CLOSE ENOUGH
Rating: PG
Season VI:
what he might have done
Disclaimer: not mine, I would have had him do
something like this
Feedback: please!
by Patti
*****
The Slayer burst into the crypt in her usual
take-no-prisoners style; peeling off her jacket as she came through the
door. She seemed surprised not to find Spike already naked in the
bed.
"Hey, come on, Slowpoke. It's
getting late. I have to get home soon," she threw over her shoulder as she
started down the ladder to the bedroom.
The lanky blond shook his head and slowly followed her down
to the lower level. She was sitting on the edge of the bed, unzipping her
boots and glared up at him
impatiently.
"Spike, let's go. I don't have all night, you
know."
"Yeah, I know," he
sighed. "What if you did have all night? What if everyone knew where you were and it was OK to stay
here? Would you?"
She looked at him blankly.
"Well, it wouldn't be OK! It would be. embarrassing and humiliating and"
She suddenly noticed the look on his face and realized he had visibly
flinched at each unpleasant adjective she used to describe what he insisted on
calling a relationship.
Buffy rolled her eyes and stopped undressing. "Spike, we've
been over this before. We're not in a relationship. We're just
having sex. Admittedly very good sex" (she smiled quickly and peeked to see if
he noticed the compliment but his face remained closed and impassive), "but
that's all! It's wrong on so many levels I can't count them, and as soon
as I can feel more like myself without this..release.the sooner it stops.
So, there is no reason
to upset everyone by letting them know about it. Just take
what you're getting and enjoy it while you can."
"Well, there's the rub,
isn't it, love? I just don't think I'm enjoying it all that much
anymore."
Buffy raised her
eyebrows in disbelief and he smiled slightly as he amended, "Well, can't say I'm
not enjoying the act itself; but I don't know that it's worth the pain and
misery after. I'm thinkin' you need to find some other way to get your
release. Something that doesn't involve ripping my heart out on a regular basis."
She stopped pulling her
boots off and stared at him. "What are you saying? That you want me
to leave? That you don't want me?"
He stared back at her from across the room. "That's
pretty much it, pet. I'm tired of our little charade, tired of being
thumped and insulted by you in public and expected to perform like a machine in
private. I love you but I don't think I like you very much any more."
"But, but, Spike! I
need this!"
"You know, love, I don't think you
do. Maybe at first you did, and if coming to me helped you find your way
back into the world, then it was more than worth it. But you're here now
because you want it. You may not love me, but you want me. You're
just too stubborn to admit it. But, have it your way. If
you're so sure all you need is my body, then take this and youll never notice
the difference." With that he handed her a small piece of paper
with writing on it.
"What's this?" she demanded.
"It's Warren's
address," he said calmly. "Get him to make you a bot, this one's out of
order." He turned and went back upstairs to sit down in front of
the TV.
Very soon there was a
thoroughly angry Slayer standing between him and his show.
"How can you seriously suggest
that I. How could. I wouldn't.." she was so furious she sputtered. "Those
things aren't real! They have no feelings. They don't lo.. It couldn't. it
wouldn't.. won't..what do you think I am that I would fuck a machine?" her voice had risen to a
shriek.
"I don't
know, Buffy. I don't know what you are. But you're not the girl I
fell in love with. I hope she's in there somewhere, I really do. But
what were doing isn't bringing her back, it's turning you into something
someone- else and I can't say I fancy her." He took a deep, ragged breath
and continued, "I love you, Buffy. I don't want to be the instrument
you use to punish
yourself. I'm sorry, pet. Really, I am."
Buffy gaped at him in
astonishment. "You really mean it," she breathed. "You're breaking up with
me! I'm being dumped by a soulless vampire!"
"Can't break up if there's nothing to break, can you?
And I can't dump what I never had. I'm just retired from the
service-the-slayer biz is all." He put his head back against the
back of the chair and shut his eyes wearily. Gesturing toward to door, he
said, "There's an old tee shirt and jeans in that bag by the door if you want
em. Wouldn't do to have your bot runnin'
around naked."
He ducked quickly as several
candles flew at his head and laughed as she stormed out the door, slamming it so
hard a piece of stone cracked and broke off the wall. The bag of clothes
was gone, though, he noticed.