The Wish - Part 23

Brian walked in the room.  He didn’t realize he was holding his breath until he saw Justin turn to look at him from his bed. 

“Hey.” Justin said.  He had lots of bruises and scrapes on his face and his arms, but despite the pain he was in, he smiled at Brian with his mega-watt Sunshine smile.

Brian slowly made his way to the bed, his eyes running up and down Justin’s form under the hospital blanket.  “You really are ok,” he said quietly, relief and joy overcoming him. 

Justin covered Brian’s hand with his own.  “I’m fine.”

Brian sighed, leaning closer to Justin and hugging the boy to his body, needing to feel Justin’s warm skin against his own. 

“Brian…Brian….BRIAN.”

“Hmm, what?”  Brian opened his eyes and looked around, unsure of his surroundings.

“We’re here,” Michael said when Brian focused his eyes on him.

Brian looked outside the cab window and noticed that they were parked in front of his building.  He saw Michael open the door and get out of the cab after paying the driver and he followed his best friend to the entrance to the building.  They took the elevator up and Michael used his key to open the door into the loft. 

As soon as they were inside Michael led him into the bedroom.  Sitting the ad exec down on the bed, Michael reached for the object clutched in Brian’s hand.  Justin’s jacket soaked in blood.  The paramedics gave it to him after they removed it off Justin in the ambulance. 

“No,” Brian said quietly, holding the jacket closer to his chest.

“I just want to help you change,” Michael said with concern.  He found Brian in the waiting room of the hospital, waiting for the doctors to tell them whether Justin was going to be ok.  Covered in blood and clutching Justin’s jacket to himself.  Crying.  And Michael was shocked and scared, because he finally realized how much the blonde brat that always teased him and got on his nerves meant to his friend. 

“Go.”

“What?”

“Just go,” Brian’s words were barely audible.

“Brian, I don’t think…”

“Please.  Just go,” he whispered. 

Michael nodded, taking a step back.  “If you need anything at all and I mean anything, call me, ok?”

He thought he saw Brian nod his head, so he turned around and with one last glance at his grief-stricken best friend, Michael left.

Brian raised the jacket in his hands to his face, breathing in his lover’s smell, but all he could feel and smell was blood.  He put the jacket down on the bed next to him, then stood up and headed into the bathroom.

~~~

A man is placed upon the steps, a baby cries,
And high above the church bells start to ring
And as the heaviness the body oh the heaviness settles in
Somewhere you can hear a mother sing

 

Jennifer opened the door into her daughter’s room and walked in.  Molly was sitting on the bed talking to a friend on the phone, but she quickly hung up as soon as she saw the expression on her mother’s face.  Jennifer sat down next to Molly on the bed and put her arms around her little girl.  She held her daughter as both of them cried.

Then it's one foot then the other as you step out onto the road

 

Michael and Vic held Debbie as she cried after Michael told them what happened. 

How much weight? How much weight?

 

Ted sat down next to crying Emmett on the couch.  He put his arm around his friend, watching the tears roll down the other man’s face.

Then it's how long? And how far? And how many times before it's too late?

 

Lindsay and Melanie were getting ready for Ben’s surprise party when they heard the phone ring.  Lindsay went to answer the phone and Melanie was giving the babysitter instructions when she heard Lindsay’s scream.  She rushed into the living room to find her wife staring at her in shock as the tears poured down her face.  Lindsay clung to Melanie as the two women cried.

Calling all angels
Calling all angels

Walk me through this one
Don't leave me alone

 

Nick dropped the phone, trying to catch his breath.  He leaned against the wall, but his chest just felt too heavy for his legs to support him.  Kevin rushed over to him when he saw Nick slide down to the floor, crying. 

Calling all angels
Calling all angels
We're crying and we're hurting
And we're not sure why...

 

Caleb sat on his couch, staring blankly at the phone in his hand, oblivious to Mark’s hands around his shoulders.

And every day you gaze upon the sunset with such love and intensity
It's almost...it's almost as if… if you could only crack the code
Then you'd finally understand what all this means
But if you could...do you think you would trade in all the pain and suffering?
Ah, but then you'd miss the beauty of the light upon this earth
And the sweetness of the leaving

 

Brian didn’t recognize the man staring back at him in the mirror.  It wasn’t him.  Couldn’t be him.  But yet it was.  He had blood on his cheeks and lips.  He looked down at his hands and they too were covered in blood.  Slowly, he opened the faucet.  He didn’t think he’d ever get the blood off his hands.  He wasn’t sure he wanted to.  That was all he had left of Justin.  His blood.  He would never be closer than this to the teen ever again.  

*I wish I didn’t meet Justin that night.*

He remembered making the wish.  The wish that changed everything.  The wish that got him to this point.  And he knew he had to change it.  Change it all back.  No matter how bad things were before…in this other lifetime, he knew that Justin was alive there.  And that was all that mattered. 

He turned off the faucet and left the bathroom.  Getting the keys out of the pocket of his jacket, Brian went in search of the only person who could help him.

