Not Easy - Part 7

“Damn it,” Justin exclaimed as he turned the phone off and slammed it on the nightstand. 

Brian turned his attention to his lover who flopped down on the bed.  “He picked up again?”

Justin nodded in response.

Brian turned around and left the room.  A couple of minutes later he came back and threw something on the bed next to Justin.

“What’s this?” Justin looked at him confused.

“It’s my old beeper.  I haven’t used it in a while, but you can activate it and give it to Molly.  Whenever you need to get a hold of her, just page her and she can call you back.”

With that said, he turned around and went back to trying to decide what he was going to wear today.  Suddenly he felt Justin’s arms around his waist, kissing his back and shoulders.

“Thank you,” he heard Justin say.

Brian spun around, smiling down at the younger man, loving the fact that he put a smile on the beautiful face in front of him.  He leaned in and covered Justin’s smiling mouth with his own.

“Yeah, well, you won’t have to hang up on your father twenty times a day,” Brian said when they pulled apart.  “Although,” Brian smirked at Justin, “It does sound kinda fun.”  Justin laughed.  “Maybe I should try it.”  Brian tried to grab the phone from the bed, but Justin was faster, snatching the phone first.  Brian pinned Justin underneath him on the bed, wrestling to get the phone out of his hands.  Their laugh echoed through the loft.

~~

“That movie sucked,” Molly stated as the came out of the movie theater.

“You know, I don’t think dad would appreciate you using that kind of language,” Justin said.

“Screw him,” Molly replied.

Justin looked at his sister, a little bit surprised, then laughed.  “You definitely have been around Brian way too much.”

They crossed the street, making their way to a small park across from the movie theater. 

“He is coming, isn’t he?” Molly asked as they sat down on one of the benches.

Justin smiled.  Even Molly couldn’t escape Brian Kinney’s charms.  “Should be here any minute,” he said looking down at his watch.  “You know, next Sunday I’ll just send him.  You probably won’t even notice I’m not there,” he tried to sound hurt.

“Shut up,” she punched him, smiling.

He smiled back.  “So, how are things?”

Molly’s expression grew serious and she shrugged her shoulders.

“Mol?”

“I don’t know.  Same, I guess.  He constantly wants to do things with me.”

“What things?”

“Just everything.  He wants to watch TV with me, he wants to read a book with me, he wants to go to the zoo with me.  I wish he would just leave me alone.  Every weekend he takes me to the mall and wants to buy me things.”

“That’s a bad thing?” Justin snickered.

“Well, it is when he wants to know what Katie and I talk about on the phone or what you and I do on Sundays.”

“Do you want me to talk to him?” Justin asked.

“No, it’s ok.  I just wish I could live with you and Brian again,” she sighed.

“I know,” he said, kissing her forehead.  “Speaking of Brian,” Justin motioned to the left and Molly saw Brian getting out of the Jeep and walking towards them. 

Their conversation forgotten, Molly ran towards Brian, leaping into his arms. 

Justin stood up and headed towards them as well.  He couldn’t help but smile at those two, laughing and joking around.  Molly loved Brian like another older brother.  What was even more amazing was the fact that Brian loved her just as much. 

When Justin got closer to them he saw Brian whispering something into Molly’s ear and then both of them running towards him.  In a blink of an eye Justin was lying on the grass and those two monsters were tickling him all over.  Justin tried to wiggle his way out of it, telling them through laughter and giggles that it wasn’t fair; two against one, but his “pleas” were to no avail.  Those two were a team now.

~~

After the park the three of them went to the diner to grab a bite to eat and for Molly to see Debbie.  It was almost six o’clock when Brian parked the Jeep in front of Craig Taylor’s house.  Molly hugged him from behind, giving him a big sloppy kiss on the cheek, then got out of the car. 

Seeing the tears in Molly’s eyes, Justin pulled her into a hug.  “I’ll talk to you tomorrow?”  This was always the hardest part.  Saying good-bye at the end of the day.  Knowing that he wouldn’t see her for a whole week.

Molly nodded. 

“And don’t forget to turn the pager off in school,” he added. 

Molly nodded again.

Justin saw his father open the door and step outside, waiting for Molly.  He gave her one more kiss on the cheek.  “Bye, Mollusk.”

“Bye,” she said whimpering. 

Justin waited until the door closed behind her before he got back into the Jeep and looked out the window, not wanting Brian to see the tears in his eyes. 

~~

After they came back to the loft Brian decided to check his e-mail and surf the net, giving Justin some space.  It’s been a little over a month since Molly moved out and every Sunday after they dropped her off Justin got depressed.  He barely said anything.  He’d come home and get in bed, throwing duvet over his head.

A couple of hours later Brian climbed the steps to the bedroom.  Justin was lying on his side. 

“You wanna go out?” Brian asked, hoping Justin would say yes. 

