Anything Goes - Part 1: 

New Day

Before he even opened his eyes, Brian’s hand automatically reached out for his lover.  A wave of panic rushed through his body when instead of Justin’s warm flesh his hand touched the cold sheets.  Brian sat up, frantically looking around the loft, letting out a sigh of relief only when his eyes found a blonde head in the kitchen.  He closed his eyes, trying to get his heartbeat back to normal.  For a moment, for that one short moment he thought that maybe what happened earlier wasn’t real.  That he just dreamed it.  That he was still stuck in the nightmare where Justin was…

“You’re up.”

Brian opened his eyes at the sound of the teen’s voice.  Justin was standing at the foot of the bed, watching him carefully.  Brian forced out a smile.

“You want to check on that?”

A smile spread across Justin’s pink lips as he sat down on the edge of the bed.  “I can’t,” he said quietly.

Brian stiffened, feeling a different type of anxiety now.  What if Justin decided what happened earlier was a mistake and things would just go back to the way they were.  When they were apart and Brian always woke up alone.  “Why not?”

Justin reached out, running his hand across Brian’s day-worth of stubble.  The movement was simple, and so natural, it put Brian completely at ease.  “I promised Michael I’d meet him for lunch to discuss the next issue of Rage.”

Brian frowned.

“And I should get home,” Justin added.

“Home?”

“Yeah.  I live at my mom’s.”  The teen sounded embarrassed.

“I know,” Brian said, hoping he did not sound judgmental or disapproving.  In fact, he was more than a little relieved when he found out that Justin didn’t just hop from his bed over to the fiddler’s. 

“Oh,” Justin tried to hide his surprise and glee.  Brian knew about his life, which meant that Brian was still interested in what was happening to him, in his life.  That was more than he could hope for in the last five months.  “She wasn’t too happy that I didn’t come home last night.”

“She probably reported you missing,” Brian snickered.

“Yeah, she freaks if I show up five minutes late without calling her.”

Brian thought that was as good a time as any to ask Justin something that had been bothering him for a while.  “Why didn’t you go back to Deb’s?”

Justin averted his eyes, finding the floor of the bedroom particularly fascinating at the moment.  “I just…didn’t think it was a good idea, that’s all.”

“Why not?”

Justin shrugged.  “Just…I…” he dared to look at Brian again, finding the other man waiting patiently for the explanation.  “I didn’t think it’d be a good idea, for either you or me.  It was just too close to you and…”

“You didn’t want to…” Brian tried to hide the hurt in his voice.

“No,” Justin had to make that part clear.  He wasn’t running from Brian.  Not then.  Not now.  “I just wasn’t sure you wanted me in your life, and Debbie and the guys…they’re in your life.  Have been long before I came along.”

Finally, Brian understood.  “They’re your friends too.”

Justin smiled.  “I know.  But, I just figured it’d be easier on both of us if I stayed at my mom’s.  Anyway, I promised mom I’d stay home with Molly tonight.”  He did not want to rehash the last five months, or touch on the subject of what events led to that time apart from Brian.  He knew they’d have to talk about it eventually, but now was not the right time.

Thankfully, he could see that Brian felt the same way.  “What, Jennifer decided to get a life?” Brian snickered, earning himself a slap on the arm.

“She’s just going out with her friends.”

“Yeah, I’m sure,” Brian chuckled while Justin wrinkled his nose.

The ad exec swung his legs around, standing up quickly, pulled his jeans on, and made his way into the kitchen. 

“I made some coffee,” Justin said, following the older man.

Brian turned around, looking back at the other man standing across the counter.  It almost felt comforting to know that Justin had about as little idea about what to do next as he himself did.  They were both lost and the fear of opening up to somebody again was paralyzing, but also freeing.  Because, for the first time in a long time he knew exactly what he wanted.  It was right in front of him, wearing a blue-striped sweater, patiently waiting for him to say something.

“Thanks.”

“I thought you might need it,” Justin smiled shyly.  When Brian just nodded, the teen continued.  “I should go.”

“Yeah, it’s late.”

Brian watched as Justin picked up his jacket and, giving him one last glance, headed toward the door.  And once again he felt a wave of panic wash over him. 

“Justin?”

The blonde stopped and turned around, staring at him expectantly.

“This wasn’t…I mean…it wasn’t…”  He knew he had to say it.  He just wasn’t sure exactly what it was that he was trying to say.

“Just a fuck?”  Apparently, Justin did.

“Yeah.”

The artist smiled again.  Somehow Brian managed to say the one thing he needed to hear at that moment.  “I know.”

“Good.”

“I should…” Justin pointed at the door.

“Right.  Go.”  Brian could finally breathe easier.

“I’ll see you later?”

Brian wasn’t sure whether it was a question or a statement, but for once he did not want Justin to have any doubts about the meaning of something he said. 

