laser_doc's Universal Theory of Vlad in the Buffyverse

This theory started one night when I couldn’t sleep because of the refraction/reflection problem in relation to vampires. It appears that the ability to see a vampire through a lens (e.g. the eye) and the inability to see its reflection violates the Law of Conservation of Energy.

I then went on to think about the atomic basis of reflection. I considered an analogy to the phenomenon of bremsstrahlung radiation (generated when electrons moving at near relativistic speeds are slowed down by matter) to explain the missing energy. The gist of the concept entails a new measure of particle or photon characteristics (like the current ones of spin, color, charm, and strangeness). I call this characteristic Jossness and it only needs to be present in the Buffyverse. Jossness describes one characteristic of the strength of interaction between matter or photons and matter. Note that an analogy in our universe to explain the same may exist or be needed, for example neutrinos exist but have little interaction with matter and x-rays, while not much different than visible light neutrinos have a significantly different ability to penetrate through matter. Now let us measure the amount of Jossness in units of vlad (in honor of Vlad the Impaler), and have jossness come in both positive vlad and negative vlad.

With zero vlad, the photons interact with the electrons in the matter relatively strongly, so that the interactions such as reflection and refraction occur within the first few layers of molecules of an object, which would be the same as in our universe. With positive vlad, the photons interact less, resulting in a deeper penetration of the photon into the object before the photons interact with the electrons of the molecules of the object. This spreading out of the interaction range would cause the object to effectively have a graded index of refraction. For transparent objects of non-trivial dimension along the propagation direction, this extra distance has negligible effect on the refraction angle. However, it has a striking effect on reflection, and can act as a perfect anti-reflection coating.

Vampires in the Buffyverse have special properties. Let us give their matter positive vlad. The sun in the Buffyverse emits photons that have included some with negative vlad. This is not too unreasonable as the sunlight includes a host of stuff we can’t see (remember x-rays were a big mystery at one time), like neutrinos, solar wind, gamma rays.

There is no clear evidence for determining the wavelength of the vlad-containing photons. For example, only photons in the ultraviolet may have negative vlad or the vlad-containing photons may be independent of wavelength.

When photons with negative vlad hit objects with positive vlad, such as vampires, a vlad annihilation reaction (analogous to matter-antimatter getting together) occurs that converts matter into energy, liberating a tremendous amount of heat. This heat then ignites the vampires with the normal combustion process. Thus, vampires burn when hit with direct sunlight.

Underwater, this excess heat can be effectively transferred to the adjacent water (water also has a high heat capacity) and there is no oxygen for ignition of the hydrocarbons. Sunlight that is refracted, such as sunlight that penetrates the water surface, still maintains its vlad. It is reasonable to argue that sunlight loses its concentration of vlad as it travels through matter with zero vlad, so that the concentration of vlad decreases with water depth. In addition, when the sunlight enters the water, some significant percentage (which is dependent upon the angle of incidence) is reflected so that its intensity decreases at the air/water interface. Now we also do not know whether or not the wavelength that is effectively carrying the vlad (e.g. it could be the UV light), so it can be speculated that the intensity of the light might be significantly absorbed by water. So, with all these considerations, it is reasonable to predict that the vampires deteriorate underwater, but the rate is significantly decreased compared to being in air because of the lower intensity of the sunlight, the cooling effect of the water, and the lack of oxygen for ignition.

Now photons which come from terrestrial sources are created with zero vlad (most are black-body radiation or fluorescence or in some cases phosphorescence). These photons behave in the normal manner. However, when they hit vampires, they penetrate and pick up some positive vlad before being emitted. When photons with positive vlad are incident upon reflective surfaces, the photons penetrate into the mass of electrons and gets scattered and absorbed. Thus, photons with positive vlad do not get reflected by mirrors, thus the image of the vampires is not reflected in the mirror. When these same photons with positive vlad are incident upon refractive surfaces, they penetrate and are refracted (with a slightly different focal point). Thus photons with positive vlad behave in the manner as observed in the Buffyverse, i.e. do not have reflections, but do have refraction. Devices such as cameras that use only refractive optics will act nearly identically in both the Buffyverse and our universe. Thus, one can take a picture of a vampire and a vampire will show up on a video camera.

Vampires will have shadows because the photons with zero vlad will penetrate the surface, but will be absorbed with some extinction coefficient. Because some of the light is absorbed, the intensity behind the vampire is diminished and the vampire will have a shadow. However, not all of the light is absorbed. Thus, when one views a vampire through a reflective surface, one sees objects that are behind the vampire, i.e. sees photons that have been come from those objects and have passed through the vampire.

Positive vlad is conducted through matter. Thus when a vampire puts on clothing, it takes a while for the positive vlad to be conducted to the surface until it reaches equilibrium with the vampire itself. An analogy would be the conduction of heat, with temperature instead of amount of positive vlad. Thus, when a vampire is exposed to sunlight, its clothes smolder, then burn. The vampire can surround itself with a blanket, for example and then run out into the sun. But the longer the blanket is adjacent to the vampire’s body, the greater the amount of positive vlad that is conducted into the blanket, and the more vlad annihilation reactions that are generated with exposure to sunlight.

The mechanism that converts normal water to holy water gives the holy water negative vlad. When the holy water with negative vlad is in contact with the vampires with positive vlad, a reaction occurs which liberates a tremendous amount of heat occurs. Since water has heat capacity (unlike photons), the water absorbs some of the heat, so the vampires smokes and doesn’t burst into flames. Also the heat converts some of the water to vapor, thus forming a thin film of gas which prevents more contact between the holy water and the vampire.

Now crosses (as opposed to two sticks of wood) as symbols could have a mechanism that gives them negative vlad. Thus creating the burning of the vampires when it comes in contact. Note that a slow burn can be attributed to the small amount of negative vlad.

Sunlight with photons with negative vlad are used in photosynthesis and maintain some of their negative vlad, but in a molecular form that is different from photons. Plants and trees maintain this negative vlad. Thus when a wooden stake is driven into the vampire's heart, the molecules with negative vlad find their counterpart in the vampire's heart with positive vlad. A quick reaction then occurs which causes the vampire to be dusted.

Direct light is defined as from a source, such as the sun, and indirect light has bounced off of something. The light by which we see things is indirect light and this light has zero vlad. So vampires can see because the light that they see has zero vlad and acts in the manner that is normal in our universe.

So now I have been able to explain a number of phenomena in vampire physics with the addition of only a single quantum property. It’s elegant, simple, and much more intuitive than almost any quantum mechanical explanation (excluding string theory). When can I go to Sweden to meet the king?