Roll Me Away
By: Valkyrie
Disclaimer: Standard…They do, I don’t, please don’t sue me…’nuff said.
Feedback: Makes me do the Snoopy Dance!
A/N: The song in this chapter is “Keeper of the Stars,” by Tracy Byrd.
“Nothing can make you fall in love,
Like a night at the County Fair.”
~ ‘County Fair’ – Chris LeDoux
The week leading up to the Fair was heaven. Well, as close to Heaven as one could get in a one-stoplight town like Mountain View. Buffy and Spike spent pretty much every waking moment together when she wasn’t working and he wasn’t winning or losing at the tables. Angel had made an appearance, but since meeting the business end of Spike’s fist, he’d kept his distance from both of them. The regulars had made Buffy their new golden girl…so much so that Gunn now had her actually tending bar along side him and she was raking in the tips. At last count she had over seven hundred dollars in her secret spot with more added after each shift. Every night, Spike waited for her to finish closing and walked her to the door of her room…and every night it got harder and harder for them to walk away. Buffy was having a hard time reminding herself that all too soon this would end. So, instead of thinking sad thoughts, she focused on how happy the last week had been…and decided that when the time came to move on she would do it with a smile. For both their sakes.
As luck would have it, she didn’t have to ask Gunn for the night off on Saturday since he was closing the bar to run a drink tent at the Fair. He agreed to let her have the night to herself if she would help him set up. So now, on the big night, she was waiting outside the tent for Spike. She sat on a folding chair watching the crowds. It seemed every soul in Kiowa County was in the place. They had used a large piece of land to the south of town to set up the carnival and food area, leaving the town square for the music and dancing. A local country band was setting up and they would start later in the evening after the cook off winners had been announced. The whole town and midway was strung with multicolored lights and people were everywhere. Laughter and conversations mixed with happy screams and yells from the people on the rides. Children ran around dragging their hapless parents behind them and teenagers walked hand in hand, cuddling and clutching at various stuffed animals won in the game booths. Buffy couldn’t help the smile that graced her features as she soaked in the atmosphere around her. This was what life was all about…this was a shining example of what she was looking for when she left home. In a place like this, who you were or where you came from didn’t matter. Here she was…at peace. For the first time in two years, she didn’t feel antsy or unsettled…and to be honest it had nothing to do with the town, and every thing to do with the man she saw weaving his way through the crowd toward her. With an even bigger smile, she stood to greet Spike.
When Spike saw her smile at him through the crowd, all the static around him disappeared and there was only her. He returned her smile as he drew near, reaching out to wrap her in his arms and kiss her smiling lips, “Hello, luv.”
“Umm…hey,” Buffy wrapped her arms around his waist and leaned back to smile up at him. “I was beginning to think you’d gotten lost.”
“Sorry,” Spike released her and clasped her hand in his. He turned them towards the midway and started walking with no particular destination in mind, “The crowd’s a bit thick and I wasn’t exactly sure where the tent was. So pet, where to first?”
Buffy eagerly scanned the midway stretching out in front of them. Something she’d always wanted to do popped into her head and she grinned up at him, “The Ferris wheel.”
Spike arched an eyebrow, “Sure you want to do that? Seems kinda tame for us.”
She gave him a wicked grin and a wink as she pulled him into line for the huge wheel, “Always wanted to kiss a guy at the top of the Ferris wheel…up near the stars, all romantic-like. Wanna?”
He hesitated only a moment before answering, “Who am I to wreck my girl’s fantasy? A kiss at the top of the bloody Ferris wheel, it is.” Spike tapped his finger against the tip of her nose and then turned her away from him to face the front of the line, pulling her to lean against his chest. Buffy sighed as his arms came around her. Yep, it was definitely Spike that made her feel so grounded. When he was near, all the restless energy in her body disappeared and she felt truly calm.
Eventually it was their turn and Spike paid the carnie and handed Buffy into the car, settling next to her and putting an arm across her shoulders. As the bar locked in place and the wheel jolted into motion, Spike tensed. Buffy was oblivious to the apprehension of the man with her as she turned her gaze out over the beautiful view afforded by the height of the ride. When they had neared the top, she looked back only to notice that Spike had his eyes closed and his lips set in a grim line. The hand not on her shoulder was holding the side of the car in a white-knuckled grip.
