RATED NC 17
The Captain went straight to her quarters, nodding curtly to crewmembers she passed along the way; she spoke to no one. Keying in her code, she entered the darkened rooms and crossed to the viewport without asking for lights. She stared out as the passing stars warped past. She silently cursed the circumstances that brought her here--not just the caretaker--not just the delta quadrant--she cursed everything--her life and all the decisions that culminated in 'Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation Starship Voyager'. All the things she worked so hard to achieve-all the things that were so important--everything she had accomplished in her life---everything --all of it meant nothing--suddenly it was unsatisfying - unimportant - unfulfilling---worthless. That pretty much summed up how she felt---.
"Bridge to Captain Janeway"
"Janeway here" *Leave me alone!*
"Captain, long range sensors are picking up a binary system--I'm changing course for a closer look."
"Very well Commander---keep me informed." *But not every god damned second.* She crossed to the replicator "Coffee black---belay that--white wine-one glass." *Now you're drinking in the middle of the afternoon--nice Kathryn* She took her wine back to the view port and sat on the floor. She turned so her back was against the bulkhead and put her head back. She couldn't spend the rest of her life feeling sorry for herself-hiding in the dark-drinking wine. *Why not--I'm the Captain--I can do whatever I want--no you can't--remember the void--can't do that again. OK--get up 'Captain' and act like one-get on with it.*
She dragged herself up off the floor and into the bathroom. Looking in the mirror, she splashed water on her face and retouched her makeup, brushed her hair and took a deep breath and headed for the door. The lift doors opened on deck one and the Captain entered the bridge.
"Report." She barked as she took her seat back from the Commander.
"The binary system has several planets--looks like one M Class --we changed course and should reach the system in just under twenty seven hours." Commander Chakotay wondered what was wrong, she didn't look well.
"Are we picking up any life forms?" She tried to sound interested, but she just couldn't.
"Nothing yet, Captain." Chakotay leaned closer to her and whispered. "Are you feeling OK?"
She looked at him blankly and then nodded. "I'll be in my ready room---you have the bridge, Commander." She was gone before he could even answer.
Safely inside her ready room, she tried to refocus her thoughts. Chakotay had noticed something wrong in a few seconds--he knew her well, better than any one else on the ship, but it wouldn't take the others long to see the change---she had to get over this---shake it off and move on. It wasn't as if she were dying or anything---everything was the same as before, her life would go on just as it had been--no one would even know the difference----only her. Her door chime sounded.
"Come in --Commander."
"Am I that predictable?" He smiled giving her a flash of his irresistible dimples.
"Yes, Chakotay you are." She couldn't help smiling at him. "What can I do for you?"
"Tell me what's wrong."
"Nothing--Why do you ask?" She knew as soon as she said it that she shouldn't have left him an opening.
"I ask because you are not yourself--you disappeared all morning--you obviously have no interest in where we're going--and please forgive me, but you look like hell."
"Well thank you--I guess I asked for that." She shook her head and tried to cover with a smile--it never reached her eyes. "I am fine---really--maybe a little tired--that's all. Sorry to disappoint you and your mother hen instincts."
"OK, if you say so---Have dinner with me?"
"I really need to do..." He was grinning at her again--damn. "OK--but an early night OK?---I really am tired." She didn't think sleep was a possibility, but fooling Chakotay was hard work and she couldn't do it for long.
"Deal, 1800 hours, your quarters, I'll bring dinner--dress comfortably." He spun around and left the room before she could answer one way or the other.
Kathryn spent the rest of the shift in her ready room. Chakotay stopped in before leaving, reminding her about dinner. She wasn't doing anything anyway; she gave up and went to her quarters. She changed into sweat pants and a tee shirt and was sitting barefoot--in the dark when Chakotay arrived.
He rang the chime three times; when she didn't answer he put in his override and entered. The room was dark and it took a minute for his eyes to focus. When they did, he looked around for Kathryn, and finally spotted her sitting on the floor under the view port, knees drawn up to her chest, head down. He wondered if she were sleeping. He walked across the room quietly so as not to frighten her and knelt down next to her.
"Kathryn?" He reached out to touch her as he spoke her name softly. "Kathryn, are you sleeping?"
"Chakotay." She jumped.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." He sat next to her.
"It's OK---I was just thinking--nothing special." She smiled, but he thought he saw tears in her eyes. "I didn't hear the chime."
"I noticed---so I let myself in--hope you don't mind." He leaned in to get a closer look.
"You know I don't--if my best friend can't break in---well who can?" She laughed--it was shallow. "Bring dinner?"
"I said I would--Don't tell me you are actually hungry?!" He looked around. "Could we have a little light?"
"Yea, sure." She got up and headed toward the bathroom. "Computer lights 1/2 illumination---that OK?" She called over her shoulder as the door closed between them. She washed her face and applied fresh make up before coming back to join him.
