Note: This story was written for Purple Comet’s Role Reversal contest and supposes that Chakotay was attacked by the Ba’Neth in Riddles instead of Tuvok.
First
Place in Purple Comet Role Reversal
Rated NC17
“I really wish I could go with you.” Kathryn dropped her cumbersome body to the couch, struggling to reach down and remove her boots.
“And I would love to have you, but you know Doc. won’t let you off the ship.”
"I know that I look like I might explode any minute, but I'm really not an invalid. I don't think I can stand to being locked up here another four months."
"I know." Chakotay just smiled as he knelt down to help her remove her boots. “You know, you really should get yourself some comfortable shoes.”
“I’m going to have to.” Kathryn winced as she rubbed her calf. “These are cutting off the circulation. See? Even my legs are too fat!” She dropped back with a groan.
“You are not fat.” Chakotay ran his hand over her belly as he took the seat beside her.
“You have to say that,” Her head rested on the back of the couch, eyes closed, a large smile gracing her lips. “just to make sure I don’t get all hormonal and kill you in your sleep.”
“Keep talking that way and I’m going to go bunk with Tuvok.”
“Yea, now there’s a real possibility.” She laughed. “I can just picture you and Tuvie curled up together.”
“You’re scaring me, Kathryn. Is it the hormones that give you these strange ideas?” He laughed. “How about I run you a bath? While you soak, I'll fix us something to eat.” He saw the protest forming on her lips. “Light, something very light, I promise. You’ll sleep better.”
“You mean you will!”
“Yea, well that, too.” He chuckled and headed to the bathroom.
Chakotay couldn't help but sympathize with Kathryn. Being confined to the ship was difficult for her. Kathryn had always been a hands-on captain, always involved, always in the thick of things and now she felt like she was being forced to take a back seat. Pregnancy is not a debilitating disease, she kept telling him and she was right - but only to a point. Kathryn had gotten very big very quickly, so fast in fact that the doctor kept checking for twins even though all his scans told him differently. Concerned over her condition, rapid weight gain, stress levels and, god please don’t mention it, age, the Doctor had more than threatened to relieve her of command if she didn't adhere to his restrictions. Chakotay strongly suspected Kathryn complied mostly because her body refused to allow her to do otherwise, although she would never admit that- not even to him. She had no problem functioning as captain but it is one thing to command a crew from the bridge and quite another to do it from the front lines and, fortunately for him, Kathryn was wise enough to know that.
Kathryn desperately wanted a breath of fresh air and the upcoming negotiations with the Kesat appeared to be perfect, non-threatening and routine. It would take two days to reach the Kesat home world by shuttle due to their space restrictions and another two for the return trip, counting no more than two days of negotiations, it would have given Kathryn a nice break from the day to day pressures of running a starship. The away mission and Chakotay’s plan to accompany her was even approved by Tuvok, who might just be in need of break from his captain himself. However, all the arguments and logic in the universe could not convince the doctor to allow Kathryn to make the trip. Chakotay was going in her place and he knew she was trying hard not to resent it. He would be going with Neelix. For a minute, he wondered if that was Kathryn’s form of revenge.
“What's so amusing?” Kathryn stood in the doorway dressed in his bathrobe, just watching him.
“I was just thinking of my partner tomorrow.” Chakotay laughed as he shut off the water. “Here you go.”
“Thank you.” Kathryn hung her robe on the door and took his hand as she stepped into the tub, letting him help her settle down. “You would do well to remember that Mr. Neelix is our ambassador and he is very good at his job.” She arched her eyebrow almost daring him to disagree.
“I agree.” Chakotay knelt beside the tub. “But I would still rather go with you.” He kissed her softly. “Now, I’m going to fix something to eat. Yell if you need help getting out.”
Chakotay exited quickly, closing the door just before the wet washcloth slapped into it.
Chakotay was reviewing a padd on Kesat culture when Kathryn emerged from the bathroom, just under an hour later.
“Did I take too long?” Kathryn sat beside him on the couch curling her feet beneath her.
“No, just perfect.” He tossed the padd on the table and glanced at the replicator. “Dinner will be ready in two minutes.”
“Ummm I’d rather…” Kathryn placed her hand on his chest and stretched up to run her tongue around his ear.
“Behave, woman. You have to eat first.” He laughed when Kathryn licked her lips. “Soup, Kathryn – you need to eat dinner.” Chakotay stood up and brought Kathryn with him. “Sit at the table and eat your dinner.”
“You really are no fun some times.”
Negotiations had taken longer than expected and the away team had been gone for eight days. They were still a day away from docking and two hours out of hailing range. Even the normally calm commander was anxious to get home. Eight days with Neelix had tried even Chakotay’s patience.
The surrounding space was calm, the area secure and with the Flyer practically flying itself, the trip had become beyond boring. Chakotay busied himself writing his report; at least that would be out of the way when he got home. Neelix sat watching, drumming his fingers on the control panel. Chakotay’s head nodded with each thump of Neelix’s fingers until he reached his limit.
“Neelix!”
“Sorry.” Neelix stopped thumping the panel but soon his foot began to tap. “How about a round of 'Species, Starship or Anomaly'?" Neelix jumped out of his seat.
“Must be something a little more productive you could do. Why don’t you complete your report?”
“Come on, Commander it’ll be fun! You think of something--species, anomaly, or starship--and I have 15 questions to guess what it is. Come on!"
“I’d rather get this done before we get back.”
"How about a riddle?"
“No thanks, Neelix.”
"Try it! It'll be fun!" Neelix wasn’t about to give up. “It will stimulate your mind and you’ll get that stuffy old report done faster.”
“OK, one riddle.” Chakotay conceded defeat with a sigh.
"OK, here goes.” Neelix clapped his hands. “A lone ensign finds himself stranded on a Class L planet with no rations. His only possession...a calendar. When Starfleet finds him, 12 months later, he's in perfect health. Why didn't he starve to death?"