~~~

She saw him the moment he walked through the door.  The man looked nothing like the Brian Kinney everybody on Liberty Avenue knew and wanted.  He was a mess.  His face covered in blood and dried tears, his white t-shirt now blood-red.  She knew why he was there before he even spoke a word.

“I need your help,” he said.

~~~
 

“I’m not sure what we’re looking for exactly,” Mysterious Marilyn said as they walked into her apartment.  She opened a box where she kept most of her crystals and charms, going through each one of them, trying to find the one Brian had described to her.  “Crystals don’t have the power to do something like that.  They can’t just change realities like that.”

“But it did.  You told me to make a wish.  And it changed everything,” Brian insisted, looking around the room.  His gaze stopped on a small glass object on a bookshelf.  “This is it,” he said, picking up the familiar crystal.

“That?  No, that can’t be,” she shook her head, looking over the crystal in Brian’s hand.  “I just bought this at some flea market a few months ago.  I just thought it looked pretty.  That’s all.  No powers or anything like that.”

“This is it,” Brian repeated, more forcefully this time. 

Mysterious Marilyn shrugged, backing off.  “Ok, then.”

“What do I do now?”

“Uh…just do what you did then.  Just wish for everything to go back to how it was before, I guess.”  She really had no idea how this all happened.  She sensed that things weren’t how they were supposed to be when she first laid eyes on the stud of Liberty Avenue that night at Woody’s, but she had no idea what exactly happened or that it would lead to a horrible ending. 

Brian nodded and headed out.  “Thanks,” he said before he closed the door behind him.

“Good luck.”

~~~

Brian pulled the door shut and then walked over to the kitchen and threw the keys on the counter.  Without turning the lights anywhere, he headed straight for the bedroom, dropping down on the bed without taking his clothes off.  He took Justin’s jacket that he left on the bed earlier and hugged it close to his chest with his left hand, while still clutching the small glass crystal in his right hand.  This crystal was his only way out of this nightmare.  His only hope. 

