By Patti
Time Frame - very end or just post "Chosen"
Feedback - yes, please
Distribution - let me know
Disclaimer - Joss owns everything
Rating - G
**Companion piece to "Connecting"**

*****

     I see them watching me when they think I won't notice.   I know they're wondering why I'm not sadder - waiting for me to break down and mourn for my lost lover.  Giles was right - as were Andrew, Willow, all the potentials - we were lovers, even if we weren't physically acting on our feelings. (And, I can admit to myself now, I'm really sorry for wasting all those months of potential kissage and more.  Stupid, stupid, Buffy!)

     They weren't there at the end, though. They don't understand that in those last few minutes we finally "connected" in a way neither of us had ever expected.  I'm sorry he's not here to hold me, to fight with me, to "give me multiple orgasms" as Anya (Oh, Anya!) would say, to be my refuge from the world.  I do miss him. I miss his
physical presence and I always will.

     But I know something they don't. He is with me all the time now.  He's a part of me and I will always have that extra strength, that extra layer of protection from evil and that unconditional love that I can feel all the time now.  So, yeah, I'm sorry he's physically gone.  I'll miss him.  But like I told Angel (and how prophetic was that?), he IS in my heart and always will be.  Spike will never leave me.

     And anyway, I just know he was having fun bringing the whole town down around his ears.

     I love you, Spike.


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