A Shadow at Dusk

Chapter 15

Wiping the sleep from his eyes, Luke stared in disbelief at the scene before him.  As soon as he had squeezed out the tiny opening to the cave, he had gasped in surprise.

The storm was long gone, the sky a stunning bright blue with only a smattering of white, puffy clouds.  The air was crisp, clean and still quite chilly, but if it weren't for the mounds of snow covering the landscape, it would have been hard to believe a blizzard of such magnitude had ever been anywhere near the area.

A lone bird, large and predatory, circled near Luke's position on the side of the mountain, dipping and soaring against the brisk wind.  Its raucous cry broke through the peace of the quiet morning.

Luke smiled slightly, sensing his wife easing through the cave opening.

"By the Force, would you look at that?"  Mara muttered behind him, causing Luke's smile to widen.

"Amazing, isn't it?" he said, as he turned toward her.  She was looking particularly beautiful this morning.  The extraordinary brightness of the daylight made her eyes gleam like precious jewels.  Even the tiny smudge of dirt near her nose was endearing.

He cupped her face in his hands and pushed her, a bit roughly, against the side of the mountain.

"Luke?"  Mara gasped before her mouth was covered completely.  He kissed her passionately, his hands roaming through her curly hair.  She did the only thing she could...she responded, returning his kiss as her arms slid around his shoulders, pulling him closer.

Passion quickly blazed between them, like a wildfire racing through dry grass.  Their Force-bond burst to life around them, snapping and sparkling like lightening with the intensity of their feelings.

They kissed eagerly, trying to feed the hunger that was consuming them.  Mara's knees suddenly buckled and Luke had to press her tighter into the wall behind her to keep her upright.

He tore his mouth from hers and buried his face in her neck, caressing a tender earlobe with his tongue.

"Luke," Mara mumbled again, kissing his satiny hair.  It wasn't a question, but Luke could sense her curiosity at his passion through their bond.

"You know, Mara," he whispered, running his open lips across her cheek.  "I don't think I'll ever understand why you are continually surprised that I can't keep my hands off you."

Mara pulled back to look at him.  "I don't know, Luke...I...guess...," she shook her head slightly.  "I suppose I'm just not used to someone caring that much for me."

"Mara," Luke chuckled softly.  "We've been married over a year.  You should be quite familiar with it by now."

Mara leaned forward and kissed him gently on the lips.  "I don't ever want to get used to it."  That earned her another passionate kiss, desire flaring hotly between them again.  Luke pressed her up against the wall, murmuring her name like a Jedi code chant.  But when he began to tug on her tunic, trying to pull it up, she stopped him, albeit reluctantly.

"Luke, don't forget; we're not alone here."

Luke groaned and leaned heavily against her.  "I like your friends very much, Mara, but I wish they were on the other side of the galaxy right now!"

Mara laughed, and then teased him softly, "You're just going to have to stop being so frisky in the mornings."

Luke looked at her a moment, and frowned slightly.  "Funny you should mention that."

Mara lifted a questioning eyebrow as she gently disengaged herself from his arms.  "Why?"

Luke shrugged.  "When I was waking up this morning, I had the strangest...I don't know...I suppose the best way to describe it is to say that my senses were tingling – flooded almost."

"Through the Force?"  Mara asked.

Luke nodded slowly.  "The feelings were coming through my Force sense, I think."

"Well, what were they?"

Luke smiled a bit sheepishly.  "Desire...lust...love.  It was almost overwhelming."

Mara snorted indelicately.  "Having erotic dreams again, Farmboy?"

Luke shrugged again.  "Maybe.  Don't know really – it stopped when I came fully awake though."  He paused a moment, staring off into the distance.  "Mmmmm...you're probably right.  It was just a sexual dream.  After all, you were all over me last night."

"I was not!"

Luke smiled smugly.  "Yes, you were."

*******************************

Shada watched Talon out of the corners of her eyes as he efficiently repacked his backpack.  He hadn't said much to her after they had climbed from their bedroll, dressing quickly in the dim light of the cave.

Not that he'd had much opportunity.  Luke had joined them not soon after with two steaming cups of caf that he had made in the tiny, portable caf-maker he carried in his pack 

"What?  No hot chocolate?"  Shada joked, feeling quite comfortable with the blond Jedi.  She was beginning to understand why Mara was so crazy about him.  He really was an exceptionally nice man.

Luke grinned.  "I'll make you some tonight," he promised, handing her one of the cups.  "Be careful.  It's hot."