“I wish…I wish that things went back to normal.  I wish that I did meet Justin that night.  I wish I never made that wish.”  He needed it to work.  It had to work.  He had no idea what he’d do if it didn’t.  He silently repeated the wish in his head over and over again.  Then putting the crystal under his pillow, he rolled on his side, holding Justin’s jacket even closer to himself and drifted off to sleep.

~~~

He opened his eyes and looked around.  The loft was filled with sunlight and he squinted, trying to adjust to the bright light.  His mouth was dry and he started to get up to get some water when he felt something in his arms.  Looking down he saw Justin’s jacket still clutched in his hands.  Brian sat up quickly, feeling his heart beating hard.  “No.”  His breath caught in his throat when he held the jacket in front of him, noticing the bloody stains.  “NO!”  He ran into the living room.  He noticed a light blinking on the answering machine and he pressed the ‘play’ button.

“Brian, it’s me.”  It was Michael.  “I’m just…I’m just calling to see how you are.  If maybe you need anything.  Or just wanna talk.  I’m here.  Ok?  I…well…ma…she talked to Jennifer…uhm…Jus…Justin’s mother and…God…I thought you might wanna know…the funeral…it’s tomorrow at twelve.  I’m really sorry, Brian.  I’m here, ok?  Call me.”

Funeral.  Justin’s funeral.  He thought he was going to be sick.  It didn’t work.  The wish didn’t work.  The fucking crystal didn’t work.  He changed the past and now he was stuck in this nightmare…and…Justin was DEAD.  And there was NOTHING he could do about it.  It was all his fault and there was no way he could change it all back.

~~~

Calling all angels
Calling all angels

 

Brian closed his eyes, tuning out the voice of the minister.  The pain he felt was so intense, he had to remind himself to breathe at times.  He felt broken.  He spent the last two days in a daze, unaware of anything else going on around him.  He wasn’t sure how he got here today.  Didn’t remember getting dressed or driving to the cemetery.  Just moving on autopilot.  Doing what he was supposed to be doing.  Like standing near Justin’s grave staring at the coffin…the box that held his lover’s body.  His stomach churned at the thought and he had to look away.

Walk me through this one
Don't leave me alone

 

He looked at the people surrounding the grave…Justin’s family, his friends.  There were a lot of people here today.  Not that it surprised him.  It was impossible not to love Justin once you had met him.  He instantly won your heart over.  Of course, most of these people didn’t fight it as much as he did.  He wondered who some of them were.  There were a lot of kids Justin’s age.  He thought that maybe they were his friends from high school, but then remembered Justin’s horror stories about his high school experiences. 

Calling all angels
Calling all angels

 

He looked over to his right. Daphne was there with her parents.  Next to them stood Melanie and Lindsay, Ted and Emmett all huddled together, comforting each other.  Michael and Vic were standing next to Debbie.  He couldn’t even look at where Jennifer and Molly sat, so he moved his gaze to the other side, immediately noticing Nicholas.  He looked like he was barely able to stand and Kevin had to support him.  And Brian wondered how he himself managed to actually stand on his own as well.  Next to them stood Caleb with some brown-haired guy who Brian assumed was his boyfriend Justin kept talking about all the time.  Caleb looked up and stared back at him.  Brian could tell that it was almost as hard for Caleb to be here as it was for him.  That he was using his last reserve of strength to stand straight. 

We're trying
We're hoping
We're hurting
We're loving
We're crying
We're calling

 

The sound of the wheels turning startled him.  He felt as if his heart was being torn out of his body when he saw Justin’s coffin slowly being lowered into the grave.  He tried to take a breath in, but it was if there was a huge rock lying on his chest, constricting the flow of oxygen.  He closed his eyes, trying to lock out the pain he was feeling, but it was unbearable.  He had to get out of there before the world closed in on him completely and there would be no turning back. 

He started to walk away and he felt losing a piece of his heart with every step that he took away from the grave and Justin.

