The Wish - Part 18

He slowly opened his eyes and looked around, trying to figure out where he was.  He couldn’t remember.  It didn’t look like his dorm room.  And it definitely did not look like Brian’s loft.  He never stayed over anywhere else.  He felt a wave of panic rushing over him when he felt a hand on his back.  He turned his head and suddenly he was wide-awake when he saw Nicholas staring at him with the same shocked expression.  “Oh, shit!”  The events of the night before were a bit blurry for both of them, but the fact that they were naked in bed together told them everything they needed to know.  “Shit,” Justin said again. 

“Oh my God.”

The two of them turned their attention toward the door to see a wide-eyed Kevin gaping at the two of them.  Kevin stared at Nicholas, a look of betrayal and pain on his face.  Then he bolted out of the room.

“Fuck,” Nick jumped out of the bed and ran after him.  “Kevin!  KEVIN!”

Justin plopped down on the pillow, running his hands over his face, trying to process what happened.  He still couldn’t believe he had done THAT.  He opened his eyes when he heard Nick come back into the room.  The two of them stared at each other, neither one sure what to say.  Finally, Justin sat up and started to pull his clothes on.  Out of the corner of his eye he saw Nick walk over and sit on the other side of the bed.  Justin wanted to say something…anything…but he was at a loss for words. 

“I…uhm…” he cleared his throat, “I gotta go.”

Nicholas nodded his head without looking up. 

Justin threw one last glance at his friend and then left.

~~~

The moment he stepped inside the diner and laid his eyes on his lover, Brian knew that something was wrong.  Justin just seemed off, as if his mind was somewhere else. 

“Justin,” he called again from his seat at the counter, trying to get the blonde’s attention. 

“Hmm?” Justin finally looked up at him.

“Did you get that?”

“Uhm…what was your order again?” Justin asked.

Brian repeated himself and watched with concern as Justin placed the order.  At first he thought that Justin was still mad at him for blowing him off at Babylon the night before.  But Justin had messed up three orders in the last fifteen minutes and it was very unlike him.  He watched the teen walk toward him with a plate.  Suddenly Justin stopped and stared at the door.  His shoulders slumped and his eyes dropped to the floor.  Brian turned around and he began to understand why Justin was acting out of the ordinary today.  His gaze moved from Justin to Caleb, who stood expectantly at the entrance, back to Justin again.  Justin put the plate in front of Brian and without a word headed toward Caleb, the two of them walking out of the diner.

~~~

As soon as they walked around the corner from the diner Justin stopped and finally dared to look up at Caleb.

“So…is it…is it true?” Caleb asked.

“Do you think Kevin would lie about something like that?” He sounded harsher than he meant to.

Caleb looked away.  “No, I guess not.”

Justin sighed, leaning back on the wall.

“Christ!  How could you do it, Justin?!” Caleb exploded suddenly.  “He’s your friend.  Fuck, he’s MY friend.”

Justin made himself meet Caleb’s gaze.  “You don’t think I know that?  It’s not like I did it on purpose, Cale.  It was a mistake.  A big fucking mistake.”

Caleb shook his head.  “I don’t understand.  I just…How?  Why?”

“We were drunk…and high…and…I don’t…I just…he kissed me and the next thing I know I’m waking up with a huge headache and Kevin’s storming off.”

Caleb sighed.  “So, what now?  What are you gonna do now?”  He almost whispered.

Justin ran his hand through his hair.  “I don’t…” He shook his head.  “I…I have no idea.”

~~~

The day only got progressively worse.  He was busy as hell throughout the whole shift and then he had an argument with his mother about coming over on the weekend.  He felt like the walls were closing in on him and he had to get out.  But the moment he walked into Woody’s he knew it would only get worse because his eyes immediately landed on the tall man in black by the bar.  Deciding that he had nothing to lose and in need of a drink, Justin made his way to the bar and ordered a drink before looking up at Brian.

“So, where is the boyfriend?” Brian asked mockingly.

Justin arched his eyebrows.  “Boyfriend?”

“Ca…Cale…” Brian pretended not to remember the name.

“Caleb?  He’s not my boyfriend.”

“Well, you did fuck him, didn’t you?”

“I did not fuck Caleb.  Where the hell did you get that…”  His voice trailed off when his eyes fell on another man walking in through the door.  Nicholas called him three times today.  Because he had no idea what to say to the other man, Justin chose not to pick up.  But now he had no way out.  He knew he’d have to talk to his friend about what happened. 

Brian followed his gaze and something in the look the two men shared told him all he needed to know.  Things couldn’t be clearer now.  And the twinge in the pit of his stomach grew into a monster.  Justin fucked somebody he cared about.  Somebody he loved.  Somebody he was very close to.  Somebody who knew him a lot longer and better than Brian did. 

Justin put the drink down and walked over to Nicholas.  Just like he did earlier with Caleb, Justin walked out of the bar silently.

