Intrepid Traveler - Part 15

“So, all’s well again?” Nick asked, flipping his sketchbook closed.

Justin shrugged, looking around their tiny dorm room.  “Yeah, I guess.”

Nick snickered.  “Jim dropped the charges and Brian is Brian again.  What’s the problem?”

Justin shrugged, putting away the pencil in his hand and placing the sketchbook by his side.  “He’s…different.”

“Different how?”

The blond shrugged again.  “I’m not sure.  He’s just…he barely says a word now.”

“Well, Brian’s not exactly known for being a gossip queen,” Nick noted.

Justin sighed.   How could he make his friend understand that Brian was not what he seemed to outsiders?  Even those closest to him didn’t really know him completely, couldn’t really know all the ins and outs of what made Brian Kinney tick.  “This is different.  He’s completely shut down,” Justin responded, staring down at his hands.

He heard Nick clear his throat.  “Well, the guy was in jail.  Who knows what kind of permanent damage he’ll endure?”

Raising his gaze, Justin glared at the brunet.  It wasn’t exactly what he had wanted to hear.  It was bad enough knowing that he was the sole cause of Brian ending up in the slammer.  He could only hope that he was able to put things back in place and not affect anything that could jeopardize Brian’s future.  “Thanks,” he replied, sarcastically.

Nick sighed.  Rising from the chair, he walked over to the bed and flopped down next to Justin, leaning his back against the wall.  “What you two need is to get out.  Have some fun.  Unwind.”

Justin rolled his eyes.  “Planning another party?”

The brunet grinned.  “Well, actually, this one has a reason.”

“Really?  You mean, the first Saturday of November wasn’t a good enough reason for a party?” Justin teased.

Nick stuck out his tongue, receiving a slap on the arm in return.  “Well, it’s a better reason, how about that?”  Justin just smiled.  “It’s my birthday tomorrow.”

Justin’s eyes widened.  “Why the fuck didn’t you tell me before?  How am I supposed to find you a present in less than twenty-four hours?”

Nick laughed softly.  “Relax, grasshopper, no presents needed.  And you were dealing with your own big drama before.”  Justin opened his mouth to reply, but Nick beat him to it.  “It’s ok.  I understand.  You guys have been through hell and back in the last couple of weeks.  Which is why you need to celebrate.  You survived.”

A tiny smile lingered on Justin’s lips.  “Yeah, I don’t…” His voice trailed off when they heard the door open, revealing none other than the subject of their conversation.

Brian closed the door behind him, stopping briefly when he noticed another body on the bed.  His gaze shifted from Nick back to Justin. 

“Hey,” Justin said, managing a smile.

Brian dropped his bag on the floor and pushed it against the dresser with his foot. 

“Hey, Bri,” Nick chimed in.  “How’s it going?”

Brian raised his gaze to the grey eyes staring at him, holding Nick’s stare for a moment.  He then turned his attention back to Justin.  “I have to work today,” he said quietly.

“I thought you had Thursday nights off,” Justin replied, surprised by the news.

“I don’t.”  Brian’s voice was void of any emotion, just like it had been ever since Justin had brought him back from the police station. 

“Uhm…It’s Nick’s birthday tomorrow,” Justin tried.  “He’s invited us to a party.”

His only response was a low ‘hmmm’ as Justin watched the taller teen open the closet and pull out a grey sweater.  Without so much as another glance, Brian walked out of the room.

As soon as the door closed behind his lover, Justin dropped his head, exhaling loudly. 

“He surely isn’t Mr. Sunshine these days, is he?”