  ‘Cause we're not sure how this goes

~~~

He pounded on the door harder and harder, not paying attention to a couple of neighbors that peeked out from their cozy little apartments to see what all the commotion was about.  Finally the door opened.  Without a wig and high heels Mysterious Marilyn looked small.  The make up on her face was the only thing that told Brian he got the right apartment.  He pushed his way through the door before he could get any objections.

“You have to fix it.  You have to take me back there,” he blurted out.

“Brian, I…”

“You said that he’s the key.  That he’d lead me to the truth.  Well, how the hell is he supposed to do that if he’s dead?”

“The truth is inside you, Brian.  Always had been.”

“What truth?!  Tell me.  Tell me what the hell all this is for?  Why can’t I just go back?  Back to where things actually made sense.  Back to where Justin was alive.”

“I don’t…” she sighed, “Maybe you…you are not meant to fix things.”

That stopped him cold.  “What?”

“Maybe you were supposed to learn something from it all.”

Brian clenched his jaw, trying to control his emotions.  “Learn something?  What was I supposed to learn?  What it’s like to watch somebody you care about die?”  He swallowed hard.  “Or…or what it feels like to see your lover be put into the GROUND?!”  He shouted.  “Is THAT what I was supposed to learn?!  Was THAT the big lesson? HUH?!”  He got in her face.  “Well, I learned.  I fucking aced it.  NOW.  TAKE.  ME.  BACK.”

“I don’t know how,” she said quietly.

“Just get me back there,” he pleaded.  “Please…just…please…” his voice cracked as he tried to fight off the tears threatening to spill.  “Please,” he whispered.

She took a step back and stared at him, sadness filling her eyes.  “I can’t.”

He looked back at her, as he took a step back, defeated.  He closed his eyes, the feeling of hopelessness overwhelming him, as the tears silently flowed down his face. 

~~~

Debbie knocked again and when there was still no answer, she used the key Michael gave her to open the door into the loft.  She noticed that Brian wasn’t at the wake and when she asked around and nobody seemed to know where he had gone to, she began to worry about him.  She had lost one of her boys.  She wasn’t about to lose another one. 

She saw him immediately, sitting on the floor, leaning against the couch.  An almost empty bottle of Jim Beam in his right hand. 

“I got this for him over a month ago.”

Debbie looked up at him, startled.  She wasn’t sure he knew that she was the one there, but he always joked that she put so much perfume on, he could smell her a mile away.  She put her purse on one of the barstools and then walked over to him, taking a seat on the couch, noticing a box wrapped in a blue paper and a light blue bow on it sitting on the coffee table.

“I almost didn’t give it to him,” he spoke up again, without looking up at her.  “But then I thought, ‘stop being such a coward and give him what he wants.’”

“I’m sure he would have loved it, whatever it was,” she said.

He snorted and turned to look at her.  “Yeah.  I gave him an even better present.  I got him killed.”  He put the bottle down and then, unsteadily, stood up. 

“Brian…”

“None of this would have happened if only he had gone to the stupid violin recital with Melanie and Lindsay, like he was supposed to.  But no, I HAD to go there and change everything.  I had to make the stupid wish and now everything’s different.”

She stood up and walked over to him.  “What are you talking about?  What wish?”

He just shook his head.  “Forget it.  It doesn’t matter anymore.  Won’t change anything.”

The look of devastation on his face scared her.  Debbie took his face in her hands.  “This wasn’t your fault, kiddo.  That’s why it’s called an accident.  It’s nobody’s fault.  It just happened.”

“That’s bullshit,” he shook his head, getting away from her.  “I did this.”

“The only thing you did was make him happy.”

“How do you know?”

“Because he got what he wanted for his birthday.  He got to spend his day with you.  So, I KNOW that he was happy.”

Brian looked away, blinking away the tears.  His gaze landed on the blue box still sitting on the coffee table.  Same place he put it three days ago, just before he went over to Justin’s dorm.  Still waiting to be opened.  Waiting to be gushed over and smiled at as Justin unwrapped it.  Waiting to be put aside while Justin attacked him with his beautiful lips to thank Brian for the gift.  And now that will never happen.  Justin will never walk through the door and see his present.  His eyes will never light up as he rips the blue paper.  He’ll never feel Justin’s lips on his own.  Justin’s skin against his.  NEVER. 

Seeing the only outlet for his anger, Brian picked up the blue box and threw it across the room.  Debbie jumped, startled at the loud sound of the box smashing against the wall. 

