Title: Harm and Mac Songbook: How Do I Live

Author: Rising Sun

Rated: PG

Classification: Angst

Summary: Someone dies. Who?

Disclaimer: JAG characters portrayed belong to JAG, CBS and Paramount Television. No copyright infringement intended. All other characters depicted are purely fictional and any similarities to actual people are purely coincidental.

Performing in this saga:

"How Do I Live" is sung by Leann Rimes

Feedback: Would be nice.

Author's note: The HMS series is written in a manner that allows for each story to be read as a self-contained story or as part of an arc. This story is part of a potential quartet:

· HMS22a: Honey

· HMS22b: Turn! Turn! Turn!

· HMS22c: For My Broken Heart

· HMS22d: How Do I Live

Story Written September 2001

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IT IS THE YEAR 2016 (NOVEMBER)

1919 LOCAL

ALL SOULS DAY

ALL SAINTS CEMETERY

"Mac?" The familiar voice called.

Without turning she replied "Yes Harm." She sounded tired.

He came up behind her. "Honey why didn't you wait for us?"

She shrugged. This date was always a drain on her emotional resources. This was a day she was a burden to herself and was of no use to any one. This was a day she really could not handle Harm or their four children. This was the day her baby had died. If pressed she'd correct the thought and say that it was the day our baby died but he hadn't carried that life, nurtured it and protected it for eight months and then lose it. Oh he was there all the way ... even had morning sickness but he just could not know. He tried and he mourned but he just could not know!

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How do I get through the night without you?

If I had to live without you

What kinda life would that be?

Oh I need you in my arms, need you to hold

You are my world, my heart, my soul

If you ever leave

Baby you would take away

Everything good in my life

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Instead she answered, "Where are the kids?"

"Over there." He pointed; she looked "Collecting and making wax balls. You know the usual ritual."

She nodded "Every year for All Souls Day Mac and Harm came to check on their first born. Harmon David Rabb III. And every year since their second born could walk he and then his siblings had made the rounds of the tombs and collected soft wax to make balls. It was now a competition between them to see who made the biggest wax ball.

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And tell me now

How do I live without you?

I want to know

How do I breathe without you?

If you ever go

How do I ever, ever survive?

How do I, how do I, oh how do I live

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Harm stared at the Tomb. It was so small! He could still remember as if it were yesterday the agony of losing a child and almost losing his wife. Mac had almost gone mad when the baby was born premature and dead. It was only then that he completely understood Bud's obsession and grief at the loss of Baby Sarah. It was not something he would wish on his worst enemy and that included Mic Brumby.

"It has been a year I would soon like to forget." Mac cut into his thoughts.

"Unfortunately it is one that will haunt us forever. And I suspect shape our lives. First Mom, then Frank, then Matt. "

"Crowned with the annual visit to HR," she said. "After fifteen years we still morn the loss."

"I doubt we will ever fully recover from the year 2016." He predicted.

"No more death Harm. My heart can't take much more."

"I know. I know."

The children came running up all eager for the judgment of their parents as to who had the biggest wax ball this year.

[Life goes on] Mac thought.

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Without you

There would be no sun in my sky

There would be no love in my life

There'd be no world left for me

THE END