ALL THE DAYS OF YOUR LIFE
Fourth place in Remembering Chakotay contest Third place in VBA
Rated NC17
Kathryn ran her hands down his back, his body was harder than she remembered, but then he was younger than the Chakotay of her last memories. Over the years his flesh had softened but the muscles beneath had always rippled this way at her touch. God, how she had missed him! The big hands were rough and strong, but so gentle as they touched her, almost too gentle but she knew that would change. Strange how it seemed that she knew this part of him so very well and yet he didn’t know her at all; not so unlike her own Chakotay.
Earlier she had taken the initiative, eagerly reacquainting herself with his body, surprising him with her ability to completely control him. Languidly, deliberately, leaving no part of him untouched, with hands and mouth she had driven him to the edge only to ease him back and start all over again. Kathryn enjoyed this power she could still wield over him, every tremor, every groan feeding her own desire. Finally she had straddled him, slowly lowering herself to take him in fully, raising and lowering herself at an increasing pace until he could take no more. With one sudden and forceful move, Chakotay gripped her hips thrusting into to her with slamming intensity until the almost simultaneous eruptions had them crying each other's names and collapsing in a sweaty heap of pulsating flesh.
Somewhere in their sleep, they had rolled to their sides and she woke to the sweet sensation of his explorations. Featherlight fingers touched her face brushing her cheeks, tracing her jawline, as they worked down her neck. Kathryn didn't move; she didn't open her eyes; she just lay back savoring his touch. So many long and lonely years she had waited, plotting and planning to reach this goal. He had had little opportunity earlier for exploration, now he sought to learn the texture, the contour of this woman so familiar, yet completely unknown to him. As his hands moved lower and his mouth began it's own slow trek, Kathryn had a brief dark thought of the softness he would encounter there. Since their return to Earth, she had taken to working out nearly every day, but age still had a way of covering the muscles with softer flesh. All such thoughts were banished when his warm moist lips that closed around her nipple sending shards of pleasure rocketing through her body. The gentle hands became more insistent as she arched into them, moaning her encouragement. Kathryn's own hands reached out, caressing, fondling everything within reach, while his wandered lower across soft skin coming to rest at the junction of her legs, cupping around her as she pushed against his palm spreading her thighs wide.
Chakotay's fingers stroked the creamy white surface of her inner thighs, his mouth explored the softer skin of her belly stopping to toy with her navel, licking a path lower, spurred on by the sounds of her pleasure. Moving farther, he spread moist open kisses along her inner thigh, the scent of her arousal wrapping around him and increasing his own desire. Kathryn groaned shifting her hips in an effort to hurry him, but he was in charge now. Chakotay lifted his head to watch her. Her eyes were closed her hands gripped the sheet at her side; he ran his palms up her legs and over her hips; Kathryn moaned. Slowly he trailed his fingers across her belly, drawing them down to tangle in her coarse curls. Kathryn's breath quickened, she raised her hips, spreading her thighs wider. He placed light kisses across her heated mound, breathing in her scent as she tried to force him deeper.
"Oh, please." It was a breathy whisper.
"Patience, Kathryn."
The warm rush of air from his words caused her hips to jerk. Light kisses deepened as his tongue snaked out slipping between sodden lips to taste her. Small raspy cries escaped as Chakotay's fingers parted her and his tongue began slowly tracing the length of her sensitive inner lips. Kathryn was panting, writhing beneath the intense sensation. Chakotay replaced his tongue with fingers and looked up to watch her again. The sight of her mounting pleasure increased his already painful need.
"Oh, god, don't stop." Her fingers stretched out unable to reach him. "Please."
In answer his fingers spread her wider, then his mouth was on her, licking, sucking, drinking in her flavors while she bucked and writhed beneath the onslaught. The intense sensation had Kathryn mumbling incoherently, tossing her head as she clutched at the sheets. She could feel the orgasm building deep in her belly, a tight coil that threatened to explode within. She felt his fingers slipping inside as he dragged his tongue along the length of her. Kathryn's fingers reached into his hair, her legs clamping him to her as he thrust two fingers deeply, steadily licking until his lips closed over her tight bundle of nerves sending her shrieking into the orbit of orgasm.
When Kathryn’s eyes opened, Chakotay was above her, watching. Bending he kissed her face, tracing her lips with his tongue before sharing her own taste with her. She reached for his rock hard penis, dragging it slowly through her wet folds before guiding him to her entrance. One slow steady push seated him deeply inside her, the tight velvet of her heat surrounding him. He moved and she wrapped her legs around him drawing him deeper. Each long steady thrust sent her higher; her moans of pleasure fed his excitement; her nails dug into his back, until crying out, her body clenched around him spasming in release. Chakotay panted and hot puffs of breath assaulted her face; his hips jerked wildly as he emptied his hot seed into her then collapsed his full weight on top of her.