“Spike?” She laid her hand on his cheek, “Babe, what’s wrong?” It only took the terse shake of his head before she figured it out. “Oh my God, Spike…you’re scared of heights, aren’t you?” He nodded slightly and tightened his grip on the car when it swayed slightly. “Why didn’t you say anything? We didn’t have to do this.”
“Wanted to for you,” His reply came out through clenched teeth.
“Oh, Spike…” She leaned against him, careful to keep the car from swaying anymore than it had to. She cupped his face in her palms and turned his head towards her. “Look at me,” He shook his head no and she repeated herself. “Look at me, just at my face. Don’t pay attention to anything else, okay? Come on…open those sexy blue eyes.” She said this in a teasing voice all the while sliding her thumbs along the planes of his cheeks soothingly. He finally opened his eyes to mere slits and focused on her face. “There you are.”
Spike locked his eyes on hers and tried to ignore the fact that he was 150 feet in the air in swaying car attached to a huge wheel that had been constructed in less than two hours by a bunch of drunks. Every time the ride stopped to let another car empty and refill, he had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from moaning in abject terror. Why had he agreed to this? Oh yeah…because he was whipped by a bloody slip of a girl who thought that kissing at the top of this contraption was romantic. Said girl was now looking at him with the sweetest expression and Spike felt some of his terror ease. He could do this…all he had to do was focus on Buffy and not the yawning open space beneath him. Bloody hell…what was she doing?
Buffy kept her eyes locked on the fear-filled blue ones across from her and let her right hand drop from his cheek to his thigh. They were nearing the highest point of the circuit and she knew coming down was going to be worse for him then going up and she had to distract him. She massaged the tense muscle in his leg, slowly working upwards as she leaned forward to drop small butterfly kisses on his cheek and nose and lips. She felt some of the tension ease from him and figured she was doing something right. “Kiss me, Spike,” She whispered in his ear before bringing her lips to his.
Kiss her? Romantic sentiments were the farthest thing from his mind, even as he felt the soft brush of her lips against his. ‘Oh Christ!’ He nearly jumped out of his seat when he felt the first caress of her fingers against his crotch. She settled her small hand over him at the same time as her tongue swept across the seam of his lips. Without a conscious thought, he opened to her and she swept in to mate with his tongue. He let out a soft groan as the hand at his crotch massaged and he felt himself grow hard. It didn’t take long for her ploy to work and he cupped the back of her head and kissed her passionately, his other hand coming loose from the side of the car to cover the hand over his erection. She moaned into his ravaging mouth and fumbled for the buttons on his jeans. He helped her and soon she had enough unfastened to slip her small hand inside and wrap around the hard shaft. He left her on her own and moved his hand up, sliding underneath her midriff top to grasp her bra-covered breast. Somewhere in the back of his mind he noted the stomach turning sensation of dropping, but was too caught up in the feel of Buffy to give it much thought. He flicked his thumb over her nipple in time with the pumping of her hand on his flesh, tearing his mouth from hers to rest his head against the back of the car. So lost was he, that he didn’t even realize that his eyes were open and he was looking out at the lights and stars stretched before him. They were going around a second time and he didn’t even feel the swaying of the car as it passed around the bottom of the circuit and moved back up again.
As caught up as she was in what was happening in the car, she also noted that the ride was just about over. She was surprised, however, to see Spike’s eyes open. She ever so gently slid her hands out of his pants, smiling when he moaned his disappointment. She kissed the side of his neck and whispered in his ear, “We don’t want to give the town a show.”
He rolled his head to look at her, “Not nice to tease, luv.”
“Kept you from being terrified, didn’t it?” She smiled at him to soften the teasing words. “I wish you would have told me.”
“Didn’t want to sound like a ponce,” Spike frowned as he refastened his jeans, untucking his shirt to cover the noticeable bulge he now had. “Besides, I couldn’t ruin your big fantasy. Except…I did, didn’t I?” He sighed as the ride stopped and the man popped the bar to let them off the car.
“No you didn’t, silly,” Buffy wrapped herself around his arm and leaned into him as they walked away. “In case you didn’t notice…I got my kiss and then some. And bonus! You had your eyes open.”
