Disclaimer: All characters and their universe belong to
Paramount. I don't own anything and intend no infringement on the
rights of the Master of this universe.
IN THE LINE OF DUTY
RATED NC17
They were having their morning coffee, on the couch in the ready room. The sector of space they had been traveling through was quiet and they had taken advantage of it to do some, much over due, maintenance. They faced a mountain of reports, but none critical, so they were taking a well-deserved break.
"Neelix is planning a get together."
"Gods, what's the excuse now?" Kathryn rolled her eyes, it was good for the crew and Neelix really did a good job of maintaining moral, but another party? She really didn't feel like it.
"Some obscure Talaxian holiday, Celebrating...." He shook his head and laughed. "I don't know, I wasn't listening ; I think he made it up anyway."
“Probably, when?"
"Next week." He smiled at her. "Look at the bright side, the crew will be happy and at least you don't have to wear a costume."
"That's as bright as it gets?"
"Well, there is the added bonus of going with me."
"Yeah, now there's a plus. Another reason for the crew to gossip!"
"Well you could show up with one of the other men in your life."
"Gods, so many! How to choose?" They laughed and he shook his head.
"You know that would really make them talk. If we came with other people."
"Are you trying to tell me something, Commander?"
"Not me. Dump the Captain, for who? Hell, I'm not that stupid. I know which side my bread is buttered on." He ducked the blow she directed at him.
"Well, it may not be good for your health, but I'm sure there are fifty or sixty women on this ship ready to snap you up."
"REALLY!?" He made a face as if to consider it. "This could be interesting."
"And deadly." She raised an eyebrow. "Of course, I could probably have fun sampling the crew myself."
"Nice Kathryn, 'sampling the crew' -- You might rival the infamous Captain Kirk. What is it you called him?"
"A space whore. You better tread lightly, Commander." She threatened. "That bread just might be served with water instead of butter."
"Do you allow conjugal visits in your brig?"
"Tuvok to Commander Chakotay." The comm. interrupted their sparing.
"Chakotay here."
"Commander, I request you relieve me of duty, Sir."
"On my way, Tuvok." They exchanged a curious glance. "Are you alright, Commander?"
"I think not, Sir. I need to leave the bridge."
"Understood, go ahead, Tuvok. Chakotay out." He rose to leave the ready room. "What do you suppose this is?"
"Don't know - it's not like Tuvok..." She looked worried. "He's never sick."
Tuvok left the bridge before Chakotay had time to exit the ready room. The remainder of the shift passed quietly and after turning the bridge over to beta shift, Chakotay returned to the ready room to retrieve the Captain.
"Come." She ordered at the sound of the chime, continuing to study the padd in her hand.
"Captain."
"Commander, what can I do for you?" She smiled when she looked up at him, knowing he was here to chase her from her office.
"Shift is over Captain, since it's quiet- no need for you to put in such long hours." He smiled displaying the dimples she found so hard to resist.
"And I suppose you have a suggestion as to what I should be doing, now?"
"Well, you could make mad passionate love to your first officer." He grinned as she studied him. "Or we could just have dinner. Your choice."
"I believe, Commander --- it's a little early for dinner." She sat back behind the desk, her eyes locked with his.
"OK. Your quarters or mine?"
"Sickbay to Captain Janeway."
"Saved by the comm. AGAIN, Captain." Chakotay threw his hands in the air and she worked to control her laughter and answer the hail.
"Janeway here,what can I do for you Doctor?" She gave Chakotay a stern look to keep from laughing; it wasn't working.
"Captain, could you possibly stop by sickbay? I am very concerned about Mr. Tuvok and I believe we should discuss it as soon as possible."
"Is he ill, Doctor?" She was immediately concerned; the Doctor never discussed his patients, unless it was vital to the ships operations and extremely serious.
"Not exactly -- but-- well, I think we should discuss this in person."
"Understood Doctor. On my way, Janeway out." She looked at Chakotay, he showed concern as well. "I better find out what this is all about."
"Yeah, call me when you're finished with the Doctor." He followed her across the bridge and into the lift.
"Deck three."
The lift stopped at the senior crew quarters, Chakotay left and the Captain continued on to sickbay. When she arrived there were several people there, the Doctor motioned her into his office and there she waited for him to finish.
"Captain, sorry to keep you waiting." He entered and took a seat behind his desk.
"Doctor, what's this all about? What's wrong with Tuvok?"
"I’m not sure anything is really --- not yet anyway--just that-- well as you are aware Vulcans experience Pon Farr-- approximately every seven years. Their brains are thrown into a neurochemical imbalance and they are relentlessly driven to mate." He watched her nod. "Yes, well, although it is not quite seven years, Tuvok believes himself to be in the first stages of this."
"Something tells me there is more to it than that."
"Yes, well pon farr is quite serious to a man in Mr. Tuvok's situation, his mate being some fifty thousand light years away. He is however a strong and disciplined man and always believed he could handle this through meditation and well he may --- the fact that he even sought to consult me has me worried."
"Yes, Tuvok is a very private person, it is unusual for him to seek you out in this matter -- but, is that the only reason for your concern?"