“Oh, God,” Brian whispered as he realized that he just destroyed the only thing he had left of Justin, of that day.  He rushed over and dropped down to his knees, frantically trying to put together the brushes and the pencils among other contents of the box.  He saw it in an art store near PIFA one day when he was picking the teen up after class.  He had gotten the most expensive…everything.   Anything an artist would need.  Afterwards, he found a beautiful wooden box to hold it all in.  He knew that Justin would love it.  He could even imagine the excitement on his lover’s face when Justin would open it and read the inscription on the top cover of the box. 

Debbie kneeled next to him, trying to help picking up everything off the floor.  Suddenly he stopped and picked up the cover of the box.  ‘To Justin from your Number One fan’, it read. 

“This is why I never wanted this,” he said quietly.  “I never wanted to love anybody.  I never wanted to love HIM.”

Debbie stroked the hair on his back.  “But you did.”

He looked over at her and nodded.  He stopped trying to fight the tears off and allowed them to fall freely.  Debbie wrapped her arms around his shaking body as he sobbed in her arms. 

“I love him.”

~~~

Brian opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling, trying to remember the events of the previous night.  His head was pounding, so he was sure there was a lot of alcohol involved.  And then it hit him, like a tidal wave…Justin…the funeral…his admission to Debbie.  He was sure that he wouldn’t be able to make it through the night, but yet, somehow he was still here.  And he knew that he had Debbie to thank for that.  Somehow she had gotten him through it. 

He sat up and looked around the loft, but Debbie was gone and once again he was alone.  And he really didn’t want to be alone right now.  He got up and started to get dressed, deciding to head to the diner.  The rational part of him realized that more than likely Debbie would have taken today off, but being around people, even if they were strangers, was better than staying in the empty loft. 

He grabbed the keys from the counter and headed out.

~~~

Brian walked through the door and scanned the crowd for the big red wig.  He froze when his eyes landed on a blonde head instead.  He didn’t move, didn’t even breathe, afraid that somehow it would make the vision of Justin in front of him go away.  Just then Justin, who was taking an order at the time, turned around and stared back at him.  He almost pinched himself to see if it was another dream, but then decided he didn’t care.  Dream or not, he just wanted to touch Justin just one more time.  That’s all he cared about, all he could think about at the moment.

Justin felt his heart beating faster as he watched Brian move slowly toward him.  They barely spoke, barely even made eye contact during the last five months and it usually happened when they were surrounded by their friends.  But that cushion wasn’t there right now and Justin could only hope that whatever Brian had to say wouldn’t completely destroy him. 

“Hey,” Justin said, trying to sound nonchalant.  “You want a booth?”

But Brian just stared at him.  If this was a dream, it seemed real.  He could feel the heat radiating from Justin’s skin.  Could smell the shampoo on the blonde’s hair.  Brian reached out his hand and touched Justin’s cheek, ignoring the teen tensing up.  Brian gasped.  He felt so real.  He WAS real. 

Suddenly Justin found himself in a bear hug, barely able to breathe. 

“You’re alive,” Brian felt the lump in his throat grow.  “It worked.  You’re alive,” he repeated.

Justin tried to remain rational and not let the fact that this was the first time in five months that he and Brian touched get to him.  “And you’re hung over,” he said, trying to pull away from the taller man.  “Come on, I’ll get you some coffee.”

But Brian refused to let go of him and just held on tighter, trying to make the tremors in his body disappear.

“Brian, are you ok?”  Justin asked when he felt the ad exec’s whole body shaking.  “What’s wrong?”  he asked with concern when Brian hugged him even closer.  “Brian, what’s wrong?”

Brian took a few deep breaths, trying to calm down.  It worked.  He had reversed the wish.  And everything was going to be ok now.  Justin’s alive.  Justin’s ok.  That nightmare was over.

“Come with me,” he said, holding out his hand.

Justin looked down at his hand, then up at him.  “What for?”  He was beginning to get suspicious again, convinced that Brian had something planned to shove him off yet another cliff.  He should have known that something was wrong the night before, when he saw Brian leave Babylon alone.  That hadn’t happened in five months.

