Lost and Found - Part 1

Pittsburgh, July 2004 

Brian began to open the door, but stopped. He knew that the loft would be empty once again. It was a thought that he couldn’t bear at times. Every night he came home from work hoping against hope that he’d be there. That he’d forgive him and come back. And every time he walked through that door into the empty loft his heart broke over and over again and again.  

He shut the door behind him, threw his briefcase and some papers he had to go over later on the kitchen counter and headed to the bedroom to change. A few minutes later he came out, wearing only jeans. He saw a blinking light on the answering machine.  

“Brian, it’s me,” it was Michael’s voice, “Are you gonna meet us at Woody’s later tonight?  Ok, well, I’ll try your cell.”

Brian deleted the message and headed to the kitchen to make a sandwich.  

He sat on the couch, alone, eating, in complete silence, staring at Justin’s drawing on the wall in front of him…memories running through his mind…images…visions.  

An image of him and Justin hanging the drawing, laughing, making jokes about how big Justin’s ego was getting…kissing…then sprinting to the bedroom because they couldn’t keep their hands off each other.  

It happened a lot now…everything…every place held memories of the two of them. Memories of something that was over…probably for good now. 

~~~

New York, February 2004

Brian sipped his drink as he stared at a drawing in front of him.

“Wonderful, isn’t it?” a woman next to him said. 

He turned his gaze to her.  Blonde hair, big jewelry, expensive flashy clothes…she looked like every other woman here.  He gave her a faint smile and nodded. 

“That boy is so talented,” she continued.

Brian laughed, “Trust me, he’s not a boy.”

She turned to him, “You know the artist?”

Brian caught his lover looking at him.  Justin beamed him a smile and then turned back to the two men he was talking to. 

“Very well, actually,” Brian replied to her.

She extended her hand to him, “I’m Elisabeth Matthews.  I own a few galleries on the west coast.”

Brian shook her hand, “Brian Kinney.”

She looked at him expecting him to explain his relation to the artist.

“A friend,” he added.

“Close friend?” she prodded.

He again looked in the Justin’s direction, then back at her, “Very close.”

“Oh,” she smiled.  “Well, you must be very proud of him.  He’s incredibly talented.”

“Yes, he is.”

She watched him cast another glance at Justin, “Can’t wait to get him home, can you?” she smiled.

He raised his eyebrow at her in surprise, then just laughed. 

“I would if I were you.”

He put his drink down, smiled at her again, “That’s a good idea.”

She laughed as she watched him make his way towards his lover.

It’s been over nine months since Justin moved back in with him.  For the most part things have been good…great, actually.  Besides the busy schedules both of them had…Brian being a partner and Justin juggling school, the exhibitions, and the comic with Michael…they seemed to make it work.  Sometimes Brian joined Justin on his trips to New York…usually just on the weekends.  Justin never asked him to come with him to any dinner parties or exhibitions and most of the time Brian didn’t.  But tonight he wanted to come.  This exhibition was a big deal for Justin who was getting more and more recognized.  Besides, he hasn’t seen him in almost a week.  So, here they were…almost four hours later…barely said two words to each other because Justin had “to mingle with the wealthy mob” as Natalie put it. 

He came behind Justin as soon as the artist finally got rid of the two men he was talking to for quite some time.  Brian kissed his neck.  Justin smiled and turned around.

“Hey, stranger,” Justin said.

“Hey,” Brian put his arms around him.  Brian pointed in the direction of Elisabeth Matthews, “That nice lady thought that I should take you home and fuck you all night.”

Justin laughed.  “Sounds good.”

Brian leaned in and kissed him

“Sounds very good,” Justin said as he pulled away. 

“Uh…Justin?”

They both turned to Natalie.  “Kevin wanted to have a word with you, if that’s ok,” she said. 

Justin sighed.  He was really looking forward going back to their hotel room and spending the night with Brian.  He nodded to her, letting her know that he’ll be right there, then turned to Brian. 

“Sorry.”

Brian nodded, looking a little disappointed.

“I’ll meet you back at the hotel?” Justin said.

“Fine.  Don’t take too long, or I might have to order room service,” Brian kissed him again, then walked out of the gallery.

