Title: Harm and Mac Songbook: Survivor

Author: Rising Sun

Rated: PG-13 (NC-17 version available)

Classification: JAG Story/Angst/Romance: Harm/Mac

Summary: Harm takes some advice: You made your bed either lie in it and shut up or change the settings.

Disclaimer: JAG characters portrayed belong to JAG, CBS and Paramount Television. No copyright infringement intended. All other characters depicted are purely fictional and any similarities to actual

people are purely coincidental.

Performing in this saga:

Destiny’s Child off the CD Survivor sings “Survivor”

Feedback: Would be nice.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

OK here goes. The reason why: My boyfriend assures me that it is legit, as do all my male friends. As a female ... who can figure?

The HMS series is written in a manner that allows for each story to be read as a self-contained story or as part of an arc. This story is part of a possible quintet:

* HMS11a: It Wasn't Me

* HMS11b: Lady Love

* HMS11c: Emotions

* HMS11d: Last Night I Didn't Get to Sleep At All

* HMS11e: Survivor

WARNING: If you can't handle infidelity among your fav characters then DON'T READ THIS!

Story Written - 2001

****************************************

IT IS THE YEAR 2008

2200 LOCAL

RABB RESIDENCE

"At last they have fallen asleep." Mac admitted as she flopped down into the easy chair. Having two kids both under six years of age was a joy but not an easy job.

Harm stared at her and said, "Mac we need to talk."

She stretched like a cat and looked at him through half closed eyes, but said nothing. Harm knew better. She may look all sexy and sleepy but she was far from it. His words had her on high alert.

"It's been three months since we re-united but we are not together. I am in you bed but not your life." He had to choose his words carefully if he was to achieve his objective of life "ATD" {After The Disaster}. He licked his lips - a nervous reaction and dived in. "It has been six months since ... that ... happened and in six months we haven't touched ... haven't made love. You took me back but won't let me near you. I'm in the bed next to you but not with you."

Her focus looked like she was sitting the Bar. "Re-think that. I think you will see that you will need to re-phrase that statement Counselor." She said.

He paused, reviewed the statement in his mind then shook his head. "No I think I got it right. In a nutshell I'm in the bed next to you but not with you."

"Tell me ... this ... this ..." She waved her hand in search of the word and settled for "... thing that you seek. Think before you answer. Have you ever reached for me?"

He sat and stared and again licked his lips. "I ... I ... No." He said.

"Within three months of me seeing you betraying a most solemn trust and vow I take you back not only into my life but into my bed. You then have the gall to sit there, look at me and complain about the thorns in that bed? You made it! Either lie in it and shut up or change the settings. I'm going to bed I have work in the morning while you sir are on holidays." With that she left Harm to his thoughts.

=========================

I'm a survivor (what),

I'm not gonna give up (what)

I'm not gon' stop (what),

I'm gonna work harder (what)

I'm a survivor (what), I'm gonna make it

(what)

I'm a survivor (what), keep on survivin' (what)

=========================

Her words echoed in his head "You made it! Either lie in it and shut up or change the settings." She was right. The status of his family over the last six months has been his entire fault. The seven year itch in his pants had been scratched but at what cost.

He groaned. He wanted his wife in the worst way but was scared to touch her.

The thread that held them all together was so slight that he was scared that reaching for her would be misunderstood and the family ties would be shattered. The time had come for this man who had become a mouse to return to manhood. It was this same indecision that had nearly him to loose her to Mic Brumby and here he was doing it again. This was no example for his son or his daughter they needed a positive male force in their life and Mac needed a man not a watered down version of what used to be.

So what to so? He needed a plan.

=================================

1300 LOCAL

JAG HQ

FALLS CHURCH, VA

She sensed him. No need to raise her head to confirm.

"Mac."

She raised her head to reply. "Come in Harm."

"I need for you to take the week off." He asked.

"Harm I am Chief of Staff here. I can't just take off for a week."

"I used to work here remember? Of course you can. Cite personal reasons ... which is the truth. I don't like the bed I've made so I need to change the settings ... to do that I need you there."

"When you put it like that ... I suppose I could go to the Admiral." She whispered slowly.

"Go. I'll wait here for the answer." He urged.

=================================

1330 LOCAL

JAG HQ

FALLS CHURCH, VA

She returned with a grin. "He gave me two weeks with orders to come back with a tan!"

Harm's flyboy grin appeared.

She tilted her head to look at him.

"What?"

"Haven't seen that smile for a while."

"Hasn't been much to smile at wife." He said.

She nodded in agreement and started packing her briefcase. "Leave effective immediately." She explained.

=================================

LA JOLLA

CALIFORNIA

Trish Rabb had taken on the task as only a grandmother could of taking care of David and Catherine, while their parents went to aradise.

=================================

TWO DAYS LATER

RABB"S SUITE

JALOUISE HILTON

SAINT LUCIA, CARIBBEAN

As they started unpacking their bags Harm said. "I remember your e-mails about the islands when you were on Operation Clean Up."

"... and the subsequent island hoping honeymoon. Seems like a life time ago."

He stared at her his intent clear.

{Do this or don't, but don't hesitate.} She thought.

She crooked her finger at him in the Universal Signal for come. {Marines to the rescue as usual.} Harm was by her side in two steps. Their eyes locked. She placed her palm on his cheek, slid it up the side of his face, ran her fingers through his hair and then tugged ever so slightly.