“I don’t know Neelix. Why?”
"Aha!" Neelix wagged a finger cackling. "Ha! I stumped you. As a matter of fact, he not only survived, but his belly was full. Why?" Neelix hardly even noticed Chakotay didn’t answer. "Because he feasted on dates--from the calendar!"
“Very good, Neelix.” Chakotay smiled. “I was thinking maybe he ate all the Sundays.”
“Ahhhh, that’s good too. See you are good at this. Let’s try another!”
“Voyager to the Delta Flyer.” Happily, the Captain’s voice ended the game.
“Delta Flyer here, Captain.” Chakotay turned back to the console, glad to hear Kathryn’s voice and grateful for the interruption.
“Hope your trip was successful, Commander.”
“Yes, Captain, quite.” Chakotay chuckled. “Sorry, we took longer than expected.”
“I hope that doesn’t mean problems.”
“No, Captain, no problems. Just long winded Kesats.”
“Good, we look forward to your return.”
“We should be home by tomorrow afternoon, Captain.”
“It’s been a long trip, Commander. I suggest you and Mr. Neelix get some rest and we will debrief after you’ve rested.”
“Understood, Captain, thank you.” Chakotay grinned broadly but kept his chuckle silent.
“Speak to you soon, Janeway out.”
The transmission ended
and Chakotay let out his contained laughter.
The Captain ended the transmission and retired to her ready room. It wasn’t that Tuvok and Harry wouldn’t know she contacted the shuttle again, just that from in here at least they couldn’t hear her.
“Janeway to Chakotay.” The call came in an obviously non-command voice.
“Chakotay here.” He glanced at Neelix. “We are surprised to hear from you so soon, Captain.”
“Err, Commander, I’ll just go check on our cargo—err—yes, I’ll do that.” Neelix nodded at Chakotay and went to the back of the shuttle sliding the door closed behind him.
“OK, Kathryn, he’s gone.” Chakotay laughed. “Poor, Neelix.”
“Yes, and poor me, too. I miss you.”
“I’m sorry. I miss you, too, but they kept dragging it out.”
“God, what was I thinking? I should have sent Tuvok!”
“Oh, Tuvok and Neelix together for eight days? That would have been a mission from hell! The man is on my last nerve.”
“I have some ideas about how to soothe your nerves.” Kathryn purred over the link.
“Down, girl, I’ll be home tomorrow.”
“That’s not good enough. I think we’ll come and meet you.”
“Good, Kathryn, and I can hear you explain that in the morning briefing. We are going to violate Kesat space and go to meet the shuttle now cause the Captain is incredibly horny!”
“I don’t care what they think; I want you home.”
“I need my rest, Kathryn. Nine days is a record for you these days, I’ll need all my strength.”
“Is that a complaint?”
“Not at all. I just want to be sure I’m up to the challenge.” Chakotay laughed, relieved she laughed with him. “Tell you what, later when Neelix is sleeping I’ll hail you. You’ll be home by then and I’ll tell you exactly what I’m planning to do to you when I get there.”
“Oh God.” Kathryn
groaned.
“Neelix to Chakotay.”
“Yes, Neelix?”
“Commander, did you activate the aft tactical station?"
“No.”
"There appears to be a download in progress.”
“I’ll be right there.” Chakotay headed toward the back of the shuttle. “I’ll be right back, Kathryn.”
Chakotay entered the rear of the shuttle, tricorder in hand; he scanned the area around the station.
"I'm detecting anomalous readings."
“What sort, Commander?”
“I don’t know. Looks like a cloaking frequency. It consists of …”
A beam of light struck Chakotay’s tricorder, a blue glow quickly spreading over his entire body. Chakotay fell to the deck, his body convulsing uncontrollably.
“Commander!” Neelix’s shout could be heard over Kathryn’s open comm link.
“Chakotay! Neelix!” Kathryn yelled jumping to her feet. “Report!”
“Captain," Neelix hurried to the cockpit. " the Commander was struck by some kind of electrical pulse. He’s unconscious and convulsing on the floor!” Neelix took the controls. “I’m bringing him in as fast as I can.”
“On our way, Neelix.” Kathryn stormed onto the bridge. “Mr. Paris, bring us about. We are going to meet the shuttle. Give it all you’ve got.”
“Aye.”
“Harry, open a channel to the shuttle.” Kathryn waited for Harry’s nod. “Neelix, we are coming after you.”
“Hurry, Captain.”
“We are.” Kathryn swallowed hard and slapped her comm badge. “Bridge to sickbay.”
“Doctor here.”
“Doctor, there has been an incident on the Flyer. The Commander is injured. We are going in after them, but I’m having Harry patch Neelix through to you. See what you can do from here.” She nodded to Harry to patch it through.
“Aye, Captain. Doctor out.”
The bridge went quiet. Even traveling toward each other at top speed it was going to take them hours to reach the shuttle. Alpha shift ended but everyone remained at their stations, the lieutenant who should have taken the bridge sat nervously in the Commander’s chair.
“Transporter range in two minutes.” Harry finally reported.
“Dropping out to warp.” Tom maneuvered them into position.
“Captain, I have transported the Commander to sickbay.” Tuvok moved from his station, finally handing it over to his relief; he came and offered the Captain a hand.
“Harry, get the Flyer cleared for landing. Lieutenant, the bridge is yours.” Kathryn allowed Tuvok to help her up from her chair.
Tuvok maintained his grip on the Captain all the way to the lift. Once inside, he took his hand from hers and placed his arm around her shoulder. Kathryn leaned into her friend, hoping to draw his strength. The lift opened on deck five and she stood straight, nodded to Tuvok and exited the lift with a purposeful gait.
"Report!" Janeway entered sickbay to see the doctor working feverishly over the still convulsing Chakotay with Neelix doing his best to help.
