggestion 
that Kathryn wasn't as indifferent to Chakotay as she 
appeared.

"Two years. It took Chakotay *two years* to get over you---
and now you're telling me you have feelings for him?" 
B'Elanna's belligerent tone and flashing eyes reminded 
Kathryn that it wasn't too long ago that B'Elanna had to be 
physically restrained from attacking people.

"I didn't say that, I simply asked why it was a ridiculous 
idea that I would," Kathryn retorted, her own temper 
sparking. "I don't have to justify myself to you or anyone, 
but when someone---" she abruptly discarded her original 
thought and went with, "---if someone leads you to believe 
they care for you, when they later pursue someone else it's 
natural to feel a bit betrayed."

B'Elanna actually rocked back on her heels, shaking her head 
in small jerks as if she were still denying what she'd heard. 
The anger had disappeared, but Kathryn couldn't tell what 
emotion had taken its place. B'Elanna seemed more sober, more 
subdued, than Kathryn had ever seen her. B'Elanna voice was 
equally quiet as she replied, "You have no more right to feel 
betrayed by Chakotay than Chakotay does to feel betrayed by 
me."

"What?" That didn't make any sense: as far as she knew, 
B'Elanna and Chakotay had never been romantically involved.

B'Elanna took the few steps needed to slump into a chair; she 
looked anywhere but at Kathryn as she admitted, "I was in 
love with Chakotay for years."

Kathryn froze; she had never suspected B'Elanna---no, that 
wasn't true. She had seen flashes occasionally, hints of 
smoke and heat in B'Elanna's gaze when she looked at her 
fellow Maquis.

There was nothing to say, so she kept silent.

B'Elanna looked directly at her now. "But I never told him. 
Seska kept him busy for a bit," a cynical twist of lips 
accompanied the memory, "and after Chakotay ended it, well, 
let's just say the Mystic Warrior never felt a need to 
confess an overwhelming passion for me." A pause. "And I 
never had the courage to say anything to him."

She shrugged. "Eventually I figured out that all those 
happily-ever-after fantasies don't mean anything when you're 
dreaming them by yourself. So I let him go, moved on, and 
found Tom: someone I love, who loves me too."

Suddenly B'Elanna gave a weary sigh. "But according to you, I 
should still be pining after Chakotay, waiting and hoping 
that someday he'll love me back. No matter how pathetic or 
unrealistic it seems, I should still be holding out for that 
one true love, feeding my hope on the occasional gesture of 
affection and friendship."

"It's not the same---" Kathryn protested.

"---How is it any different?" B'Elanna retorted, leaning 
forward, elbows resting on her knees, gaze both direct and 
demanding.

Kathryn's brows drew together. "Chakotay promised me---"

"I know exactly what he promised you." B'Elanna stood and 
walked to the viewport to face Kathryn once more. "He offered 
his support, his friendship, and yes, indirectly, his love." 
Her fists clenched as her voice rose. "But so what if he did? 
You didn't want it."

"That's not true---" The admission was wrenched from a place 
in Kathryn's soul that she never visited. It was too painful 
a reminder of the choices she'd made---and had to live with.

Funny how much it hurt when buried things were yanked into 
the harsh glare of reality.

B'Elanna cut off Kathryn's protest. "He put himself on the 
line and all you did was take his hand---you never said a 
word in return. Not when you were down on that planet 
together. And not when you came back to Voyager. Ever." She 
ended softly, "You broke his heart."

Kathryn pressed back against the viewport, needing the 
support, the coolness of the transparent material reaching 
through to her scalp to make her shiver. "I didn't know. He 
just seemed to...accept the way things had to be." She 
sighed. "I didn't know."

"Well, he certainly wouldn't have said anything. He thought 
his love for you was an embarrassment, best forgotten." 
B'Elanna moved away, one hand rubbing her forehead. "I'm not 
going to ask if you had---or have---feelings for Chakotay."

Kathryn didn't know whether to be filled with relief or 
despair. She sensed that at this moment she might have 
yielded to B'Elanna's demands, let herself be forced to an 
admission that would take her far away from the path she'd 
chosen to walk. Alone.