“To talk,” Brian said quietly.

“To talk?” Justin scoffed.  “NOW you wanna talk?  After all this time you…”

“Please.”

Something in Brian’s eyes told him that this wasn’t some trick to hurt him even more.  Something was wrong.  And Brian needed him.  That was all that mattered.  Brian needed him. 

Justin took his apron off, tossing it on the counter, then placed his hand into Brian’s and the two of them walked out of the diner.

~~~

They drove to the loft in silence, neither one knowing what to say.  Brian was still trying to grasp the fact that he was back and that Justin wasn’t hurt.  And Justin kept running all the possible things Brian would want to talk about through his mind. 

Brian pulled the door open and let Justin through, walking in behind him.  After he threw the keys on the counter he watched Justin look around the loft.  He knew he should say something, but so many thoughts were running through his mind and he couldn’t grab onto any one in particular.  So, he went over to fridge and opened it instead, stalling. 

“You want a beer?” he asked, turning to the teen. 

Justin shook his head.  “Isn’t it a little early for that?” he asked when Brian took out a bottle of beer and unscrewed the cap, taking a big chug.

When Brian didn’t respond, Justin walked up closer to him.  “Are you going to tell me what you wanted to talk about?  Because I am missing my shift.  And considering that I’ll probably be fired since I didn’t tell anybody I was leaving…”

“I…”  Brian started, but he just didn’t know what to say.  He couldn’t possibly tell Justin the truth.  That he had made a wish that changed everything.  Justin would probably call the men in the white suites right there and then.

Justin waited, but nothing came out of Brian’s mouth.  He could tell that it was something serious, something important.  A terrifying thought flew through his mind.  “You’re not…dying.  Are you?”

And the most amazing thing happened.  Brian actually smiled.  “No.  I’m not dying,” he said, shaking his head.

Justin sighed in relief and smiled as well.  “So, then what?  What did you need to talk to me about that was so important?”

Brian opened his mouth, then closed it.  He put the beer bottle down and cleared his throat.  When he looked up the two blue eyes were still trained on him.  “I…just…uh…I’ve been thinking…about things…and…”  He looked away again.  What was he trying to say?  What did he need to say?

“Brian?”

Brian took a deep breath in and looked back at him.  “I just don’t ever want to feel…that way again.”

“What way?”

“The way I felt when I lost you.”  He looked down, trying to get the image of Justin’s lifeless body in his arms out of his head.

“Lost me?”  Justin took a step closer to him.  “Brian, you didn’t lose me.  I’m still here,” he said quietly, with a small smile playing on his lips.

Brian raised his gaze to meet Justin’s.  “But I did,” he whispered.  “You were lying there…bleeding…and I…”

Justin narrowed his eyes.  “Is that what this is about?  The prom?  The bashing?  Because I thought you said we should just move on and not think about it.”  He felt confused.  Why after all this time Brian would bring it up.

“No…”  Brian shook his head.  “I…”

“Brian, I’m ok.  I’m here and I’m ok and it’s over.  You said that yourself.”  Justin felt his chest getting heavy when he saw tears in Brian’s eyes.  “I’m ok, Brian.  I’m alive.  And I intend on staying that way,” he smiled and took Brian’s face in his hands.  “You can’t lose me.  You’ll NEVER lose me.  I’ll never leave.”  He had to make sure that Brian understood exactly WHAT he was saying. 

Brian took a step back, slipping out of Justin’s touch.  “What about…”

“Ethan?”  Brian shook his head and Justin sighed.  “Ethan was just…something I THOUGHT I wanted.”

“Thought?”

“Yes.  But I was still here…waiting…”

“For what?”

A sad smile spread across Justin’s face.  “What do you think?  What I’ve always been waiting for.  Always WILL be waiting for.  For you.  For you to let me in.”  

He searched Justin’s face and he knew that the young man was telling the truth.  His feelings hadn’t changed.  Justin wanted to be with him.  Now more than ever.  It was time to stop being a coward.  “Justin, I…”  He stopped.  It was easy to say those words to Lindsay or Michael or to other ten thousand people.  Because they didn’t have the same power Justin had over him.  They couldn’t hurt him.  Not like Justin could.  Had.  “I…lo…”

Justin stared at him expectantly.

“Fuck!” Brian exclaimed, throwing his arms up.  “Why is it so FUCKING hard?!”

The next thing he knew, Justin’s mouth was attacking his. 

They quickly made their way to the bedroom without once losing contact with each other.  The two of them stood next to the bed, devouring each other’s mouths. After pulling Justin’s shirt off, Brian gently lowered his lover on the bed.  Removing his own clothes quickly and taking Justin’s pants off, he got on the bed as well and into awaiting arms and lips of the blonde, his tongue immediately going to work again.

He was in the process of devouring Justin’s neck when suddenly Brian pulled away.

“Brian?”  Justin panted.  “What’s wrong?”

Brian looked into his eyes.  “I…I don’t want you to think that this was planned or…”

“Brian,” Justin cut him off, a smile spreading across his face.  “Shut up.”

The older man smiled when Justin pulled his head down, covering his lips.

Brian reached for the condom and lube, needing to be inside Justin, to feel as close to his lover as humanly possible.  He rolled the condom on his cock and covered it with lube.  He raised Justin’s leg up on his shoulder and carefully slid inside the tight hole, making the teen moan.  He pushed in all the way, then stopped.  Opening his eyes, he gazed down at Justin.  “I missed you,” he whispered.

Justin’s eyes fluttered opened and he smiled.  “I missed you too.”

Brian leaned down and kissed Justin as he slid out, then back in Justin’s hole, slowly at first.  He picked up the tempo as the two of them were close to cumming.  They climaxed together.

Brian collapsed on top of Justin, both of them panting.

When his breathing returned to normal Brian began to pull away, but was stopped by Justin’s arms wrapped tightly around his body.  The blonde held his lover closer as his lips found Brian’s once again.