It was too good to have him back, too wonderful to feel his weight on her, but he was heavier than she remembered, or maybe she wasn't as strong, but it was difficult to breath. Kathryn gently pushed at his shoulder and he rolled them to their sides.
"Sorry." He pulled her close to his chest.
"Don't be. I always loved the feel of you." She laughed. "Guess I'm not as strong as I used to be; it’s a little hard to breathe that way, now."
They lay silently holding one another, gently caressing damp flesh as they drifted off to sleep.
"Kathryn." Something was gnawing at his mind. "Kathryn, are you sleeping?"
"Ummm, almost." She buried her face in his chest.
"Kathryn, can I ask you something?"
"Anything."
"What did you mean? You said you ‘always loved the feel of me’?"
"Did I?"
"Yes. What did you mean?" He moved, rolling her on her back so he could see her face. "Kathryn?"
He saw a moment's hesitation on her face, then she smiled at him; that devastating crooked smile and the devil himself shone through her eyes.
"I lied." The smile never left her face and she actually laughed at the shock on his face.
"You lied to me?"
"Nooo." She gave him her most innocent expression. "I lied to - her."
"Her? The Captain? You lied to the Captain?"
"Yes, but it really doesn't count, does it? I mean lying to yourself-- we do that all the time, don’t we?"
"But when we lie to ourselves, we are not usually two separate people." He suddenly realized he was getting caught up in the wrong question. "OK. You lied to the captain. Why?"
"Because I had to." She sighed and rolled her eyes.
"You can be as difficult as you want, but I am going to know what is going on here."
"I know you will; I can't lie to you. But you have such trouble lying to her.."
"Kathryn, you said you 'always loved the feel of me.' Does that mean we -- the captain and I--you and I-- do we get together?"
"Yes. Chakotay and I were married." She got serious. "Just about a year from now."
"Married?" He couldn't help but smile at the idea. "What about Seven? You told the captain, I married Seven."
"I lied. I already told you that." She fluffed up her pillow and turned on her side. "I had to lie to her. You know her, she would never do this if she thought there were any even remotely selfish reasons behind it, no matter how many others it saved."
"Why are you here? What went wrong?" He saw the sadness cloud her eyes. "Kathryn, did we divorce?"
"No." She shook her head and took a deep breath. "No, Chakotay. We stayed together until the day you died."
"You don't look particularly happy about that."
"Oh, Chakotay." She leaned in and kissed him. "I love you, I always have and I always will. Please don't ever doubt that."
"Then you better explain."
"All right. It started on our honeymoon, but we didn't know it for years." She settled back on the pillow. Sad blue eyes held his; she gently stroked his cheek. "You see, as close as we ever determined, you were infected with an alien virus on Tahuns, the planet we chose for our honeymoon."
"And the transporter didn't screen it?"
"No, and none of the doctors scans ever detected it. It wasn’t until several years later when the symptoms sent us searching for a cause."
"And the symptoms were?"
"You began to forget things. Simple things at first, but it grew worse over time."
"How much worse?" He could see the pain in her eyes.
"Somethings you remembered, somethings you didn't. It took years to show up and many slow years to progress. The doctor searched unceasingly for a cure or at least a treatment; he never found one. His research was instrumental in curing similar diseases once we reached the Alpha Quadrant, but it was too late to help you." She closed her eyes as if to shut out the bad memories.
"Kathryn." He touched her face, making her look at him. "How long before you had to relieve me of duty?" He knew if it were bad, that would be a logical, but extremely painful step, for her to have taken.
"We were married three years when we noticed the first symptoms, it took another two before I finally had to admit that you could no longer be my first officer."
"I'm sorry, Kathryn, that must have been difficult for you."
"It was hard, Chakotay, but it wasn't your fault and you accepted it well which made it easier." She closed her eyes again and started to speak softly. "There were days when you were almost your old self; those days were the best and the hardest. I would never know when it would end. I would never know when you would look at me with that blank look as you tried to figure out who I was."
"I didn't know you? Did I know anything?"
"You learned to know me again, but after a while you would forget and have to start at the beginning. It didn't affect your intelligence, you could still learn and you retained much of the knowledge you had before."
"But I couldn't function on Voyager?"
