*

Mates 

Xander couldn’t, just couldn’t leave, not yet, so he was downstairs putting the front door back on.  Sure it was awful and maybe it meant he was anal or some kind of pack rat--but the never went anywhere without his tools.

Speaking of which--terrible thought, wince...but just how much of Spike flesh got burned away?

He still acted like he had a pair--Jeesch!  Big mental scolding, but it was every man’s nightmare.  It was really none of his business, didn’t want to be part of his business and yet...he couldn’t leave, not yet.

It was too much, too much, it was overkill and a half and instant karma on top.

One of those things you would never wish on even your worst enemy; or old enemy even.

Well the door was almost back on straight; the hinges were back on in the right place but Xander was struggling to get it aligned, the door was pretty heavy--

--when someone grabbed it from the outside and lifted--

“Uh if you’re helping, then lift and push a little bit to the left--no, no, I mean your right, yeah that’s it.  Loveadishous.”

Xander used his flat head screwdriver to tighten the last two screws on the plate chatting all the while.

“So I says to myself, self, is that mighty mouse as in a very strong and silent as a mouse or a contrite--”

He opened the door to reveal Buffy standing still, head lowered a bit on the other side of the door. 

“Slayer.  Hello Buffy.”

Buffy looked at him her expression soft.

“Hello Xander.”

“Oh what the hey, come on in.  The evening is young we can still break a few tables and chairs.”

Buffy walked in quiet as a kitty cat and Xander closed the door behind her.

Xander busied himself with the locks trying to recreate something that resembled home security.

“You’ve locked us in.”

“Only literally.”

They looked at each other for a moment.

“How is he?”

“Quiet, I don’t know.  Quiet.  After you left, he left the room, went to the bedroom I think.  Closed the door.  No peep.  I had to get my own beer.”

“Xander.”

“Hey, he asked.”  Xander picked up what was left of the beer he had placed on a coffee table and drained it in one gulp.

Buffy started toward the interior doors that led upstairs--Xander’s voice stopped her.

“What are your plans?”

She turned around “What do you mean?”

“I mean...what are your plans?”

She didn’t answer.

“I’m not sure it’s your business Xander.”

He scratched his head.  “Well...maybe it wasn’t before, I mean it really wasn’t my business back then, but now...yeah it might be.  Hey, I think I’m Spike’s brand new old friend how about that?”

Xander walked to the easy chairs by the window and gestured Buffy to follow.  She did.

He sat. She sat.

“Buffy something happened to him that shouldn’t happen to a rat...and he’s survived it, survived and...sane.  Maybe.  Which means he can take a lot--but love can be a spirit killer in this world and it shouldn’t be, but it is and we...we all get so confused sometimes and loving someone who doesn’t love back feels...well it feels like the world’s gone crazy and god’s laughing at you big time.”

Xander stopped and looked down.

“He may have been able to take being set on fire to save the world--but I don’t know if he can take being around you.  Do you?”

Buffy thought and then said.  “I’m just gonna apologize.  I need to...I can’t leave it like that.”

“O.K. you know him best.  But maybe you should wait till morning?  He might be asleep by now.”

She doubted that but nodded. 

Xander stood, “We can get out the back way--there’s a door with an automatic lock--“

“--I’m not leaving.  He...he might not let me in tomorrow to see him, so I’m gonna stay so I can see him first thing.”

Xander paused and then shrugged. “Should we call Spilsby?”

“Would you Xander?  I...wanna think a bit.”

“O.K. Buffy, good luck.”

“Xander...thanks...for everything...”  Buffy said softly.

Xander shrugged.  For once he had run out of words.   

*

Xander rang Willow at 12:31

Angel rang Buffy at 12:30

*

“Hallo...”

“Hello...Will?”

“Oh hey Xander...I was just practicing my English accent--that’s as far as I got--‘hallo’.  Whataya think?”

“Can’t think right now Will--my brain has just been cleaned out...”

“Oh god...bad? That bad?”

Giles stood and walked into Willow’s kitchen at the sound of her voice.  He leaned up against the door jamb and listened.

*

“Hello”

“Buffy...it’s Angel...”

“Uh yeah...kind a know your voice...”

Pause.

“You’re tired.”

“A bit.  You at Willows?”

“No...and I guess you aren’t either...”

”--Was...Xander and I had to run...an errand.”

Beat.

“Buffy I hate having this conversation over the phone...I wasn’t sure before, so I didn’t want to say until I was sure...”

“It’s been a bizarre day Angel, spit it out.”

He takes a breath.

“Cordy has come out of her coma.  Completely.  She was phasing in and out for the past week, so the doctors had warning and informed me that she might come to--“

“--But Angel that’s great news, everyone will be so happy to hear it...Xander especially--“

“--Yeah it is, it is...”

“She’s been under for so long, what kind of damage is she looking at?”

“Can’t be sure at this point.  Faith was in a coma for a year and came out--“

“--But that can’t compare, can it?”

“Buffy, Cordy is waking up as some kind of Slayer.”

Pause.

“She went under just...just before you closed the Hellmouth--“

“--Spike.”