Talon watched the teasing exchange between them and frowned heavily.  Shada shot him a curious glance.  Surely, he wasn't jealous?  But he turned away after taking his own cup from Luke.  The two men stepped aside and conferred quietly with one another, and Shada put it out of her mind, thinking she was mistaken.   Luke then left, easing out the small opening of the cave.  Mara, after finishing her own packing, followed him out.

Talon didn't say another word to Shada even though they had been alone in the cave for quite some time now.

Shada stuffed some of her gear in her own backpack, ramming it in a little angrily.  What in Sith's hell was wrong with him, she asked herself bitterly,  suddenly remembering all the reasons why she had avoided relationships in the past.

Talon shifted uncomfortably as he leaned forward to snap the fastenings on his backpack.  He was extremely conscious of the tension flowing between him and the woman a few feet away and he...he was afraid.  The memory of their previous intimate experience and how she had reacted the next morning was still fresh...raw on his nerves.

He knew he would not be able to handle it if the same thing happened again.  He had not realized it was possible he could fall more deeply in love with her than he had already been before, but what had occurred between them during the early morning hours had been his undoing – he was desperately, hopelessly infatuated with her, like nothing he had experienced since his callow youth.  If she rejected him now, it would kill him...deep inside.

**************************

When Mara quietly reentered the cave a few moments later, Talon was still working the fasteners on his backpack.  Mara had the strangest feeling he had been doing them over and over for some time.

Mara glanced over at Shada, who was kneeling near her own pack, and felt a fissure of surprise.  There was such an odd look on Shada’s face...a mixture of anger and...Mara blinked, she could only classify it as...yearning.  The overall feeling of uncertainty, discomfort and emotional pain emitting from the pair was almost overpowering.

Sithspawn, Mara thought.  What had happened between them now?

Suddenly noticing Mara, Shada acknowledged her presence with a brief nod and began to work with her own pack again. 

How many times can someone reorganize the same gear in the same backpack, Mara wondered, as she walked over to Shada.  As she passed Talon, she mentioned that Luke was working out the best path for the long climb down the remainder of the mountain and might need a little help.  Talon nodded, rose, and went to join Luke outside the cave.

Shada watched him leave, her eyes wandering longingly up and down his lean frame.  She barely noticed when Mara knelt beside her, but when she turned, she found Mara staring at her with a sly, little grin.

"You can wipe that smirk off your face, Jade," Shada growled, snapping shut the last of the fasteners on her backpack.

"What smirk is that, D’ukal?"

"You know what I’m talking about," Shada retorted, standing up to swing the pack onto her back.  "I can read the dirt in your mind from here."

Mara watched her for a moment and then grinned impishly.  "So why don’t you just seduce him, Shada?  You know you want to."

Shada whipped around to look at her in astonishment, color rising up from her neck into her face.  Sith!  She hadn’t blushed in years.  "I can’t believe you said that, Mara!   Karrde and I...we’re not..." she stuttered to a stop, the color deepening in her face.

"Yeah, uh huh," Mara scoffed. "Look, Shada, I’ve heard that old story until I’ve memorized it.  It’s a bunch of Dewback poodoo and you know it."  Mara stood up and faced her friend.  "I've seen how you two look at one another when you think no one is watching, like a couple of starving banthas.  I don't know how you two have stood it for this long.  Jump him, Shada; he won’t turn you down.  He’s as crazy about you as you are him."

"You don’t know what you’re talking about, Mara," Shada mumbled, not meeting her eyes.  "It's more complicated than you realize."

Mara sighed, shaking her head in disgust. "And I thought Luke and I were stubborn."  She put her hand on Shada’s shoulder, squeezing it gently. "Luke and I danced around each other for ten years, neither one of us brave enough to confront our feelings.  Don’t waste time like we did...you will regret it for the rest of your life if you do."

Mara started to move away, but Shada touched her arm.  "Do you know what happens when a Shadow Guard makes a commitment to one man?"

Mara turned, looking at her friend.  "No."

"When someone of my rank decides to live with a man, the Shadow Guard usually expels her.  It is not always the case with the higher officers and especially not with the Eleven Elders themselves, but for the lower rank and file, there are no exceptions."

Mara frowned.  "I don't understand, Shada.  Why would you be worried about that?"  She stopped and pondered for a moment, unsure exactly how to confront Shada, not wanting to hurt her feelings.  She decided to just say it.  "You've been banished from the Shadow Guard anyway, Shada.  Why are you concerned with their rules anymore?"

Shada took a deep breath and let it out slowly, her hand tightening on Mara's arm.  "Sometimes a Guard can be reinstated, especially when the member of the Eleven who did the expelling dies.  Paloma D'asima is old; she won't live much longer."