"Not as her first officer, no. But you did many other things. Your wood working was excellent, in great demand in fact."
"What good is that on a starship?"
"Oh, don't forget we were out here for another 16 years. We had many, many babies in that time and each one needed Uncle Chakotay to make them a cradle."
"It could have been replicated."
"No, it wasn't just the cradle, it was the love. You were always an important part of this crew. You did other things, you still counseled the crew, you even taught the children. Chakotay the person was as loved and needed as the commander ever was."
"How could I not even know you and yet remain useful?"
"There were certain blocks of memory never affected, others completely wiped out. Some things you could relearn, it progressed very slowly."
"But it progressed."
"Yes."
"And in the end?"
"In the end you failed more rapidly. The last two years saw physical effects as well." She took a deep breath to try to stem the tears that welled up in her eyes.
"Kathryn, just tell me." He wiped the tear that slipped out. "You came here to change the future. Tell me what went wrong, so that I can help you."
"It won't happen now. I've already changed history."
"I want to know- please."
"The last two years we were out here, oh we were married 13 years by then." She laughed. "Unlucky 13 Tom would say." She closed her eyes and shook her head like that could clear away the memories. "Your memory got worse; you didn't know the people around you. In some ways, every day was an adventure for you. Meeting new people, but it got difficult to relearn -- things.." She looked at him with pleading eyes. "Chakotay, you don't need to know this."
"Yes, I think I do." He pulled her into his arms, holding her tightly for a few seconds then rested her back on the pillows. "Kathryn, in a few days you are going to leave me. I know what you have planned and I'm not sure I can let you go. What I need to know is what would drive you to do this. I need you to help me understand."
"All you need to understand is that I love you. It doesn't matter what happened in the last years we were together, because the ten years I spent without you were far more painful."
"More painful than what? Tell me how it ended."
"Most days you woke up next to a stranger.” She sighed. “Sometimes that frightened you, sometimes... well, it didn't." She tossed her head and chuckled at that memory. "I never knew what a new day would bring."
"So, I had very little idea who I was and most times absolutely no clue who you were and that didn't always matter?" He smiled hoping that lightening the mood would make it easier to tell. He needed to know what happened but he didn't want to hurt her more. "So I was -- ummm-- pretty much, the Captain's concubine? Not a bad job."
"Oh god!" She actually laughed at that. "I wonder if people thought that!" She smiled reaching up to stroke his face. "I'm sorry, it does sound that way. For a while, it was the only connection we had left. Your body could tell me what your mind had lost track of; for a short time, I could pretend everything was all right. Very selfish of me, I know."
"Doesn't exactly sound like I objected."
"Oh, not at all. In fact, I was careful about that. I never initiated it, if we made love it was because you wanted to."
"Now there's a challenge for you. Not being in charge-- how did you handle that?!" He laughed again. "I can't even imagine you not taking what you wanted."
"It wasn't easy!" She lightly punched at his shoulder. "Fortunately for me, you were usually more than eager, besides once you intentions were clear, I was free indulge myself."
"It's nice to know not all of me was affected." He brushed soft kisses across her face. "Some things haven't changed." His hand reached down to cup her breast, watching her nipple harden as he circled it with his thumb. "So, if I do this-- you'll make love to me again?"
"Bucking for a promotion?" Her hands explored his chest lazily while her back arched offering him her own.
"How so?" He murmured against her neck, his teeth nipping at the tender flesh.
"Now, you want to be the Admiral's concubine?"
"Sounds good to me."
Silently, they continued their lazy explorations punctuated only by the occasional sigh or moan. Chakotay's tongue discovered the tender spot behind her ear that made her shiver. Kathryn pressed her lips to his neck, her hands stroking over his back, tracing the line of his muscles, enjoying the familiar ripple. Their lips met in soft lingering kisses, her tongue snaked out to trace his before gently sucking his full lower lip. Chakotay stroked the soft side of her breast gently trailing his fingers over her hip to cup her buttocks. Kathryn felt him hard against her belly as he pressed her to him. This time there was no hurry, no urgency. Both knew they didn’t have a lifetime together but they had tonight and a quiet unspoken determination to make the most of it. Fingers and tongues delving into every crevice investigating each curve, every bump, slowly steadily building to the crescendo. When his fingers finally tangled in her coarse curls, slipping easily through her slick folds Kathryn whimpered. Her strong fingers stroked the silken skin of his throbbing shaft, spreading the moisture that seeped from the tip. Rolling back she drew him to her, gentle arms and legs holding him still when he slid easily inside her, savoring the feel of her body stretching around him. Kathryn moved and he began to move with her, long deep strokes, withdrawing almost fully then slowing sliding in deeply again. Kathryn was less quiet as the pressure built, raising her legs to draw him deeper. She was gasping, her nails raking down his back, as she mumbled incoherently against his mouth. Her body stiffened then clenched around him sending him into uncontrollable thrusts, his hips jerking, his seed spilling deep inside her. Through an orgasmic haze Chakotay heard her cry out his name, felt her body convulse beneath him as he collapsed once again crushing her to the mattress. They lay quietly listening to the short heavy breathing and the pounding of hearts.