Justin shifted his gaze to where Brian was standing.  “No.  You go.  I’m tired.  Sorry.”

Brian sighed.  Well, at least he got more than two words out of him.  That’s progress.  Brian walked around the bed and got in on his side, scooting over closer to Justin, sprawling his left hand around his lover’s body. 

“It’s ok, you know,” he said softly.

Justin turned on his back; his eyes fixed on Brian’s, “What’s ok?”

“It’s ok…for you to be tired.  It’s ok for you to be depressed.”

Justin started to turn away, but Brian held him in place.  “I’m not fucking depressed,” Justin said.

Brian nodded.  “Of course you’re not.”  His voice let Justin know that he wasn’t buying it.

“Why would I be?  My life is perfect,” Justin shot back.

“You lost your mother.  You didn’t have time to mourn because you had to take care of Molly.  And now not only do you have to deal with losing your sister, you finally have to deal with the fact that your mother is dead.”

Brian stared down at Justin, not letting the other man turn away and hide his tears. 

“Like you said, why would you be depressed?”  Brian finished.

Justin looked away.

“It’s ok to mourn, Justin.  You earned the fucking right to mourn…and to cry…and to fall apart.”

Justin looked back at him.  “I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because if I start, I might not be able to stop.”

Brian kissed him softly.  “I won’t let that happen.”  Kissed him again.  “Close your eyes.”

“What?”

“Close your eyes,” Brian repeated.

As Justin closed his eyes a single tear rolled down his cheek.  With his right thumb Brian gently wiped it away. 

“Now imagine the most perfect place you want to be.”

Justin’s eyes fluttered open and stared into the hazel ones above them.  “I don’t need to,” Justin said.

Brian looked at him, puzzled.

“I already am,” Justin explained.

Brian leaned in, finding Justin’s lips with his own once again, kissing him deeper, his tongue exploring Justin’s mouth. 

Leaving Justin’s lips, Brian placed soft kisses down his lover’s neck and collarbone.

Justin was desperately trying to pull Brian’s shirt off of him when the phone rang.  Groaning, Brian answered the phone after the third ring. 

“Yeah,” he was ready to tell whoever it was to go fuck themselves.  Surprised to hear that particular voice on the other end of the line, Brian handed the phone to Justin.  “It’s your father.”

Justin took the phone and sat up.  “Hello.  What?...No, she’s…What?...When?” 

Brian felt Justin’s body begin to tremble.

“Yes.  YES!  I’ll be right there.”

Justin turned off the phone and stood up, with a look of complete panic on his face.

“Justin, what is it?” Brian asked, failing miserably at trying to stay calm.  The look on Justin’s face told him that something was horribly wrong. 

“Mol…Molly’s…gone,” Justin finally said.

Brian stood up as well.  “What do you mean she’s gone?”

“She ran…she ran away.”

“WHAT?!  Where the FUCK was your father?!” Brian shouted.

“I don’t…I…” 

Realizing that his shouting wasn’t helping matters, he put his arms around Justin. 

“I can’t…can’t…brea…athe,” Justin gasped for air.

“Shhhhh,” Brian stroked Justin’s hair, trying to calm his lover down.  “We’ll find her.  Don’t worry,” he said.  Even though he was just as freaked out as Justin, he knew that Justin needed him right now. 

“I’m scared.”

“It’s gonna be ok,” Brian pushed him away just enough to see his eyes, “Hey, I found you when you ran away, remember?  We’ll find her too.”

“Yeah, but I wanted you to find me,” Justin said, calming down a little bit down.

“And she wants you to find her.  Now, come on.  Get dressed and we’ll drive over there.  I’m gonna get Michael to stay here in case she comes here.” 

Not having any strength to argue, Justin nodded and started to pull his pants and shirt on as Brian talked to Michael on the phone.

~~

They left as soon as Michael got there.  Brian drove across town as fast as he could without killing them both.  Justin was quiet throughout the whole drive.  The only response of any kind from him was a light squeeze of Brian’s hand when Brian interlaced his fingers with Justin’s. 

When they drove up to the house they saw a police car sitting in the driveway.  Justin jumped out of the Jeep and ran into the house.

“Did you find her?” he asked as soon as he saw his father.

“No,” Craig replied. 

Only then Justin noticed the two cops, a woman and a man, standing next to his dad.  Turning his attention back to his father, Justin asked, “What happened?  She was fine when I dropped her off.”

“We were having dinner.  I introduced her to Kelly and she just…”

“Who’s Kelly?” Justin cut him off.

“She’s…well…”

Realizing what his father was trying to say, Justin grimaced.  “You are unbelievable.”  Justin turned away, not wanting to have to look at his father another moment.

“Sir, what is your relationship to the girl?” the woman cop asked him.

“I’m her brother,” Justin replied.

“And you?”  She turned to Brian who stood in the doorway.

“I’m…a friend of the family,” Brian said, throwing a quick glance at Craig.