~~~

They sat at their usual table by the window in the coffee shop.  Nicholas stirred the coffee with his spoon and Justin just sat quietly staring out of the window, watching the cars and people pass by.

“I don’t even know what to say,” Nick finally said.

Justin moved his gaze over at his friend. 

“I…just…I don’t know how it happened.”

Justin sat up straight in the chair.  “It was just a mistake, that’s all,” he said quietly. 

“Right.  It doesn’t have to mean anything.  Or everything.”

“Right,” Justin nodded.

Nick breathed out a sigh of relief.  “I just don’t want things to get awkward between us.  You’re my friend.  And I want it to stay that way.”

“Me too.”

“Good.  Good.  I don’t think…” he looked down at his untouched cup of coffee.  “I don’t think I could handle losing you AND Kevin at the same time.”

“You’re not going to lose Kevin,” Justin said, assuringly.

A sad smile spread across Nick’s face.  “I already have.”

“What?”

“We broke up,” he practically whispered.

Justin took a deep breath in.  He didn’t think it was possible to feel worse than he already did.  “I’m sorry.”

Nick shook his head.  “It wasn’t your fault.  I’m the one who kissed you.”

“You weren’t the alone in that bed.”

Nicholas looked down again, trying to fight the tears that threatened to come out at any moment.  He looked up when he felt Justin’s hand on his. 

“You’re not going to lose me,” Justin said.  No matter how awkward or difficult things might get between them, he knew that he needed to be there for his friend.

“Thanks,” Nick whispered.

~~~

After his talk with Nick, Justin needed to clear his head, so he just started walking.  No particular destination in mind.  He wasn’t completely sure how he ended up in front of Brian’s building or why.  A voice in his head told him to turn around and leave.  Brian had been acting like an asshole for the past couple of days and that was not what he wanted right now.  But he needed Brian.  He needed his arms around him.  To make him feel safe.  To make him feel like everything was alright.  That he hadn’t just made the biggest mistake of his life. 

He pressed the button and as soon as he told Brian that he was there he heard the buzzer going off and the door unlock.  He pushed the front door open and climbed the stairs, not wanting to wait for the elevator. 

“You know the code, so, why don’t you use it?” was the first thing out of Brian’s mouth as soon as Justin was in his sight. 

Justin climbed the last step and stopped, staring back at his lover.  “I wouldn’t be able to get inside without you here anyway, so what’s the point?”

Brian gazed back at the teen.  He took a deep breath in.  “So, where’s the lover boy?”

Justin looked down at his feet.  “He…uhm…I…” He looked up at Brian.  “Look, if you can’t drop the sarcastic comments and mocking questions just for one night, tell me now, ‘cause I don’t think I can handle it right now.”

Brian stared at him for a moment and hated what he saw.  Justin was in anguish.  He could tell that whatever had happened, and he had a pretty good idea what it was, was tearing Justin apart.  He took a step forward and opened his arms.  Justin walked right into them, sighing into Brian’s chest when he felt his lover’s arms wrap around him.

~~~

Sitting at the kitchen counter the next morning Justin was trying to figure out how to rectify the situation and help Nicholas mend his relationship with Kevin.  Only one solution came to mind. 

“You’re not gonna go and talk to him, are you?” Brian said, taking a sip of coffee out of his mug.

“You got a better idea?”

“Don’t sleep with your best friend?”  Brian snickered.

“You’re a lot of help,” Justin said sarcastically as he hopped off the stool and headed toward the door.

Brian followed him and grabbing his arm turned him around.  He pulled Justin closer, his lips finding the teens in a soft, tender kiss.  “You gonna be ok?” he asked quietly. 