"He's in neuroleptic shock. I'll need another 20 milligrams of synaptizine,"
Neelix rushed past the Captain to prepare the hypospray, quickly getting it back to the doctor.
"It's not working." The doctor shook his head. "I'll need to try direct cortical stimulation. Initiate a neurostatic pulse on my mark."
Kathryn’s hand shook as she moved to the console, initiating the pulse on the doctor’s command. Chakotay’s body jumped off the table but continued convulsing.
"Again!"
Kathryn repeated the action. Chakotay stiffened and his body jumped again then fell back slack against the biobed. The Doctor gave an audible sigh of relief and began a more thorough scan.
"His vital signs have stabilized--for the moment, anyway--but he suffered severe neurological trauma."
"Do you know what caused it?" Janeway asked.
“Some kind of alien weapon, as far as I can tell.”
“I never saw anyone.” Neelix’s hollow voice rang out.
"What about the surrounding space? Any indication of cloaked vessels?"
"Between trying to follow the doctors instructions to tend to the Commander and piloting the Flyer, I had my hands full. I-I didn't think to scan for cloaked ships. I'm sorry."
"You saved his life, Neelix. You have nothing to be sorry about." Kathryn placed her hand on his shoulder. "How do you plan to treat him, Doctor?"
"I won't know until I've run a series of neurological scans. But it would certainly help to know something about the weapon."
"Neelix, these Kesat you were negotiating with...any reason to believe they might know something about this?"
“It couldn't hurt to ask.”
"Time to reopen diplomatic channels." Kathryn straightened her shoulders and turned back to Tuvok. “Let’s see what we can find out.”
The Captain paced the briefing room as she, Tuvok and Neelix waited for the Kesat representative to arrive. Finally, the door opened. Security ushered in a tall alien male, slightly rumpled in appearance but obviously enthusiastic about this meeting.
"Deputy Investigator Naroq, Kesat Security," The alien extended his hand to the Captain. "Captain Janeway." He turned and nodded to the others. "Commander Tuvok, Ambassador Neelix, I'm happy to meet you, sorry our circumstances couldn't be better."
"So are we, Deputy Naroq. Please have a seat." Janeway took her place at the head of the table. "You've done your homework, I see."
"I've familiarized myself with the facts on the way here," Naroq showed genuine concern for their plight.
"Deputy Naroq, we are seeking your assistance, in the matter of our injured crewman."
"I believe I can shed some light on that." Naroq shifted anxiously in his seat. "Based on the information you provided it is my opinion that he was a victim of the Ba'Neth."
"I've never heard of them."
"I'm not surprised! In my language, their name means shadow people. They're a species obsessed with concealing their identity--extremely paranoid and xenophobic."
"Well, that explains their cloaking technology." The Captain glanced at the others, who simply nodded.
"It's my belief," Naroq continued, " that they've been responsible for several unexplained attacks similar to this one."
"Why wasn't I warned about them during my negotiations with your government?" Neelix demanded.
"Because, Ambassador Neelix, my government's official position is that the Ba'Neth do not exist. Most people think they're a myth."
"There's nothing mythical about what happened to Commander Chakotay." Tuvok raised an eyebrow. "Why is your government so skeptical?"
"Well," Naroq stammered just a little. "because there have been so few encounters with the Ba'Neth and, well, no one's ever actually seen one."
"How many . . . encounters are we talking about exactly?" Janeway's eyes bore into Naroq's.
"Before this incident?" Naroq asks. "Twelve."
"I guess that makes us lucky 13." The Captain quipped.
"You're lucky I gave my supervisor two bottles of Kesatian ale to get this assignment!" Naroq desperately wanted to regain the captain's confidence. "Any other inspector would have simply attributed Commander Chakotay’s injuries to 'unexplained phenomenon.'"
"No offense, Mr. Naroq, but what makes you so sure the Ba'Neth aren't just a myth?" The Captain was not convinced.
"This incident fits the pattern, Captain! All of the alleged encounters have occurred aboard vessels foreign to this sector. I believe they've been attempts by the Ba'Neth to assess the technology of new arrivals."
"They were trying to download tactical data," Neelix offered.
"And Commander Chakotay suffered severe neural damage. That's also consistent with previous attacks. The Ba'Neth were making sure he would not tell anyone what he saw."
"Maybe that's why Chakotay's tricorder was destroyed. They didn't want us to see the cloaking frequency he'd found."
"He found a cloaking frequency?"
"Apparently."
"Captain, I don't blame you for finding my theories a bit--eccentric. I'm used to it. It's why I'm still a deputy investigator. But I've brought equipment to help your investigation. Let me examine Commander Chakotay and run scans on the vessel where he was attacked. I may finally be able to prove my theories!"
"With all due respect--we're more interested in saving Chakotay's life."
"If we work together, maybe we can do both."
"All right, Naroq if you think we can help each other."
Kathryn waited almost patiently as the Doctor and Naroq each ran new scans on the still comatose Chakotay.
"His cognitive and memory centers have all been severely damaged," The Doctor reported.
"But he still has brain activity--which is more than I can say for any of the previous victims!" Naroq appeared pleased with this discovery.
"I have doubt that his neural tissue will continue to survive." The Doctor tried not to look at the Captain.
"If you could only tell us what you saw, Mr. Chakotay." Naroq leaned in close and whispered in his ear.
"I don't think we'll be hearing from him any time soon." The Doctor's tone made it clear that he was unhappy with Naroq.
"Keep working," Kathryn encouraged the doctor as she guided the Deputy Inspector away. "I'll let you know if we find anything that might help." The Captain turned to Naroq. "I'll take you to see where the attack occurred."
After bringing Naroq to the shuttle bay, Kathryn left him to his research with Seven as an assistant and returned to sickbay.
"Is there something I can do for you, Captain?" The Doctor found the Captain standing quietly beside the biobed.
"I want to help him."
"I'm afraid there isn't much we can do."