“Hey.” She tapped his shoulder. “Time to breathe.”
“I can breathe just fine.” He nuzzled into her neck.
“A dead Admiral in your bed just may mean a court-martial.”
“You have to stop pulling rank on me, Admiral.” He pushed himself up taking his weight off her.
“If I can’t use it, what the hell good is it?” She laughed, rolling with him to her side.
“Why, Admiral, you surprise me.”
“I doubt it.” She laughed, cupping his face and softly kissing his lips. “Chakotay, don’t call me that, please. Say my name; I’ve missed that so. Many people have called me Kathryn over the years, but none of them ever made it sound the way you do.”
"Kathryn." She snuggled close to him and he stroked his hand down her back. "I'll let you sleep now, but there are still questions to answer."
"We have too little time to spend it reliving the painful parts of the past. Be grateful for what we have and look forward, Chakotay."
When he woke she was gone, the bed at his side cold to the touch. He felt a moment of panic he hadn't expected to feel, but the sound of running water calmed him. Chakotay slipped out of bed and joined her in the shower.
"Sleep well?" She wasn't even startled by his sudden presence.
"Yes, you?" He moved her hands from her head and massaged the shampoo into her hair.
"Better than I have in many years." She turned to face him picking up the soap and lathered his chest.
"You never even flinched. Did I make a habit of sharing your showers?" He leaned her head back to allow the shower to rinse the shampoo away.
"As a matter of fact, yes." She let the soap slip away, using her soapy hands to gently scrub his body.
Kathryn’s hands kept moving down his chest, across his stomach, until slippery fingers stroked his semi hard penis; she watched his reaction as it showed on his face. Dropping to her knees she leaned back rubbing his thighs with gentle hands as she allowed the warm spray to rinse away the soap. Chakotay rocked his hips forward and she buried her face in the prickly hairs of his groin, her tongue tracing the angle where his leg joined his hip, her fingers investigated the cleft in his cheeks. Chakotay tangled his fingers in her wet hair as Kathryn turned running her tongue down the length of him. He swelled quickly becoming rock hard as her lips and tongue worked in unison to inflict an exquisite torture, his hips moving in an unconscious rhythm, as he watched her pleasuring him. When she took him fully into her mouth his knees started to buckle, his hips jerking as he thrust against her face.
“Kathryn..” His voice was thick and deep as he reached for her and she reluctantly released him.
Bringing her back to her feet, he pressed her close to him, his tongue probing her mouth as his fingers reached between them to test her readiness. His fingers encountered the hot slick moisture that had nothing to do with the water showering down on them; she moaned into his mouth as he stroked her. Without breaking the kiss, Chakotay lifted her against the wall swallowing her cries as he entered her in one solid thrust. He established a rhythm of long slow thrusts and she arched her hips rhythmically meeting each one. Kathryn clung to him moaning his name, he breathed quick ragged gasps into her face as his pace quickened, his thrusts becoming short and erratic. A deep guttural sound tore from his throat, he shoved her hard against the wall forcing her body into uncontrollable spasms as she clench around him and he spurted his seed into her.
Chakotay slumped against her as she slowly dropped her legs to the floor, holding tight to his shoulders to steady herself. She rested her head on his chest, as the warm water caressed their pulsating bodies. As they caught their breath, he started to laugh.
"What is so funny?"
"You." He leaned in and kissed her nose. "Who would ever suspect that underneath that ramrod straight, tough looking admiral lurks a completely insatiable woman." He turned off the water and stepped out, handing her a towel
"So what are you saying? You thought this promotion you were after was an easy job? I have no room in my command for slackers." She dried off quickly and wrapped the towel around her hair.
"Aye, Admiral, I'll see that I remember that." He wrapped his towel around his waist and followed her out of the bathroom.
"Janeway to Chakotay." The comm. boomed through the room.
"Yes, Captain?" He checked the chronometer and made a face.
"If I'm not mistaken, we had an early meeting this morning."