Raising his head, Justin met Nick’s eyes.  “No, he really isn’t.”

~~~***~~~***~~~

Finishing with the C’s, Brian walked back over to the bin containing the folders, counting off another batch of file folders.  The mind-numbing task of filing away students’ records was welcomed after the shitty day he’d had. 

“Hi,” he heard a woman’s voice behind him.

Sighing, Brian turned around.  The last thing he needed was his lesbian friend roasting his balls on an open fire.  “What are you doing here?”

“I was in the building.  Thought I’d stop by and see how you are.”

“Well, I’m fine, so you can go now,” he replied, harsher than intended.

“I haven’t seen you since…” she paused.

“Since my trip to the big house?” he finished for her.

“Well, yeah,” she shifted uncomfortably.  “Do you think you could take a small break?”

“What for?”

She shrugged.  “So we could talk.”

Brian snickered.  “How many times do I have to remind you?  I’m not a lesbian.”

The blond-haired woman rolled her eyes.  “Come on, Brian.  Just ten minutes.”

He was prepared to refute the request once again, but the pleading look on his friend’s face stopped him.  Somehow Lindsay always managed to talk him into anything she wanted.  And for some reason, he always let her.  Sighing, he tossed the folders back into the bin and followed her out.

A few minutes later he found himself sitting in a small lounge area, drinking the world’s most awful coffee ever made and waiting for Lindsay to say her piece so that he could get back to work.

“How are you?  I mean, really?” she asked, once more.

And once more he assured her that he was fine. 

“You don’t look fine,” Lindsay replied.

“Oh, jee, Linds, thanks,” he responded with an arched eyebrow.  “If you’re working on making me feel even more like shit, congratulations.”

She smiled apologetically.  “I meant, you don’t look like you’re doing fine.”

Brian looked away, methodically avoiding her gaze.  “I know what you meant.”

“Don’t bullshit me, Brian.”

He turned his gaze to her, the fake smirk that was plastered on his face moments before now gone.  “I’ll get over it,” he said quietly.

“Maybe you should talk to someone.  Like a counselor or something.”

“Linds, just drop it, ok?” he snapped angrily.  The last thing he needed was more talking about the subject that he wanted to forget.  To simply forget it had ever happened.

“Alright,” she conceded.  “Speaking of dropping.  Why do you think Cole did it?  Drop the charges, I mean.”

“How the fuck should I know?” Brian looked away once more, feeling even more uncomfortable with the subject than he did moments before. 

“I doubt it was out of the goodness of his heart,” Lindsay concluded. 

“If he even has one.”  He paused, staring down at the styrofoam cup in his hand, the brown liquid inside making his stomach lurch.  He had had enough.  Leaning over the small couch, Brian tossed the cup into the nearby garbage can.  “I know why he dropped it,” he announced.  While he didn’t know the details, he wasn’t stupid enough not to realize exactly what had happened.  “Taylor did something.”

Lindsay’s eyes widened in surprise.  “What did he do?”

The brunet shrugged his shoulders.  “Fuck if I know.”

“Have you asked him?”

Brian snickered.  “Do you really think he’d tell me?”  If Taylor wanted him to know what he had done, he would have told Brian by now.  Since he hadn’t, it was obvious that the artist had no intention of Brian ever finding out exactly how he had saved his ass.  It was the first time Brian had come across someone like that – a person who did something good without expecting anything in return.  And he wasn’t entirely sure how to react to that.

~~~***~~~***~~~

Justin spotted Brian the moment the brunet arrived, pausing in the doorway to scan the crowd.  Justin couldn’t hold back a smile at the sight of his boyfriend.  The smile quickly faded, though, when the blond saw the uncomfortable, almost lost look on Brian’s face when their eyes finally met.

Telling Nick that he’d be right back, Justin put his drink down and began making his way through the crowd toward the exit where Brian was waiting for him.

“I didn’t think you were coming,” Justin said when he finally reached his lover.

Brian looked away uncomfortably.  “I wasn’t.” 

“You want, uhm…you want a drink?” Justin asked, trying not to let his emotions show. 

The brunet shook his head no.

“You wanna dance?” Justin tried again, a brave smile spreading across his lips.

To his relief, he saw a flicker of a smile on Brian’s face.  Yet the other man still shook his head.  “No, I should…” Brian pointed at the door.  “I just…I should go.”

Justin remained still as he watched Brian cast him one last glance before turning around and leaving, desperately searching for the right words to say to get him to stay.  Something to make this all better.  Something to erase the guilt he himself was experiencing.  But no words came to him.  His mind was drawing a blank while his heart was screaming at him to go after Brian.

The heart won and the artist bolted out of the door and down the stairs, hoping that he would be able to catch up with the other teen.

He saw him almost immediately – slowly walking down the alley toward their dorm.

“Brian!” Justin called out, slowing his pace.

Brian stopped and turned around, and even though the only source of light was a lonely street lamp a few feet away, Justin could see the look of surprise on his boyfriend’s face.

“You’re missing the party,” Brian told him when Justin neared.

“Fuck the party,” the blond responded quickly.  “Are you ok?”

Brian rolled his eyes, annoyed.  “You know, if another person asks me that…”

“I’m sorry,” Justin said quietly.

Brian shook his head.  “Forget it.  I gotta get going.”  He turned around, walking away from Justin.