“Yeah…hey I did,” Spike said with a slightly astonished expression. “Huh. Guess all I needed was the right motivation.” He smirked at her and winked. “Just don’t expect me to do that again…don’t think my heart or my manhood could stand the strain.” He accented the manhood part by tugging her in front of him and pressing his still hard erection against her backside as she walked in front of him.
Buffy giggled and swayed her hips as she walked, teasing him even as she apologized, “Sorry about that…had to distract you fast.”
“ ‘s okay, pet. Just plan on making it up to me later,” He purred in her ear as he pulled her to a stop. “I plan on finishing what we started at the soonest opportunity.” He rocked his hips against her as he nibbled on her shoulder and up the side of her neck.
Buffy shivered and tilted her head back and to the side to rest against his shoulder, “Promise?”
“Oh yeah,” His voice was nearly a growl and he squeezed her in his arms before forcing himself to back down. If he kept at it he was gong to end up giving the town that show she’d mentioned earlier. He slid around to her side, keeping one arm around her waist, and started them walking again. When he’d cooled down a bit, he tilted his head to look at her, “Rides, food or music?”
“Huh?” Buffy was still in that distant place her mind tends to go to when Spike goes all sexy on her. She shook her head to clear the cobwebs, “Oh…uh, music?”
“Music. Right then,” He dropped his arm to take her hand and they wound their way through the crowd towards the square. They could hear the band tuning up and as they got nearer they broke into a fairly good rendition of George Strait’s ‘Fireman.” Spike raised his eyebrow at her when she started singing along.
“What? You hitch with truckers and see how much country you learn,” She stuck her tongue out at him, causing him to laugh. “And besides…where in Oklahoma. Ya know, when in Rome and all that.”
“Sorry kitten, the closest I come to country is the random bit of Lynyrd Skynyrd. Maybe some Johnny Cash, but that’s it.”
She rolled her eyes as they stopped at the side of the dance floor to watch the couples two-stepping around the wood paneling that had been laid for the night. As the band changed from ‘Fireman’ to another Strait song (Buffy vaguely recalled the title. Something like ‘Heartland.’), she was approached by an older man who was a regular at the bar, “Would your gentleman mind if I stole you for a dance, dear?”
Buffy glanced at Spike who shrugged and she turned to nod at the man with a smile, “I’m not very good.”
He waved off her concern, “I’ll lead, and you follow.” He took her hand and led her onto the floor. She took her position in his arms and they swung out into the rest of the couples. Spike watched with an indulgent smile as Buffy picked up the man’s lead easily. She was a natural dancer, effortlessly following the turns and spins and steps the older man guided her through. When the song came to a close, she was returned to Spike with a nod in thanks from her partner and a smile on her face.
“Whew…that takes more energy than you would think,” She said with a laugh.
“You were really good,” He complimented and she smiled up at him before leaning in for a kiss. The music shifted to something slow and fluid and he caught her against him, “Dance?”
She nodded and allowed him to lead her into the floor now crowded with couples. She faintly heard the words as she nestled into Spike’s arms and swayed to the music. She recognized the song and was amazed when Spike’s deep voice sang the lyrics into her ear, “It was no accident, me finding you.
Someone had a hand in it, long before we ever knew.
Now I just can’t believe, you’re in my life
Heaven’s smiling down on me as I look at you tonight.”
Buffy smiled as the words flowed through her. She snuggled closer to the man in her arms, rubbing her cheek against the solid muscles of his chest. The world faded away until there was nothing but her and Spike and the words he sang softly in her ear. His hands slid up and down the length of her back, pulling her as close as possible, the vibrations of his singing pulsing from her cheek to touch every nerve in her body.
“I tip my hat, to the keeper of the stars.
He sure knew what he was doing, when he joined these two hearts.
I hold everything, when I hold you in my arms.
I’ve got all I’ll ever need, thanks to the keeper of the stars.”
