According to my family, i'm a methodist. i use to be methodist. i played around with neo-paganism for a short time during my junior year in high school and i now am not quite sure what i would be considered in the spiritual sense. I seem to belive that since we can not actually prove one religion to be correct, i simply have chosen to work under the impression that if i lead a good life, i will either become one with the eternal spirit, go to heaven, or simply cease to exist, in which case nothing matters anyway. I am often met with hostility when i state myself as such.There's a very good chance that my views will change agian by the time i enter college. recently, i've been left with very few options in the ways of faith. every time i see some random act of violence in the media or some poor animal getting shot for sport on ESPN, i become filled with a fundamental loathing for my species. my mood fluxes from pure joy to absolute despair on a regular basis. i'm still not sure which one i prefer.
I am a cross examination debater, or at least i play one on tv. the typical tournment that i attend consists of me rambling for a period of time and then sitting in a hallway of an abandoned school hoping for some sort of natural disaster to occur within my general proximity. Without a doubt, this game that i play has exposed me to a great number of writers. zerzan, nietzsche, freud. the list goes on in a vain attempt to rationalize itself.
I attempted to be a vegan once, but was met with equal hostility torwards such concepts. I often tell my friends that i am busy or have other plans just so i can sit in my room alone on a friday night and ponder the meaning behind hollow existence. The concept of a world utopia confuses and frightens me, and i can never stop wondering if everyone has the same horrific thoughts that i often do. Intense love and despair are often entangled within each other.
The walls of my room are covered with a strange assortment of posters and pictures which purposfully do not have me within any of them. It is here that i sit and write excessivly morbid poetry and an occasional short story in order to contain my ID and alter-ego. I've been known by a select few people to have breakdowns in which i write poetic paragraphs that confuse even myself. i generally destroy all copies of such writings after the fact.
Enjoyment