Harm and Mac Songbook 8: Hotel California

Title: Harm and Mac Songbook: Hotel California

Author: Rising Sun

Rated: PG

Summary: Harm searches for a house to make into a home.

Disclaimer: JAG characters portrayed belong to JAG, CBS and Paramount Television. No copyright infringement intended. All other characters depicted are purely fictional and any similarities to actual people are purely coincidental.

Performing in this saga:

"Hotel California" is sung by The Eagles off the CD Hotel California and is copyrighted to Electra/Asylum/Nonesuch Records.

Feedback: Would be nice.

Story Written - 2001

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On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair

Warm smell of cloitas rising up in the air

Up ahead in the distance I was a shimmering light

My head grew heavy and my sight grew dimmer

I had to stop for the night

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Harm reached the house early so that he could examine the structure and accompanying land in peace before the sales man began to hound him.

"Not bad" he muttered, "in facet just what I'm looking for." He glanced at the sign to make sure that the lot hadn't been sold yet. It hadn't. He checked his watch and smiled had Mac been here the watch would not be needed. It was 1600 and no sign of the estate agent. "Damn!"

He was about to leave when a shapely black girl opened the door.

"Hello." She said, "You must be Commander Harmon Rabb?"

"Yes I am and you are?"

"I'm Stephanie, but every one calls me Stevie. You can too if you want. I'm the caretaker here. I'm supposed to show you around."

"Oh ... well let's get started then."

"Right" and she turned and led the way through the house.

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There she stood in the door way

I hear the mission bell ring

And I was thinking to myself "this could be heaven this could be hell."

Then she lit up a candle and she showed me the way

There were voices down the corridor

I thought I heard them say...

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"Do you have a surname?" Harm inquired.

"Of course I do. Stupid question."

"Sorry..." he blushed, "Well? What is it?"

"What is what?" She looked puzzled.

"Your surname."

"What about it?"

Harm was getting to the end of his rope and fast "What is your surname!" his voice rose a decibel.

"Woods." She said flatly.

"What about the wood." He said looking at the floor.

She shrieked with laughter "That's my name. Stephanie Woods."

"Oh. I see." He replied embarrassed.

The tour of the house continued and finished quite late.

"You realize of course that there is no way you can leave now." She stated ominously.

"And why not?" he countered defensively.

"Cause of the storm. Look for yourself." She said turning away from him as he stared out the window in disbelief. Where had that come from?

"What am I going to do he moaned?"

Stating the obvious she retorted, "Stay the night."

He stared at her blankly, she grinned back.

The power failed.

Then she lit up a candle and she showed Harm the way. As the place still carried much furniture, Stevie wasted no problem getting a place to sleep, brought his a snack. Was that Hotel California she was humming?

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Welcome to the Hotel California

Such a lovely place (such a lovely face)

Plenty of room at the Hotel California

Any time of year you can find it here

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Stevie disappeared somewhere into the house, leaving him to his own devices. He decided to go round the house one more time. During the entire time, however he saw neither hide nor hair of Stevie or evidence of her existence.

Harm was awoken from his sleep. There was a party on somewhere. He went prowling but could not find the party or the source of the music. Never realizing he was in sync with the song he thought to himself, "They woke me up in the middle of the night just to hear them say..."

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So I called up the Captain

"Please bring me my wine"

He said "We haven't had that spirit here since nineteen sixty nine"

And still those voices keep calling from far away

Wake you up in the middle of the night

Just to hear them say...

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Next morning she greeted him on the stairs, "Good morning, I hope you slept well."

"Yes thank you." He lied "... and you?"

"Fine thank you. Quite well in fact."

"Well thank you for having me at such short notice but I won't impose on you any longer. " He said making his way to the front door.

"No imposition at all." She assured him as he left. Then softly "Hope the party did not disturb."

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Her mind is Tiffant-twisted, she got the Mercedes bends

She got a lot of pretty pretty boys, that she calls friends.

How they dance in the courtyard sweet summer sweat

Some dance to remember some dance to forget.

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NEW MILLENNUIM REAL ESTATE OFFICES

Harm walked into the offices with every intension of purchasing the house after he had blasted the Agent for never showing up for the appointment.

He found the Agent in a foul mood.

"Mr. Rabb. I do not appreciate being stood up. We agreed to call if there was need to postpone the visit."

"Stood up! Look here, I reached that house before time. You are the one who never showed up. The caretaker had to show me around."

"What Caretaker." The Agent was puzzled.

"The young black woman. Good looking too."

"Did you get her name?"

"Yes, had quite a ring-a-roll about getting it. It's Stephanie Woods, said folks called her Stevie."

The Agent paled.

"You alright?" Harm was alarmed by the ashen look the man had suddenly turned to.

"Only you could not have met Stevie."

"What do you mean I couldn't have met her? I tell you I saw and spoke with her this morning!"

"And I tell you that that is impossible! Stevie used to work here and has been dead for over twenty years!"

Harm just gaped at the men. Then grinned, "Does that mean we can negotiate the price down? After all the house IS haunted."

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'Relax" said the night man

"We are programmed to receive.

You can check out any time you like,

But you can never leave."

THE END.