~~~

Later that night, when the exhaustion prevented them from going at it again, the two of them lied silently, wrapped in each other’s arms, both lost in thought.

“Brian?” Justin’s voice broke the silence.

“Hmm.”

Justin rolled on his back and looked up at the other man.  “What happens now?”

Brian lifted himself up and positioned himself on top of Justin.  He stared down at the teen, then leaned in and placed a soft kiss on the younger man’s lips.

“We try again,” he said.

“And if…what if it doesn’t work?” Justin asked, nervously.

Brian looked at him, gently brushing the blonde hair off Justin’s forehead.  “We try again,” he simply said.

Justin smiled at him, relieved to know that Brian wanted to make this work as much as he did.  Brian leaned in and kissed him again. 

“I just wish that…,” Justin began, but Brian silenced him, putting his hand over Justin’s lips.

“No more wishing,” he whispered.  Settling back into the spot he occupied before, he added, “Now, let’s get some sleep.”

Justin rolled on his side, Brian’s arms around him once again…both content and happy. 

“Brian?” 

“Hmm.”  He thought that Justin was already asleep.

“One more thing.”

“What?”

“If you try to fuck yourself over again because you decide that it’s for my own good…I’ll cut your dick off.”

Justin didn’t need to turn around to know the expression on Brian’s face right now. 

Brian was shocked to realize that Justin knew what he did all along.  And then a wave of relief went through him.  Justin knew.  He knew everything.  There was no need for words.  There was no need for explanations.  And there was no need for secrets. 

Justin felt Brian chuckle behind him.  “Yes, dear,” Brian said, bringing a smile to his lover’s face.

The End.

**The lyrics are from "Calling All Angels" by Jane Siberry

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