"Is she the one who banished you?"  Mara asked.  Shada nodded and Mara continued, "So you think you could be reinstated?"

"There's a chance.  Karoly D'ulin is next in line to become one of the Eleven.  She has been a friend for a long time.  If she should win the position, then...there is...a possibility."  Shada dropped her hand from Mara's arm and moved back a little, turning her back to Mara.

There was a long silence as the two friends contemplated what had been said.  Finally, Mara murmured.  "Shada, are you sure that's what you want?  That life again?"

Shada whirled around, and Mara blinked in surprise at the glistening of tears in the dark gray eyes.  "I don't know what I want," Shada spat angrily.  "Don't you understand, Mara?  I've never been an indecisive woman in my life.  I have always known exactly what I wanted and I've gone after it until I've gotten it.  But, damn all Siths to hell, that man has me so..." her voice trailed off.

Mara lifted an eyebrow.  "Tell me something, Shada D'ukal.  If Karoly D'ulin walked into this cave right now and had the power to offer you a position as one of the Eleven Elders, would you take it?"

Shada lifted horrified eyes.  "That's not fair."

"The hell it's not.  Come on, Shada; work this out.  Your happiness and...Talon's too, depends on it."   Mara moved a little closer to Shada.  "When I was the Emperor's Hand, I thought my life was perfect.  I was devoted to it and that Sith monster.  But it was a cold and empty life, Shada, meaningless.  I was nothing but a killer, told when and what to do and what to think ... and what I have seen of the Shadow Guards, they're very similar.  Just where is the higher purpose in a life like that, Shada?"

Shada moved impatiently, but Mara held up her hand.  "Let me finish.  When I think back on that life and compare it to what I have now, believe me when I tell you, it's no contest.  Do you want that life again – lying on cold sheets somewhere on some distant planet you hardly know on some mission you really don't care about, planning on killing someone who never once harmed you?  Or do you want someone warm and gentle to hold you at night, to make you feel safe and loved, cherished and adored?  It's what life is meant to be, Shada, and Talon can give you those things, all of them.  Don't be a fool and throw him and the life you could have together away."

"You're just saying that because he's your friend, Mara," Shada mumbled. 

"Yes, he's my friend," Mara scoffed impatiently, "but he's your lover."

Shada's mouth opened automatically to protest and then shut with an audible snap.  Mara was much closer to the truth than she probably realized.

A sound at the front of the cave drew their attention.  Luke eased through the small opening and stood up, brushing some of the dust from his clothes. 

Mara lifted her eyebrows at Shada and then walked over to Luke.  She reached up and kissed him gently on the mouth, encouraging him when he pulled her into his arms and deepened the kiss.  They swayed together, laughing a little even as they kissed. Then they broke apart, smiling gently at one another, as Mara smoothed his unruly hair back from his forehead.

"I thought you didn't want to do that in front of our friends," Luke whispered in her ear.

"Let's just say I'm trying to make a point," Mara told him.

Although Shada couldn't hear what they said, her lips pressed tightly together.  She knew what Mara was doing – telling her in her own way that she could have the same thing, a loving, intimate relationship with a man who cared deeply for her.

***************************

The climb down the mountain was long and arduous, but thankfully, uneventful.  The tiny group of four tired people gathered at the top of a small foothill and stared at the intimidating dark green forest in front of them.  Evergreen trees as wide as landspeeders dotted the horizon like great black statues, seemingly moving in some relentless march.

The wind ruffled Shada's dark hair, lifting it gently away from her face.  She had taken it down from her tight braid as soon as they were off the mountain.  It hung loosely about her shoulders, the cool breezes drying out the strands dampened by sweat from her exertion as they had climbed down.

She walked away from the others and sat down on a large rock, pulling her backpack over into her lap.  She lifted her face to the wind again, enjoying the short rest period Luke had called before they were to continue their way into the forest.

Talon couldn't seem to keep his eyes off Shada.  She looked like some ancient Emberlene goddess, her hair gleaming in the sunlight like the sable mane of a male vornskr.

He felt a strange ache growing in the center of his chest, a vast emptiness he knew only she could fill.  Suddenly, he regretted his actions in the cave.  He should have talked to her when they had been alone, should have told her of his feelings, especially after the wonderful moments they had shared in the bedroll.  Shada had been responsive, loving; he couldn't have asked more of her, yet in the cold light of morning, he had been frightened.  He was not a coward, he would tackle just about any obstacle thrown at him, from enemies to conspiracies to betrayals, but facing this woman, and possible rejection, was the hardest thing he had ever done in his life.