“Yeah.  Later.”

Justin stared at him for just a little while longer, before sliding the door open.

When he heard the door close again, Brian slumped against the counter, suddenly feeling completely exhausted.  He was still reeling from everything that had happened, not even sure if any of it was real or the years of taking drugs were finally taking their toll and it was just some weird, drug-induced dream.  He did know that Justin spending the night in his bed, in his arms was DEFINITELY real.  Justin was finally back in his life.  And that was the only thing that really mattered now.

~~~***~~~***~~~

“I got another shipment of issue two,” Michael informed Justin.

“That was fast,” the artist said excitedly.

“Rage is selling like hotcakes.”

“Which is why we should get moving with the third issue,” Justin offered his sensible opinion.  Even though he wasn’t becoming a millionaire, ‘Rage’ did bring in the much needed money for both of them.

Michael pulled up a chair and sat down.  “The problem is that I have no idea about the concept for this issue.”

Justin nodded.  He was aware of that little problem.  They’d discussed it for the last two weeks, with no results.  “Well, I have this one idea, but…”

Michael sat up in his chair.  “What is it?”

“Well, I was thinking that maybe we could have some really powerful villain capture Rage, paralyzing and stripping him of all his powers.  The villain’s about to suck the life out of Rage, which is how he kills, when JT shows up and offers his life in exchange for Rage’s.  So, while the villain sucks the life out of JT, Rage has enough time to gather his strength to kill the villain.”

Michael listened carefully.  “I think that’s a great idea,” he exclaimed when Justin finished.  “Except…”

“Except what?”

“You want to kill off JT?”

Justin shook his head.  “No.”

“But then how are we going to bring him back to life?” Michael asked, confused.

Justin didn’t think about that before when the idea popped into his head earlier this morning, while he watched Brian sleep.  It just seemed like the most natural turn of events for the comic book.  Rage saved JT’s life before.  Now it was JT’s turn.  Except, Michael was right.  He couldn’t find any way to bring Rage’s lover back to life.  “I don’t know,” he finally admitted.  “You’re the writer.  I’m just the artist.  You come up with something.”

Michael frowned.  JT was a major character.  Killing him off was not an option, considering he’d have to not only weather the wrath of hundreds of fans of the comic book couple, but also the “real Rage” himself.  Even though Brian and Justin were not a couple anymore, Michael knew that Brian would be less than pleased if his and Justin’s alter-ego’s relationship went up in smoke as well.  “Well, I’m sure Rage will find a way,” Michael said, brightening up once again.  He figured that they’d just start working on the new issue and would figure something out in the process. 

“Right,” Justin nodded, smiling as well.  Looked like they had their third issue.

~~~***~~~***~~~

Having put most of their ideas down on paper, Justin finally made it home.  He wasn’t sure how he had even gotten through the entire conversation with Michael without bursting from the joy and anxiety that he was feeling.  A part of him was still trying to figure out whether he was dreaming.  It was just completely unbelievable – Brian coming to him and saying, or almost saying, what he had dreamed of hearing for so long.  He wanted to jump for joy, scream at the top of his lungs that Brian loved him.  But that feeling, the one that made him feel as light as a feather, evaporated pretty quickly, leaving only the fear of majorly fucking up once again in its place.  They were still both clueless when it came to making a relationship work.  The only thing he’d learned from the two months he was with Ethan, if you could call it that, was that he still wanted to be with Brian.  That was still the case.

“Justin!  Finally,” his mother’s voice broke through his thoughts when he walked in the kitchen.  “Where have you been?”

“Wow, mom, you look…great,” he smiled.  Jennifer was in the process of putting on her shoes.

“Thank you,” she smiled back at him.  “But don’t change the subject.  I was worried.”

Justin sat down in a chair across from her.  “I was at Michael’s store working on ‘Rage’.  I told you about it.”

“You were gone all night.  And what about yesterday?  We didn’t know where you were.  Debbie was worried.  She said you just left without telling anybody anything.”

“Oh, I had…”  He didn’t know what to say.  He still wasn’t sure how the whole thing was going to work between Brian and him.  Whether they were going to tell people or keep it a secret, at least for a little while.  He wasn’t even sure whether Brian still wanted to be with him.  “I had some school thing.”

“What school thing?”

He shrugged, hating to lie to his mother.  “It was just this thing for a class.  No big deal.”

“Why didn’t you tell somebody you were leaving?”

Justin exhaled noisily, not having an answer, at least not the one that wouldn’t make her head explode.  “It was an emergency.  I called the diner.  Everything’s fine now.”

“And what about last night?”

Justin took a deep breath.  “Uhm…I was with…somebody.”

“Oh.”  Jennifer stood up, her eyes not wavering from his face.  Finally, she let out a sigh.  “Ok, as long as everything’s ok.”

