Maury: “Ok, let’s get right to it. We asked Miroku if he had ever thought of another woman while he was going out with you. He said no. The lie detector test determined that was a lie.”
*The audience screams and claps*
Sango: “I KNEW IT!”
Miroku: “Oh, COME ON! I mean, for all you know, I was thinking about what a good cook Kagome is or something! It doesn’t have to be something perverted!”
Sango: “Read the next one Maury!”
Maury: “You don’t need to get pushy, Sango. When we asked Miroku if he had ever looked at another woman while perverted thoughts ran through his mind, he said no. The lie detector test determined that was a lie.”
*Since the audience is easily amused, they scream and clap again. The people who started the fire in the back have now sacrificed one of the stage managers to their heathen gods and have begun to dance in a circle around his severed head.*
Sango: “KEEP GOING MAURY!”
Maury: “When we asked Miroku if he had even groped a woman while he was going out with you, he said he hadn’t. The lie detector testing machine proceeded to burst into flames, apparently overloaded from the blatant lies it was being told. However, according to our lie detector test expert, and I quote,
“It doesn’t matter because this jerk was lying through his teeth from the beginning. He told us his name was Tony Hawk, and that he was a world renown hang glider. He then proceeded to grope me, and asked me if I had ever “been intimate” with an alien, and that if I hadn’t, he could be my first.”
Maury: “……I’ll have to assume that our lie detector test expert was a woman.”
*Voice of the producer once again comes over the announcement system.*
Producer: “Actually Maury, we’ve just confirmed that it was in fact a man in his mid-forties.”
Maury: “I see. That’s mighty disturbing. What do you have to say about this Sango? ….Sango? Where are you?”
*Sango comes running out from somewhere backstage. She’s out of breath and seems to be covered with some kind of red liquid*
Maury: “Sango…what’s that?”
Sango: “Oh, this? It’s ketchup. I had a little accident with ketchup. It’s not blood or anything, if that’s what you’re thinking. ……Is it strange that I brought up the blood thing without being asked?”
Maury: “Yes, a little. Where’s Miroku?”
Sango: “He, um, said he was going to…the store. He said he was going to the store to buy some eggs. We’re out of eggs. It’s not like I beat him into a bloody pulp and then hid his unconscious body in the trunk of your car or anything. I don’t know how you could even think that Maury! You’re a sick, sick, man!”
*Sango gets up and runs backstage again.*
Maury: “Alright. So, Miroku was a perverted pig and Sango was a borderline psychopath. Good times. I think it’s time for a short commercial break, but we’ll be right back!”
COMMERCIAL BREAK (Click it!)
Maury: “And we’re back. Our next guest says that his girlfriend is always giving him a hard time when he talks with his ex. He claims to be completely over his ex, whom we’ll call “Kikiou” to protect her identity, but admits that they are still good friends. He’s sick of his girlfriend accusing him of cheating, and has brought her here to prove he’s been faithful by taking a lie detector test.”
*the audience claps for no special reason*
Maury: “But that’s not all! He’s ALSO requested that we subject HER to a lie detector test, to prove SHE has been faithful. But before I say anything more, let’s bring him on out! Welcome Inuyasha everybody!”
*Inuyasha walks out on stage and takes the seat nearest to Maury*
Maury: “Welcome to the show Inuyasha!”
*Inuyasha points at something in the back*
Inuyasha: “Is that a fire in the last couple rows of seating? Shouldn’t you take care of that?”
Maury: “Oh, no, that happens all the time. The audience gets a little over excited. They’ll clap, and scream, and start fires, and make sacrifices to gods. You know, it’s the same with any talk show.”
Inuyasha: “Ok…I guess you’re more experienced with this kind of thing than I am, so…”
Maury: “So, Inuyasha, as I was telling the audience, you’ve taken a lie detector test to prove to your current girlfriend that you haven’t been cheating with your ex. You also asked her to take the test. Why is that?”