~~~

Justin walked past Natalie through the open door.

Kevin pointed to the chair next to his desk and Justin sat down.  When Natalie closed the door behind her, Kevin began, “Things are going really well.”

“Yes, they are,” Justin replied.

“You have a lot of fans.”

Justin smiled, a little nervous to know what this was all about. 

“Have you thought about moving to New York?”

Justin was caught off guard by the question.

“Moving?  Why?” he asked.

“Well, with you getting more known it is getting more time demanding…and more crucial for you to be here…in New York.”

“But…”

“You can’t do this forever.”

“Why not?  I’ve been doing ok so far,” Justin was getting defensive.

“Yes, and look at you.  You’re completely exhausted.”

Justin looked away.  It was true.  He was tired.  School, the comic book, flying to New York on regular basis were wearing him out.  But he was determined to make it work.

“You said that I didn’t have to move here to do this.  You said…”

“I know,” Kevin cut him off, “But…”

“But you didn’t think that I would actually make it this far?  That I’d be making you all this money?”  Justin said, now getting angry.

“Justin.”

Justin stood up and began pacing, “I have family there.  Friends.  School.”

“I understand that.”

“So, then…”

“But you have to understand that this is the big times now.  Your family and friends should be happy for you.  And we can always find you a similar art program here.”

“Just like that?  I just have to pick up and move?  And what if I don’t?”  He knew he sounded like a twelve-year old defying his parents.

“I’m not telling you what to do,” Kevin said calmly.

“What are you saying?”  Justin looked straight at him.

“I’m saying that you have to make a decision.  About what you want.  About your future.  Your career.”

Justin took in a deep breath and turned away from him.

Kevin stood up and walked around the desk to stand in front of the artist.  “Look, you just started this semester.  Think about it.  See how it goes.  We’ll see what we can do about school here.  And then we’ll talk about it when you finish up the school year.  What do you say?”

Justin sighed, nodded, then left the office without a word. 

~~~

“What the fuck took you so long?” Brian asked as soon as Justin closed the door behind him.

Justin walked over to the bed where his lover was laying, naked.

“No room service?” Justin tried to joke.

“Didn’t see anything I like,” Brian shot back.

Justin gave him a faint smile, then sat on the edge of the bed.  Something was wrong, Brian could see it.  He sat up and moved closer to Justin.

“Everything ok?” he asked.

Justin forced out another smile, “Yeah.  Just tired, that’s all,” he lied.

“What did Kevin have to say?”

“Oh, just that everything was going great.”

“That’s why he wanted to see you?”  Brian didn’t believe him.

“Yep,” Justin got up.  “I’m gonna go take a quick shower.”

When the bathroom door closed Brian fell back on the pillows.  Something happened between the time he kissed Justin in the gallery and now.  Something was definitely bothering Justin, he knew it.

~~~

Pittsburgh, July 2004 

“You have a meeting with Tyler Greene in five minutes,” Cynthia announced.

He sighed, “Right.  Tell him I’ll be right there.”

As soon as the door closed behind her, he picked up a picture of him and Justin that he was looking at before Cynthia walked in.  He looked at it one more time, then put it back in the drawer, stood up, and made his way to the conference room.

Half an hour later he was ready to explode.  The layout was horrible.  It seemed like the people working for him were even dumber than the ones who worked for him when the agency belonged to Ryder. 

“It’s not that bad,” Tyler said to him when they were the only ones left in the room.

“Are you fucking blind?” Brian replied.

“Just needs a little tweaking, that’s all.”

“Yeah, well, they better hope they don’t tweak themselves out of a job,” he stood up and headed towards the door.

“Brian, wait,” Tyler called out.