"No. As you know, Tuvok left the bridge early this morning."
"Yes and I certainly understand his need to be relieved of duty just now."
"Well, he came to me just shortly before I called you. He is finding it quite difficult to meditate and was seeking certain medications which would help to focus his mind."
"Is there a problem with that?"
"No, the problem is that he doesn't feel he can control this on his own and is skeptical of the medication helping. Certainly, he --- and I will help all I can -- will do everything possible to control this, but he was visible shaken and very unsure of his ability to succeed this way."
"Options?"
"Outside of the obvious, and with T'Pel so far away, that is not possible. If the meditation fails, we could try certain holodeck simulations. Koon-ut-kal-if-fee, the fight to the death 'marriage challenge' that Vorik used.
"Correct me if I'm wrong doctor, but -- wouldn't we need to run very aggressive programs --with the safety protocols off -- to accomplish our objective?"
"Yes and I know you are going to say it is dangerous --- and I agree, but what choice do we have? If in the worse case - he cannot control this, we will lose him anyway."
"Do you really believe it will come to that?"
"According to Tuvok, he has never had symptoms so severe with so quick an onset as he experienced today. I believe it frightened him. When I saw him earlier his condition had greatly deteriorated. I believe we should consider those programs --now."
"I see, perhaps I should speak to him. I could.."
"NO! Captain, I'm sorry but in his present condition and it is getting worse as we speak. I don't believe you should be the one to speak to him." He studied her, hesitated, then continued. "Being a woman, I wouldn't advise you to see him now."
"Certainly Doctor, it can't be that bad. I have know Tuvok for over twenty years. He has experienced this before without major problems."
"Yes, Captain, but in the alpha quadrant -- with T'Pel near by -- and I dare say -- he was a younger - stronger man."
"Alright, I will have Commander Chakotay check on him. If we do this, when do you estimate we will need these programs?"
“The sooner the better."
"I hate to bring too many people into this knowing how private Tuvok is --- but we will need the best, I'll have Mr. Paris and Mr. Vorik adapt a program as soon as possible."
"I think that would be best, and have the Commander check on him in a few hours and contact me."
"Certainly, Doctor." She rose and started out the door -- she turned back. "Doctor in your opinion, could we lose him?"
"I'm afraid so, Captain -- unless we take some drastic action."
"Thank you, Doctor." She studied him for a moment, then left.
Kathryn took the lift to deck three, bypassed her own quarters and rang Chakotay's chime.
"Come in." He called from the other room.
"Chakotay?" She called out as she entered and took a seat on the couch.
"Right there." He yelled, only moments before emerging from the bedroom.
"Hi, that didn't take too long, is everything OK?"
"I'm afraid not. According to the doctor, Tuvok is experiencing Pon Farr and it seems to be a particularly difficult one."
"He spoke with the doctor about this?" He was as surprised as she had been.
"Yes and also expressed concern about being able to handle it. I'm not sure why this is different than the others -- other than T'Pel not being here, but for some reason they both believe this will be very hard to handle."
"Unlike Tuvok --- this must be serious. Have you seen him?"
"No, the doctor advised me not to -- being a woman, he suggests you check on Tuvok in a few hours and report back."
"This is very serious -- if they don't trust him to be with you."
"Not trust exactly -- if he -- even by accident-- , well you remember what happened with Vorik and B'Elanna."
"All too well." He didn't even want to think of that possibility. "Tuvok would never do anything to hurt you."
"Not intentionally -- remember, although he is fighting to maintain his control --he is not himself."
"So what options are we looking at?"
"Koon-ut-kal-if-fee. the holoprogram Vorik used. I need to get Paris and Vorik to get it running and adapted for Tuvok."
"Will it be enough?" He looked deep into her sad blue eyes; he hated to see the pain there.
"It has to be." She made an attempt to smile. "I better get them started."
"OK, will you come back for dinner?"
"As soon as they get started." She slapped her comm. badge. "Janeway to Paris and Vorik"
"Vorik, Captain."
"Paris here."
"Gentleman, please meet me on the holodeck, as soon as possible. It is quite important. Janeway out." She stood and smiled at him "You cooking?"
"Whatever makes the lady happy." He kissed her cheek. "See you soon."
"Shouldn't be more than half an hour." She smiled and left.
Paris and Vorik were not the likeliest of workmates. The incident with B'Elanna still hung between them, even though they both understood that no ones was at fault. They stood together, uncomfortably, on the holodeck when Janeway arrived. She quickly explained the circumstances and left them to resolve their differences. She wanted a full report in the morning on what course of action they planned and their estimated time of completion.
Kathryn stopped off at her own quarters to change into something more comfortable, before joining Chakotay for dinner. She changed into comfortable clothes and headed off barefoot to have dinner with her first officer. She didn't ring, just input her code in the door and entered to the smell of a wonderful meal and a view of XO sprawled on the couch, asleep.