But B'Elanna didn't realize the opportunity---the power she 
held in that instant. The younger woman simply turned and 
continued pacing. "Because if you never told him, what's the 
difference? And what's he supposed to do? Wait until you *do* 
love him---or you're willing to admit how you feel and give 
Chakotay a choice in what to do about it?"

B'Elanna's voice dropped. "People who break up aren't 
expected to keep their vows of love. Even widowers are free 
again after a year." She stopped and faced Kathryn, her hands 
spread. "How long did you expect Chakotay to pay homage to a 
relationship that never was?"

Forever.

The word trembled on Kathryn's lips, no matter how 
ridiculous, how wrong. The feelings behind it---love, lust, 
passion, need, possession, jealousy, betrayal, regret---made 
her gasp. She almost sank to her knees, bowed under the 
onslaught of emotion.

Instead she locked her legs, her spine, her jaw, turning away 
to face the stars that ruled her destiny. Her decision had 
been made long ago. But, oh, the price of that choice. Of her 
silence. The pain Chakotay had carried for the past two 
years. The anguish that had apparently driven Kathryn to 
react so harshly to the knowledge that Chakotay had finally 
given up hope. And the horrible sense of inevitability, of 
loss, now rising to choke her breath.

She desperately wished for the ignorance of this morning. 
When she knew nothing. When she could still pretend that she 
felt nothing, wanted nothing, desired nothing, regretted 
nothing. She wished she'd never read the story of Kellin. 
That she'd never written it. "I don't know."

Something must have leaked past her emotional control, 
because B'Elanna moved to stand behind Kathryn, the younger 
woman's reflection this time revealing a glitter of tears in 
her eyes. "We've lost so much on this journey," B'Elanna 
murmured. "The only home, the only life we have is here 
aboard Voyager."

Kathryn felt a tentative touch on her shoulder, but refused 
to turn around. She didn't answer.

B'Elanna looked at her in the viewport, her expression both 
sad and sorry. "When I heard what happened to the Maquis...it 
never really hit me before how little time we have. How 
fragile we all are, here one second and gone the next. Gone 
forever. It may be one of Tom's clichés, but we really don't 
have a moment to waste." She paused. "I think Chakotay 
deserves the chance to share his life with someone he loves. 
I think you do too. But it's your choice."

As B'Elanna moved away, Kathryn thought she heard a 
whispered, "It always was."

B'Elanna paused at the doorway to the mess hall. "Do you know 
what I wrote about Kellin? That she made him happy. For the 
first time in years, Chakotay was happy." She turned back. 
"If you decide not to say anything, please understand: 
Chakotay *will* find someone else. And he'll love her with 
everything that's in him---and without regrets."

Kathryn watched the light from the hall narrow and disappear 
from the viewport as the panel closed, leaving her alone with 
the stars.

Hours later, she recycled the pages.

************************************************************
************************************************************

B'Elanna wasn't a particularly good prophet. Her prediction 
did come to pass, but not for years.

And after more encounters with Species 8472 and the Borg, 
after the Equinox and the Hirogen, after Sullivan and Jaffen 
and Teero---or maybe just after the passage of so much time--
-Kathryn could sincerely offer her best wishhes when Chakotay 
became involved with Seven.

The emotions that should, would have fueled jealousy had 
burnt down to ashes long since, as dreams deferred became 
dreams discarded.

No wonder she greeted the admiral's revelation of marriage 
between the ex-Maquis and the former Borg with such calm.

On some levels, the union made sense. Despite his renowned 
dislike of "technobabble", Chakotay was well-versed in the 
sciences as well as the arts. And he was more mature, more 
sophisticated than most of the other men Seven had to choose 
from.

He was fiercely loyal and protective, passionate and 
compassionate. And he and Seven shared the same bone-dry 
sense of humor.

Despite the fact that they'd tried to destroy each other at 
first meeting, by the time Voyager returned to the Alpha 
Quadrant, Chakotay and Seven had become at ease in each 
other's company. They shared glances that spoke of private 
jokes. Small touches---hands brushing, an elbow lightly 
grasped or a shoulder squeezed---hinted at connection not yet 
deepened into intimacy.