Brian took a deep breath.  He knew this was inevitable.  He turned around to face the music. 

“Can’t we just get past this?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Brian lied.

“You fucking know exactly what I’m talking about.  Things have been too fucking awkward for you not to.”

Brian shrugged, not wanting to have this conversation right now.

“It’s not worth destroying our friendship over” Tyler said.

Brian just smirked and turned around to leave once again.

“It’s not my fault he left!” Tyler shouted.

Brian stood there for a moment, his back turned, “No.  It’s mine,” he said quietly and then walked out the door.

~~~

Pittsburgh, March 2004 

“I’m glad you decided to go with us,” Brian said.  Across from him was sitting a president of Interval Publishing Inc. 

“So am I, Brian, so am I,” Gordon Johnson said.  “I believe that we could definitely benefit from each other’s knowledge.”

“Absolutely.”

“Oh, there he is,” Gordon waved to a man who just walked into the restaurant. 

Brian stood up and turned around.  He couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw who was coming towards them.  The other man stopped and just stared at him as well. 

“Brian,” he smiled at him, shaking his hand. 

“Tyler.”

“When I was told I’d be working with Brian Kinney I thought it was someone else.  I had no idea it’d be you.”

“There’s no one else like me,” Brian said.

“Just as arrogant as I remember,” Tyler laughed.

“You two know each other?” Gordon asked as the three of them took their seats.

“We went to college together,” Tyler explained to his boss.

“That’s great.  Now I’m even more confident that this campaign will be a success,” Gordon said.

~~~

“You have not changed one bit,” Tyler said as Brian maneuvered the jeep through the streets of Pittsburgh.

“You always were a horrible liar, Ty,” Brian laughed.

“Jesus, how long has it been?”

“Don’t go there,” Brian shook his head.  No reason to reminisce on how old they both were.

Brian parked the jeep and got out, making his way towards the front door of the house.  He rang the door bell.  A few moments later Lindsay opened the door. 

“Brian?  What are you doing here?” she was surprised to see him.  He usually called before he came over and that usually wasn’t during workday. 

He smiled at her, “I’ve got a surprise for you.”

“A surprise?” 

Just then Brian stepped inside and made room for his companion.  Lindsay’s mouth opened in shock.  “Tyler?!  Oh, my God!”  She jumped at him, hugging her friend.

“Thought you’d like that,” Brian laughed at her.

~~~

“I still can’t believe that you two have a kid.  It must have been pretty cold in hell the day it happened,” Tyler said, watching Brian playing with Gus. 

“That’s all her fault,” Brian pointed towards Lindsay; she just smiled at him.

“So, what have you been up to since graduation?” she asked Tyler.

“Well, I got a job with a publishing company in Seattle.  Made my way up.  Then they got bought out by the Interval Publishing.  So, I pretty much had to start over in a way.  Then they moved their headquarters here.”

“And here you are,” she finished for him.

“Here I am,” he said, staring at Brian.   They stared at each other for a moment. 

“Well, I should get going.  I need to go pick up Justin.”  He handed Gus to Lindsay, gave her a peck on the cheek.  “I’m meeting some friends at Babylon tonight.  You wanna come?” he turned to Tyler.

“Are you kidding?  Pass up an opportunity to visit the infamous Babylon.”

They all laughed.  “Ok, how about nine?”  Brian said.

“See you there.”

Brian walked out of the house, not bothering explaining who Justin was.  He was pretty sure Lindsay would fill in the gaps for Tyler.

~~~

“Hey, what are you doing here?” Justin asked as he got in the jeep.

“Left work early, so I thought I’d pick you up.”

Justin smiled, “I was just thinking about you.”

“You’re always thinking about me.”

“Arrogant asshole,” Justin said with a smile.