"Chakotay." She knelt on the floor and whispered in his ear. "Chakotay." He stirred but didn't wake up. She began spreading light kisses across his face, brushing his lips, kissing each eyelid. He was awake -she knew but in no hurry to stop her. "Chakotay." She whispered as she nibbled on his ear. "If you burn my dinner --no conjugal visits." His eyes opened and he sat up so quickly she fell back landing with a thud on her butt.
"Kathryn." He was laughing so hard he could hardly talk. "Are you alright?"
"Very funny, Mister." She got back on her knees, rubbing her bottom.
"Here, let me help." He grabbed her and turned her over his knee, spreading kisses across her butt. "I'll kiss it and make it all better." He fought to hold her as she struggled against him laughing.
"Let me up." She fought but in this position there was little she could do. "I swear if you don't..."
"Now, now --be nice and I might let you up."
"Do I smell something burning?"
Chakotay abruptly stood up to check-- dumping her unceremoniously on the floor. Dinner was fine and he came back to offer her a hand up.
"I'm not sure I should trust you." She took the hand anyway and he hoisted her to her feet, and wrapped his arms around her.
"Now, what was that about conjugal visits?"
"You have to be in the brig first."
"OK, lock me up."
"You better eat first--bread and water is not very filling."
"Food is not what I'm hungry for." He bent and kissed her, pulling her body tight to his.
"Paris to Janeway." The comm. sounded and he groaned.
“Is that thing set to go off if I even think about touching you?" He loosened his grip but didn't move away, instead he tapped her badge.
"Janeway here, what is it Tom?" She struggled a little as Chakotay nibbled her neck.
"Captain, I'm having a problem with the holodeck reactors in holosuite two--- I --I would call B'Elanna but, well I didn't think you wanted me to discuss this with anyone."
"OK, Tom--I'll." She leaned back and gave Chakotay the death glare. "I'll be right there. Janeway out. Keep dinner hot; I'll be back."
"I'll go with you."
"For what?--no offense but you are more engineeringly challenged than Tom." She brushed her lips across his in a quick kiss. "Besides I wouldn't get any work done. Now, let go and I'll be back as fast as I can."
"Work quickly." He laughed as he released her and she headed to
her quarters for a pair of shoes before going to the holodeck.
It took the Captain twenty minutes to diagnose the problem and another hour to fix it. She then spent and another thirty or forty minutes testing to make sure they would hold.
"OK, Gentlemen. I think that's it. It's getting late maybe you should work on this in the morning."
"Captain, we talked about this and if it's OK with you, we would like to work through the night. That way I think it will be ready first thing in the morning."
"Alright with you Ensign Vorik?" She looked from one to the other, they understood the importance of this and she appreciated that.
"Yes, Captain. Mr. Paris is correct the sooner this is ready the better."
"OK, than I'll see you are replaced for your shifts tomorrow and good luck. Tom report to my quarters at 0800 to fill me in--better if we don't do this on the bridge."
"Yes Ma'am.--0800"
"OK, get to work and Tom..."
"Yes, Captain?"
"I'm going to eat my very burnt dinner now, don't break anything. OK?"
"Sure, Captain." He grinned. "Enjoy your date."
"Dinner, Mr. Paris. Just dinner."
"Yes, Ma'am." He smirked at her and she couldn't help smiling.
Kathryn went back to Chakotay's quarters and let herself in. It was dark inside and the smell of food was gone. She checked the time, a little while had been over three hours, she looked for him but he wasn't there. She found a pad on the table addressed to her.
"Go home Kathryn: dinner is long past burnt!" Was all it said.
She held it and looked around again, then she laughed and went home. She opened the door to candle light and soft music.
"Well nice of you to come home. I was beginning to wonder if you were ‘sampling’ Tom."
"Oh definitely and Ensign Vorik too!" She stood up as tall a possible and very close to him.
"At the same time? He raised both eyebrows and stared down at her.
"Certainly!" She put her arms around his waist and rested her head on his chest. "Sorry about dinner."
"I know, a Captain's job is never done. Hungry?"
"Not for dinner."
"Kathryn!" He held her out at arms length. "Two of them and it's still not enough, gods woman what am I gonna do with you?"
"Want some suggestions?"
"No—shhh." He covered her comm. badge. "Don't let it know; it will start talking again."
"You are crazy!"
"Yes, but you love me anyway."
"Yes and I would love a glass of that wine, if you left me any." She motioned to the bottle on the table.
"OK. Did you get the holosuite running OK?" He poured them each a wine and sat with her on the couch.
"Yes, they are gonna work all night; remind me we need to replace them tomorrow." She kicked off her shoes and put her feet up on the table.
"Guess it's best, the sooner the better. I checked on Tuvok while you were gone; he really is in bad shape."
"Still can't meditate?"
"Not having much success. The Doctor came up and gave him more drugs." He shrugged. " I guess we'll see what it's like by morning."
"I hope this works." She leaned into him and he put his arm around her.
"Me too."
They drank their wine quietly, each thinking their own thoughts. She was very worried about Tuvok, next to Chakotay he was her best friend. Kathryn was lost in her own world, when the sound of soft snoring cut through the fog. She turned to see, his head was back his mouth open, but he still held the wine glass without spilling it. She laughed softly and took it from his hand. He stirred when she moved off the couch.
