.Redemption. by Angel of Ice Disclaimer- What’s one thing we all have in common? None of us own Gundam Wing (unless Sunrise or Sotsu are lurking around here…) A/N- This works as a predecessor to “Far Off Dawn” but it also works fine by itself. You can decide on your own. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Zechs felt sheets slide around his bare body. They felt hot for a moment and cold for another. The constant changing temperature of the sheets against his skin make him shiver. He heard a voice from somewhere exclaim, “Look, he just moved!”. Where am I? he thought. He tried to pull out a memory from the depths of his mind. An explosion… ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ “Till we meet again, Heero!” he shouted and his hand clasped over the self-detonation switch. With one movement, he pushed it. Then Epyon exploded into giant waves of white, orange and red fire. His body was caught in the explosion, the unbearable heat. He screamed but no one was there to hear him. His body was burning…burning so much…he wished death would just come and put him out of this pain. ‘Please let this be over’ he thought wildly. It was too much to handle. Noin and Treize’s face flickered in front of his fevered vision. “Goodbye” he thought before the searing pain enclosed him and the flames danced across his unconscious body. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Zechs squeezed his eyes harder. ‘No’, he tried to whisper but the words wouldn’t make it out of his throat. He wished the memory didn’t come back. So where am I? he thought and ignored the pain still burning inside his body. He slowly opened his eyes and stared at his surroundings for the briefest second before fatigue made him close them again. He had seen enough to know where he was. A hospital he thought, So I’m alive. A choked sound came from his burnt throat, No! This can’t be happening! I’m supposed to be dead!. He paused, I’m supposed to be wherever Treize is, not…alive. I don’t deserve to be alive. And with that thought, Zechs could no longer fight the sleep that threatened to take over him. He drifted off into a fevered state of unconsciousness ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ He clutched Relena’s hand as they walked together along the gardens of the palace. He was proud because his parents had entrusted him to take care of his beloved little sister for this one afternoon while they relaxed from a long week of peace conferences. Unbeknownst to the young Milliardo, Pagan was standing a few meters from them, concealed by bushes. He was sent by the Peacecraft parents to make sure Milliardo and Relena would be fine on their little walk. A loud explosion sounded from behind them. Milliardo quickly turned around and saw the first of an army of mobile suits descend from upon the horizon. He quickly clasped Relena’s hand tighter and turned towards the palace, which was many blocks away from where he was. ‘His parents’, he realized as he looked around his surroundings frantically. The sky was dotted with mobile suits as Pagan rushed out from his hiding spot. “Pagan!” Milliardo shouted. The older man rushed towards Milliardo and Relena. He swept the two young children into his arms, with much difficulty. “Quick your Highnesses, we must escape from the firing range”. “But my parents!” Milliardo exclaimed. Pagan paused to gaze into the Peacecraft heir’s innocent eyes, “We can’t save them, Milliardo. We just have to hope they’ll make it out of there”. They could hear shouts in the distance as the city was attacked by the Alliance’s army. Pagan ran, with Milliardo and Relena in his arms. He ran through the wilderness that surrounded the city and ran until they reached an airplane in an abandoned field, which Milliardo had never noticed before. “Your parents kept this aircraft, in case something like this would ever happen” Pagan explained as they boarded the craft. Pagan sat behind the pilot’s controls. Milliardo heard the large blast of liftoff. Soon they were in the sky and Milliardo looked back at the Sank Kingdom. Fires were everywhere and the pacifist nation had no means to stop the brutal Alliance. “Mother, Father” he whispered, “I will take care of Relena”. He glanced at his little sister who had fallen asleep. ‘She doesn’t understand’ Milliardo thought, ‘But that’s good’. Then he turned away from the now-fallen Kingdom and shed tears for his parents who had just died. “I’ll take revenge someday” he thought bitterly, “I’ll make them pay”. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Zechs’ eyes snapped open. He looked around his surroundings wildly until he realized that he was still in the hospital room. It was night now and the small room was deserted, save for the shadows that lurked in the corners. Those shadows provided Zechs with a sort of security, for he had lived within shadows for so long. The pale moonlight drifted in through the thin, cheap curtains that hung over the window. He closed his eyes and tried to ignore the fresh wave of pain running through him. The fall of the Sank Kingdom, he thought tiredly, I haven’t had this dream for a while, maybe even years. He felt a throbbing sensation in his wrist as he struggled to lift it up. With much difficulty, he raised his wrist in front of his face and squinted in the darkness. The flesh on the wrist was raw and burnt. He lay his arm back down onto the bed. I can tell just by that piece of skin that the rest of my body isn’t in good shape, Zechs thought. But then, I’m fortunate to even be alive, or rather, I’m unfortunate. He tried to smile bitterly but found it too painful. He closed his eyes again, How long have I been here? he thought, And how long will it take before I’m out? For a brief moment he mused about how people would react to see that he was still alive. Maybe I’ll spare them the shock and just end my life right here and right now. The thought was tempting. Yes, it was cowardice to just leave it all behind but Zechs thought himself already a coward. But his body was too weak at this point to do anything, much less destroy itself. Once I’m strong enough…he thought, then almost smiled at the irony. He would wait until he was strong to destroy himself. With that thought, Zechs drifted off into a troubled sleep once more, unable to hide from the memories that would creep into his tortured mind. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Milliardo Peacecraft walked down the lushly carpeted hallways of Treize’s mansion. He had been living with Treize Khushrenada for 7 years. The Khushrenada family was an old acquaintance of the Peacecrafts and Pagan brought him to the Khushrenada heir, thinking that Treize would be a good mentor that would guide the now-13 year old Milliardo Peacecraft. Milliardo knocked on the door to Treize’s study. “Come in”, Treize’s voice answered from the other side of the wooden barrier. Milliardo pushed the door open and entered Treize’s study. The young Specials leader sat at his desk. He gestured for Milliardo to sit down. “Now, you’ve been under my family’s care for 7 years. You need do something with your life, rather than hide in this mansion forever. I’ve been watching you, Milliardo. You’ve shown excellent combat skills, considering the fact that your parents were pacifists. I believe you should go to a military boarding school”, Treize spoke. “Military?”, Milliardo questioned, “But isn’t that against the Sank Kingdom’s ideals of total pacifism”. Treize sighed and leaned back in his chair. “Yes it is. But Milliardo, I know you want revenge. Don’t lie. I can see it in your eyes. Becoming a soldier would help you exact that”, then Treize smiled, “Not that I’m telling you to claim revenge. I’m merely saying that becoming a soldier would probably be the best path for you, Milliardo”. The 13-year-old nodded. “Very well then, I’ll go to this military boarding school of yours”. Treize smiled, “Alright then, we’ll enroll you at Lake Victoria Academy. The best military school out there. Only the most prestigious attend it. I’ll be able to pull some strings and get you on the student list”. “But what about my appearance? I can’t very well go out in public” “That’s true, Milliardo. But I have that planned as well. Here-“, Treize opened a drawer and took out a silver mask, “I had this specially made for you, with your measurements”. He handed the metal mask over to Milliardo. “You’ll need to wear that to disguise your features from the Alliance”. Milliardo slipped the mask over his face. It felt so cold against his skin and the weight was new to him. But he knew it was the only way. “And what about my name?” Treize smiled slowly, “I have a new name picked out for you. It took me a while to think of it but I think it’ll suit you”. “What is it?”, Milliardo asked coolly. “Zechs Merquise”. “Why that specific name?”, Milliardo asked. “I thought the first name Zechs was unusual enough, yet elegant to suit your tastes. As for Merquise, it’s a play off of the word Marquise, which means is a rank of nobility. I thought that suited you as well”. The now christianed Zechs Merquise nodded. “So from now on, I am Zechs Merquise, a cadet at Lake Victoria Academy. Is that right?”. Treize smiled, “You learn quick. That’s good for your future as a soldier”. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Zechs’ mind drifted back to a conscious state as the lights of the early morning pierced his eyes. Someone had drawn open his shades. He shut his eyes again and tried to go back to the sleep that haunted him. He remembered Treize’s words, “That’s good for your future as a soldier”. Some future, Zechs thought, with his mind drumming from pain, A future as a menace and a dead man. My parents would be ashamed beyond relief. And revenge…yes, Zechs had had his revenge. Yet it wasn’t as satisfying as he had anticipated. Shooting the general that had been in charge for the massacre of his family brought a sense of hollowness within him, knowing that his father wouldn’t want him to sink as low as the Alliance did. But he had. On many occasions. He could almost hear his father’s anger in his mind. It emanated throughout his psyche. The pure disgrace of shaming the Peacecraft name. He had bastardized the Peacecraft name by leading the White Fang under it. He went against everything his father had spent his entire life building and shattered it, disgracing the Peacecrafts forever. He had fought the way he knew how to, taken right and wrong turns and look where he ended up. Zechs groaned softly, he was wearing himself out. His mind sank back into the depths of sleep. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ They were sitting together under the tall tree that stood behind the Academy fields. The moon was out and it shone, lighting up the grass with an eerie glow. “Look Zechs, that’s Orion’s belt over there”, Noin pointed out. Zechs looked in her direction. “I see it”, he said softly. “Is that the big dipper?” he asked, pointing to a clump of stars. Noin laughed, “No, that’s Cleopatra”. “Oh” was all that the 16-year-old boy said. Noin glanced at him, “I love looking at space. It’s my dream to go there someday and just be among the stars”. She wrapped her arms around her legs. “I see” Zechs said, with a faint smile on his face, “Once we join the Specials, we’ll probably get the chance to”. Noin frowned, “That’s not what I meant. I want to see space in its peaceful state, unpolluted by mobile suits. I just want to be up with the stars and not have to fight”. “Then why are you at Lake Victoria?”, Zechs asked his best friend curiously. Noin sighed, “I guess since it’s next to impossible to see the stars unpolluted, I’ll have to settle for seeing them polluted. It’s better than nothing”. “Yes, it is”, Zechs agreed and gazed out into the space sky. He turned and saw Noin staring at him. A faint blush crept under his mask. “What is it?” he asked. “Nothing”, Noin said and turned away. Zechs frowned. He knew Noin wanted to see him without his mask but he just didn’t dare reveal his true identity to her. It would be too risky. ‘But I can trust Noin’, he thought, ‘And she deserves to know’. After a moment’s hesitation, he took off the metal mask and placed it on the grass next to him, enjoying the cool night air’s feel against his exposed skin. Noin turned towards him and her mouth gaped open. “Zechs, you took off your mask”, she exclaimed. “I did. And I need to tell you something about me, Noin. My true name is not Zechs Merquise. It’s Milliardo Peacecraft”. Noin’s eyes grew wide, “Of the Sank Kingdom?” she asked. Zechs nodded. “I won’t tell anyone”, she said, “Not that they would believe me”. She offered a grin then sobered, “Zechs”, she said, leaning over towards him. Their shoulders brushed, leaving an aching feeling in both of them. “Thank you for telling me”. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ He remembered that. Noin had proven true to her word and never revealed his identity to a soul. Inside, he smiled. Noin had been so loyal to him, yet he did not deserve a single ounce of that loyalty, nor did he ever repay her. Guilt washed over Zechs. She had done so much for him…it wasn’t right. She had cared for him, stayed with him and most of all, loved him. She had provided that one glimpse of light into the darkness that had become Zechs Merquise’s life. And for once, Zechs truly had a person to love. He took care of Relena out of a sense of loyalty to his father and family but he had been separated from his younger sister too long for him to really love her. But he had loved Noin. It was impossible not to, although he tried. Weakness was not becoming on a soldier, like himself. But ah, even soldiers have their weaknesses. But he had pushed Noin away for her own good and in their OZ days, he had treated her with a cold respect. OZ, the word flowed over Zechs’ delirious mind. He had followed Treize so blindly, believing in everything His Excellency had preached. Zechs needed someone to admire and that responsibility fell onto Treize’s shoulders. Yet later he broke free from Treize’s spell and knew that he could no longer be friends with the older man. Then he left off and helped rebuild the Sank Kingdom. With that finished, Zechs had lost his reason to live. His goals were accomplished, Relena was safe, now what was there to live for? Noin? The thought was enticing but what could he do for Noin that wouldn’t just make her already-burdened life worse? He had become a desperate, lost man, searching for the true meaning of life and of peace. Total pacifism was false. What his father had dedicated his life to was false. Relena was wrong. You needed war for peace. The two cannot exist without eachother. And the kind of peace that was being chased after was also false. It would shatter within a short amount of time. You needed to imprint the horrible memory of war unto people’s hearts or else history would repeat itself. And that was why he led the White Fang. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ ‘The White Fang’ he thought as he walked through the layers of snow towards the woods where Epyon was hidden. Quinze’s words reflected in his mind, ‘We would like you to become our leader’. ‘Lead the White Fang?’, he thought. Quinze had explained the purpose of the colony rebel faction. ‘Awaken fear in people’s hearts’, the old man’s words echoed as Zechs walked along the snow-covered path. ‘Bring Epyon’. He stopped and looked up. There stood Epyon, the Gundam that Treize had built. ‘Ah Treize, what inspired you to build this?’ he thought as Zechs stood there, gazing up at Epyon and turning over Quinze’s words in his mind. Then he smiled grimly, “The war needs a villain or else people would not fight with as much determination. I will take on the task of becoming that villain’. ‘White Fang, I