He had dinner set out on the table, he lit the candles and there was music. He handed her a glass of wine and escorted her to her seat. He tried several different conversational tactics over dinner--ships business-possible restocking on the M Class --even some of the best gossip he knew and although she responded and tried to sound interested, he knew her mind was elsewhere. She ate little; there was no sparkle in her eyes and her smile never once reached her eyes. He cleared away the dishes, she wandered back to the view port again staring at the vastness of space.
He hated to see her like this--so--empty-yes-empty was the only word that came to mind--the only way to describe what he saw. He came up behind her and put his arms around her--she leaned back into him. They stood not talking for a long time, before he had the courage to break the silence.
"Kathryn---what is it-you can tell me." He felt her ragged intake of breath; he held her a little tighter and waited.
"I saw the doctor this morning." She drew a deep ragged breath. "I haven't been quite right lately and--well- I thought I should have him check it out."
"And?" He tried not to let the panic into his voice-she heard it anyway.
"I'm OK---I'm not dying or anything." She rushed the words to quell his fears. "It's just..." She drew another calming breath. "This is silly really---I shouldn't be reacting like this..."
"Kathryn, what did he say?" He prodded her gently.
"He said I'm experiencing the on set of premature menopause." She held her breath but couldn't stop the tears that rolled down her cheeks.
"He can treat that--prevent it--can't he?" He felt her nod her head in answer. "OK, so he treats you and you're OK---- Kathryn, what am I missing here? He knew there was more---she wouldn't be this upset if the doctor could fix it. She was breathing deeply again, trying to regain control.
"I'm too young for this --he can only hold it off for five maybe six years." She turned to face him and he could see a desperate sadness in her eyes. "It's not long enough." She broke down now sobbing against his chest.
"It's OK--let it out." He stood holding her, looking over her head at the stars he tried desperately to understand..
He never knew anyone could cry so hard for so long--he had never known Kathryn to sob--an occasional escaped tear over a crewmen's death or other serious tragedy--but never open body wrenching sobs. It tore at his heart to see her like this--yet he couldn't fully understand--and that tore even deeper. Finally, her sobs stopped and eventually she raised her head and half smiled at him.
"Thank you." She put her head back on his chest. "I know you don't get it, but.." She raised her head, stepped back and took his hand. "Let's have some tea."
She led him to the couch and went on to replicate them some tea. She returned and sat beside him, feet drawn up next to her-she leaned into him a little; he put an arm around her.
"Chakotay, I want to have a baby." She didn't say anything more-just waited for his reaction. When he said nothing she continued. "I know it's crazy---it's just how I feel--I can't -not here-not now--I'm the Captain---I just can't help how I feel."
"Kathryn, let's try to take this one step at a time. This obviously has knocked you for a loop---as they say. The first thing is to try to be calm---whether you make a decision today or tomorrow makes little difference. You have some time here."
"I know--but not enough time. I always thought I had time--women today have babies into their sixties---gods-I'm forty three." She sat up and sipped her tea. "Five years we've been trying to get home---we haven't done it yet and maybe we won't in the next five. I always thought we would get home---there would be time--but."
"Maybe we will--maybe tomorrow a worm hole presents it's self and maybe we never find one." He took both her shoulders in his hands and turned her to face him. "Kathryn, maybe it's time to live your life and if we find a way home -great--if not -well you can't let life pass you by. You have given yourself twenty four seven to this crew and to this ship for five years---maybe it's time to go on with your life."
"Chakotay---I'm the Captain."
"Yes---You are the Captain--but you are also human--you are also a woman who deserves to have a life of her own--not just to live only for her crew--none of us expects you to sacrifice yourself--your happiness--just because you're the Captain.
"If I do that--I would be telling them I've given up--- I can't give up."
"I think you might be telling them just the opposite--telling them it's OK to live today while we work hard to have what we want--a way home--for tomorrow. You're a great Captain, Kathryn--you can do both.
"Maybe---I'm confused right now---not to mention shot full of hormones." She laughed.
"Kathryn you don't have to decide this minute---think about it. If you really want a baby--now-I mean--I'm here to help you."
"Really?!" She arched an eyebrow and he blushed.
"I didn't mean that! I meant I can help run the ship---You don't need to worry it -at times-you might not be physically able---you know what I mean."
"I see---is that all you mean?"
"Well ----if you'd like--I can be of further assistance."
"We can discuss THAT another time. Right now I have a terrible headache." She rubbed her neck and stretched.
"Come here, turn around and let me help with that." She turned her back to him as he messaged her neck and shoulders to relieve some of the stress. "Feel better?"
"Feels wonderful--you're too good to me Chakotay." She patted his hand careful not to interfere with his work.