Talon moved over and sat down behind her on the flat rock.  He didn't say anything, knowing it was neither the time nor the place.  He simply watched her strong back, the play of muscles as they rippled when she moved slightly.  He ached to touch her, to feel again how she was uniquely hard, yet silky soft.  Skin over sinew, he thought, satin over stone.

"Shada," he whispered, so softly only she could hear.

At first, she didn't acknowledge him, but finally she leaned her head down and turned it slightly so that he could see her profile, the high cheekbones, the beautifully carved mouth.  A knot formed in the pit of his stomach and started a carousel dance.

"We need to talk," he blurted out before he could stop himself.

A strange emotion flickered across her face, one he couldn't really read, but she inclined her head a little more and said softly, "I know."

Relief poured into him, stunning him, and he slumped slightly, his arm brushing against her back.  They would talk; there would be no more shying away from it, no more dodging the issue.  It would be resolved, one way or another.

***********************

"It's the only way to cover the majority of the forest," Luke said, taking a deep breath.  They had finished the walk down the small foothill and were at the beginning of the great forest.  "If we separate now, we can finish the job more quickly and be on our way back to Coruscant, hopefully having solved the problems this planet is having."

"Which way do you want me to go?"  Mara asked.

Luke looked at her in surprise.  "No, I didn't mean we separate individually.  I thought we should go in pairs.  Two minds are better than one.  Besides, if we run into trouble of any kind, it would be better to have a partner."

Mara narrowed her eyes suspiciously, but Luke only looked at her and commented,  "I thought Talon and Shada could take the northwest, we'll take the other side."

Mara smiled slightly.  "You don't think we should separate so there is a Jedi in each pair."

Luke's face fell, disappointment etching the corners of his mouth.  He knew it was probably the most appropriate plan, but he didn't want to give up the time he would have with Mara.

"We'll be fine, Mara.  You go with Luke," Shada suddenly said.

Mara turned and looked at her, but Shada only watched her calmly.  Something passed between the two women, something subtle and intangible that caused the men to glance at one another, puzzled.  Suddenly, Mara's lip twitched.  "Of course, I know you can take care of yourselves.  I'll go with Skywalker and try to keep him out of trouble."

Shada laughed softly, enjoying Mara's little joke.  Coming down the mountain, she had placed one foot before the other, almost automatically, her mind literally consumed with the conversation she had had with her friend in the dim light of the cave.

She had once heard that on the point of death, a person's life sometimes flashed before their eyes.  She was far from death, but her life in the last few hours had been reeling before her like a bad holofilm.  Years of combat, sleuth and subterfuge training, one dangerous mission after another, close friends dying suddenly and violently.  And finally, all that time, all those years, as Mazzic's bodyguard, bouncing from one hell-hole of a planet to another, fending off all his advances and those of his crew...

And for what?  For the first time in her life, she truly confronted that question.  What had it all been for?  The glory and rebirth of Emberlene, an Emberlene who had caused its own problems in the first place ... or had it been for the Shadow Guard who had become, not the noble warriors she had believed them to be, but a simple mercenary group, out for monetary gain ... or was it for herself, working toward the fulfillment of an ambition she now feared, now knew, had been groundless and lacking in principle?

"Where's the higher purpose in a life like that, Shada?"  Mara's words kept ringing in her head, over and over, like some mystic chant.  "Is that what you want, Shada?  That life again?"

And abruptly, Shada knew...knew she wanted no more of it, no more death, no more struggle, no more false purposes in life.  With a fierceness that surprised her, she suddenly wanted what Mara had – a love so special, it couldn't be hidden, couldn't be secreted away, as bright and shining as the great gas giant Yavin itself, open and flourishing for the entire galaxy to see.

"Shada."

She was so deep in her thoughts, she almost jumped out of her skin when Talon said her name softly.  He was standing at her shoulder, his pack secured on his back, obviously ready to begin their trek into the forest.

He smiled at her.  "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you."

She shook her head, her eyes wandering all over his lean, masculine face.  "That's all right, I was just thinking."

His smiled widened.  "I don't think I've ever seen you that deep in thought."

Shada hardly heard him.  She continued to stare at him, as if she'd have to describe him in detail in the not too distant future.  Was he the one?  Was this the man she could spend the rest of her life with?  She knew he cared for her, but what did she feel?  She was attracted to him physically, of that there was no doubt, her very blood seemed to sing when he touched her.  But she had never been 'in love', never had a really close relationship with a man ... she wasn't sure ...