But the possibility was there. The path laid out before them, 
to be traversed at leisure. Enjoyed. Savoring each step that 
brought them closer to a true joining.

And Chakotay was happy again.

He'd been content enough in the years between Kellin and 
Seven. At least, Kathryn believed so. Her friendship with 
Chakotay had suffered somewhat in the interim, so she wasn't 
as privy to his thoughts as she had once been.

In truth, at some dark point in their journey she'd stopped 
listening to Chakotay. So he'd stopped talking of personal 
matters. And they both had let the distance stand between 
them unbridged, the silence unbreached.

She'd spent too many years thinking of herself as alone, 
solely responsible for every decision and action---and the 
consequences. In the end, Kathryn had succumbed to the 
isolation of the ready room and the captain's chair. Some 
days she hadn't even recognized herself.

And yet other times, when everything clicked and Voyager and 
the crew proved their mettle once again, Kathryn had been 
proud to be the gallant ship's captain. Felt that she was in 
the one place, at the one time in her life, that she would 
come closest to fulfilling her potential. As in the cliché, 
to be all that she could be.

A contradiction, true. But then, many things in life were.

Or perhaps a double-edged sword would be a better analogy. 
For here she was now, a Starfleet admiral, the culmination of 
her career ambitions. But the thrill of achievement had soon 
enough dissipated into dissatisfaction with her new life. 
She'd gone from absolute power over her destiny to once more 
being just a link in the chain of command. And yes, as an 
admiral she didn't have *that* many superiors. But when 
you've been a maverick captain for seven years, taking orders 
again takes some getting used to.

But at least she and Chakotay were talking once more. They 
had spent many hours together during the debriefings, and the 
catharsis of rehashing their journey had mended the rift in 
their friendship.

In any case, Kathryn fully expected events to play out as 
they did in the other admiral's timeline---without the grief 
caused by Seven's premature death.

So she was understandably shocked when Seven herself 
shattered that notion, almost seven months after their 
return. Though the fact that Seven had arrived at Kathryn's 
office wearing a Starfleet uniform and lieutenant's pips 
should have given her a clue.

"I would like to discuss a personal matter," Seven said with 
less than her usual sang froid as she accepted a seat on the 
small sofa.

Kathryn couldn't help staring as she settled down across from 
her former protégé. "Of course, but I don't understand. When 
did you join Starfleet?"

"It...I preferred to keep my actions a secret until I 
successfully completed the testing and training the Academy 
board arranged to allow me to receive a commission without 
following the usual course of study." Seven gave a wry smile. 
"As much as I enjoy his company, I found the thought of 
taking classes with Icheb...uncomfortable."

"I'm pretty sure the other cadets should be grateful not to 
have you there as well, messing up the grade curve," Kathryn 
agreed before shifting on her seat. "But what is it you need 
to talk to me about? Did you want me to speak to someone 
about your duty assignments? Has Chakotay changed his mind 
and accepted a ship?"

"No." Seven glanced away a moment, then quietly continued, 
"Chakotay is debating whether he wishes to stay on as an 
Academy instructor---or leave Starfleet entirely."

Kathryn wasn't all that surprised to hear her former first 
officer was still thinking of shedding the uniform for good. 
She'd half-expected Chakotay to resign the second he'd 
confirmed that none of his old crew would face charges. 
Instead he'd accepted a promotion to captain and agreed to 
temporarily rejoin the Academy faculty. He taught tactics and 
diplomacy, as well as offering lectures on first contacts and 
Delta Quadrant cultures. "So, I'm guessing your first posting 
isn't on Earth?"

"That's right. I've been asked to head the astrometrics 
department on a deep-space research vessel." Seven leaned 
forward, excitement lending a sparkle to her eyes and 
animation to her features. "Now that the Federation has begun 
to recover from the war with the Dominion, Starfleet is once 
more using ships for exploration. The Copernicus will be 
studying spatial phenomena and mapping the Delta quadrant, to 
eventually remove the gap between knowledge of the Alpha 
Quadrant and the point in the Delta Quadrant where the 
admiral interrupted our journey."