"I promised I would always be here to help and I will---you are not alone, Kathryn."
He continued to rub her shoulders and she gradually relaxed and slowly slumped side ways to lean her head on the back of the couch. He thought she might fall asleep, except for her awkward position.
"Hey, why don't you get ready for bed and you can lay down while I do this--maybe you'll fall asleep?"
"Sure you are only trying to help me--- sleep?"
"I haven't been shot full of hormones---I can control myself---can you?" He raised his eyebrow at her this time.
"Maybe." She headed to the other room to change. "Maybe not."
Kathryn changed into a nightgown, nothing sexy, just a plain blue duster--it was made of some silky, slippery material but was in no way revealing. It was sleeveless and the neck scooped, but the neckline was high and the hem fell just below her knee, it did tend to cling when she walked, but she covered it with a robe when she came back out. The lights were out again and she waited for her eyes to adjust before she spotted him.
"There you are." She found Chakotay staring out the view port in her darkened livingroom. "I thought for a minute--you went home."
"Not till my work is done." He took her hand and led her to the bedroom. He turned down the blankets to the foot of the bed. "In you go."
He watched unashamed of his very visible feelings as she removed the robe and put it on the hook, returning to slip into the bed. The sight of her enticed him--not so much what she wore, but rather what he knew she didn't have on beneath that thin slip of material. He forced his mind back to the job at hand. She lay on her stomach, as he continued where he left off. He massaged her neck and shoulders, venturing down her back--very carefully. He felt her go limp beneath his hands, the muscles in her neck and back relaxed and her breathing became slow and even. He continued until he was sure she was sleeping then he slipped off the bed and pulled the covers over her. He stood looking down at her for a few minutes before he placed a soft kiss on the top of her head and left her quarters.
Next morning when he looked for her the computer told him she was in her ready room and had been since 0500 hours. He showered and dressed, picked up breakfast for two in the mess and headed to the bridge. He rang the chime and she answered immediately.
"Come in Commander." She was behind her desk, piles of padds and a cup of coffee. "What took you so long--I thought you would be here to reprimand me long before 0745?"
"Stopped for breakfast--move those padds----please." He set the tray down in the space she provided. "How are you feeling this morning?" Her eyes were a little puffy---otherwise she looked good.
"OK---Doctor said these hormones should be leveling off--no more crying fits--I hope. She smiled and he saw it reach her eyes for a second. "Thank you, for last night--I needed that."
"All part of the service. Sleep well?" He sat across from her and she handed him a muffin she had buttered. "Thanks"
"Thanks to you again--yes--probably not long enough-but well."
"Getting some tea-need a refill?" He reached for her cup and their hands met-eyes locked-just briefly as she handed it over. "So a morning of ships business or pondering you destiny?" He brought back the tea and coffee.
"I actually got some work done--'till about half an hour ago." She laughed to cover her nervousness. That's when I spoke with the doctor---apparently he had the computer track me yesterday and was concerned with some serious mood swings---but it should get better."
"Hope he knows what he's doing." He shook his head. "All we need is a Captain in a constant state of PMS!"
"That is a low blow---I AM NOT PMSing---watch it mister or you could spend the rest of the trip in the brig." She was relieved at least to be able to joke about this. She stared at him. *Gods what would I do without you?*
"What?--Kathryn, you are staring at me." He smiled as he watched her blush.
"Sorry---just.." She broke off and fussed with her breakfast.
"Just--what? What were you thinking?" He tried to corner her.
"Nothing really--well nothing new--just that you are a lifesaver." She looked down, blushing slightly again. "I couldn't do it without you."
"I love you too, Kathryn" They looked at each other and smiled. "Well, better get to work." He got up and cleared her desk. Just before he walked out the door he turned back to her. "Can't be late--Captain is a real bitch lately." He left smiling.
By lunch time Voyager was in orbit around an uninhabited M Class. Scans had reveled nothing spectacular, some vegetation which may prove useful, but no minerals worth mining, no ore of any useful kind. It was a pretty planet-- from what they could tell and so shore leave was a possibility. The Commander had taken an away team, which of course included Nelix, down to investigate. He was due back just after the end of alpha shift and she waited for his report in her ready room. It was barely 1700 when her chime sounded.
"Come" She looked up from her desk to greet her first officer. "Welcome back, Commander--how did you make out?"
"OK--it's not our best find, but we will get a considerable amount of editable supplies. Nelix is very happy. Unfortunately it will do nothing for our energy reserves." He took the seat she offered him.
"We can't expect to get lucky every time--what about the climate---can we sneak in some shore leave?--the crew could use it."
"Yes, I think you're right---and I would say not only the crew." He gave her a warning look knowing she would automatically refuse leave. "The climate is varied so the crew can choose to swim in the low lands or ski in the mountains.----Which would you rather do?" He gave her his best dimpled smile.