"There must be something--"
"My advice is to return to your quarters and get some rest." He tried gently to turn her away. "You need to take care of yourself. Captain, think about the baby."
"I am." Kathryn took a deep breath. "But there's no way that I'm going to be able to rest now."
"You are already looking for the weapon. There isn't .." The sadness in her eyes kept him from forcing her to leave. "There have been rare cases in which comatose patients responded to external stimuli: aromas, touch, voices."
"So you're saying that if I stay here and, just talk to him, I might be able to provoke some sort of response?"
"If anyone can provoke a response in the Commander, Captain, it's you."
The Doctor left her then, going into his office where he could give Kathryn the illusion of privacy and still keep an eye on her. He watched her talk with Chakotay, sometimes stroking his cheek or running her hands down his arms, for an hour or more before he went back out.
“Captain, I think you should rest now.”
“Thank you, Doctor, but I’ll stay here a little longer.”
“Captain, please don’t make me call Tuvok.”
“All right. I’ll go and check up on Naroq.” She saw his frown. “We’ll get something to eat and after I get him settled, I’ll rest awhile.”
“Thank you.”
“I’ll be back later. I don’t expect I’ll sleep much.”
“Please try.”
“I will.”
As the Doctor watched her go, he wasn’t sure if he was happy or not. The Captain had given in much too easily, which was either a sign that she was worse off physically then he thought or that she was giving up. Neither idea made him happy.
Throughout the next few of hours, the Doctor checked the Captain’s whereabouts with the computer. As she had told him earlier, she had gone to the mess hall. He couldn’t be sure she had eaten but she had spent at least an hour there. She made several stops, he assumed to check on ship’s status, then spent only a few minutes in the VIP suite before returning to her quarters. At 23:00 hours, the computer reported the Captain was sleeping. The doctor checked his patient once more and deactivated himself.
It was 03:00 when the Doctor reactivated to check on his patient. The Captain was there and apparently had been for some time. The doctor was about to admonish the Captain and try to send her home, when he realized she was asleep. As he reached for his tricorder, he took in the surroundings. A comforter, he assumed she had taken from their quarters,now covered Chakotay. His head now rested on a matching pillow and his medicine wheel hung on the wall behind him. The Captain dressed in a large tee shirt and sweat pants, was sleeping in a chair beside the bed with her head resting on his chest. The Doctor scanned her. She was in a pretty deep sleep so he decided to leave her there. Chakotay's condition was unchanged. At 06:00 the Doctor reactivated to find the Captain had left sickbay. She left behind the personal items she had brought. The doctor scanned Chakotay-no change.
As the days passed, Chakotay remained the same, but Naroq made progress. He had proven to Janeway not only that the Ba’Neth existed, but also that his device would decloak them. The only remaining problem was to find them, but to do that they would need the cloaking frequency.
It had become a nightly ritual, at 22:00 hours, the Captain would be sleeping in her quarters, but at the doctors 03:00 check she would be in sickbay. There were more personal items scattered around Chakotay’s biobed and often there was music playing softly. Sometimes she would sleep with her head resting on or near him, sometimes she would spend the night talking. Kathryn relayed the latest ship's business, and what gossip she could find but mostly she spent hours talking of personal problems and feelings, which the doctor tried hard not to hear.
It was 05:00 when the Doctor was summoned by a change in his patient. The Captain was sleeping with her head resting on the bed beside Chakotay.
“Please state the…” The doctor was stopped cold by the sight of Chakotay sitting on the side of the bed, one hand softly stroking the auburn hair on the head beside him.
“Commander?”
Chakotay looked up startled at the sound of his voice.
“It’s all right, Commander. Don’t be frightened.”
Chakotay jumped back in alarm when the doctor pointed the tricorder in his direction.
“Chakotay?” Kathryn’s head snapped up to see the frightened look on his face. “What is it?” She turned to see the doctor and the tricorder. "It’s OK.” She stood and moved toward the doctor. “See it is just a scan – Doctor, scan me.” She smiled and moved back beside Chakotay. “It won’t hurt you.”
Chakotay reluctantly allowed the doctor to scan him, but he refused to release Kathryn’s hand.
“Doctor?”
“I can’t be certain. Chakotay’s neural pathways seem to have begun to bypass the damaged tissue. They're forming new synaptic connections. In effect, his brain seems to be rewiring itself!"
“How is that possible?”
"Whether this is due to my neurostatic therapy or your own rehabilitation regimen--or some combination of the two--I can't be certain."
"Is there any chance he'll make a full recovery?" Kathryn asked softly.
"It's much too soon to say. But, he's alert and he's already regained his basic motor skills."
"But still no speech." Janeway frowned with concern and disappointment.
"It's a start.”
Chakotay progressed slowly but he did make a small amount of progress each day. He began speaking. His voice a staccato sound at first but it improved each day. Since he was most comfortable with Kathryn, he spent most of his time away from sickbay with her. He knew some of the crew, though mostly the former Maquis, and Kathryn reintroduced him to the others. Although he was happy to be with Kathryn, he had no memory of their former relationship. While Seven and Naroq searched for the cloaking frequency, Tuvok supervised Voyager's search for the Ba’Neth. Kathryn was conducting her own search, trying to find her former first officer, friend and lover in what was left of the man. Even if she never found him, she wanted this Chakotay to be everything he could be.
Kathryn and Chakotay usually dined in the mess hall but tonight she took him to her quarters for a quiet dinner.
“It’s very nice here, Kathryn.”
“Glad you like it. Are you comfortable?” Kathryn served their tea on the coffee table.
“Yes, I would like to stay here.” Chakotay looked around. “Could I stay here?”
“Sleep here? Do you want to spend the night here?”
“Yes. I don’t like that place with the doctor. Too many people.”
“Yes, I understand that. There is no privacy in sickbay.” Kathryn wondered what to do. Chakotay was not in need of immediate medical care so she supposed he could spend the night here, but she wondered if that would be right.