“I’m sorry!” Justin shouted in desperation.

Stopping again, Brian turned to face the blond.  “Taylor…”

Taking a few shaky steps toward Brian, Justin fought back the tears, the emotions that were threatening to suffocate him.  “I’m sorry,” he repeated again, quietly this time.  “It’s all my fault.  Everything that’s happened.”  He swallowed.  “If it wasn’t for me, if I didn’t come here, if I wasn’t in your life, none of this would have happened and you would just go on with your life as usual – you would not be in this situation, in danger of losing everything you have ever worked for…”

“What the fuck are you talking about?!” Brian shouted.  “You are the only thing in my fucking life that makes any sense at all right now.”

The two teens stared at each other, both surprised and shocked by the words that flew out of Brian’s mouth. 

Brian was the first to snap out of it.  Laughing nervously, he looked away then back at Justin, who still stood frozen, dumbstruck by Brian’s revelation.  Spotting a bench a few feet away, Brian walked over and sat down, letting out a loud sigh.

“I was scared,” he admitted softly.

Finally realizing that he did in fact hear what Brian had said, Justin turned to him.

Brian continued, “When I was sitting in that cell.  I was fucking terrified.”

“Of course you were.  Who wouldn’t be?” Justin asked, taking a step closer. 

Brian raised his gaze to meet Justin’s.  “I wouldn’t.  I don’t.  I don’t get scared.  Not even when dear old daddy used to beat the shit out of me.  I just waited for it to be over and then licked my wounds.  But I was never scared.”  He looked down at his hands.  “I had nothing to lose.  You’re not afraid of anything when you have nothing to lose.”

Justin’s features softened as he walked over to the bench and sat down next to his boyfriend, placing his hand on Brian’s thigh, realizing what Brian was trying to tell him.  Now Brian had everything to lose – his education, his career, his future.  And him.  Smiling softly, the blond scooted over, his shoulder touching Brian’s.  “It’s ok to be scared, Brian.  It’s human.  Everybody gets scared.  Everybody feels.”

Brian only shook his head, as if refusing to believe that.  “I don’t want to.  That’s not who I am.  That’s not who I wanna be.”

“Well, tough,” Justin replied, harshly.  “You can’t build a ten foot wall around yourself and not let anybody in.”

“Why not?” The question sounded so innocent that for a moment Justin found himself drawing a blank.  Maybe Brian did have the right idea.  If you surrounded yourself by a wall and not let anything or anyone get to you, you wouldn’t get hurt. 

The problem was, you’d always be alone.  And that to Justin was even worse than getting his heart broken over and over again.

“Because you just…you can’t,” he replied, “Because you need people in your life that love you and care about you.  You need to let others help you sometimes.”

“I’m not used to that,” Brian whispered.

“Used to what?”

The brunet sighed loudly, looking away once more.  “Relying on somebody,” he finally said.  “I never had that.  All my life I was the only one I could trust, the only one I could depend on,” Brian explained.  “Nobody ever did shit for me.  At least, not unless they wanted something in return.  Everybody.  Lindsay.  Even Mikey.  They’ve always wanted something in return.”

Justin understood.  Nodding, he urged Brian to go on.

“But not you,” Brian raised his gaze to meet Justin’s.  “You do things…you give…without expecting some sort of reward.  You saved my ass…” 

Justin froze at that, knowing full well what Brian was referring to.  How the brunet found out he didn’t know, but Brian knew and that was all that mattered.  Justin looked away, avoiding Brian’s intense hazel eyes. 

“I’ve been expecting you to throw it back in my face,” Brian continued.  “Every time I treated you like shit…but you didn’t.  After all this time, after everything I…all the shit I’ve put you through, you’re still here,” Brian concluded, passionately.  “Why?”

Justin smiled.  “I guess I like my men broody.”

Brian held Justin’s gaze for a moment before breaking into a smile as well.  “I am not broody.”

Laughing softly, Justin wound his fingers through Brian’s long, beautiful ones.  “I’m sorry to tell you this, Brian, but you are the definition of broody.  If there was a picture next to the word broody in the Oxford English dictionary, it would be a picture of you.”

The two of them laughed.

“I guess you should get back,” Brain said quietly when they both calmed down. 

Justin stared him in the eye, shaking his head.  “No.”

“What about Nick?”

“He’ll be fine.”  Rising from the bench, Justin held out his hand.  “We’re going home.”

Go to Part 16

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