"Let's arrange a rotation for the crew first." She raised her hand to his protest. "Once that is settled and I want Tuvok to take leave too--then maybe we can get away." She blushed again. "If you would like that."
"That's the best offer I had all year. I'd love to --but swimming or skiing--something in between?"
"I was thinking of camping--so a warmer climate would be nice."
"Camping it is." He could not believe she agreed so easily. "I'm gonna hold you to that."
"I have no doubt of the Commander!" She waved a padd at him. "We better get started on that rotation."
"OK, but why don't we do it over dinner--My place?" He stood and offered her a hand, not prepared to take no for an answer.
"OK--gods how many concessions do you expect in one day?" She came around the desk.
"How many do you think I can get?" He put his arm around her but she stepped away--they still had to cross the bridge.
"You may be pushing it right now!" She was laughing when they crossed the bridge---beta shift relaxed.
They worked through dinner and before bed time they had made up a working rotation for the next six days. Each crewman was allotted two days and two nights leave, the schedule included every crew member up to and including the Captain. Tomorrow he would post the lists as well as necessary information about the planet so that everyone could make their plans and the following morning leave rotation would begin. They also scheduled two teams a day to secure whatever provisions were available. Satisfied with their work they settled on the couch with a glass of wine to plan their own leave, which would be taken the last two-day and nights of their stay. Kathryn was a little nervous with both of them being away from Voyager for forty-eight hours, but Tuvok was very capable and they were really only a comm. link away. They set it up so that when they were gone, Tuvok would have the rest of the senior staff to rely on. Tuvok, Harry Kim and Seven of Nine were all on the first rotation, B'Elanna Torres and Tom Paris were on the second one. Nelix was scheduled one day of each of the first two rotations, allowing him time to supervise the food stores as well as some time with various crewman on leave. The only senior staff on leave the last two days were the Captain and the Commander.
The week progressed well, with Voyager in orbit there was time to do maintenance and repairs which otherwise would interfere with their travel. Everyone was relaxed and enjoying this 'down time' on leave and off. Chakotay supervised many of the repairs as well as the supply operations and in B'Elanna's absence Kathryn kept an eye on engineering and the maintenance work there. Kathryn found time to actually catch up on most of her regular duties and the mounds of padds she carried grew smaller.
Harry had spent a lot of his leave time hiking so he had a good chance to scout the planet for what the Commander had asked for--a suitable secluded camping spot--for who the Commander didn't say and Harry didn't ask. It wasn't hard to figure out---their names were on the rotation just like everyone else. Anyone who cared to read it knew the Captain and Commander would be taking leave together. Those who noticed sighed in relief---'about time'--was the most frequent comment. Everyone knew they had spent leave time together before, but it was on populated planets and they almost never left the ship or returned at the same time--never before had they spent the night away fromVoyager at the same time. This time they would be alone, in a secluded spot on a basically empty planet for two days---and two nights---yes about time. Harry would be sure no one else wandered any where near them.
Since he had no particular plan he made finding the perfect spot his priority. He marked the coordinates of several places in his tricorder that first day and planned on revisiting each the next day to pick the best. Nearing the end of that day, he came across the perfect spot and knew he needed to look no further. It was quite a ways from the original beam down site and very well hidden---they could beam down here and no one would ever find them. It was part way up the mountain making the temperature perfect-not hot like the valley or cold and snowy like higher elevations. It was a clearing in the mist of dense forest and the sun kissed the soft meadow and glistened off the small stream running to the side. The view was great--it was surrounded by snow capped mountains and from the small ledge you could see the entire valley. Harry made his own camp there in the soft grass just under a natural overhang, Which jutted out only a few feet from the hillside. Exploring the surrounding areas he discovered a cave not far from The stream. He went back for his wrist light and explored further. Just inside the entrance the floor dropped out sending him sprawling on his face. Fortunately he was unhurt having landed on the soft sandy bottom. It was warmer in here--humid-and Harry heard what he thought was running water--he followed the sound. He slipped through a small opening behind some rocks and couldn't believe his eyes. There was a shaft of sunlight shining through a large opening in the roof and in the illumination he could see a steaming lagoon. Natural hot springs--this was great--Harry tested the water, a little hot but he could adapt. He scanned the area with his tricorder--safe enough--he stripped off his cloths and cautiously entered the water, as he thought -it was hot at first but very soothing and not too hot after all. Yeah-this was the place---perfect--he wished he had someone to share it with himself---oh well.
He camped there for the night - outside under the stars---under Voyager he thought --he looked up as she passed over head. He slept well. In the morning he made a fire on the stone ledge to cook breakfast.---This was a good life, but he was Starfleet all the way- a product of modern technology and he missed it already He gathered some extra fire wood in case they wanted a fire and cleaned up the site before heading down the mountain. He was to meet Seven by the river for lunch--a date he made before leaving the ship-they were to spend the afternoon together and go back to the ship tonight. He looked around again before leaving---definitely the place.
