Blood was in the air, every coppery bit of its scent assailing Chopper's poor blue nose.

The little reindeer pressed a hoof to his chest, but could do nothing to still his pounding little heart. He took a few more tiny steps forward, around the corner of the galley, to where his anxious sniffing had led him. The heavy, thickening smell of human blood only confirmed, unfortunately, that his suspicion was not without grounds:

Someone on the ship was bleeding.

Someone of his nakama had to be hurt.

Chopper's rounded eyes fell to the floor, growing to plate-like proportions at the bright trail of red along the wooden boards. They made to follow its source, his quivery steps not far behind, until his cold beads of sweat froze altogether at the sight of the bleeding victim finally.

"Zoro!!!"

The swordsman barely tossed a look over his shoulder. "What," he simply said to Chopper.

The near-to-hyperventilating little doctor managed to eke out a tiny squeal of astonishment.

Chopper knew, despite that he didn't understand, that physical pain meant nothing to Zoro. It never made him howl in agony, nor deterred him from getting hurt even further, not once made him flinch or squirm. So it really wasn't the most novel of his discoveries that Zoro could keep it up like that, rock-solid in his full squatting position, lifting and pumping house-sized weights with both arms, right beneath the blazing rays of the sun across the deck, with blood all the while running like a half-open tap from him, flowing right out of his... ... ...butt?

"Zoro!!!" Chopper screeched again. His little legs gone limp, he managed to scamper over to the side of the oblivious swordsman. He gasped in pure horror at the scarlet puddle between Zoro's feet. Blood this much could only come from a wound too deep. It didn't matter that Zoro could scarcely feel the pain; at this rate, he could certainly die from loss of blood in no time.

"Why the hell do you keep screaming my name, Chopper?" Zoro scowled down at him.

"Zoro!! You have to stop lifting those weights!! You're just making it worse!! I gotta get you to the bathroom!! Right now!! Zoro!!"

But Zoro only gave the panic-stricken reindeer a funny look. "Just what're ya blabbering about?"

Chopper planted an insistent hoof on Zoro's thigh and pointed at his behind. "Look!! You're bleeding from the buttocks!! This is not good!! Do you have hemorrhoids??"

"Homo what?"

"Did you sit on something very sharp and pointy??"

"No -- what? Chopper, will you stop poking at my ass?"

"D-did you happen to stick something rough and hard up inside your buttocks??"

"...Did I do what?" At last, Zoro took a moment's pause from his weight-lifting, and looked down behind him to follow Chopper's pointing hoof. Chopper's other, paling hoof fisted itself into the leg of Zoro's pants. "Holy..." Zoro grimaced. "What the fuck is all this bleeding?"

Amidst the rampaging fear and concern that threatened to blow up his poor little heart, Chopper's ear managed to catch the dull sound of approaching footsteps, rounding a corner of the galley. He turned promptly to see:

"Sanji!!! Ah!! Quick!!" Chopper motioned at him to draw near. "Help me get Zoro to the bathroom!! He needs to be treated immediately!! He won't stop bleeding!!"

By the railing, across the deck, the cook stopped dead in his cool, casual stride. The filter of his cigarette clung unsteadily to his bottom lip, as the eye that he kept uncovered by his blond hair widened the moment it fixed itself on Zoro's bleeding buttocks. Then, just as he finally blinked, Sanji twisted his head in the complete opposite direction, and pranced away, bursting into loud song. "Oh there you are, Nami-saaan!"

Then, Chopper, already greatly befuddled, could only ruffle his brow in vague supposition of Zoro's rabid words:

"I knew that wasn't your dick all along, you perverted fucker!"

before the swordsman proceeded to pass out.

END