"Kat?" His eyes fluttered open. "Sorry, guess I'm a little tired."
"It's OK; I'm tired too. Come to bed." She held out her hand and he took it, following her into the bedroom.
"Good thing you had Vorik and Paris cause I can't seem to keep my eyes open." He stripped down to his boxers and dropped on the bed.
"Yes, there are some advantages to youth." She laughed as she slipped into the bed next to him.
"Hummm, remind me to thank them." He rolled over and took her in his arms. "Just before I kill them."
She laughed as she snuggled into his chest and before she could answer he was asleep. She lay awake for a long while pondering the situation--hoping-maybe even praying for Tuvok's recovery. Finally she drifted off.
Kathryn woke in a kind of haze. Her body was warm and tingly, the sensations swept over her as she woke. Chakotay was watching her-fighting the sleep as his hands woke every nerve in her body. Her mind wasn't yet awake, but the rest of her was. His hand slid up her thighs, which parted instinctively, he watched her. He bent his head and captured her nipple through the soft material of her gown, she moaned. Her eyes fluttered and he pressed his lips to hers, while his hands pulled the nightgown up to her neck. She reached her arms around his neck, returning the kiss and arching as his fingers tested the warm moisture between her legs. He released her mouth and returned to the now exposed breast, she pushed into his mouth. Her hands ran down his back and under the elastic of his boxers, grabbing the cheeks of his ass--he groaned.
Chakotay took the dark pebbled surface between his teeth, biting gently, flicking with his tongue. Her fingers entwined in his hair, she arched her back, moaning softly. He licked the valley between her breasts trailing a line of moist open kisses down across her stomach, feeling the muscles ripple under his mouth. His hands pressed open her thighs and she sucked in a sharp breath as he crossed her hot center with warm air. He drew his tongue along her thigh, nipping and sucking as he positioned himself between her legs. He watched her, eyes closed head tossed, as he spread his hand across her stomach to still her, she bucked her hips and he blew hot breath across her. He dipped his tongue into her wet folds, tasting, teasing. She arched, spreading her legs wider, seeking deeper contact. His fingers spread her lips and his mouth gently closed around her swollen bud, causing her to gasp and push against him.
"Godd--Cha ko tay." She writhed beneath the sudden pressure of his tongue.
He drew back his head, replacing his tongue with his fingers, which he worked along her engorged lips with the lightest of touches. He entered her with two fingers, keeping his thumb in motion over her most sensitive nerves. He watched as she writhed and bucked, pushing toward his hand.
"Please--go d d Pl eeasee." She gasped as she clutched the sheets
and he continued to manipulate her. He bent to her again, running
this tongue along her lips, fingers still thrusting and swirling.
He nipped gently and sucked on each soft lip. She arched frantic
to increase the contact, begging for completion.
"AHHH—Pleeeesse." She sucked in her breath and thrust her hips, violently.
"Godd,Yessss." She clutched at him, but could only grab the sheet
in a frenzy, thrusting against his quickened fingers.
He pulled up once more to see her and she groaned in frustration. He smiled at damp curls around her flushed face, beads of sweat between ivory mounds, the taunt nipples and glistening nether lips. Her eyes opened, pleading. He moved up and seized her mouth, his fingers rolling, then squeezing her nipple, his body covering hers, which couldn't still. She ran her hand over him, digging her nails into his back as she thrust her hips up desperately. He rolled them, positioning her above him, hold her up by her hips--not allowing her contact. He locked his eyes with hers as he slowly lowered her onto his throbbing member. She pushed against his restraint and gasped as he released her allowing her own weight to impale her. He steadied her with one hand on her hip as they thrust against each other and slipped the fingers of the other between then to stroke her smoldering bundle of nerves.
"Ohhh yessss—god." She arched throwing her head back screaming. "Cha koo taay." Her body convulsing around him.
"Kaaath." He grabbed both hips and trust deeply as her clenching muscles pushed him over with her and their names combined in deep guttural cries.
She collapsed on him, chests heaving, hearts pounding together.
“CAPTAIN THE TIME IS 0500 HOURS, CAPTAIN THE TIME IS 0500 HOURS."
"Computer, reset twenty four hours." She grunted unable to raise herself up. "God"
"As good as Paris." He chuckled into her hair.
"Funny--whew, what a way to wake up."
"Complaining?"
"God NO!" She laughed, sitting up. "Speaking of Paris, he is due her at 0800. This would not be a good way to greet him." She put her head back down. "Can't"
"You better. Think of what Paris could say about this." He ran his hands down her back and she snuggled to him. "Kathryn?"
"Humm?"
"Gotta get up; don't go to sleep."
"Ughh." She rolled off the bed. "Coffee"
Kathryn went to get coffee and Chakotay jumped into the shower. By the time she had her first cup and replicated her second and his tea, he was out. He pulled on his pants and sat with her for one cup.