“Kathryn?” Chakotay interrupted her thoughts, his face puzzled.
“What is it?”
“Are you my ..” He seemed to be searching for a word. “my mother?”
“No.” She smiled and touched his hand. “I’m not your mother, Chakotay, but I am here to help you and take care of you, whenever you need me.”
Chakotay thought about that then nodded and got up to wander around the room. He poked into the bathroom and finally disappeared into the bedroom.
“Janeway to Sickbay.”
“Doctor here, Captain.”
“Doctor, Chakotay has asked to spend the night away from sickbay. Would it be all right if he stays here?”
“Well, I have no medical reason to keep him here. Are you sure you want him there? Where would you put him?”
“I’ll think of something.”
“All right, Captain. Call if you need me.”
“Thank you, Doctor – Janeway out.”
Kathryn went in to find Chakotay lying on her bed. He grinned, bouncing when she walked it.
“You look comfortable.”
“Yes, can I stay here? This bed is comfortable.”
“If you’d like.”
“Is it your bed?”
“Yes, but I can sleep in the other room.” Kathryn rummaged through the drawers and found him some sweat pants. “You can change into these. You will be more comfortable.”
“OK.” Chakotay jumped off the bed and started to remove his clothes.
“Wait.” Kathryn smiled at the puzzled look on his face. “Let me get something to change into then I will leave you alone to undress.”
“Oh.” He sat on the bed and waited until she left the room.
After that Chakotay didn’t want to return to sickbay; he grew quite comfortable in Kathryn’s room. Kathryn on the other hand, had a great deal of difficulty making her enlarged body comfortable on the couch. But she was still smaller than he was so she managed. The engineering team assigned to turning Chakotay’s old quarters into a nursery, changed plans slightly and added another bedroom to the design.
Although Chakotay made progress, Naroq’s work was at a virtual stand still. Seven was unable to locate even a possible location so Naroq’s photolitic converter remained useless. Kathryn knew they couldn’t remain here much longer but no one wanted to give up, so Voyager remained and the search continued.
After having breakfast with Chakotay in the mess hall, Kathryn reported for bridge duty on Alpha shift. Chakotay was spending the morning with Mike Ayala on the holodeck and then he was having lunch with B’Elanna. He planned on spending the afternoon reading his logs. The Doctor thought it might bring back some of his lost memories.
It was mid afternoon when the lift opened and an excited but somewhat confused Chakotay entered the bridge.
“Kathryn!” Chakotay almost ran from the lift to the command level.
“What’s wrong, Chakotay?” Kathryn stiffened at the frightened look on his face.
“You’re not my mother…” He looked confused.
“I told you that, Chakotay, remember?” She spoke softly trying to reassure him.
“You’re my wife!”
“Chakotay, let's go into the ready room and discuss this, shall we?” Kathryn stood slowly and extended her hand.
He hesitantly took the hand she offered. Kathryn smiled as she waited for him to relax. When he nodded and they moved toward the door.
“Tuvok, you have the bridge.”
“Sit down. I’ll get our tea.” Kathryn moved toward the replicator as soon as the door had closed.
“No!” The sharpness in his voice made Kathryn jump. “Please.” He smiled and motioned her to the couch. “I will get it.”
“All right.” She sat on the couch and waited.
Chakotay placed the tea on the table and took the chair opposite her.
“Are you upset at this new information, Chakotay?”
“Not that- confused - maybe.” He was working hard to find word to tell her how he felt. “You didn’t tell me.”
“I didn’t want to upset you. How did you find out?”
“Logs. I read my logs, like you told me and it said there.”
“I see.”
“It is not the same.”
“No, it's not.”
“Because I can’t be smart enough, now? To be the captain’s husband?” It was an honest question spoken without accusation, a simple desire to know where he belonged.
“Oh, Chakotay…” Tears welled up in her eyes. “No, not that. You don’t have to be anything but you.”
“Don’t cry, Kathryn.” He moved next to her and wiped her tears with gentle fingers. “I don’t like when you cry.”
“I’m sorry.”
“No-- I’m sorry. I make you cry.”
“No, you haven’t done anything to make me cry.”
“Yes, at night you cry. I hear you from my bed and I think it is that I am not him anymore.” Chakotay pointed to the picture on her desk.
“Chakotay.” Kathryn took his face in her hands. “It is sad to say good bye to that life and you are different than he was, but you are still kind and warm and gentle and I still love you. That isn’t going to change.” Kathryn brushed a light kiss across his lips.
Sitting back Kathryn thought she detected a slight blush rise to his cheeks. When Chakotay realized she was watching him he looked down fumbling with his teacup. They sat quietly for a few minutes then he looked up at her with a new light dawning in his eyes.
“What?” Kathryn smiled and took his hand trying to encourage him to tell her what was on his mind.
“The baby..” Chakotay looked down to see her belly ripple almost as if in response. “Can I touch you?”
“Here.” Kathryn placed the hand she had been holding on the spot the baby has last kicked and they were rewarded with another kick. “Feel that?”
“Your baby..” He smiled and watched his hand waiting for another kick.
“No, our baby.”
Chakotay looked up wide-eyed then started to laugh. There was definitely a pink tinge to his cheeks now.
“I know.”
“You do?” She laughed with him.
“Yes! He rolled his eyes. “I don’t know about starships or astro---..” He looked confused again but she waited for him to figure it out. “Astro whatever! But I know how it got there.” He lightly tapped her belly.
“Well, that’s nice to know.” There was something so refreshingly innocent in his gaze. Kathryn just wanted to hug him but she didn’t want to embarrass him or make him uncomfortable.
“Kathryn, what will we do?” He had both hands on her belly, watching and waiting for the next movement.
“About what exactly?”
“The baby.” He looked up sadly. “He will be smarter than me.”