have accepted your proposal’ ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ And he had become the villain. He was hated by the Earth, the Gundams and even some parts of the Colonies. Over half of mankind’s population believed that what Zechs was doing was wrong. And maybe in a way, it was. Yet also in a way, it was the right thing too. Zechs and Epyon had led the White Fang into battling the beautiful planet Earth. And he had killed so many people doing it. The blood ran down his hands and into pools at his feet. He was a murderer, Milliardo Peacecraft, Zechs Merquise, whoever he called himself. Nothing would change the blood-filled heart within him. His life was forever shattered and he could not bring himself to pick up the pieces, because he did not deserve to live a whole life. He would have to live this half-damned life for the rest of eternity. And even Death did not provide an escape from the wastehole. It did not rectify his actions nor punish him for purging humanity into such chaos. It did not stop the Zero System from twisting his mind into an unrecognizable and broken shape. The Zero System had pushed him to the limits, yet Zechs knew that what he had done, he had done of his own free will. He had mastered the deceptive system so it could not be blamed for his imbalance. Yet it also almost pushed him to kill the one person who had believed in him the entire time. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ He was heading towards Peacemillion, ready to enter it and change its orbit so it would crash unto the Earth. ‘Earth, you will learn a true lesson’ he thought. Epyon’s systems signaled that something was ahead. He slowed down for a moment and saw the familiar Taurus float in front of him. “Noin, get out of the way!” he demanded. He looked up onto the screen which displayed the face of the woman he had loved for so long. “No, Zechs. I’d really rather not. Even if it means fighting you”, she emphasized that phrase by raising her beam canon. Zechs could see the tears gathering in her eyes and it pulled at him. “Noin-“, he whispered. The Zero System glowed bright yellow, urging him to destroy this obstacle and move on with his plan. “Zechs-“, she answered, eyes pained. Limbs moving from the Zero System, Epyon flew towards the Taurus suit, with its beam saber raised. Some distant part of his mind screamed for him to stop but he plowed on. He was so close…just a swipe and he could get past her. In the last moment, he saw her turn away, unable to look at him and that sight tore at him. It was what made him swerve away, unable to kill her. He slammed his helmet onto the control panel, “Why?” he asked, “Why am I still so spineless?”. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Yes, he truly was spineless. And he had come so close to killing her, to killing the only light in his life. If he had, Zechs would’ve truly gone over the edge and become a madman. That act of sparing her life saved his sanity. It was a sign of something that was still human in him. Human enough to feel mercy. And in the Last Battle…It was a miserable and desperate battle, Epyon and Wing Zero exchanging blow after pained blow. The Zero System urged him on, to finish what he had started. Then the block descending to Libra…he knew what to do. Peace needed strong hearts like Heero’s. Zechs would not allow Heero to self-detonate. He took on the task of doing it. For him, it was a method of escape. Pure cowardice. There was nothing noble in sacrificing his life for peace, not the way he did it. He wanted to run away from this hell and spare the world of his menace. But he had made it out of the explosion alive. He had killed hundreds of soldiers and threatened the deaths of 22 billion. Nobody should be allowed another chance at life after that. He deserved to be in hell, the fires eating away at his skin for all eternity, as punishment for his unforgivable sins. Yet here was, lying in a traveling space hospital. His skin was healing, not burning away. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ “Zechs?” Her voice echoed throughout the room, “Zechs, are you here?”. He looked up from the hospital bed with strength that he did not normally have in this state. “I’m right here Noin”. He gazed into the beautiful deep purple eyes of his long-time comrade and only love. “Zechs, you’re alive”, she said. He turned his head away from her, “I don’t deserve to be”, he said. “But you are, Zechs. Don’t question what God has done”, she told him and brushed his mangled and charred bangs from his face. She placed a kiss on his healing flesh. “Now heal and return to me, alright?” she asked. His throat was choked, “Don’t leave me” he whispered. She paused, “I won’t ever leave you, Zechs” she smiled as she started towards the door. Zechs reached out a hand after the angelic vision. She turned and took his hand in hers. Then the room swirled and became a hilltop, covered in lush green grass. She pointed down the hill, “See those children playing? They’re living in a world of peace. One that would not be here if not for you”. Zechs watched the trio frolic in the grass. “I didn’t do it”, he said, “Someone else created this world for them”. Noin shook her head, “No- you helped do it” she informed him. Zechs shook his head