Harm as on fire. After six months in a self-inflicted abyss Mac was touching him! He felt her tug and begin to pull his head down. He took over and began to kiss her. Gently at first then the urgency

began to build. She matched him step for step.

They stood there in the middle of the room and deepened the kiss. It moved from kiss to oral exploration. The hurt and the pain had to be erased, the familiar had to be re-established and the relationship re-built. This was much for one kiss to achieve but their souls needed that first contact before anything else could happen.

Harm broke the kiss for all of two seconds. "I love you Mac. That never ceased and never will." He claimed her again. As the kiss ran its course he lifted her in a bear hug and buried his head in her neck and spoke. "I'm a lucky man."

"A damn fool but lucky none the less." She agreed.

=================================

2100 LOCAL

RABB'S SUITE

JALOUISE HILTON

SAINT LUCIA, CARIBBEAN

Harm was a moving nerve. He was hyper-aware of every move and gesture Mac made.

She was well aware of his state. She wasn't much better.

"Finish what you started earlier." She commanded.

"Aye ma'am. Uh Mac."

"Later." She knew what he wanted. He was looking for full absolution by having a soul-to-soul talk. Now was NOT the time for that. "Later."

He nodded and reached for her and she went to him.

=================================

0200 LOCAL

RABB'S SUITE

They just lay in each other's arms spent and content.

"Mac I want to explain."

He obviously needed this. "OK Harm explain." She sat up and folded her arms.

"I was on my way to Bobbi Lathum's office when I met Renee Peterson in the hall way. Seems she's a regular director of the show Jaguar. I know it's your favourite show. So I figured if I could get an

autographed photo of David James Elliott and or Catherine Bell that's the name of the stars ... right? Any way if I got the photo I figured that it would make your week at least."

She said nothing but continued to stare at him.

He forged on. "We got to talking and one thing led to another... and then out of control." He dared not look at her.

She got out of bed and put on a robe. This was not a conversation to be having wearing only a birthday suit. She sat next to him. "The overwhelming emotion was pain. I still don't know what hurt most... that it was Renee, that it was at our house in our bed or that you did it at all?"

Silence.

"I can only grasp this by saying it's a male thing. What could have possessed you Harm!?" Even the memory was giving Mac trouble as she breathed deeply to calm herself.

He had started this and he was determined to deal with this specter he had created once and for all. He began. "How do I explain this? Males ... men respond to sexual stimuli with an almost instantaneous hard on EVERYTHING relates to that. We are in constant gear and ready to go. You may not like to hear this or even understand but I need to explain. Everything about you turns me on. Yet everything else out there turns me on too ... an good-looking woman walking down the lane, a steamy scene in a movie, your Victoria Secret catalog, your Victoria Secret underwear, you name it. With Renee it was the memory of the familiar. I should have used my head instead."

"Yeah you used your head alright."

=================================

0230 LOCAL

RABB'S SUITE

"The irony is that I had no strategy. What unfolded had not been planed but the effects could not been more effective. The reality was that I was so shocked by what I saw that I was numbed. I really had nothing to say - truly felt nothing. From loving you, the father of my children to feeling nothing in one fell swoop! ...and with Renee Harm ... God that hurt. I knew that maybe one day I would feel again but the coping mechanism that seemed to work for me at that time was to feel nothing. And being in that waking coma seemed to have been the best way to deal with the situation. Beside you were inflicting a far worse punishment than I ever could."

She continued.

"It was a dangerous state to be in. Had you asked for a divorce I would not have contested. I figured if in the end you wanted Renee that bad then all I could do was wish you the best, pray that you were blessed much success and happiness."

"Now I know how much I hurt you. For you my Lady are a fighting Marine who never rolls over for anything or anyone." Harm interjected.

"Eventually I got a grip." She admitted.

He hugged her. "Never again Mac. I promise. Never again."

"I know. I shall not go the way of some and blast you on the radio or diss you on the Internet. I catch a repeat performance and I WILL shoot you. Shoot to Kill." She repeated her vow of three months

earlier as a simple statement of fact and nothing but.

=================================

I'm wishin' you the best,

pray that you are blessed

Much success, no stress, and lots of

happiness

(I'm better than that)

I'm not gonna blast you on the radio

(I'm better than that)

I'm not gonna lie on you or yo family, yo

(I'm better than that)

I'm not gonna hate on you in the magazine

(I'm better than that)

I'm not gonna compromise my christianity

(I'm better than that)

You know I'm not gonna diss you on the

internet

('Cause my mama taught me better than that)

=================================

0700 LOCAL

GEORGE FL CHARLES AIRPORT - DEPARTURE LOUNGE

SAINT LUCIA, CARIBBEAN

"Were not for the fact that I have two children depending on me I would NEVER leave this place." Mac signed.

"When they can tackle the rain forest we'll do the family outing." Harm promised, then. "Never let it be said that this ole dog can't learn new tricks: I made the bed I didn't like it so I changed the settings."

"For sure." She leaned over and kissed him.

=================================

NINE MONTHS LATER

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CAPTAIN AND COLONEL RABB

ARE PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE THE BIRTH OF THEIR TWIN SONS

JAMES AND ELLIOTT

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

THE END