“You check on Tuvok, than take the bridge. I'll meet with Paris and see you in the ready room by 0900. We can assess the situation then. OK?" He nodded and smiled at her. "What?"
"Nothing, just amazed how fast you regain your composure."
"Coffee." She laughed. "It cures everything."
"I'm sure. I better get dressed and you better shower. I think you should be dressed when Paris gets here."
"Worried?"
"Not yet. Should I?" He stood over her and she got up to meet him.
"Yeah, sure Tom, god that's almost as bad as Harry." She laughed. "I feel like their mother."
"Harry --maybe he feels that way--but Paris, well." He kissed her lightly. "Just humor me and get dressed."
"Chakotay." She shook her head. "OK, go let me get dressed; see you on the bridge."
"Yes, Ma'am." He squeezed her and left.
She was dressed and ready when the door chimed. She called for it to open from the bedroom.
"Captain?" Paris called.
"Tom, in here, come on in."
"Captain?" He sounded very unsure and she laughed.
"Tom, I won't bite. Come in."
Tom shrugged to himself and headed to the Captain's bedroom. He chuckled as he thought how that would sound later in the day.
"Something funny, Mr. Paris?" As she spoke, she was bent over fixing the blankets on the other side of the bed.
"Just a little strange. What are you doing?" He smiled at her and she straightened up to look at him.
"Making the bed; is there something odd about that?"
"Well, I just never ---didn't realize --ya know--you do that yourself."
"How did you think my bed got made?" She shook her head. "The bed fairy doesn't come in just because I'm the Captain." He laughed with her and she motioned him to help. "Grab that side and straighten the blanket will you?"
"Sure." He bent to the bed to smooth a lump in the blanket. Reaching under to fix it, he pulled out black silk boxer shorts. "Uhh Captain?" He held them up.
"What?" She raised her head. "Oh." The color was rising in her cheeks.
"A little big for you aren't they?" He held them out and measured them.
"Yes, well --I like them that way." She bent to the bed to avoid looking at him.
"I bet you do!" He laughed as her head snapped up and their eyes met.
"Coffee, Mr. Paris?" She stomped across the room and snatched the boxers.
"Yea, sure." He followed her into the other room.
She carefully kept her back to him as she fixed the coffee and regained her composure. As she turned he was watching her and she willed the color not to rise--without success. She carried the coffee to the couch and motioned him to join her.
"How did you make out?" She asked innocently, but realized her mistake when she saw the smirk.
"Mr. Paris, the program?"
"Yea, the program. Vorik and I think it's good, The best we can do, anyway. Hope it works."
"Me too." Kathryn sighed. "So, It's all ready to go?"
"Yes. How's Tuvok?"
"I haven't seen him. Chakotay is checking this morning, I'll be meeting with him right after this." She shifted and sipped her coffee, mindful of his scrutiny. "He wasn't doing well at last report."
"If there is anything else.. You know --what ever our problems--I kinna like the guy."
"I know, Tom and thank you." She knew he was sincere--he had changed quite alot in the last years.
"Well, you better get some sleep and I better get to the bridge." She cleared away the cups and reached for her jacket on the chair. Tom stood and waited for her to be ready, they exited together. "Well, good night Tom get some sleep." She said as they entered the corridor, and came face to face with Harry, her cheeks turned pink again.
"Morning, Captain---Paris?" Harry stopped at the sight of them leaving her quarters.
"Morning, Ensign"
"Harry, my man how ya doing this morning?"
"OK Tom--you?"
"Just great." He shot a sideways look at the Captain. "Never been better--well have fun at work you two-I'm off to catch up on some sleep."
He winked at Harry and nodded at the Captain--he went off whistling. Both sets of eyes followed Tom down the hall and then glanced at each other and quickly looked away. They turned and entered the lift, together.
"Bridge." The Captain ordered. Harry stood silently at her side, she glanced at his expression and started to laugh. "Harry, you look confused."
"No ma'am--er- Captain." He looked up at her and flushed. "Well yes--maybe."
"Harry, Paris did some work on the holodeck for me last night and came up to report on it this morning----that's all."
"Yes, Captain."
She looked at him; he blushed red. She wanted to say more, but it would only make it worse. Thankfully, the door opened to the bridge. They took their places, each receiving a strange look from the Commander.
"Mr. Kim, you have the bridge. Commander I'll see you in my ready room."
She turned and laughed as she caught the startled expression in Harry's eyes. "At ease Ensign..." She smiled at him and left the bridge.
She went straight to the replicator, ordering her coffee and his tea, before she turned back to face him. He stood by the couch with that grin on his face.
"What?" She blushed again under his gaze.
"That's what I want to know. What? What did you do to poor Harry?" He took his tea and sat next to her. "I didn't think anyone could be so red."
"Poor Harry." She laughed. "Poor me! What a morning."
"Don't change the subject. Harry?"
"Nothing. He was in the corridor when Paris and I left my quarters--and you know Paris."
"Yea, I do. So what did he say?"
"Something about needing sleep and being a great day and whistled away." She shook her head. "I tried to explain--made it worse."
"Poor Harry--well, Tom will be in his glory for a while."
