McNasty

Ever-popular McNasty has had bampots looking fer a shot o' his playstation tae his page

Before I start all the personal and esoteric, nay, erotic drivel aboot meself, let me paint you a picture... It has just past 6 in the morning. The wintry sun languidly clambers over the misty horizon. A few hardy seagulls fight and argue noisily over a wee scrap of herring, caught by some lonely, thirsty and calloused Scots fisherman, weary from his travails in the icy Atlantic. Nestling amongst the flowing hills of Argyllshire, an old and withered, yet homely woman, prepares her meagre breakfast of salted oats. Meanwhile, at his excruciatingly *boring* terraced house in the characterless town of East Kilbride, McNasty is *still* IRCing his wee heart out, running up a positively Jurassic phone bill. His chubby fingers fly over the friction-burned keyboard, typing various inanities to disinterested punters all over the globe. He doesn't give two flying fecks about the wee wrinkled buddy champing away on her porridge, because he's got a right monster of a fried breakfast sitting next to his trusty ole 'puter. And he certainly, for sure, couldn't care less about the crusty awd geezer gaspin' fer a wee dram, as he remembers fondly the twa crates o' Guinness cunningly wedged in the fridge! There you go. Twa piccies of Scotland for you. Theres this place which the rest of the world knows as Scotland - the Bonnie Land...well, NOBODY lives there...its bluddy EMPTY!! Yeah, alright, its lovely, and a wee pic of it would look cool on a souvenir haggis and all that, but what Scotland means to the Scots who actually *live* in it is towns and cities, just like the places in any other country. But, let me tell you boys and girls, what right jumpin' places they are. I live close to Glasgow. It's a wee cracker of a city. Wee 'wegians are renowned amongst the rest of oor bonnie land as being utterly bonkers. Just look at our other most famous export, The Big Yin.. also known as Billy Connolly - a mad bampot if there ever was one. The music scene is freakin' unbeatable, with myriads of bands just straining to be unleashed on the puir wee unsuspecting world, and it is the home of one of the most famous art schools anywhere, called Glasgow Art School (unbelievably enough), whose artists' works throughout all this century are sought after with a vigour amounting almost to obsession. And oor Night Life!! It's the most awesome, kewl and downright *happening* to be found. Hell, we're so friendly we'll even chib ya in the coupon for nowt! Reassemble your sadly shattered conceptions of Scotland and come and see the rest of it once in a while, and leave the bens and braes to the sheepies. (And leave the sheepies alone as well - that wee fluffy one's MINE) Just remember - mind and bring yer wellies and plenty of cash. Come look me up, and I'll help you use 'em both....;) Enough pseudo-neo-historical shite (can I say that?). You want to know about me? No? well feck off and check oot that tasty burd a couple of links up.. Real Name: Malcolm Laurie. A good Scottish name, that yin. And, like nearly every other bugger on #Scotland, I can lay claim to the yellow and burgundy bit of itchy cloth that is the McLeod tartan. Age: 27. So I dont have anywhere near the infinite wisdom and sobriety that me Methelusah-like mate-oan-irc-who-ah-havnae-seen-fer-ages Aonghais has. Oh well, at least I've got more hair. Married: Unfortunately. (sorry wife! She's a lovely understanding lass with Fiery red hair and the attitude to complement it) Jeez!! if she reads this I'm HISTORY!! Looks: well see for yourself...keep in mind that the light was good, and that wiz me best side..the other ones all droopy and deformed. Otherwise have been told I'm passable. Sense of Humour: Seriously fecked up. But I guess you all know that already :) Clothes Sense: (see humour) Ambitions: To be nasty to everyone in that nice quaint Scottish way. Oh, and also to speak Japanese like a Japanese person. That would be most bodacious..(er) dude... Sexual Preferences: Women, Sheep (in that order). Failing requisition of either of these, a furry glove and a copy of Pamela Anderson's hands-on guide to Healthy Jogging would suffice. Music: Anything, as long as it's LOUD. And as long as its not any of that 'doomf' 'doomf' sounding stuff... ie techno, rave...you know what I mean.. Especially like stuff from me young days.. like Duran Duran, Adam Ant, The Stranglers, Talking Heads, Hazel O'Connor but recently I have been known to listen to They Might Be Giants, Crash Test Dummies and that new one by The Cardigans with the wee sexy sounding bird fronting it. As for playing music, I can just about handle the piano, wrestle with the American Organ (dont ask) and lost the battle completely with the violin. Job: Computer Graphic Artist, using a Quantel Graphic Paintbox. Which is great, as I get to touch up nude women all day (I wish!) Also use Mac's and PC's with a variety of slightly uninteresting software - the most used one of which is multiplayer Duke Nukem! Yay!! Interests: Collecting stuff. Anything. Whether it works or not... here is a sample of collecty-type things....Old Cameras, Gramophones, Sheep Emasculators, Spitfire Altimeters, Arcade Machines (heavy beggars), classic pioneering computers (speccy, C64 etc), hernias (see heavy Arcade Machines) and miscellaneous junk. Also reading copiously - sf and fantasy preferably - in particular Isaac Asimov, Robert Heinlein, Philip K Dick and Frank Herbert... and as a natural consequence of these, tv stuff like the X-files, ST.TNG and Voyager...(you guessed it, me's a Trekker!!) My Fave films are Alien, Speed, Blade Runner, The Thing, Dune, and Metropolis. Im also an unadulterated game-freak, and use me free hand (when its free) to play with my S.Famicom, Megadrive, PC-Engine, and PlayStation. But never the PC, as I need it to yabber with you lot!!! I cant believe you're still reading this. Look, have you not got something more interesting to do? I'm sure that room could do with a little tidying up, and when was the last time you washed that clatty old hair of yours?? Ok, then, heres the obligatory 'greets' bit. Hello to Aonghais, JWT, Welshy, TK (you dont want to know those last three, they're English), me wee mate Sockies :P, Celtia, Meok, Jackal, DH etc.etc. Dont come running to me if you're not mentioned. You know who you are. It's just that I've had a temporary brain-lock. Sorry, and all that. Oh, and at the end of this list of the damned, I send out a a walloping great smoochy snog to my IRCbabe Carol (Figure out her nick for yourself, I aint telling - nobody's gonna move in on HER) heh heh! Fin. Finito. No more. I could tell you about the time I had a fry-up with nowt but a T-shirt on, but I wont. (The memory is painful to me). And did I mention I had far too many cats? Yes, well I do...8 of them to be precise..You don't want their names do you? Ok, then you twisted me arm..Buddy (aka Filthy McNasty:), Siouxsie (as in the Banshees), Cara (Pinball cat), Foster (because we adopted him, Awww), Shelley (cos she's smelly), Jezebel (a right wee tart), Artemis...that makes only 7 doesnt it! oh well, me mam has two of my old ones..Jamie and Chico, so they make at 9 then. Also, 5 goldfish and two birds as well, which will come in handy when we cant afford any more Kit-E-Kat (see Phone Bill) Heh!! Enough drivel already...heres my eMail if you feel the urge to converse.. mcnasty@enterprise.net Oh aye, here's me homepage too: http://homepages.enterprise.net/mcnasty/ ----------------------- Yep, its a bit big innit :) And tae keep the wifey happy if she sees this here's the obligitary family photo album bit for yeez...

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