Justin leaned his forehead against Brian’s and nodded.  “Thanks.”  He kissed Brian’s lips again.  Sliding the door open he glanced at his lover one last time before heading to face the music.

~~~

He climbed the stairs.  He had been here only once when he and Caleb were picking Nick and Kevin up to go to the movies.  He stood in front of Kevin’s apartment for a while, trying to figure out which voice in his head would win…the one that was telling him to ring the bell or the one that told him to run like hell away from here.  All of a sudden that choice was taken away from him when the door opened and his eyes fell on his former lover.

“Hi,” Justin said, suddenly wishing the floor would open up under his feet and swallow him whole. 

Caleb looked at him surprised at first, but then understood what Justin was doing here.  “I don’t think it’s a good idea, Justin.”

“I know.  But…I have to do it.”

Caleb sighed and nodded.  He held the door open for Justin and then closed it behind him, leaving his ex-boyfriend and his best friend alone together. 

Justin felt his heart pounding inside his chest as he looked around. 

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Kevin hissed.

Justin turned to him.  “I wanted to talk to you.”

“We definitely have NOTHING to talk about, so get the fuck out.”  Kevin walked over and sat down on the couch.

Ignoring Kevin’s comment Justin followed him, sitting on the other end of the couch.  “Nick said you broke up with him.”

“Thought I’d make it easier on you.”

“Nick and I aren’t together.  Never will be.”

“That’s not what it looked like to me.”

“It was just a mistake, Kevin, that’s all.  Just a stupid, drunken mistake.”

Kevin looked up at him, then quickly looked away.  Nicholas told him the same thing the last time they talked, but he didn’t believe him.  Couldn’t believe him.  Because it hurt too much.  But for some reason he believed Justin now.

“Look, you already hate me, so why don’t you just blame the whole thing on me?  Make it easier for everybody involved.  Make it easier on Nick.” 

“How is he?” Kevin asked.  He wanted to be angry.  It would have made it easier, but he cared about Nicholas more than anything.  And seeing his lover crying broke his heart all over again.

“He’s…”  Justin sighed, “Not good.”

Kevin was quite for a moment.  “I don’t hate you,” he said quietly.  “I was just…I was afraid Caleb would get hurt.”

Justin snickered, “Well, I guess he should have listened to you.”

“No,” Kevin shook his head.  “He did the right thing.  He was happy with you.”

Justin stared at Kevin, speechless.  “I was happy with him,” he was finally able to utter.

“He just wasn’t the one.”

Justin looked away, sighing.

“What about that guy you’re seeing?  Brian.  Is he the one?”

Justin shrugged his shoulders, thinking about it for a moment.  “It feels right.  When I’m with him it just feels right.  Like that’s exactly where I’m supposed to be.  You know?”

Kevin smiled, nodding his head.

~~~

Brian had one purpose tonight.  To find Justin.  He scanned the crowd hoping Dan had given him the right information.  When he called Justin’s dorm room earlier that evening Justin’s roommate told him that Justin went to Babylon.  All day long he had worried about Justin.  He knew that the teen wouldn’t take his advice and stay away from Kevin.  And only having seen Kevin once, Brian had no idea what the man would do when left alone with a guy who banged his boyfriend.  He breathed out a sigh of relief when his eyes fell on a blonde head in the middle of the dance floor.  Quickly he made his way through the crowd toward his lover.

“Hey,” he said to Justin.  Only then he seemed to notice the guy that Justin was dancing with.  “Fuck off.”  The other guy looked like he couldn’t get away fast enough. 

Justin just laughed.  “You realize that since you scared him away you’re just going to have to put out tonight.”

A smile spread across Brian’s lips.  “So, how did it go?”

“All my limbs are intact,” Justin said, as he started dancing again.

Brian pulled something out of the pocket of his pants and handed it to Justin.  The younger man stopped dancing, taking the object in his hand.  “What’s this?” He looked up at Brian, questioningly.

“What does it look like?”

Justin looked down at his hand then back at his lover.  “It looks like a key.”

“Well, give the boy a prize.  He got it in one.”

Justin gave him a confused look.  “I don’t…I don’t understand.”

“Don’t read too much into it.  I just thought that since you spend so much time over at the loft you might as well have it.  I mean, that way I won’t have to drop everything and open the door for you every time you decide to show up.  Besides, half of my friends have it.”  Or one.  It didn’t really matter at this point.  “Besides, you might need a quiet place to study or a place to crash when your roommate gets lucky in your room.  I mean, we wouldn’t want to warp your young mind with hetero sex, now would we?”

Justin chuckled.

“Just call before you come over, in case I’m in the middle of…things.”

Justin bit his lower lip.  “I might want to join in.”

Brian grinned.  “Then by all means…”

Justin’s expression turned serious.  “Are you sure about this?”

Instead of answering Brian put his arms around Justin and kissed him.

Go to Part 19

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