Upon his return to the ship Harry shared his information with the Commander. The Commander thanked him for all his work and a beaming Ensign spent the next two days glowing with anticipation. The following two days proceeded normally, no problems with shore leave, the repairs or the restocking. The morning of the third day found a very excited Harry Kim rechecking the coordinates for about the tenth time. Chakotay and Harry were in transporter room two when the Captain--late as usual-showed up for transport.
"You'll love it--great place for seduction....." Harry's voice trailed off as the Captain entered.
"Sorry I'm late. What's this you're saying Mr. Kim?" She glanced from one to the other.
"Great place, Captain--the planet--it's beautiful." Harry was blushing, wondering how much she heard.
"Seduction--Mr. Kim?---Do you mean to imply the Commander would bring me planetside to seduce me?" She had devil in her eyes--Chakotay could see it---finally a very embarrassed Harry Kim did also.
"No Captain--not at all." Harry stammered.
"Well what then?" She challenged, hands on hips.
"I was warning him Ma'am." Harry stood taller and looked her in the eye when she gave him a questioning look. "I thought you might seduce him."
"I see." She said very seriously, but then couldn't suppress her smile. "Well Commander---I think our little Harry is all grown up." She took Chakotay's arm and walked onto the transporter pad. "Shall we, Commander--Harry you know the coordinates--energize." She smiled at Harry as they disappeared in the glow of the transporter.
They materialized in the clearing and immediately agreed Harry was right---it was truly beautiful. They surveyed the area--hot springs and all--and were very pleased with the 'accommodations' young Mr. Kim had arranged. They decided to set up camp inside the cave next to the lagoon--it was a perfect spot. They could have the sun in the day and the stars at night thanks to the open ceiling--and yet they were surrounded by walls for complete privacy. They went for a hike a little farther up the mountain before returning for lunch in the clearing. Kathryn spread a blanket while Chakotay brought out the basket of food from the cave. They sat comfortable together in the sun enjoying their lunch.
"So Kathryn--was he right?"
"Huh?--Oh Harry?" She hesitated a hint of color in her cheeks. "No."
"Too bad." He pouted. "Why did you bring me here?" He teased.
"I didn't bring you anywhere...you are a big boy-you brought yourself." She pushed him over.
"You invited me." He grabbed her and pulled her down next to him.
"I want to talk to you---think you can be serious for a minute -- or should I wait?"
"That word again! Always--wait." They laughed and he tried to stop. "OK serious--go ahead." He laughed again and she punched his arm.
"I think you were right."
"Gods--how could THAT happen?!"
"Seriously.." She was still laughing with him. "Seriously...You were --- I've stopped living--I want--things---and I think maybe it's time I did something about it."
"Things?---like a baby? Do you really want a baby?" He smiled but was serious now.
"Yes---I think--no I know I want a baby---and it's now or at least pretty soon or never." She rolled over turning her back to him.
"OK--- so have you considered your options?" He turned on his side toward her but didn't touch her.
"I've thought about it."
"So--how? I'm sure the doctor would like to play god---creation would be his thing. Artificial insemination or -----the old fashion way? Would you carry it or have him build a maturation chamber and incubate it for you? Donors? You could ask for volunteers."
"Or draw straws or maybe research the medical data base and pick the best genetic donor." She smiled though he couldn't see it. "Maybe Sam would carry it for me--she's good at that."
"Good so what you want is to donate and egg and pick it up when it's done?" He chuckled.
"Actually, ---I thought I would conceive and carry this child---the old fashioned way."
"And the father---pick a name out of a hat--from only the genetically correct of course---The entire male segment and probably part of the female crew would kill for this opportunity---by the way do you have a species preference?" She didn't answer right away --he thought he might have gone too far.
"Yes." She laughed again.
"Yes to picking names or a species preference."" He tapped her back but she didn't turn around.
"Human---I want the child to be human --100%. And I could do any combination of those things for a suitable father, but---I thought---maybe..." She turned and looked at him, placing her hands on his chest and then focusing on them. "I thought I could ask my best friend to be my baby's father."
"Just what would you be asking? To father your child---the 'old fashion way', yet--all my dreams coming true at the same time. Or are you still looking for a donor?" He tilted her chin so she looked at him, very serious now. "I would love to be your child's father, regardless of how you plan on conceiving it---but, no matter what you decide about us after this---I would always be our child's father--I insist on being part of it's life---to raise it with you."
"I never thought you would settle for less and I wouldn't want you to." She reached her hand up to touch his face. "I love you." She reached her hand behind his head and brought his lips down to meet hers.