Suddenly, she realized Talon was waving his hand slowly back and forth before her face.  "Shada?  Come in, Shada.  Talon to Shada...are you there?"

She blinked, conscious that he was trying hard not to laugh.  "I'm sorry," she sighed.

"You seem a bit distracted.  Are you all right?"

She shook her head.  "I'm fine, Talon.  It's nothing."

He watched her for a moment, then nodded.  "I suppose we should get moving.  Mara and Luke have been gone for a while now."

Shada looked around, startled.  She hadn't even realized that the Jedi couple had left.  She bit her lip.  How could she have let her attention wander so?  They weren't exactly in the safest environment.  She took a deep breath, focusing herself.

"Talon?"

He smiled.  "Yes?"

"I...," she stopped and suddenly began to dig in her backpack.

"What is it, Shada?"

"Nothing...it's nothing, just forget it," she snapped.  She put her backpack on the ground and began to braid her loose hair.

Talon watched, fascinated, as she expertly created several strands, braided them tightly together, then wound them around her head.  She knelt, pulling something from the top of her backpack.  She started fastening the braids together with a series of zenji needles.

Talon's mouth dropped open slightly.  He hadn't seen her wear the zenji needles since she had arrived on the planet.  Her demeanor had changed in the blink of an eye.  She was all business now, preparing herself for any trouble they might encounter.

He sighed heavily.  Just for a moment there, he'd thought ... but apparently, any chance of the promised discussion between them at this moment was gone now.

"Do you want to lead?" he asked as she stood and heaved her pack onto her back.

She shook her head.  "No, why don't you?"

He was a bit surprised since he was used to her taking the lead, knowing she found it hard to give up the old bodyguard habits.  But he moved toward the forest, listening for her to fall in step behind him.

It was already mid-afternoon and Talon knew they could probably only travel for a few more hours before looking for a place to camp for what would decidedly be another long and cold night.

Once they were under the heavy trees, the bright light from the system's huge star dimmed considerably.  The breezy winds dampened and only the sounds of the forest itself surrounded them.  Occasionally, they caught sight of some of the planet's various wildlife, but none of them seemed dangerous or aggressive, only curiously watching the humans as they carefully passed by.

"I don't think I've ever been in a forest quite like this," Talon finally muttered, just loud enough for Shada to hear.  The enormous trees around them reached like great fingers for the bright sky above them.  Most were evergreens, dark and leafy with strange needle-like foliage.  But there were other trees, just as massive, whose huge leaves were changing into the russet golds and reds that signaled the approaching cold season.   Yet, everywhere about them, the ground was covered with spongy green growth, as if the forest floor had snubbed its nose at the frozen weather.

"I thought you lived on Myrkr for a while," Shada said, moving a little closer to him.  "Isn't it famous for its forests?"

"I did live on Myrkr," Talon answered, feeling the familiar little pang of regret he always felt whenever he thought of the planet that for so many years he had considered home.  "You're right, it has great forests too, like no other because of all the high metal content in the trees, but there's something about this one ...  I don't know, Shada, I can't quite put my finger on it."

*******************************

About two kilometers to the east, Mara and Luke came upon a small clearing, blinking at the brightness of the sudden sunlight after the dimness of the vast forest.

"Do you feel it?"  Luke asked quietly.  He stood ramrod straight, his eyes slightly unfocused.

Mara stood beside him, an identical expression on her face.  "I can't feel anything.

"That's it," Luke whispered.  "Do you sense that emptiness...like a blank spot...where there is nothing...no life...no Force.  Nothing."

Mara concentrated, reaching out with the Force.  Suddenly, she felt it...or she didn't feel it.   It was strange, like something she had never experienced before.  A great well of...nothing, no emotions, no life, no anything.  It was the oddest thing she had ever encountered.  A shiver ran down her spine, leaving her suddenly feeling very cold.

"What the hell is that, Luke?"

He shook his head.  "I don't know, Mara.  I've never felt anything like it."  He didn't tell her he had a bad feeling about it and that it was something he never wanted to feel again.

The Jedi couple moved closer to one another, as if unconsciously seeking comfort from the presence of the other.  "It's not at all like the same feeling when there are ysalamiri around, Luke."

"I know.  It's different, completely different.  The Force is all around us, vibrant and strong, except for that space...that complete emptiness.  It's devoid of everything...like a black hole in the Force."

"I don't like it," Mara mumbled, easing her hand into his and gripping it tightly. 

"Neither do I, sweetheart," Luke said, lacing his long fingers around hers.  "Neither do I."

On to Chapter 16

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