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I cannot write.
I cannot think.
I cannot feel
Because this pain
It can't be real.
Sandy in December
Mia in May
Jeffie in August
Just the other day.
Homey's in the playroom
Alone downstairs...
Crying for his family
That is not there.
Blinky goes down.
But Homey wants his brother.
He's barely adjusted
To losing his Mother.
I'm in a hell
Of my own making.
I seem ok
Then I start shaking.
I'm lost and confused
I don't know what to do.
But somehow I seem
To muddle through.
I never seem to lose
This heartache.
How many times
Can one heart break?
I used to tease him and say he was "the second best cat in the world" because surely somewhere there was a cat that actually stuck himself, and turned the fluids on. It was a silly thing... but one of the things that I will always remember fondly about Jeffie. But... there were so many things. He was such a good boy. He opened his mouth so widely for Jeff to pill him. He made it so easy. He was a CRF (chronic renal failure) kitty... but his numbers were great, with just 75ccs of fluids a day. He was hyperthyroid too, but so easy to regulate (unlike his Mama Mia). We had such a hard time getting her T4 levels right.
Jeffie was always so sweet, loving and grateful. He'd gently paw at your leg if you weren't giving him enough attention. He loved to bite your nose when you went face-to-face with him... just a gentle nibble. When he was younger, and not that long ago even, he used to love to play with super balls... especially the pink ones. He would carry them around in his mouth and just drop them and then as they bounced away he'd chase them and catch them again. We used to always find them in his water bowl. I guess he'd wash them when he was done. He was so cute. And he loved to eat. That never changed about him... right until the end. He was a perfect cat... so much like his daddy, Biffy. I think that's a big part of why we opted for chemo when we found out that Jeffie had stomach cancer. Biffy took it all so well. He had a good life, no matter what we had to do for him (almost always it was Jeff who did all the meds for them). Biffy just seemed to love us more, and I think Jeffie did too. He had such a spirit to him. And I think a big part of that was that Jeffie, just like Biffy, adored Jeff. Jeffie followed Jeff around like Biffy did, and gazed adoringly and pawed and nibbled and just loved seeing, and being, with Jeff. I am so glad that Jeff was here all the time for Jeffie, just like he was almost all the time for Biffy. I know that helped them both tremendously.
Jeffie will leave a huge hole in our hearts. We will miss him sitting on the Scrabble board everyday. He ruined many a game by laying down on it and then sliding on his side, rearranging the letters... but it was so cute. We will always miss seeing him there, as we miss Mia... Homey is lost without his brother. He is still grieving for his Mama Mia. We are trying to be there for Homey. My heart aches for him. But, he will only let us in so much. He was the one that was least connected to us. He only wanted to be downstairs in the playroom and snuggle (smurgle) with Mia. He rarely showed any interest in coming upstairs or being with any of the other cats outside of his family. We took them all in back in 1991. They were a colony all unto themselves. They allowed us into their lives... some more than others. But I think Homey only wanted to be there with them and for them. He was the baby... Mia's special one. It's very sad to see him alone. So, now I grieve for Jeffie, and still for their Mama Mia, and I ache for Homey. Hopefully letting Blinky downstairs will help... but he is not one of "them". We stay with Homey and let him outside on the lounge chair on the deck with us, as we had started doing for about a week before we lost Jeffie. We let them both out there. Jeffie seemed to really enjoy it... right until the very end. It was one of the last things we did... Somehow we will muddle through. We will try and reach Homey. He is all we have left of them all... and we love him so much. We can't help Jeffie anymore... but we can try and help his brother. Jeffie will be dearly missed. He leaves a huge hole in this house, and in our hearts. Good-bye my sweet Jammies, Mister Jams, MJ, Handsome, "King Tut". We love you and will never forget you. You will live in our hearts...until we meet again... my sweet handsome boy... I am so sorry...
Diane 8/27/07
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The sun has set, and it will not rise again.
And we will miss its light and love and purr and joy forever...
Jeffie was MY cat, and he sure made it obvious that I was HIS person. He could be with Diane, but when I came in the room, he stared at me and would leave her to be near me. "What am I, chopped liver?" Diane would say. He hated it when I left the room - he'd run after me, stop at the door, and paw my leg as if to say, "Pops, don't go!" Many times it worked, too. I'd stop what I was doing, and spend some "quality" time with him, nuzzling and petting and purring. But as soon as I tried to leave again, it was the same thing - "Pops, don't go!"
For all the attention he craved, he never wanted to be picked up or held. If I picked him up, he'd start squirming, with legs going in all directions - "put me DOWN, Pops!" But he loved to lie on the coffee table when we'd play Scrabble, and he would try his hardest to lay all over the board.
Jeffie was such a special cat. His mama Mia babied his brother, Homey, ever since they were born. Homey and Mia would cuddle together in a small cat bed, and Jeffie was always left to himself. Maybe there was a need for attention that made him take to me so much. In any case, he became such a trusting, loving cat, which made him so easy to care for. When he needed medications, he was the best - he had this HUGE mouth that he'd open wide when it was time to pill him. When we had to give him sub-Q fluids, he would walk right over to where we had set them up, and he'd stay as calm as could be until after we were done. There's NO better cat than that!
My Jeffie was a treasure, and a blessing in my life. Having him for as long as we did was truly a gift from God. He brought so much joy to my life, that I will always be thankful for the time I had with him. I only wish I could have had more time with him. There are many, many things around the house that remind me of him - his brother misses him a lot and is very vocal about it, there are still a few food stains where I would feed him (yes, eventually I'll clean them up), there's an empty spot under the table in the patio where he used to stay, there's another empty spot behind the tree in the playroom, there's a Scrabble board on the coffee table that needs to have the letters rearranged, and there's a big empty spot in my heart where Jeffie used to be.
Jeffie, I miss you.
Jeff 8/29/07