"That's not all."
"There's more? Do I really want to know?" He was holding his head and grinning at her.
"NO. , I don't think you do."
"But..."
"I was making the bed when Tom got there. Something he found funny to begin with, guess he thought I had a maid service or something. Anyway, I asked him to straighten the blanket and ..." She was laughing. "And ---and he reached under and pulled out --black silk boxers."
"OHMYGOD---so that’s where they went." He laughed with her. "What did you do?"
"Made it worse of course. He held them up and commented about the size --how they were big to be mine--and I said I like them that way.----big mistake!"
"I can imagine."
"So my morning has been a disaster since you left, how's yours?" She didn't want to face this she wished she could just enjoy this light mood. She knew better and the look on his face changed so drastically it scared her.
"Wish I could say it was good. Tuvok isn't making any progress. I assume the program is ready?" She nodded. "Than I think the sooner the better and so does the Doctor."
"OK, let's alert the Doctor and get Tuvok to the holodeck." She held his gaze for a minute; he was as frightened as she was.
"OK." He got up and headed for the door. "I'll work it out with the Doctor first."
"Yes, keep me informed." She wasn't looking at him, now--just staring into space.
"Kathryn?"
"Yes?" She turned worried eyes to him.
"Try not to hurt Harry." Chakotay smiled and she returned it; he left.
The day was long and hard; nothing happening on the bridge and nothing to dwell on but Tuvok. Tom wasn't even around to provide a diversion and that remained the case for the next four days. The Doctor spent all his time with Tuvok, carefully monitoring his condition and updating the command team and Tom covered sickbay. Unfortunately, the Doctor had nothing encouraging to say.
Chakotay, was meeting with the Doctor, who was still on the holodeck with Tuvok, so Kathryn waited in her quarters for his report. She replicated dinner and sat on the couch until the door chimed.
"Come."
"Hi." He came and sat beside her, he looked into her eyes and saw sadness and pain.
"Well?" She watched him and knew It wasn't good.
"Kathryn---it's not good. He's losing and I think ..." He reached out and pulled her close when she turned away from his words. "Kath.."
“I feel so helpless; I wish we could help."
"I know." He took a deep breath. "Kathryn, there is something...."
"What?" She pulled back and looked at him. "What can we do to help?"
"Not 'We', Kathryn." He studied her face. "I can't help-but--you can."
"What can I..." He saw the reality of his words register on her face. Her eyes grew large and the pain deepened on her face as she looked at him.
"I--I couldn't.." She shook her head and buried her face in his chest. Neither said anything for a long time.
"Kath..." She made a protesting noise. "Please just listen for a minute. I've thought this out--thought about little else--believe me, I don't like this either-but.."
"OK, but..."
"Shhhh. If myself, Tuvok or any member of this crew were in enemy hands, if their lives were at risk in any way---would you go after them?"
"Of course--but.."
"Wait--so you would risk the ship--the crew --to save them?" She nodded. "And if there was no way but to go down and fight them hand to hand---would you do it?"
"Yes."
"So you would risk the ship, the crew and with out any hesitation --you would put your life on the line to save him---right?"
"Yes." It was just a whisper, she understood what he was saying.
"Kathryn, his life is in jeopardy now. You would lay your life down, with out a second thought --but --not your body?"
"It's just.." Her eyes were pleading with him for another way.
"It's what--awkward--embarrassing, difficult--does any of that really matter?" He pulled her close. "I love you, Kathryn--but we're gonna lose him and I don't see any other way." He held her silently --he knew she was fighting this out in her mind. "Kathryn, you're the only person he might accept this from." She still said nothing just clung to him.
"Then --how do we deal with this?" She didn't lift her head and her voice was muffled--he thought she was crying.
"I don't know, but we will. It's not going to change us--we will be the same and we will have save a friend." He knew this was hard for her, but it was also the hardest thing he ever remembered doing himself. He tried to take the clinical view the doctor held--and it had merit--but this was way too personal and it was killing him to do it.
"Have you discussed this with the Doctor?"
"Yes, at great length." He felt her cringe. "He feels this is our last hope."
"And Tuvok--how does he feel about this?"
"He is resistant--I image he feels pretty much the way you do."
"This isn't something I do easily.." She lifted her head and looked at him, tears glistened in her eyes.
"I know that, Kathryn." He gave her a little smile, placing his
hand on her cheek. "This is me--the one who waited five years for
you--if anyone knows--it's me. This is different, Tuvok has been
your friend for over twenty years--you can't let him die over pride or--
modesty- --or what ever the hell you want to call it."
"I know...." She stared at him.
"Doctor to Commander Chakotay." They locked eyes at the sound of the Doctor's voice.
"Chakotay here."
"Commander, have you attended to that matter yet? I hate to rush you, but it is critical."
"I'm with the Captain right now, Doctor." He searched her face for an answer.
"OH, well-- let me know the out come."
"I will...."
"Yes." She whispered, then took a breath and cleared her throat. "Doctor, you are sure this is the only course left to us?"
"Yes, Captain---if it weren't I would never ask..."