Brian pulled him in for a kiss. 

~~~

“Why aren’t you getting dressed?” Brian asked while putting his shirt on. 

Justin was sitting on the couch, reading a book.  “I’ve got homework to do.  I’ll meet you there,” he said without looking up.

“I can wait.”

Justin looked up at him, “Nah, it’s ok.  I don’t know how long I’ll be.”

Brian grimaced.  It seemed like they were spending less and less time together.  “Ok,” he gave in.  “Don’t work too hard,” he gave Justin a quick kiss.

~~~

A couple of hours later Justin decided he needed to unwind a little.  He walked in and immediately his eyes searched the crowd for Brian.  It didn’t take long.  Brian was in the middle of the dance floor…dancing with some trick…tall, skinny, brown hair, broad shoulders…hot…very hot guy.  It wasn’t a big surprise.  They weren’t monogamous.   It wasn’t a big deal.  There was no rule against dancing with others.  In fact there were no rules at all.  That’s what they agreed on.  Just take it as it comes.  But something about this guy bothered Justin.  The way Brian was completely into him.  The way the trick was looking at Brian.  The way Brian was looking at him.  He watched the two of them until Brian looked up and saw him.  Brian waved at him to come and join them, but Justin wasn’t in the mood for a threesome tonight.  Instead he walked towards the bar and ordered a drink. 

A few minutes later Brian came up to him.  “Why didn’t you come dance with us?” he asked Justin, trying to catch his breath. 

“Didn’t feel like it,” Justin answered coldly.  He turned around to see that Brian’s trick was now standing next to them. 

“Let me introduce you,” Brian said, causing Justin to look at him with disbelief.  They did NOT introduce tricks to each other.  “This is Tyler.  Tyler, this is Justin.”

Tyler extended his hand with a smile on his face.  Justin looked up at Brian again and then hesitantly shook Tyler’s hand.  He tried to squeeze out a smile, “Nice to meet you.”

“Yeah, you too,” Tyler said.

“Tyler and I were friends in college,” Brian explained.

“Oh,” was Justin’s only response.  There was obviously something between those two, he knew it.  “So, what are you doing in Pittsburgh?” he asked Tyler.

“Brian and I are working on the campaign together,” Tyler said, smiling at Brian, who smiled at him in return.

“Yeah, they needed some help,” Brian added.

“So, we went to the best.”

Fake smile plastered on his face, Justin watched the exchange, “Brian’s definitely that.” 

Something about the way he said it didn’t sound right to Brian.  He looked at his lover confused.

There was an uncomfortable moment between the three of them.

“Well, I should go,” Justin finally said, putting down his drink and making his way away from the bar and the two of them.

“Charming,” Tyler said sarcastically. 

Brian couldn’t understand why Justin was acting like a complete prick.  Besides maybe Emmett, Justin was the most sociable person he knew. 

“I’ll be right back,” he said to Tyler.

Justin was almost out the door when he felt someone grabbing his arm.  He turned around.

“What’s wrong with you?” Brian asked.

“Nothing.”

“Bullshit.  Would it have killed you to be a little nicer to Tyler?” 

“You’re being nice enough for both of us,” Justin shot back.

“He’s a friend,” Brian said, trying to figure out why Justin was acting this way.

“Right,” he wasn’t buying it. 

“Don’t.”

“Don’t what?” 

“Don’t do the whole jealousy thing.  It’s not you,” Brian said.

They stared at each other for a moment.  Justin was the first one to look away.  He sighed.  Brian was right.  What was his problem.  Feeling so fucking insecure all of a sudden.  He nodded, letting Brian know that he was ok. 

“Come on,” Brian took his hand and pulled him towards the dance floor.

Justin didn’t move, “No.  I’m gonna go.”

“You just got here.”

“I still have some work to do, so…”

“You want me to drive you home?” Brian asked, concerned.

“No,” Justin shook his head.  “Have fun,” he kissed Brian, then smiled at him.  “I’ll see you at home.”

Brian watched him disappear behind the doors, an uneasy feeling growing in the pit of his stomach. 

Go to Part 2

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