Their lips barely touched at first, then she deepened the kiss crushing her body to his, her tongue seeking his. Her fingers ran through his hair while her other hand slid up his chest, over his shoulder and began working it's way down his body. He ran his own hands down her back on coming to rest on her bottom the other coming up to caress her breast. The kiss seemed endless and then another and another, before they broke and tried to regain their breath.
"So---Harry was right after all." He tried to lighten the mood--he wanted her but he wanted her to be very sure.
"Please--like you need seducing!" She gave him a playful punch.
"Just 'cause I'm easy doesn't mean you should take advantage of me." He tried to look hurt--unsuccessfully.
"I heard that about you----they told me you were easy."
"Oh? And who would THEY be?"
"Oh just Seska, Riley and Kellin..."
“But whose counting?" He grabbed her and pulled her back to him, studying her face--she really was OK with this.
"Ouch! Now whose hitting below the belt?---It's your fault anyway."
"Oh this is RICH-- you flop into bed with every stray female we come across and it's MY fault!?---I've gotta hear this." She propped her head up with her hand.
"You've been torturing me all these years---right next to me, but untouchable. What's a guy to do?"
"Like you're the only frustrated one here!" She moved closer to him, running her hands across his chest. "I'm within reach now." She whispered returning her mouth to his.
Her fingers swiftly unfastened his shirt allowing her to slip her hands inside caressing him as she ran her palms across his nipples and down his well muscled stomach. She placed a trail of moist open kisses down his neck, across his chest to suckle a very erect nipple. Her fingers worked the fastener on his pants as she licked and sucked her way down his stomach. He lifted his hips to allow her to free his throbbing erection from the confines of his pants---she removed both trousers and boxers without her mouth ever breaking contact with his body. Her hands ran up his legs and her mouth worked it's way down to meet them. He hair trailed across him creating unbelievable sensations as she positioned herself between his open legs, depositing soft kisses and nips on the inside of his thighs. He groaned as she wrapped her fingers around him, lifting her head to watch him as she licked the first drops of moisture from the tip. She felt his body stiffen and a sharp intake of breath as she encased him in the velvet moisture of her mouth. He reached for her, but she refused to be moved, her mouth continuing it's relentless assault, smiling as he gasped, again trying to redirect her.
"Kathryn" He gasped. "I can't--please" His hands tugging at her trying to distract her form the object of her passion.
"Don't---don't hold back." She spoke without releasing him and the force of her voice caused a deep groan.
He wanted to stop her, to be able to hold back--she was driving him crazy, pushing him to the edge. Her mouth, tongue, teeth working in unison teasing, grazing, stroking and sucking until he was incapable of coherent thought. As her one hand slipped between his legs, massaging and stroking him the other roamed his body caressing, teasing, fondling him. His body move of it's own accord, swaying, thrusting against her, as he lost himself in her passionate embrace. The pace of his movement quickened, his breath came in short gasps, his fingers held a painfully tight grasp on her hair---she felt him stiffen and with one final thrust, a deep guttural, animalistic cry escaped his throat as he exploded within her. She continued her manipulation drinking, swallowing, licking every drop, before relinquishing her hold and moving up to lay next to him, taking him in her arms--holding him as he regained his breath.
"Kathryn" He reached for her looking very guilty." I'm sorry..."
"Don't be--it's what I wanted to do." She kissed him lightly. He was seeking the fastener on her dress. "No- don't---rest, I have other ideas for later." She smiled and rested her head on his chest.
"Kathryn, you won't have a baby that way." He chuckled, wrapping his arms around her and kissing the top of her head. "YOU better rest---I have a few ideas of my own."
Resting in each other's arms, they drifted off to sleep in the warmth of the afternoon sun. When he woke he was alone. He sat up disorientated, reviewing his surroundings until his memory cleared; he smiled to himself and looked around for her.
"Kathryn? Kathryn where are you?" He called out as he straightened his clothing. "Kathryn." He yelled this time.
"Gods---I'm right here." She laughed coming out of the cave. "Just making us a home--don't panic---I didn't run away."
"Well with you---I never know what to expect." He crossed over to her taking her in his arms. "Like earlier---I never would have expected that."
"I have to have some mystery. Otherwise you would get bored."
"Kathryn Janeway, you have done many things to me in the last five years----this afternoon being one of the best --but never-never have you bored me."
"Good." She stepped back keeping one arm around his waist. "Come inside---I'm dying to try the hot spring--I've been waiting for you."
They went inside where she had set up their bed rolls just to the edge of the 'skylight'---positioned so that they could look out but not get wet if it should rain. On the edge of the spring she had placed two wine glasses and some snacks of cheese and fruit. She separated from him now, walking just to the edge of the lagoon. She turned to him- slowly deliberately, unbuttoning her dress, sliding it off her shoulders and letting it slip to the floor, revealing to his surprise that she wore nothing beneath it. She stood still smiling at him for a long minute, then stepped down and slipped into the warm water.