“It is,” he repeated, sounding a little more convincing.

“Well, Molly’s already eaten.  She’s upstairs doing her homework.  There’s dinner on the stove if you’re hungry.”

“Thanks, mom,” Justin nodded as he stood up, giving his mother a kiss on the cheek.  “Have fun.”  He waved to her before running up the stairs to his room.

~~~***~~~***~~~

Brian was on his second drink, wondering for the hundredth time what the hell he was doing here.  He had had a very…interesting forty-eight hours.  The last thing he needed was being stuck at Woody’s, watching Ted and Emmett suck face while listening to Michael whine about Ben’s busy schedule.  He was actually grateful to hear his cell phone ring.  He took the phone out of the pocket of his jacket, checking the caller id.  Justin’s number.  He stared at the phone for a moment, not sure whether to answer it or not.  More than anything he wanted to hear his lover’s voice right now, but things weren’t exactly great when Justin left hours earlier.  He wasn’t sure he wanted to hear that Justin was having doubts. 

“Who’s that?”

Brian looked at his best friend.  “Uh, nobody,” he replied, quickly moving away from the table, hoping to find some privacy, and ending up in the bathroom of all places.  Thankfully, it was uncharacteristically empty tonight.  “Yeah,” he finally answered it.

“Oh, hi,” Justin sounded surprised.  “I thought you might have been…busy.”

“Nope.  In fact, you just saved me throwing something heavy at the two lovebirds over there.”

He smiled when he heard Justin’s quiet laughter on the other side.  “Ted and Emmett at it again?”

“Um-hmm.  Unfortunately.”

He could almost hear the smile on Justin’s face, wishing he could see it. 

“Now you know how they felt when we’d start making out in front of them.”

“No, see, that’s different.”

Justin chuckled again.  “It is, is it?”

“Yes.  They should have been grateful they became privy to such a thing.”

“As did the rest of the Liberty Avenue,” Justin reminded him.

Now it was Brian’s turn to chuckle.  “Yeah, we should have been charging admission.”

They both grew quiet after that, neither one knowing what else to say.  They were done reminiscing about the good old days.  Now they had the reality of starting the whole thing over again staring them straight in the face, and it was fucking scary.

“Look, I just…I’m calling because…” Justin paused.  “Things were…strange when I left earlier.”

That was one way to put it.  Brian sighed, running his fingers through his hair.  “I know.”

“I just didn’t want you to doubt…I want this to work.”

Brian leaned against the sink, using every ounce of self-control to stay put and not jump in the jeep and drive across town to Jennifer’s townhouse to kidnap Justin, and drive all the way back to his loft, tie Justin to the bed, and not let the blonde out of his sight for the next month.  He could feel his dick already stirring inside his pants at the visual of the naked artist sprawled on the bed, his skin glowing under the blue lights.  “Me too.”

He was sure he heard Justin sigh in relief on the other side of the phone and it made him smile.  Why the fuck were they so scared?  They’d done this before.  So they crashed and burned then.  So what?  They were still here, a little scarred, yes, but still here.  Willing to make it work.  Needing to make it work. 

“I should go.  Mol rented ‘Minority Report’.  She’s got a major crush on Colin Farrell.”

“Like brother, like sister,” Brian snickered.

“I do not have a crush on him.  I just find the man immensely hot.”

“Irish men ARE hot,” Brian said wryly. 

“Some more than others,” Justin shot back.

“Twat.”  He smiled.  Yes, things were definitely getting back to normal.  “Your mom back from her date yet?”

As predicted, he heard Justin huff and puff.  “It is NOT a date!”

“Good night, Sunshine.”

He hung up, feeling relaxed for the first time since Justin walked out of his door earlier that afternoon.  He stuffed the phone in the back pocket, turning to look at his reflection in the mirror.

“Well, well, well, Brian Kinney.”

Brian jumped when he saw the face covered with make up staring back at him in the mirror. 

“So, everything worked out after all,” Mysterious Marilyn said when Brian turned to face her.

“What do you mean?”

She smiled.  “The wish, of course.  What do you think I mean, silly?”

“How did you…”

“Oh, don’t worry.  Soon enough it will all seem like a dream, nothing more.”

Brian’s face dropped.  “You mean it wasn’t?”  That was the only explanation he had for what he felt, for what he had known before.  But now…now he wasn’t so sure.

She took a step toward him, staring into his eyes.  “You’ve come a long way, Brian.  But there are still things you need to learn.”

Brian tried to swallow the lump in his throat that was threatening to choke him.  “Like what?”

She smiled again, studying his face.  “Only YOU know that.” 

And with that she was gone, disappearing just as quickly as she appeared just short moments before, leaving Brian completely baffled.  He turned around, to once again look at himself in the mirror. 

“I hate it when she says that.”

Go to Part 2

HOME