The Copernicus had state-of-the-art labs, and the ship had 
been modified to incorporate Voyager's technological 
innovations since they'd started sending specs through the 
Midas Array. There was even a modified transwarp drive and a 
replica of the containment field they'd come up with to deal 
with Omega particles. Kathryn guessed the Federation was 
finally ready to tackle the powerful---and dangerous---energy 
source once more. She knew Seven was eager to get another 
chance at them as well.

Kathryn remembered reading the reports on the mission; it was 
a plum assignment, one she might have coveted for herself 
years ago. But now...?

She set aside that question to focus on Seven once more, 
another remembered bit of information surfacing. "I thought 
that was a five-year mission---and strictly Starfleet 
personnel."

"I..." Seven frowned, studying her hands. "Yes, that's 
right." She suddenly stood, startling Kathryn. The younger 
woman paced the office, her long strides eating up the space.

The uncharacteristic agitation drew Kathryn to her own feet 
and to Seven's side. She laid a hand on Seven's shoulder, 
stopping their motion, her voice soft with understanding. 
"And you don't know whether to accept or not."

"Yes." The word seemed wrenched from Seven. She slid from 
under Kathryn's grip, turning to face her. "Earth has 
been..." She stopped, brow wrinkling, then began again. "I'm 
not unhappy here, but I've come to understand that adapting 
to an environment isn't the same as thriving in it."

She moved toward the window, looking out over the manicured 
grounds. "I've been in space all my life, but I never 
realized how much the stars...call to me...until I was no 
longer among them."

Her lips curved in that almost-smile she sometimes had. She 
admitted dryly, "And I've discovered that not all jobs are 
created equal. On Voyager, there were always new challenges, 
new discoveries...here, everything falls into a routine." She 
sobered. "And I feel too much like the drone I was in the 
collective."

Kathryn sighed. She knew they had yet to reach the heart of 
the matter. But inside she ached with empathy, recognizing 
the dilemma Seven found herself in.

And the choice she was facing.

She asked softly, "And Chakotay doesn't want to go with you?"

"I haven't asked him," Seven admitted, her head dipping 
slightly. "When he agreed to keep his commission, he made it 
quite clear to Starfleet that he was grounded for good. He 
still has...unresolved feelings about serving the 
organization that abandoned his people. How can I ask him to 
commit to five more years of space exploration that no longer 
satisfies him aboard a vessel he has no desire to captain?"

"Because he loves you," Kathryn replied quietly. "And he 
might consider that love worth the sacrifice."

"But I don't know if I want him to make that sacrifice." 
Seven lifted her head, confusion clear in her eyes. In all 
the years they'd known each other, Kathryn had never seen 
Seven so vulnerable. "I love Chakotay, but..." She looked out 
the window once more. "But I feel...restless. I don't know if 
I truly understand myself."

She glanced back. "I remember what I felt for Axum, before he 
was lost to me. And I am uncertain whether that was love, or 
what I feel for Chakotay. Or if I haven't really experienced 
that emotion yet. And I don't know how to react to these 
thoughts, but they won't leave me alone."

Her mouth thinned in self-recrimination. "I thought I had 
made peace with my choices already, when the admiral arrived 
on Voyager. I never thought I would question my feelings this 
way. How could I not be happy with Chakotay? He has always 
accepted me for who I am, he makes me feel...more than anyone 
I've ever met since Axum. And yet I find myself seeking..."

Her eyes unfocused. "...I don't know what, but something 
more, or different, or maybe I just want the chance to 
discover what someone else might make me feel." She walked 
over and sank onto the sofa again. "I cannot seem to decide 
upon a course of action. I feel...paralyzed."

Kathryn returned to her seat, laying a hand on Seven's 
shoulder. "I don't know what to tell you, Seven. Maybe on 
some level you believe that you and Chakotay aren't truly 
right for each other. Or maybe this is just some kind of 
knee-jerk reaction, a defensive instinct because he's gotten 
too close and you're afraid of being so vulnerable."