"Yes, Doctor --understood." She took Chakotay's hands in hers and looked deep into his eyes. "Doctor, return Tuvok to his quarters---I will be there shortly.---Janeway out."
She dropped his hands and walked into the bedroom. She changed out of her uniform, into a loose dress--she wore nothing under it--this was going to be difficult enough without fumbling with her clothes. She knew this had gone on too long, there would be not gentle love making--just a desperate, savage, urge to satisfy. She turned around to find him watching. She walked toward him and he wrapped his arms around her.
"Want me to walk with you?"
"No." She stepped back out of his arms and left him standing in her bedroom. He heard the door swish close.
Reaching Tuvok's quarters she keyed in her override and entered. The doctor stood in the living area and came to greet her.
"Captain."
"Doctor--how is he?"
"Not good and---reluctant --I'm afraid."
"I understand--I'll handle that-- any thing I should know?"
"I think you understand the situation--any questions?"
"No."
"I'll go than."
"Yes."
The door swished closed behind him, and she stood still composing herself. Tuvok came into the room, glance at her then turned away.
"Captain, please leave." He stood away from her, his hands clenched tightly at his side.
"No." She crossed the room to where he stood and he stiffened and moved away.
"You should not be here. I am not in control." He ran his fingers through his hair and she thought how uncharacteristic that was.
"I understand that, Tuvok and I'm not leaving."
"You must--this is not right--you are my Captain and my friend---please." He turned and looked at her briefly and she was shocked at how worn and tired--frail he seemed.
"That is exactly why I'm not leaving. I want to help you, Tuvok."
"I appreciate the gesture, Captain--however, I already have a mate."
"Yes and she is fifty thousand light years away. T'Pel is also my friend and I believe she would understand."
"T'Pel is Vulcan--she will understand---what of the Commander?" He had never spoken of their relationship before and it took her back for a moment.
"He asked me to come here." She watched him, he looked back at her surprised. "You are a valued member of this crew and my dear friend. I won't lose you. Chakotay feels the same way."
"I don't understand."
"Actually--he presented a logical argument--you would approve."
She reached out to touch him and he jumped. "In any other situation,
I wouldn't hesitate to put my life on the line for you. Why should
this be different?"
He stood with his back to her and she knew he was fighting all the same demons she had. She waited in silence, just an arm’s length away.
"Tuvok." She reached out to him--he flinched but didn't move away.
"Let me help you."
"Kathryn." He turned to her lightly touching her cheek. "I can't control this any longer; I'm afraid I will hurt you."
"I'm tougher than I look." She smiled up at him and took his hand leading him to his bedroom. She stopped when she reached the bed, turning to him, watching him as she opened the fasteners on her dress. "I won't break." She looked into smoldering eyes as her dress slipped to the floor.
At first it had been urgent, desperate, even violent. She knew he tried to restrain himself, keep from hurting her, he wasn't always successful. They spent a long night, each time it became more gentle--more like making love and less like desperate mindless fucking.
She woke up in his arms, she studied his sleeping face; already he looked much better. His eyes fluttered open and they looked at one another, wordlessly.
"How are you?" She studied him.
"I am well." He reached his hand to her face. "Thank you, Kathryn." They watched each other silently for a few minutes. "Are you allright---did I hurt you?"
"I'm OK." Kathryn smiled. She didn't feel very OK, she hurt everywhere. "I told you I wouldn't break. Will you be alright now?"
"Yes, I need to meditate for a while--but I will recover."
"Good." She sat up clutching the sheet and reaching for her dress.** strange time to get modest** she thought.
As she searched, he pulled on his pants and walked to the door, trying to give her some privacy.
"I'll get you some coffee." He said without turning.
"Thank you." She watched him go then found her dress and put it on.
They shared the coffee in an awkward silence, then Kathryn left him to his meditation. She went directly to her quarters and thankfully--alpha shift had already started so she met no one in the halls.
Once inside her quarters, she contacted the doctor and reported on Tuvok's condition. She tossed the dress in the refresher and spent a long time standing under a steaming hot shower. Wrapping herself in a thick towel, she replicated another coffee and went in to dry her hair. In the mirror she noticed a bruise on her shoulder, removing the towel she inspected the other marks she found. No wonder she hurt, she was bruised and scratched everywhere--some light, some a deep angry purple. She rewrapped the towel and finished her hair. She sighed deeply, trying to force herself to dress, without success. She lay on the bed and drifted off to sleep.
Chakotay had been on the bridge, when the Doctor contacted him. He handed the bridge over to Tom and spoke to the Doctor from the ready room. Assured of Tuvok's improvement, he went to find out for himself how Kathryn was.
He entered her quarters, they were dark and quiet. Chakotay found her rolled up on her bed, sleeping. There was a bruise, on her shoulder, he touched it lightly. She stirred under his touch, rolling over to face him, she opened her eyes.
"Hi." He smiled at her. "How you doing?"
"OK." She sat up, watching him as he touched the bruise on her shoulder.
"Spoke with the Doctor--Tuvok will be OK." He saw her tremble and looked over to see tears forming in her eyes. He drew her close, and held her.
