Gen X Bears
	I have just returned home from a meeting with this amazing group of guys who I truly admire in so many ways.  The group I belong to is called Gen X Bears Toronto and the group fosters people who are bears, cubs, otters, admirers of these people and pretty much anyone in the known animal kingdom.  For the unfamiliar, a bear is someone who is big, hairy and gay and although that description seems pretty exact, this group doesn't exclude anyone for not being one of these distinctions.  They just discriminate whiners. (I know someone reading this will love that)
Tonight was pretty emotional and rewarding in the same breath. Words were spoken, but no one left the room in anger.  At some point, we all just seem to look at each other and transport ourselves to what we have become: an entire group of individuals who all just want to make the world a little less hating towards anyone and ensure safety for all.  Its that sort of feeling that seems to be created every meeting whether or not there were tense moments or bitter words.  We all want to be there hell or high water and we'll do whatever we can to make do with our egos.
The key to getting as far as we have gone is not love, its respect and that's not an easy quality to find in a group.  When I was young, I was constantly searching for that sense of comradery in anyone and I felt if I applied myself, if I really did the work, I would be rewarded for my effort.  My first attempt at working with a collective was not that successful.
It was the beginning of grade seven, only a few years till I reached high school when I was elected to Minto School's student council.  It was an achievement since I was the only guy elected to position.  There I sat with Lisa Rea, Lisa Graham, Tannis Graham and Carrie Dowd and I truly felt that if I worked with them, they would accept me and really listen.  Well everything was fine until Mrs. Cruise left the room.  That was when the teasing began.
Every meeting I endured a vote to have me removed from the council, not because I was stupid or unable to see their point of views.  This was elementary school.  No I was shunned because I was male and worse, not the popular male to boot.  I was the geeky male who somehow got by using his head and not by chasing the girls around during recess.  At least now I know why and have my excuse, but then, my disinterest was a little more ambiguous.  I didn't chase the guys around either.
The whole experience can be summed up by the overnight sleepover meeting that was planned in October of that year.  It all sounded good till I found out the schematics.  First, the meeting was planned on my birthday.  I was willing to sacrifice that.  Second, while the girls were sleeping downstairs all in the same space, I was relegated to sleeping in the living room on the main level by myself simply because of my gender.
That was the last straw.  I abandoned the overnight meeting and had the best birthday ever with family, that I can save for another article.  I did my job to the best of my ability, but I never bothered to gel with the others for anything again.  I would eventually do other student councils, but most ended up the same way, ah I, filled with wonderous hope.  It took a lot for me to go back to group work and even now, I would still rather work by myself and alone some days.  When a group goes wrong, its hards to get back that feeling of togetherness.
I was a little hesitant with Gen X Bears Toronto, I will admit that, but what I have found are a group of guys, who have all been excluded whether by sexuality or other means and none of these guys wants to go down that road again.  They know what its like to need a place of belonging and in most cases, they all know the path of feeling like they have to the work alone.  Time will tell whether the group makes an impact on the gay and lesbian community or whether the movement will die within time.  This is what I do know: they have made me find my faith in others again and made me believe that if a group of people come together for the same cause, in the long run, they will succeed. In that way of thinking, the forest doesn't seem nearly so big and alone and that's the greatest feeling in the world.