"Yes, Captain, that's correct." He glanced at the naked woman beside him struggling to keep her laughter silent. "I'm sorry I have been slightly detained. I will meet you in the ready room in fifteen minutes, if that is all right."
"Fine, Commander." Her voice clearly conveyed her irritation. "I'll see you then, Janeway out."
"Seems I'm not the only one with a low tolerance for slackers." Kathryn laughed as she pushed him toward the other room. "You better get dressed Mister."
"I think you're right; she just might put me out an airlock the way she's been acting."
"And you think I won't?" She challenged.
"You love me." He kissed her head and reached for his pants.
“Chakotay.” She stopped his activity by taking hold of his hands. “She loves you too, remember that. And try to forgive her mood, it’s difficult enough dealing with jealousy, but being jealous of yourself has to be almost unbearable.”
Chakotay dressed quickly. Promising to keep in mind her advice when he met with the captain, he hurried off to his meeting. Kathryn replicated herself some coffee and took her time preparing for her day, which would be spent mostly in engineering helping B’Elanna with the new armor plating. Most days fell into line in just the same way; they met for lunch, usually in the mess hall and spent most of their evening secluded in Chakotay’s quarters. As they had known all along, not only did they not have a lifetime to share, they had barely a week before Voyager was positioned outside the nebula, ready to implement the Admiral's plan. In the little time they had together, they worked hard and they loved harder.
Kathryn successful avoided giving Chakotay too much detail on his decline in the last two years. He knew enough to realize how difficult it had become for her to care for him and still run the ship, yet he knew she would never have left him or given his care over to someone else. She told him the end was peaceful, that his confused mind, unable to find a reason to go on living, had given up the struggle and his body just ceased to function until he slipped away in his sleep. It was only two weeks before they reached the Earth making their homecoming less than joyful for the entire crew. His body had been placed in stasis and he was buried on her family’s farm after the debriefings.
Although she tried not to show it, the captain was visibly uncomfortable with their relationship and even more so with the openness of it. It wasn't that they did anything obvious in public but there was no way anyone could be in the same room with them and miss the connection. If the rest of the crew had any objections, they didn't show them.
Their final meal together was a breakfast shared in Chakotay's quarters. Chakotay did little more than push his food around the plate and the Admiral didn't even make a show of it, choosing instead to drink several cups of coffee. By Kathryn's reasoning, on what was to be your final day there was little point in denying yourself life's little pleasures.
"Kathryn." He looked up from his plate, desperately searching for something, a word, a gesture, anything to convey the feelings that were too plainly written on his face.
"Ahh, Chakotay." She came around the table and wrapped her arms around. "Don't. You know this has to be; we have both known since I arrived."
"I know it's what you planned, but you already changed history. You don't have to go through with this."
"Yes, I do. There are more lives at stake here than ours and I had my time as your wife; we shared wonderful years in spite of the difficulties. Now, it's her time and you will be even happier because of the changes. I thank you for letting me share this week with you. It has meant more to me than even you may ever know, but now it's time for me to go. Please, let me do this for you."
He stood and took her in his arms. Quietly they held on, each drawing strength from the other, until it was time to leave for the bridge.
The Admiral met first with the Captain in the readyroom and together they joined the senior staff in the briefing room for one last run down on the plan. The briefing was short and to the point. The captain outlined the plan one last time, while the Admiral sat quietly observing as each department reported on their readiness. In a matter of twenty short minutes it was over. The Admiral left the meeting first, getting half way across the bridge before the others followed.
“Admiral.” Chakotay exited the briefing room calling her; she didn’t turn around. "Kathryn.”
The admiral stopped, almost unnoticeably straightened her shoulders and stood with her back to the bridge.
“Kathryn.” He spoke it quietly this time.
Kathryn turned around, her eyes locking with his. A small smile crept across her face as she nodded then half turned away. For a brief moment, no one on the bridge moved or spoke. Kathryn turned and crossed back to Chakotay, standing very close.
“Chakotay.” She tilted her head and smiled as she stroked his face. “You will have a good life.”
She stretched up and he leaned down taking her in his arms. Their lips met, merging together in a gentle yet passion filled kiss and the world around them stilled and waited until reluctantly, slowly they eased out of the kiss.
“Remember, I will be with you all the days of your life.” She whispered before moving out of his arms. With one last smile she moved to the lift. “Captain, if you're ready.”
Chakotay stood on the bridge and watched as the lift closed and his Kathryn, both past and future set out to correct history—his history. Only one of them would return, but he would always hold them both in his heart.
The End