For Spike, the words rang painfully true. For the first time in his life he felt that elusive connection that people can search their whole lives for. The girl in his arms was his own personal slice of Heaven. He was a firm believer in destiny…and what beyond destiny could have brought their paths to cross. Here he was, a nomad in a sense, barreling down the byways and by pure chance he stops in this place at this time, only to find someone his soul seems to connect with. He didn’t doubt it was meant to be…all he doubted was if it would go beyond this place and this time. Allowing himself to become lost in the moment, he continued with the song as the words picked back up. Letting all the myriad of emotions he felt…fear, passion, joy, and pain to mix into one as he purred into his girl’s ear.
“Soft moonlight on your face, oh how you shine.
It takes my breath away, just to look into your eyes.
I know I don’t deserve a treasure like you.
There really are no words, to show my gratitude.”
“So I tip my hat to the keeper of the stars.
He sure knew what he was doing, when he joined these two hearts.
I hold everything when I hold you in my arms.
I’ve got all I’ll ever need, thanks to the keeper of the stars.”
Spike’s arms tightened around Buffy, and she could feel the tremble in his frame as he sang. She lifted her head from his chest to look at him, and was stunned to see the glimmer of moisture in his eyes. His expression seemed almost pained, and she lifted a small hand from his shoulder to brush her fingers across his forehead and down the side of his face. She wanted to speak, to ask him what was wrong…but as he sang to her the last words, she knew. “It was no accident, me finding you. Someone had a hand in it…long before we ever knew.” All of a sudden, like a lightening bolt from the heavens, it struck both of them with utter clarity. He was falling in love with her. It was there, in the arms holding her and the sheer level of emotion radiating from his eyes…and all she could do was stare at him. Spike’s gaze roamed over her features and delved into her eyes as if searching her soul. What he saw there, of which Buffy couldn’t fathom because she couldn’t sort it out herself, seemed to show him what he needed because he swooped down to capture her lips in a searing kiss. As the music shifted again, Buffy lost all track of the crowd they were standing in becoming aware of only one thing. This is what she had been searching for…not a place or a job or a measure of security…but this man. It was in that moment, in that kiss, that Buffy found home…and she panicked.
She tore her lips from his and backed up a step. Spike’s confused expression only caused her to back up again. “Buffy?” She shook her head, mute in her uncertainty and fear, and held up her hand when he would have reached for her. She couldn’t do this. This was NOT supposed to happen. She swore to herself…not again. No matter what she was beginning to feel for this man, she couldn’t let this grow beyond the dimensions she had worked in her mind. This was fun, a small piece of bliss…but it was all changing. It was growing into more than she had bargained for and it was not within her capabilities to return what Spike was showing her. With one last terrified look at Spike, she turned and fled. She dodged people and tables to make it to the street, running as if the devil was at her heels, not stopping until she reached her door. With trembling fingers, she dug her key out and unlocked the door. Slamming it behind her, she eyed her bag sitting next to the dresser…she knew what had to be done, and she tossed the bag on the bed. Ignoring the tears burning in her eyes, and the way her chest hurt from holding back the rage of emotions, she started tossing clothes from the dresser into the bag.
Spike watched her bolt away, his jaw tight and his heart slowly shattering. He blinked and fought the tears gathering behind his lids. It took him a moment to notice the hand on his arm, and he turned to look down at the old woman smiling gently at him. She looked off in the direction Buffy had ran before turning kind eyes to meet his, “Well, son…aren’t you going after her?”
Spike felt his face fall into a frown and he had to try twice before his voice worked again to answer, “I don’t think she wants me to.”
“Oh she wants you to, dear boy…she just doesn’t know it yet. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen the kind of connection I saw when you two looked at each other. Not since I met my Kenneth, rest his soul. You go to her and you’ll see…she’s just scared. Show her she doesn’t have to be. Go on now,” She dropped her hand and waved him off in the direction of the town. “Before she gets the crazy idea to run.”
Spike’s whole body jerked at the words. She wouldn’t…but he had a feeling she would. She’d run from home, and he knew she wouldn’t hesitate to run again. With his heart lodged in his throat, he took off after her…not noticing the whispered “Good luck, son,” from the woman.
Buffy was just finishing her haphazard packing when her door crashed open. She spun around in time to be picked up and backed into the nearest wall. “Spike-“ Whatever she had planned on saying was lost as his lips crashed into hers and his tongue pushed past her lips to plunder her mouth. There was no resisting his kiss…against her will, or maybe not so much against it, her arms came up to wind around his shoulders and her legs lifted to grip his waist. Spike braced one hand against the wall next to her head and tangled the other in her hair and pulled her head back. With a fierce expression hiding all his fear at seeing the packed bag on her bed, he growled, “You were just gonna leave?”