“He won’t know anything at all until we teach him.” Her heart ached because she had no answer. They didn’t know yet if Chakotay could relearn the things he lost. Everyday he made amazing progress. He had started this new journey a child in a man’s body, but every day his mind stretched to fit that body. His scientific training was lost, his memories of the last few years were sketchy and his language skills were not what they used to be, but she could still see the kind loving man he has always been.
“I am not smart enough to teach him.”
“Don’t say that! You had an accident and you lost a lot of things you used to know, but we don’t know that you can’t relearn them and even if you never do, you have so much to share with the baby.”
Chakotay looked up and saw the tears threatening in her eyes. He didn’t want to make her cry again.
“I’ll try.” He smiled. “Please don’t cry.”
“Good. Now, I should get back to work.” Kathryn struggled to push herself off the couch; Chakotay lifted her to her feet. “What do you plan on doing this afternoon?”
“Naroq wants to see me, but I don’t like him.”
“He is only trying to help, but you don’t have to see him if you don’t want to.” Kathryn tried to sound reassuring as she tugged her uniform into place.
“I will ..” He glanced at the image on her desk then stood looking down at her. “I will try, too.” He bent down and lightly touched his lips to hers. “I will see you later.” He quickly turned and exited.
“Bye.” Kathryn smiled as she called out to the closing door.
When Kathryn returned to their quarters she expected to find him making dinner, but she was met with semi darkness; there was no scent of food in the air.
“Hi.” She called when she spotted him working at the table with only one light shining where he focused.
“You’re home?” He looked up in shock.
“Yes, Alpha shift is over.” She walked toward him. “You look busy there. What are you working on?”
“Sand.” He stood to block her view. “Sorry, I didn’t start dinner.”
“That’s all right. We can go to the messhall.” She backed away; he obviously didn’t want her to see his work. “I’ll just change.”
“Good.” He sat back at the table.
When Kathryn came back he was still bent over the table.
“Are you ready?”
“No.” He didn’t look up.
“OK.” Kathryn got a glass of water from the replicator. “Want something?”
“No.”
“How was your visit with Naroq?” She sat on the couch, far enough away not to disturb his work.
“I don’t like him.”
“I know.”
Kathryn sat and watched him work in silence. Her stomach growled, but he was entranced with what he was doing, so she ignored it. Finally, Chakotay looked up and smiled.
“Kathryn.” He came over and took her hands lifting her to her feet. “Please, come and see.”
“Did you make that for me?” She motioned toward the mysterious sand painting.
“For us..” He placed one hand on her belly. “three.”
“Chakotay it’s…” Kathryn studied the multi colored lines in the middle of the painting. “What is this?” She turned and took hold of his arms. “Did you see this somewhere?”
“Yes.” He looked at her hopefully. “Is - it - a …. Is it what you need?”
“It’s a cloaking frequency, isn’t it? It’s what you saw on the tricorder.” At Chakotay’s nod, Kathryn quickly scanned the painting with her tricorder, downloading her findings into the main computer and punching buttons while Chakotay stood by silently watching. “We will let the computer analyze it. We have to tell Naroq, Seven and Tuvok.”
“You are happy?” Chakotay couldn't miss the excitement in Kathryn’s voice.
“Yes.” She hugged him, smiling against his chest when she felt him relax into it and put his arms around her. “This could be an important break through.”
“Will it make me HIM again?”
“Maybe.” Kathryn stood back and took his hand walking him to the couch. “Chakotay, this may change everything and it may change nothing. What is important is that we found it and we do all that we can. Whatever happens. Then we can move on.”
The computer finished the analysis of Chakotay’s diagram and identified the Ba'Neth cloaking frequency. The Captain called a staff meeting which both Chakotay and Naroq attended. Seven narrowed the field to a handful of systems and the search began.
Kathryn and Chakotay returned to their quarters and prepared to retire for the evening.Kathryn had set up her bed and gone into the bathroom to change. When she returned her blanket and pillows were missing.
“Chakotay?” She knew only one person could have taken them.
“Here.” He answered from the bedroom.
“My blanket and pillows are missing.” She stood in the doorway watching him try to hold back his grin. “Do you know where they went?”
“Yes.” He was lying on his back, eyes close and a big grin on his face.
“Where are they?”
“I took them.”
“Are you going to give them back?”
“No.”
“Then where will I sleep?”
“Here.” He pulled the blanket back on her side of the bed.
“Oh?”
“Will you?” Chakotay sat up his grin faded and his expression suddenly became serious.
“If you want me to.”
“Yes.” He smiled but hesitated. “Do you want to?”
“Yes.” Kathryn smiled and moved in beside him. “Yes, I very much want to.”
They lay side by side on their backs in the darkness. Finally Chakotay turned toward her and placed his hand on her belly. It was a way to touch her he knew to be safe. Kathryn relaxed and moved closer resting her hand on his. They drifted off to sleep.
Chakotay woke with a start not sure what had disturbed him. Kathryn was wrapped around him, her one arm snaked around his back, her head tucked under his chin, her warm breath caressing his chest. Their legs were tangled together, her belly pressed close to his side. Then he felt it-the baby kicked him and Kathryn never moved. Chakotay smiled. He liked this; he was happy. Kathryn said nothing would change, but it would. No matter what tomorrow brought, Chakotay was going to make sure he worked hard enough, became good enough to be the captain’s husband. Yes, this was right. He let himself sleep.
In the morning, he was alone. Chakotay sat up wondering if it had been a dream. Just then Kathryn came in. She was wearing a bathrobe, he thought was his. Her hair was tied up in a towel.
“Good morning, sleepy head.” She rummaged through the closet for a clean uniform. “Better get up and get dressed. We are converging on the coordinates the computer promises will put us in touch with the Ba’ Neth.”
“OK.” He mumbled but his didn’t move.
“Chakotay?” Kathryn sat on the bed beside him. “Don’t you want to come to the bridge?”