Silence.

“Spike closed the Hellmouth Angel...remember?  I must have told you ten times.”

Silence and in that silence she could have sworn he was waiting for her to apologize.  For snipping? For correcting?  For Spike?

She heard him draw in a breath when after a few beats went by in silence.

“Buffy?”

“Yeah I’m here.  Where are you calling from Angel?”

“The slayer healing is the only thing that has brought her around at all, the doctors think, but recovery, rehabilitation will be long and hard...and...

“Where are you calling from Angel?”

“--I gotta be there for her Buff...”

“Where are you calling from Angel?”

“London.  I drove back to London--Newcastle International didn’t have a flight until late tomorrow--I...I couldn’t reach you on your phone.”

“Yeah I turn it off when I’m doing something I need to focus on.  What about Spilsby?  The ceremony--everybody has worked so hard to make this happen for you.  Can’t the doctors take care of her--”

“No Buffy...I...god I hate doing this on the phone...”

Sigh.  Disembodied voice and always far always far and away felt familiar, too familiar and so it really wasn’t that hard. 

“Cordy and I were close before she was injured.”

Pause.

“You never told me.”

“No.”

“I mean ever.”

“No...I...there were things...no...I didn’t tell you...”

“So what are you saying?  Just say it.”

“I gotta go back to L.A, and right now.  I gotta help her.”

Beat.

“She loved me Buffy, I...I know she did...does...and for her it’s still seven years ago, she...loves me...”

Silence. 

“You there?”

“Yeah.”

“She needs me Buffy.”

(more than you)

“You feel guilty?”

“No, no...but I do feel...responsible...love carries with it feelings of responsibility.  That word isn’t used a lot, but it isn’t bad.  Not a bad word, you know...sometimes you should give more than you get...”

(Should I ask ‘do you love her’ or did you just tell me that you do?)

“I love you Buffy, but she needs me, for now, for a little bit and, and I owe her.  She helped me when I needed it and she’s been there for me for years.  And I ought to be there for her...I want to be there for her...maybe its old school but I have to stick by the people who have stuck by me...”

Pause.

“It’s all right Angel.”

Beat.

“You understand.?”

“I really do.”

(She considered for a moment but only for one moment, telling him about Spike but intuitively knew that any breeze in that direction and Angel’s territorial thing would be bigger than his need, to be with Cordy .  Ego, pride, love old habits whatever.  It didn’t matter that he loved Cordy; that she was a loyal friend to him, that he owed her his allegiance; if he felt someone was challenging his kingdom he would stay to keep it ALL as if it was his due, even if it was a dusty toy from childhood that had lost its relevance...it was habit of the heart...) 

She knew the feeling.

What would Princess Di do?

Angel was talking again.

“I’ve already called Willow and told her the ceremony is off for now--didn’t tell her why.  I wanted you to know about Cordy first, but all the research is done...and...maybe...maybe when Cordy is up on her feet we’ll do it then.”

Beat.

“Sure Angel...that sounds fine.  Whatever you want.  We’ll...we’ll do it later.”

Silence.

“Buffy say something...tell me what you’re feeling.”

“You better go Angel, don’t miss your flight.  I...I’m glad Cordy woke up.  Nobody deserves a half life, no, not at all.  Goodbye Angel.”

“I’ll see you soon...”

Pause and then:

“Bye Angel.”

click.

free.

*

 Her heart hurt and her back a little too, crazy overstuffed easy chair.  She felt like she had been hollowed out or did she feel light?  Was she dizzy or free?  It should hurt and it did a bit but from where?  Which wound?  What weapon? 

She fell asleep.

Somewhere just before morning she felt somebody staring at her and opened her eyes to see Kendra sitting in the easy chair next door.  Her heart leapt the happy jump, jump.

“Kendra.”

She looked Buffy in the eye and spoke without preamble.

“Buffeee...let me just ask dis, if de man you love was gone suddenly, he ‘tied--

“--Spike is all right isnt he?  He wouldn’t hurt himself would he? Should I go check on him?”

Kendra smiled one of those very rare but glorious smiles.

“He has made it ‘dis far hasn’t he?”

“--Stop trying to scare me...”

“--At least now you know who de man you love...is...”

*

Buffy woke up.

It was morning, sunlight coming through the cracks on the shutters on the windows.

Stark clean cuts of light.

She looked at the chair next to her but knew there would be no Kendra.

Hey.  At least heaven had given her a new shirt.

“Ta ‘K’”

Hey!  She spoke in Northumberland idiom. How’d she ever break the SoCal conditioning?  Well, if she could learn one new thing, she could learn another and how strange that it was Angel to show her the way.

Friendship and love, friendship is love. 

And she had done her duty to Angel...some part of the old tie was tied up.  Tried to help him and he had gone his way...the way he has, would and will.  He knew what he was doing....

Buffy wondered if he knew when she had said goodbye...she had meant...goodbye.     

Buffy got up and stretched.  Bones snap crackling body untangle completed, she looked around the room.

There was a lot to do today.

*

continue...

back