"Are you gonna stand there with your mouth open or are you going to join me?"
"You surprised me again!" He never took his eyes off her as her removed his clothes and joined her in the water.
He slipped into the water taking her in his arms again, he kissed her slowly and gently savoring the moment. She stepped back taking his hand and bringing him to the side where there was a ledge just far enough under the water to allow them to sit and relax in the warmth of the spring. They sipped wine and fed each other small pieces of fruit and cheese.
"Tell me something--honestly?" She studied his face, he nodded- afraid of what she would ask. "Am I crazy to even consider this?---I don't mean this." She added quickly-kissing him gently. "I mean to think of having a baby --out here--now?"
"Maybe---but what's the alternative? We can't just stop living because we haven't found a way home." He took her hands, looking directly into her eyes--he kissed her palm. "I love you--if we never have a family--I will still love you, but I want children too and if the delta quadrant is where we are than I guess it's as good a place as any---if it's what you really want than---I think we should try." He leaned over and kissed the tear that escaped her eye.
"Gods, Chakotay--this is a lot of changes at once!" She wrapped her arms around him. "What will the crew think?"
"It's about time---that's what they'll think." He chuckled. "And maybe, a few thank gods."
She reached down and splashed him--making
a quick escape to the other side of the lagoon. He wiped the water
from his face and dove after her. The lagoon was hardly big and
with no where to go it took him no time to catch her and dunk her under
the water. She came up splashing and sputtering, trying to dunk him,
but with his feet planted firmly on the bottom, he just stood laughing
at her.
He lifted her from the water, taking her in his arms he kissed her, marveling at the responsiveness of this woman who held herself away from him for so long. As he turned his attention from her mouth and worked across her jaw to the spot behind her ear he knew about, she tilted her head back allowing him access. She moaned as he laid her back across the water, one hand under her back for support, the other exploring it's way down her body. She rested only a moment on the surface before raising up to touch him.
"Kathryn, lay back--let me enjoy you." He whispered as he settled her back in the water, watching her auburn locks spread across the surface. "Just relax, Kathryn --I won't let you drown."
She closed her eyes as she settled back willing herself to relax and float on the surface. He gazed down at her, smiling at the peaceful expression he intended to change. He bent gently touching his lips to hers, licking the out line of her lips, her jaw and nibbling at her neck. His fingers danced across her body barely touching, teasing, tantalizing. He kissed his way down her neck, licking her right breast, circling, swirling the taunt dimpled surface of her nipple. As his mouth caressed her breast, his fingers fluttered along the soft inside of her thigh. Instinctively, she opened her thighs and arched her back, finding it more difficult to relax and stay afloat. His hand was firmly under her back preventing her from sinking beneath the surface. He turned his attention to the other breast before kissing and licking his way down her stomach toward her patch of dark auburn curls. His fingers moved up to spread her lips as he slipped his tongue into her moist folds. She gasped, arching into his mouth, as his tongue continued to lick and tease her. Her hands were in his hair as she tired to focus his attention on the aching bundle of nerves he carefully avoided. He freed himself from her grasp and ran his tongue the complete length of her before bringing his mouth back to her breast. She cried out as he left her--begging him with her body. He positioned himself to support her head with his arm while his hand remained beneath her back. He looked down at her face, eyes closed--lips parted and brought his free hand back between her legs. He stroked her with growing intensity, she writhed beneath his touch, gasping as she arched toward him. Entering her with one- then two fingers, his thrusts against hers, his thumb swirling against her clitoris, she cried out frantically as he watched the waves of her release wash over her.
As her body stilled, he gathered her in his arms and carried her to their bed rolls placing her down and laying beside her. She pulled him to her as their mouths met, hands roaming, exploring, caressing, arousing. Her hands worked their way down his torso, a feather light touch followed by a trail of moist kisses. He shuddered as she ran her hands over his hips, down his legs and back up his inner thighs, finally, tenderly, stroking him with gentle fingers. Her breath blew across him eliciting a deep moan and he gasped sharply when her tongue licked the moist drops from the tip and caressed him with a swirling motion. As the velvet of her mouth once again encased him he groaned and reached down and brought her back up by his side. He pressed his mouth to hers, tongues entwined sharing the taste of each other. He broke from her, smiling at the desire he saw burning in her eyes, he pinned her hands to her sides as he moved down forcing her legs apart with his knee. Again he assaulted her breasts with his mouth as her worked his way down her body. She moaned, thrashing beneath his assault, he released her hands and moved to hold her body still as his mouth again sought her throbbing center. His tongue kept up this exquisite torture as his fingers thrusted inside her. Finally, he raised himself over her and she wrapped her legs around him trying to force their joining,. He held back sliding his length against her wet folds forcing groans from both of them. Desperate to plunge into her, he forced himself to move slowly, he was a large man and this first time, after so long would be difficult for her. He worked in a little at a time, withdrawing and thrusting gently until with one more thrust he was deep within her. Her gasps this time were not entirely in pleasure, he stilled to allow her time to accommodate him. She began to move beneath him and together they established a rhythm. He brought his hand between them, stroking just above their joining. She bucked her hips to meet him, crying his name as her inner walls gripped him in a pulsating rhythm.. Two short thrusts and he stiffened, her name became a guttural cry from deep in his throat as he joined her in their release. He collapsed over her and she wrapped him in her arms-never wanting to let him go.