again, “No I didn’t”. All of a sudden the grass became dark and not the mint green that it was before. Zechs turned around and saw Treize stand at his side, instead of Noin. “Where’s Noin?” he asked, looking around. Treize smiled, “Noin, you don’t deserve her. The two of us don’t deserve anything after what we did, Milliardo”. “No”, Zechs whispered. The ghostly figure of Treize pointed to the ground on top of the hill they stood on. Two gravestones were implanted into the dark ground. “See these?”, Treize asked, leaning down. “These are ours, Zechs. We’re dead”. Zechs shook his head, “I’m not but I deserve to be”. Treize stood up. A figure trudged up the hill towards them. It was Noin, carrying a bouquet of roses. She walked right past the two, as if they were invisible. She knelt down at Treize’s grave and placed a bouquet of roses there before turning to Zechs’. He could see the tears gather at her eyes, the silver droplets that fell onto his tombstone. She quickly wiped them away and kissed his tombstone before standing up. Zechs couldn’t stand the sight of Noin mourning over him. He reached out towards her but Treize pushed his hand back down. “Don’t” he said. Zechs paid his former friend no attention as he went and placed a hand on Noin’s shoulder. Her eyes widened as she looked around but saw no one. “I love you”, Zechs whispered in her ear. The words which he had never said out loud until the moment where his mind took over him. Her eyes widened and a small smile formed at the corner of her lips. She stood there for a while before walking down the hill again. Zechs stared at her retreating figure. Then he turned towards Treize. Fire shot up from the ground and surrounded the two men. Zechs watched with horrified eyes as Treize entered the fire and burn into ashes. The fire was calling out towards Zechs as he took unsteady steps towards it… ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ He woke up in a cold sweat. He sat up in his hospital bed. He looked at his skin. Perfectly fine. It were not burnt into darkness. It had been four months since he first arrived at the hospital. Memories haunted his every night but this was the first time he had dreamt. He lay back down and stared at the ceiling. It would be morning soon and it would his weekly checkup. The doctors would come in and see if he was ready to leave yet. And looking at his body, Zechs knew he was fully healed. Morning arrived soon and a doctor came in through the door apprehensively. As he healed, his features had began to reform and become recognizable as those of Zechs Merquise, or rather Milliardo Peacecraft. Out of their own pure hearts, the staff at this hospital still nursed him, but now with apprehension hanging around them both. “Are you feeling alright?” the doctor asked Zechs. He nodded as the doctor pushed the blanket off of Zechs and helped him up. Zechs stood with shaky feet, then became steady once he took a few steps around the room. The doctor began his routinely checkup, then finally declared, “You’re healed. I just want to run a few more tests to be sure but you can probably go home today”. Zechs nodded, Home, wherever that is, he thought. An hour later, Zechs Merquise was pronounced fit to leave. The doctors placed a mirror in his room and handed him clean clothing. Then they left so he could dress himself. Zechs changed and stared into the mirror for the longest time. The room was shadowy and the mirror glass had a gray tint to it. Zechs stared at his own reflection, the image of a man who is haunted by the ghosts of his own past and the ghosts of the lives he had taken. His image stared back at him. His platinum blond hair fell limply around his face and his ice blue eyes lost its usual determination. His eyes looked haunted, even to himself. He felt something wet form in his eyes and lifted up a pale hand. Tears. He stared at himself in the mirror and saw the tears gathering in his eyes. Tears of reflection stared back at him as he turned away. Would he ever be offered redemption? Would he ever deserve to receive it? God had not given him punishment, then was redemption waiting at the end of this long road? “Forgive me”, he whispered to everyone he knew and especially Noin. “Forgive me”. Then he opened the door and left the hospital room in which he had inhabited for four months. The nurse at the front desk pushed out a clipboard towards him, so he could sign out. Zechs picked up a pen. He knew the hospital staff would know who he was, no matter what he signed so he didn’t bother with a true name. He just signed it, “Wind”, then handed the clipboard back to the nurse and left through the hospital doors. A pilot was waiting for him, to take him to his requested stop. Luxembourg. He needed to visit Treize’s grave to close the era on his memories. As he sat in the backseat of the small shuttle, he gazed outside the windows at the familiar sight of space. The space that would offer him the merest hope of forgiveness. He saw his reflection against the windows of the shuttle. The image of a haunted man, searching for what was far away. Redemption. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ A/N- Well, what do you think? Personally I feel it’s one of my better fics. What’s your opinion? I’d love to hear it.