She gave a small squeeze, then put space between them, 
holding Seven's gaze. "You have some serious questions to 
answer for yourself: Do you go on the Copernicus or stay on 
Earth? Do you ask Chakotay to accompany you, or break it off? 
Are your doubts so great they're worth breaking Chakotay's 
heart---and maybe your own if you make the wrong decision?"

Kathryn sighed. "No matter what choice you make, you'll have 
regrets. You just have to pick the path you think is the 
right one for you, the consequences you can live with."

Seven stared back. "What would you do?"

Kathryn's mind blanked. She didn't know what to say. Her 
choices had been made during desperate times, in desperate 
circumstances. In Seven's situation, what would she do?

Finally, she answered, "Honestly, I'm not sure." She reached 
out to lightly grip Seven's hands. "But what I do know, is 
that you have to talk to Chakotay, and give him the chance to 
make his own choices. But realize that if you go alone, 
there's a good chance he won't wait for you." She shrugged. 
"I'm sorry I can't be more help."

"No, I am aware that I must make my own decisions. But this 
conversation has been helpful." She stood, and Kathryn was 
relieved that Seven's composure seemed to have returned. 
"Thank you."

"Of course, Seven. Please, contact me if you need to talk 
some more." Kathryn also came to her feet, and they headed to 
the door. "Good luck, and take care."

Seven nodded, and left.

Kathryn stayed by the door a moment, wishing the best for her 
two friends, hoping they both were able to deal with the 
uncertain days ahead.

Funny how strange the turns life could take.

************************************************************
************************************************************

The Copernicus shipped out three weeks later.

Seven was aboard. Chakotay wasn't.

Kathryn knew the decision had cost the younger woman. When 
Seven came to say good-bye, she admitted that she wasn't sure 
it was the right decision, but it was the only choice she 
could make.

Only time would determine the consequences.

Kathryn arrived at Chakotay's cottage a few hours after the 
Copernicus departed the solar system. She walked up the path, 
wondering if Seven had left anything behind. The lovers had 
maintained separate residences, so the only likely items were 
clothing or toiletries, or the odd knickknack.

She wondered if that made the break-up easier, or harder.

Stepping up to the door Kathryn rang the chime, hoping that 
Chakotay was actually home. He wasn't answering his comm, so 
no one knew if he was just ignoring them, or if he'd gone off 
somewhere.

Kathryn had just finished knocking when a voice sent her 
jumping. "I was expecting B'Elanna," Chakotay commented dryly 
behind her.

She whirled to see him a few meters away, on the walkway that 
led behind the house. He was dressed in casual clothes and 
pulling off dirt-spattered gardening gloves. "Miral isn't 
feeling well," she said with a shrug.

"Ah," was all he replied, then turned, tossing over his 
shoulder, "Come on back, I have to take a break anyway."

Kathryn followed silently. She had talked to Chakotay a 
couple of times in the last few weeks, just checking in. He'd 
carefully *not* mentioned Seven, what was going on between 
the lovers, or how he felt about things.

And right now she couldn't read anything beyond his wry smile 
of greeting.

When they reached the backyard Kathryn automatically relaxed, 
sighing in pleasure. In just six months Chakotay had turned 
the garden into a haven, lush with blossoms and greenery, the 
air filled with their scents.

The first time she'd archly complimented him on his green 
thumb he'd sheepishly admitted that on New Earth, he'd 
pretended to know little of gardening in hopes she would take 
charge. It was the only way he could think of to get her 
outdoors on a regular basis. And the opportune time had never 
come to reveal the lie.

Chakotay waved her over to the table and chairs set on 
flagstones near the back door. The chairs were set parallel 
on either side of the table to face the garden. There were 
two glasses and a pitcher of iced tea, condensation already 
beading and dripping lazily along the curved surface. He 
settled into one of the chairs, then leaned an arm on the 
table as he used the other to pour the drinks. "You're lucky. 
B'Elanna and I used to have this hideous Klingon beer during 
bitch sessions, but she's still being really careful since 
she's nursing Miral."