"I love you." He held her as she shook with emotion, until she had no more tears to cry. Finally she pulled back, wiping her face. "Better."
"Yes." She struggled to smile. "Thank you." She sat up and he handed her a robe.
"Want some coffee?"
"Always." She gave a little laugh, as she got up and followed him into the other room. They sat on the couch together. "Hey--- Tuvok is meditating --- I'm crying and you are babysitting me. Who is running my ship?".
"Paris?" He made a face and she laughed--thank god.
"Wonderful---Paris." She laughed again then her expression changed.
"Thank you, I know this wasn't easy for you either."
"No --but together -we can do anything--remember?" He touched her cheek.
"Yes, I remember. I love you." She softly caressed his mouth with hers, then lay her head on his shoulder.
"Are you OK--I mean the bruise---should you see the Doctor? Are you hurt?"
"I've been better--but I'm OK and there are more--plenty more---I don't want to see the Doctor now----OK?".
"I could get a regenerator."
"Later--OK?" She snuggled into his arms.
"OK."
They stayed there along while and then she sent him off to check on Paris. He promised to be back for dinner and she promised not to cook. The doctor paged and he wanted to see her, but she put him off and spent the afternoon alone in her quarters. After a while she dressed, noting no visible marks once she put her clothes on. She applied light make up, requested music and a bottle of wine and sat under the view port waiting for Chakotay to return. She had plenty of time to think and to her surprise the more she did the better she felt. It was the right thing to do--and for once all three top officers agreed --that in it's self was cause for celebration. Yes, she felt good about this---well at least better.
Chakotay finished out the shift, checked on Tuvok and met with the Doctor, where he picked up a regenerator. He entered his override, not knowing if she were awake, and entered. She was sitting with her back to him and didn't turn around when he came in, he saw the wine, it made him wonder. He quietly walked over to her.
"Kathryn?" He said softly, not knowing what to expect. She turned to him and smiled--it reached her eyes and he let out a sigh. "You look good--how are you?"
"I am good. I think I might even be very good." She patted the pillow next to her. "Come sit, share a wine with me." He sat with a thump and she laughed, leaning against him. "So has Paris asked about the boxers yet?"
"God I had forgotten---no ---probably waiting for you."
"Humm---do they know?"
"No. Just you, me the Doctor and Tuvok---no one else." She nodded her head. " I saw Tuvok. He said he wants to return to duty tomorrow."
"Sounds good--what did the doctor say?"
"About Tuvok--everything is fine--he can return to duty whenever he's ready." He gave her a squeeze. "About you--stubborn, won't talk to me, want to see her...blah--blah--blah."
"Life seems almost normal." She laughed.
"I brought you a regenerator. He didn't like it, but he knows when he's beaten."
"And you, how are you?"
“I'm OK." He saw the question in her expression. "Really, I'm surprised at myself, but I'm almost buying the Doctor's clinical view point.-- Almost."
"Humm--me too--almost."
They enjoyed a quiet dinner (replicated) and a few more glasses of wine, before spending the night snuggled together in her bed. Her wake up heralded the start of another day and reluctantly the disentangled themselves. Over breakfast they watched each other.
"Nervous?" He eyed her as she fussed with her food.
"Yes--guess so." She looked up and smiled. "Kinda, silly I guess, but I'm not sure how I'll react when I see him."
"Like you always do. Like the Captain and his friend." He smiled "I wasn't sure either, but when I saw him it was OK."
"How was he? Was he normal?"
"Just as calm and logical as ever."
"Yes." Kathryn looked away. She remembered him not so logical and certainly not calm.
"It's OK." He reached across the table and turned her face back to him. "He is himself again."
"I know, but that was him too---a part of him he never lets anyone see."
"Than feel privileged that you got a glimpse of that part and accept it and move on. This will only make your relationship stronger."
"You're right. We survived a mind meld, this should be easy." She laughed and began to clear the dishes.
He helped her clear and recycle the dishes, watched her put on her jacket, fix her hair, tug her uniform and stalled in a hundred small ways. Finally she went out the door, and he followed her into the lift coming up behind her and put his arms around her kissing her hair.
"Ready?"
"Yes."
"Bridge." He kissed her head and squeezed her, releasing her just before the doors opened on the bridge.
They stepped out together crossing as usual to their command chairs. She stopped behind Tuvok's station, Chakotay took his seat. The whole bridge crew watched, although they didn't know why.
"Good morning, Mr. Tuvok. I trust you are well." She smiled at him, Tuvok looked as he always did.
"Good morning, Captain. Yes, I am quite well, thank you. And how are you this morning?" He almost smiled at her.
"I think I'm Fine--yes, Tuvok." She touched his arm. "I'm just fine." She walked to her seat and finished greeting the rest of the crew.
Their eyes met and she smile and then for one moment she placed her hand over his--- right there, in the middle of the bridge. Tom smirked, Harry just stared, Tuvok nodded and the Commander lit up like a super nova. It was only a moment and then it was done--but everyone on the bridge had a very good day.
The End