“You want me there?” He was both shocked and confused. “I thought I couldn’t do that, now.”
“Well, not always, but I would like you to come with me today. Is that all right?”
“Should I wear his uniform?”
“You can if you want to.”
“No.” He watched her face to make sure that was OK.
“All right.” She smiled. “However you’re comfortable.” She leaned across the bed and kissed him softly.
Chakotay’s arms reacted almost independently, pulling her closer. His hands caressed her back while his arms held her to him, lips pressed, moving against hers. Kathryn showed no reluctance, her lips slowly parted inviting him to deepen the kiss. Chakotay’s tongue explored her mouth tasting her,and tangling with hers. His senses were filled with her, the softness of her body against his, her freshly showered scent, a hint of rose in her shampoo.He was breathing heavily when she pulled back and rested their foreheads together.
“Ummm, too bad we have to go.” Kathryn sighed.
“Sure?” His hand reached to where her robe hung open his fingers brushing her nipple, watching it tighten at his touch.
“Unfortunately.” Kathryn closed her eyes, moaning softly as she pushed her breast into his hand.
Kathryn breathed deeply and opened her eyes. He was watching her with such passion in his eyes that she wanted nothing more then to push him back against the pillows and take him right now.
“Later.” She moved his hand and pulled her robe closed. “When we are done with the Ba’Neth.”
“When I am Him?”
“Whatever happens-I love you.” She kissed him then pushed off the bed. “You'd better get dressed, before I don’t let you.”
Voyager was converging on a location that looked like nothing special but the sand painting and the computer said this was their best chance to find the Ba’Neth. The bridge was at red alert, the Captain sat straight in her chair, Chakotay beside her. Naroq stood at the engineering station.
"Here we go, Captain," Harry smiled. "A nine-million terawatt cloaking field in grid 216."
"Nine million terawatts!" Tom exclaimed “Whatever they're hiding, it's huge."
"Alter course, Mr. Paris."
“Yes, Ma'am”
"Bridge to Astrometrics. Status."
"The deflector array is ready, Captain." Seven reported.
"Raise shields." The Captain ordered.
“Aye, Captain.”
"We're within range. " Tom informed them.
"All right, Seven...Light 'em up." The Captain settled back in her chair.
The deflector pulse lit up the sector. A massive space station with ships flying protectively around it glimmered before them.
"It's an armed outpost. Approximately 3,000 life signs, 22 ships," Harry reported.
"Hail them." Janeway ordered.
"No response, Captain."
"They're charging weapons," Tuvok reported.
"Open a channel, all subspace bands," The Captain ordered.
"They're firing, Captain."The calm Vulcan voice reported.
"Cease fire immediately--" Janeway ordered the Ba'Neth. "--or I'll transmit the coordinates of this outpost to the Kesat homeworld,"
"That got their attention." Tom smirked.
"Several days ago, a member of your species attacked one of my crewmen. He was badly injured. In order to treat him I need to know more about the weapon that was used."
"They're responding. Audio only."
“We do not share technology”
"But you take it from others." The Captain accused. "The attacker was downloading our tactical database when the incident occurred."
“We must assess potential threats.”
"Paranoid--just as I predicted!" Naroq broke in.
"In exchange for information about your weapon, we'll provide you with tactical data on several species we've recently encountered. You can assess their potential threats all you want."
“The Kesat investigator aboard your vessel cannot be trusted.”
"You know about me?"
“You have been attempting to expose us for years. You are a threat. You must be stopped.”
"They're charging weapons again." Tuvok reported.
"Wait!" Naroq says. "It was my photolitic converter that allowed Voyager to decloak you. If you give Captain Janeway what she wants, I'll give you the converter. You can use it to adapt your technology so ours can no longer expose you."
"I doubt you'll get as enticing an offer from the Kesat homeworld. It would be a shame if you forced me to hail them." The Captain pushed them to accept his offer.
There was a long silence during which the Ba’Neth considered the offer. Naroq looked hopefully around the bridge. Kathryn placed her hand over Chakotay’s, smiling as she squeezed his hand.
“We have an agreement.”
The technology exchange slow and tedious but finally the weapon and its technical data were delivered to the doctor. The Ba’Neth took possession of the converter. Voyager reversed its course preparing to return Naroq to the Kesat homeworld. After a celebratory dinner with the senior staff, the Captain and Chakotay returned to their quarters.
Kathryn went to change out of her uniform; Chakotay sat on the couch, kicked off his shoes and rested his head back closing his eyes.
“Tired?” Kathryn knew it had been a long and stressful day, especially for Chakotay. He was no longer used to dealing with alien negotiations. She stepped behind the couch and massaged his shoulders.
“Yes.” He picked up one of her hands and kissed the palm. “You are very good at that.”
“Dealing with aliens or massaging your shoulders?” She laughed.
“Both, but I meant dealing with them.”
“It’s what I do. What I’ve been trained to do.” She pushed him forward a bit to get a better position.
“Did I ever do that?”
“Yes, quite well actually”
“Do you miss him?”
“A little.” Kathryn came around and sat beside him. “I miss having you beside me everyday. Until last night, I missed sleeping in your arms. There are things that we had or that we did that I may miss, but there will be new things to share.”
Her head was cocked and her mouth formed that crooked smile that melted his heart. Chakotay couldn’t resist pressing his lips to hers.
“Like this?” His mouth moved across her jaw, his fingers slid beneath her bathrobe to caress her tender breast through the soft silk of her nightgown. “Is it later now?”
“I thought you were tired?” She pushed herself into his hand as she worked the buttons on his shirt.
“Not too tired.” He suddenly sat back and looked at her. “You?”
“No, but not here. This couch is too small.” She stood in front of him.
“Can we do this without hurting him?” He placed a kiss on her belly and looked up very worried.
“Come, I’ll show you.” She laughed and offered him her hand.
Kathryn led him to their bedroom. Dropping her robe on the floor, she opened the remaining buttons on his shirt and pushed it off his shoulders.