Kathryn sipped the tea, savoring the cool sharp tinge of mint 
lacing the brew. "And just how often do you two get 
together?"

Chakotay flashed a quick grin. "Often enough that Tom has a 
couple of anniversaries under his belt and no battle scars."

Kathryn set aside her glass and twisted to lean her elbows on 
the table. "And was this going to be your first session about 
Seven?"

Chakotay's smile faded, and Kathryn caught a flash of some 
darker emotion in his eyes. But he simply said lightly, "Did 
B'Elanna brief you before you came? You seem to have adopted 
her cut-to-the-chase style."

"No, no plots, no conspiracies, Chakotay." She searched his 
face. "I'm just concerned about you. I know today had to be 
hard for both of you."

He shrugged, dropping his eyes. "We actually broke up two 
weeks ago. A kind of 'trial separation' to see if either of 
us would change our minds. We decided not to tell anyone 
until we were sure of what we were going to do." When he 
looked up, his eyes had softened in bittersweet reminiscence. 
" A nice symmetry with the start of our relationship, I 
guess."

Kathryn rested her chin in one palm. "What happened, 
Chakotay?"

"One day we woke up to a very different universe." He turned 
to face the garden. "On Voyager, I figured this was it. 
Marriage, everything. We would be together for the long haul. 
And maybe if we were still in the Delta Quadrant it would 
have worked out that way."

Chakotay glanced at her. "Things were simpler there. Fewer 
options. But that life was gone in the blink of an eye. One 
moment Seven and I were planning the next 30 years aboard 
Voyager, the next we were orbiting Earth courtesy of Admiral 
Janeway."

He paused. "And the choices got harder as life got more 
complicated. Seven wasn't so confident about the future, and 
she was never really happy planetside. And I couldn't picture 
myself back in space. My sister and cousin are here, most of 
my friends..." He sighed. "There just didn't seem to be any 
middle ground for us to find common ground."

Kathryn's brows drew together. "Honestly, Chakotay, I figured 
you'd take the captain's chair on the Copernicus. I know the 
admiralty would have been thrilled to approve the 
assignment."

"I thought about it," Chakotay admitted. "But I couldn't. It 
didn't seem fair to the ship or the crew. They deserve a 
captain who truly wants to be there."

"And there weren't any other postings that could have been a 
compromise?" Kathryn watched Chakotay's profile as he turned 
away again, tilting his head back to swallow more tea.

He put the glass down with a shrug. "I don't think so. You 
should have seen Seven's face when she got the offer...it was 
everything she was hoping for. There was nothing on any of 
the other ships, Starfleet or not, that came close. And 
obviously she wasn't interested in any of the grounded 
research positions."

He lowered his eyes, one finger stroking through the 
condensation on his glass, the drops gathering and sliding, 
leaving long streaks. "Besides, I don't think Seven really 
wanted me there."

His voice was so soft Kathryn could barely hear him. "She 
never actually came out and said it, but I think she had some 
doubts about us. Maybe because things were so different off 
the ship, or maybe she didn't like the thought of settling 
down so soon, when she had so many new opportunities. Or some 
mix of factors too tangled to express."

Chakotay smiled, but without mirth. "If this posting hadn't 
come up, I'm not sure how long it would have taken me to 
realize something was wrong. Seven broke up with me once 
aboard Voyager because she didn't want to hurt me. I think 
she might have stayed with me for the same reason. The wrong 
one."

Kathryn reached across the table, laying a gentle hand on 
his. "How are you, Chakotay, honestly?"

"I miss her." He looked up; for a moment the pain in the dark 
eyes was unveiled, wrenching a gasp from Kathryn. But then 
his lids closed, and Chakotay's expression betrayed a hint of 
ruefulness, of resignation. "But not enough to hold her 
back."

"You love her enough to let her go." Kathryn squeezed the 
fingers under hers, offering comfort that she knew wouldn't 
ease the ache of loss. "Are you going to be okay?"

"In time." He sighed and slid his hand away to lift his glass 
once more. "If nothing else, the Delta Quadrant taught me one 
thing: broken hearts do mend."

TBC