When conscious thought returned, he realized the full force of his bulk was crushing her to the ground. He pushed his weight back to his elbows and knees, forcing her to release him.
"Gods---Are you OK?" He gazed down at her and she laughed at the worried look on his face. "I didn't mean to crush you."
"Great--never better." She smiled and touched his face. "You didn't crush me---it's a wonderful --safe, protected feeling to be covered by you--if---I can manage to breathe." They laughed and he rolled them to their sides.
"Can you just imagine..." He was stroking her hair, as she snuggled against his chest. "Having to explain to Harry how I crushed you?"
"Or Tuvok!" She ran her hand idly down his side. "Wonder what odds Tom would give on that!"
"Crushing you or my surviving Harry and Tuvok?"
"Either or Both---Tom will make book on anything."
"He'll make a fortune on the baby--date, time, weight, sex--oh yes--right up Tom's alley."
"Chakotay, are you sure---do you really think we can do this?" There was an uncertainty in her voice he wasn't used to hearing.
"Yes--we can do this and I really want to." He lifted her up so he could see her face. "Kathryn, are you sure this is what you want---really sure--not just running scared, but really sure you want a child. It's OK to change your mind ---now--later there will be no going back."
"I'm sure---just----I guess--I'm--scared." She looked down and her raised her chin to see her eyes.
"Thank you." He smiled at the confused look on her face. "I know how difficult it is for you to admit that---I'm glad to know you trust me enough." He enfolded her in his arms settling her back against his chest "I love you." He kissed the top of her head.
"I love you---and I do trust you completely--with my life, with our crew-our ship and our child."
As they drifted off to sleep, he thought about her last words--'our' crew, 'our' ship and 'our' child. This was quite a day for them, Kathryn had finally allowed him into her life ---they would never be separate again--no matter what happened.
When she awoke it was dark and she was alone, she was covered with a blanket. A fire burned not far away and something smelled good. She could see the stars above her, she sat up looking around the darkened cave toward the fire. He was there, crouching down stirring something. She wondered how he got the fire stared, touched her hair---it was all there and she laughed. The sound of her laughter made him turn around.
"Hi---thought you were gonna sleep all night." He came over and sat next to her. "What's so funny?"
"The fire--my first reaction was to check my hair."
"Safe this time--I came prepared!" He held up the igniter he brought down with him. "'Cause I'm still the only Indian in the universe who can't start a fire rubbing two sticks together."
"I love you--fire or no fire."
"And I love you--hair or no hair." He tossed her dress at her. "Get dressed and we'll eat."
"Do I have to?"
"Only if you would like to eat dinner before it burns." He lifted the corner of the blanket and peeking under it, licked his lips.
"OK" She gave him a shove. "You get dinner--I'll get dressed."
They ate dinner under the stars, made love under the passing lights of Voyager and relaxed in the spring, before reluctantly letting this-their first day-slip away. They spent another day and night in their secluded paradise, then shortly after sunrise on the next day they broke camp. They spent as long as possible on the surface and Tuvok was inclined to let them. Finally and only after all the other crew members had returned to Voyager, Tuvok hailed them.
"Voyager to Captain Janeway."
"Janeway here." She reluctantly answered, making a face at Chakotay.
"Captain, all crew have returned to the ship and we await only you and the Commander. When can I expect you?"
"Just a minute, Tuvok." They gathered their belongings, she gave him a quick kiss and took his hand. "Tuvok, two to beam up."
The Captain and her first officer materialized on the transport pad looking tanned, relaxed and holding hands. They were welcomed back by a surprised Ensign, who although he raised an eyebrow- never mentioned a thing.
"Janeway to Tuvok."
"Yes Captain."
"We're home---take us out of orbit and I'll see you shortly."
"Aye Captain, Tuvok out."
They stepped off the Trasporter together and walked hand in hand to their quarters. They passed many smiling faces on their way. The crew smiled and they nodded their acknowledgment--no one seemed unhappy--least of all the Command Team. There would be some adjustment, but they would adapt. A new life had begun on the Starship Voyager.
The End.