“He’s my lover.”

All of them looked at Justin, but he was looking directly at his father.  This was meant specifically for Craig Taylor.

~~

Leaving Brian and Craig in the living room, something he wasn’t sure was a very good idea, Justin walked up the stairs to see Molly’s room.  Her room was almost as big as the one he had in their old house.  He looked around.  Molly had an N Sync poster on one of the walls.  Another wall had three of Justin’s drawing…one of him and Brian, another one of him and Molly, and the third one of Molly and Gus.  There was one more missing.  He looked around.  The drawing he was looking for was lying on the bed.  He sat down and picked it up, looking down at two faces on the paper.  At that moment he knew where Molly had gone to.

~~

Justin let out a sigh of relief when he saw a little figure in the distance.  He got out of the jeep.  When Craig tried to go with him he shook his head.  “I should go alone.  Just stay here,” he said, leaving no room for argument.

He walked over to his mother’s grave and sat down on the ground next to Molly.  He could tell that she was crying.  Who wouldn’t?  He wondered how long she’s been here.

“You scared me,” he said, making sure that he sounded concerned, and not angry.

“I’m sorry,” she whimpered.  “How did you know I was here?”

“I come here when I’m upset or sad, too.”

 

Molly wiped her face with her sleeve.

“You ok?”  Justin asked.

“I’m not going back.”

“Mol…”

“I hate him!” she cried. 

Justin reached out and brushed a strand of hair off her face, “You don’t hate him.”

“How can you say that?  Don’t YOU hate him?” she looked at him.

“No, I don’t,” he simply said.  Knowing that she didn’t believe him, he explained, “I’m angry at him, yes.  I’m hurt, yes.  But I don’t hate him.  And you don’t either.”

She looked down again. 

“Look, he really wants to be your dad.”

“I don’t care,” she pouted.

“I think you do.  So, why don’t you give him a chance?  And I think you could definitely get an increase in your allowance and that huge doll house you’ve wanted out of him right now,” Justin smiled.

“I’m afraid I’m going to forget mom,” she said out of the blue.

Justin’s smile disappeared.  A look of surprise written on his face.  “No, you won’t.  I won’t let you forget,” he promised her.

“Do you think she’s in heaven?”

“I know she is.  All moms go to heaven,” he said, his eyes glistening with tears.  “And you know what?  They have this room just for moms with TVs where they can watch their kids.  And she’s watching now.”  He cleared his throat, trying to keep his voice from cracking.  “And she’s smiling at you,” he finished.

Tears staining her face, Molly said, “She’s smiling at you, too.”

Justin smiled at her as she leapt into his arms. 

“I just really miss you,” she whispered in his ear.

“I miss you too.” 

He hugged her even closer.

“Tell you what,” he said when they finally pulled apart, “I’m not working on Wednesday.  Why don’t I pick you up after school and we can hang out?”

“Really?”

“Sure.  And maybe we can talk dad into letting you sleep over at the loft sometimes.”  He wasn’t sure how he was going to go about doing that, but he knew he had to. 

Molly nodded. 

“Ok, we should go before dad has a stroke.” 

Laughing they got up and walked towards the Jeep.

~~

Brian was finishing up a cigarette as he stood leaning against the Jeep trying to ignore Craig’s pacing back and forth.  When they saw Justin and Molly getting up, Craig stopped.

“No matter what you think, I DO love my children,” he suddenly said.

Brian looked at him.  “Don’t tell me that.  Tell them,” he motioned to the two approaching figures.

~~

When Justin and Molly came up to them, Molly gave a quick hug to Brian.  She, then, walked over to her father and hugged him as well.  Justin turned away, hiding his smile.  At least she could have a father, he thought.

~~

Justin walked down the stairs, having finally tucked Molly in.  He saw his dad sitting on the couch.

“She’s asleep,” he said.

“Good,” Craig replied.

“Where’s Brian?” Justin asked, looking around. 

“Don’t worry, I didn’t throw him out,” Craig said when he saw the look on Justin’s face.  “He’s outside smoking.”

Justin nodded, then walked over to the chair and picked up his jacket.  He was almost at the door when he heard his father’s voice.

“I AM trying,” Craig said.

Justin turned around and looked at him, “I know.”  It was true.  He believed him.  “But maybe you’re trying too hard.  She needs a father, not another friend.”

“And what about you?” Craig asked.

A little taken aback by his question, Justin answered, “I’m fine.”  He started to turn around, reaching for the doorknob.

“I know you hate me,” Craig said.

Justin looked down, sighing.  “I don’t hate you.”  He turned around.  “I don’t know you.”

“I don’t know you either.  But I would like to.”

Justin stared at his father, speechless.

“Maybe you won’t hang up the next time you call here,” Craig said.

Justin nodded, not really knowing what to say.  “Good night,” he said as he left his father’s house.

Go to Part 8

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