She tried to answer, “Spike, I-“
He cut her off, desperation finally coloring his words, “Why? What has you running scared? Tell me…”
She felt her heart seize at the plea in his words, “I don’t know.”
“Bullshit, Buffy,” He pulled away, but his hand stayed tangled in her hair as her legs dropped down to support her. He kept her boxed in with the arm braced on the wall and forced her to maintain his gaze.
“Okay, fine!” She felt her own desperation and fear pouring through her as she met his eyes. She gestured with a hand between their bodies, “This! This isn’t supposed to happen. I can handle a casual fling…but not-not…”
“Not what, Buffy?” He stared at her daring her to say it.
“Not love,” Her voice dropped to a whisper and her eyes fluttered closed. “This last week has been…God, I can’t explain it. I’ve been telling myself everyday to just enjoy it, to go with these crazy topsy-turvy feelings. I kept ignoring that little voice that was screaming at me that it had to end, that it wouldn’t last.” She opened her eyes to meet his, “Tonight, when you kissed me…I knew, I just KNEW what you were feeling and-and it can’t happen, Spike. You cannot love me! It’s wrong a-and crazy and a-a-a really BAD idea!” She winced internally at how lame of an excuse that last one was but it was all her brain could seem to come up with when faced with the pain those words were causing, both for her and the man in front of her.
“You’re wrong, pet,” Spike took a deep breath before saying what he needed to say. “It can happen…it already IS happening. From the first moment I saw you it was inevitable. I started falling and I haven’t stopped. I hear that same voice, Buffy. That voice telling me all the reasons why I shouldn’t, but there’s another voice-even stronger- telling me not to let this, us, slip through my fingers. Something is happening here that’s beyond our control and I can’t, I WON’T, let you walk away.” He dipped his head to rest his forehead against hers and closed his eyes, his voice dropping to a near whisper, “I’m drowning in you Buffy, and God help me…I don’t want it to end. Please Buffy, fall with me.”
Buffy felt her heart skip a beat and a whole forest of butterflies kicked up in her stomach at the heart-wrenching plea in his voice. His words tore at her soul; laying bare all her insecurities…did she deserve this? A small but persistent voice told her “No.” She had nothing to offer in this equation. She didn’t think it was within her to blindly let go and take what was being handed to her. He was placing his heart in her utterly incapable hands and she was so afraid that she would destroy it. But how could she say no? He wasn’t the only one drowning; he was just the one who wasn’t afraid to go under. Every rational voice in her head was clamoring for her to walk away before she got so deep she couldn’t swim out, but one loud very insistent voice told her to let it all go and give in. She took a shuddering breath and held it, digging deep for every bit of courage in her small frame. When she spoke, her voice was so soft even she had trouble hearing it, “I’m sorry…”
“Wha?” Spike’s head snapped up as she gently but firmly untangled his hand from her hair and walked around him. He stood there dumbstruck, hearing the zipper rasp as she closed her bag.
Buffy hefted her bag onto her shoulder and cast one last look at his back before turning and walking out. She allowed the tears to fall silently as she headed towards the truck stop at the end of town. For the first time in two years…she wanted her mother.
Spike barely kept himself from collapsing when he heard the soft click of the door closing behind her. He raised unseeing eyes to the wall in front of him as the reality of her walking away washed over him. With a pain-filled howl, he slammed a fist into the weak plaster in front of him before his knees gave out and he dropped to the floor. She had left…he had bared his soul and she had still left. Out of the corner of his eye he saw something and turned watery, barely focused eyes to see. With trembling fingers he reached out and plucked the picture from its resting place half under the bed. He barely registered the red headed girl and the brunette male sitting on either side of her. His gaze was locked on the image of a golden Buffy smiling out of the picture. He felt the tears start to fall as he stared at the photo in his hands until they were falling so hard she became nothing but a blur on the paper. Clutching the picture against his chest, he let the grief pour out until he exhausted his supply and himself, and fell into a fitful sleep on the floor.