“I missed you.” Her mouth was on his chest, warm breath, soft moist kisses. Her hands worked to remove the rest of his clothing.
His hands began their own exploration sliding over the soft silk of her nightgown. He brought her back to him, kissing her mouth, allowing his hands to explore what should have been familiar territory. Kathryn nudged him backward onto the bed and crawled in beside him. Her hands, her lips, her tongue were suddenly everywhere, touching, caressing, licking, kissing, tasting driving away all rational thought. Chakotay grabbed the edge of her nightgown lifting it and she pulled back long enough to toss it away. Kathryn groaned, arching her back as he sat up capturing her nipple between his lips. Hands and lips were everywhere. He wanted to slow down, to find those places that pleased her most but the sensations she forced on him carried him helplessly forward. The sound of her low moans spurred him on, her mouth and hands were everywhere pushing him to the brink. Kathryn’s whole body shuddered as his fingers slid through the abundant moisture pooled between her thighs. They allowed the sensations to carry them forward. Kathryn was gasping as she pushed him onto his back straddling him.
Chakotay struggled to maintain control as he watched her. Her eyes were closed, her chest heaved with each breath as she dragged his swollen member through her slick folds.
“Ohgodd.” Gasping Kathryn slowly lowered herself over him.
Chakotay clenched his teeth, hissing out his breath as her tight walls encased him. Kathryn set a rhythm, gliding over him in long deep strokes, but his control was slipping. Kathryn grasped Chakotay's hand guiding him to the sensitive nerves just above their joining, crying out as he picked up the rhythm. His fingers worked in time with his thrusts, which became faster and harder until Kathryn stiffened, her muscles clenching him, his name garbled and harsh ripped from her throat as her body rocked with a long denied release. Chakotay grabbed her hip steadying her quaking body for several quick short thrusts as he exploded within her.
Kathryn collapsed over
him, resting her forehead on his chest while she regained her
breath. Chakotay stroked
her back as he fought to regain his own breath. Rolling them on their sides
he spread kisses across her face and hair as he held her close.
“I love you, Kathryn.” He breathed into her hair and she rose up and kissed him.
“I love you. Please don’t ever doubt that.” Kathryn molded herself to his side and drifted off to sleep
“Doctor to Janeway.” The quiet of their morning was torn apart when the blare of the comm. woke them.
“Janeway here.” A sleepy Kathryn lifted her head and smiled at Chakotay. “I love you. No matter what he says–I will still love you.”
“I have analyzed the Ba'Neth weapon, and I believe I have devised a procedure with which to treat the Commander."
“Doctor, what are the risks with this procedure?” Kathryn understood Chakotay’s fear of regressing even further.
“I believe that if the procedure does not succeed the Commander will remain the way he is. There is a slight chance that the procedure may cause him to regress even farther.”
“I see. Thank you, Doctor. I will discuss this with Chakotay and we will inform you of our decision later.”
“Decision?”
“Yes, Doctor, thank you. Janeway out.”
“What should we do?” Chakotay looked frightened.
“What do you want to do?”
“Do you…?”
“No. What do you want? Tell me what you want to happen? Are you happy?”
“I’m happy most times.”
“That’s good—Everyone is unhappy sometimes. What else? Is there something you want to do that you can’t do now?”
“I want to be your husband.”
“You already are.”
“I want you not to be .. not to have to.. Sometimes I don’t understand what the others are talking about and I don’t want you to feel…” He was getting very frustrated. “See, I can’t find the word.”
“Do you think I’m embarrassed by you?” Chakotay’s solemn nod nearly broke her heart. “I’m not. In fact, I am very proud of you. You have worked very hard; you’ve made amazing progress in a few short weeks.”
“I want to teach the baby.”
“You have plenty of things to teach the baby.”
“You think I shouldn’t do this?”
“I think you should do what will make you happy.”
They lay quietly for a while then Chakotay pushed back the covers and got out of bed.
“Have you decided what to do?”
“I will shower.” He sat beside her on the bed, placing one hand on her belly. “Then you can shower and I will fix breakfast. When we are done, we will see the Doctor.”
“Do you have more questions for him?”
“No. I want to be him again. I need it. I believe you when you tell me whatever I am is all right for you. But it is not all right for me. I need to do this - for me.”
~~~^^^~~~
The procedure went well, but they wouldn’t know the results until Chakotay woke up. In spite of all the doctor's reassurances the Captain paced sickbay until he had Tuvok and B’Elanna forced her to go home. He promised to call her the second the Commander stirred.
The Doctor was activated by a change in his patient – it was 04:30. He ran a quick scan. Chakotay was waking but not awake yet, the Doctor checked the time. After a short debate with himself, he decided to wake the Captain. He had promised she would be here when the Commander opened his eyes and if he ever wanted her to follow his directions again he had better keep that promise.
“Doctor to Janeway.” He got no response so he hailed again “Doctor to Janeway.”
“Yes, doctor?” Her sleepy voice replied. “Oh, is he awake?”
“Not yet, Captain, but he will be shortly.”
“On my way.”
The Captain arrived in record time, dressed in her bathrobe and slippers.
“Right on time.” The Doctor led her across the room. “Nice outfit.”
Kathryn smiled in spite of her nervousness. She appreciated his attempt to help her relax, even if it didn't work. As she came closer, she saw Chakotay's eyes flutter and her stomach churned. She moved up next to the bed and waited. Several times his eyes fluttered, almost opening then closing again. Finally they opened completely. Chakotay looked past her, around the room and closed his eyes.
“Chakotay?” She forced his name from her throat. He opened his eyes. “How do you feel?”
“I..” He looked around, closed his eyes, then opened them and smiled at her. “I think I’m him.”
Kathryn bent to kiss him, her tears mingling with his and the doctor backed away quietly. The rest of the scans could wait till morning.
The End
