The Return of the Wench, Part 1

The General and the new Dean, Emmy, strolled along campus chatting amiably with the group of parents, talking about the many assets of the university, while Brenda and LP dashed madly through the dorms and buildings replacing all mentions of Ho State University with Hestia State University.

A tiger cub dashed through the rose garden, chased by Cal, his arm in a sling, his nose bandaged.

"You have a tiger on campus?" A mother, wearing a pale peach polyester suit asked.

The General cleared his throat and glanced at Emmy, she just arched a brow.

"The tiger is our school mascot."

Another tiger ran by chased by Logan, his claws extended. Following close behind were Kymira and Ellie. Kymira was simultaneously threatening Logan and trying to soothe her cub, while Ellie waved a box around that kept repeating, "SCREWING AROUND SOMEONE IS!"

Then a group of Ewoks, hands full of bunnies ran by chased by Mr. Vocab, who was growling.

Emmy smiled sweetly at the parents. "We have the largest endangered wildlife preserve in Estrogen County."

The General arched a brow. "We do?" Emmy, not turning her head or changing her expression, swatted his arm.

"Yes, we do. Our Zoology School is one of the best in the country."

The General just nodded, throwing a smile at the parents that had all the pastel clad mothers close to swooning. They murmured to each other how impressed they were with HSU, turning all their attention to the General and ignoring Emmy, who was continuing to talk about the different programs offered at the University.

While they were strolling by the admin building, a suave man wearing what looked like Senatorial robes clumsily fell from one of the open windows. He carefully brushed himself off, smiled dapperly at the strolling group, who had turned at the sound of his grunt as he fell, and took off in the direction of Mr. Vocab.

Julia and Sere snapped pictures of the beaming General and the displeased Diva.

~*~

Dande and the Hippie knocked on the Library door. No answer. They could hear the sounds of hammering and whirring saws. Dande tried to open the door, but it was locked. "Oh, I really wanted to say good-bye to Dor before we left." Dandie said, stamping her dainty foot in a wenchly way.

The Hippie glanced at Dande's doe eyes and banged on the door harder, not wanting to have to listen to her go on and on about how she didn't have time to say a proper good-bye on the transport back to Coruscant. Wenches were sweet creatures, but they did tend to take on about the smallest of upsets. He frowned at the thought of returning to Coruscant, he wasn't eager to get back himself. Mace and Yoda were always inviting themselves over for tea and dinner, and Dande was too kind to refuse them. Then they would always grill him about his and Obi-Wan's ability to attract so many women. "The Mystery of Jinn and Kenobi" they called it.

Finally a very flushed Dorotea cracked open the door. She was wearing a long black dress, her Doc Martens and holding a stack of fabric swatches. "Dande!" Dorotea exclaimed, opening the door wider and motioning them in. Once they were inside, Dorotea locked the door. The Hippie gave her a questioning look, which she ignored. "I need your help Dande, we were trying to decide on fabrics for the bedroom, I need another opinion."

Dorotea wiped the sawdust off a coffin in the middle of the room and laid out the swatches. The coffin shuddered. Dorotea hit it. "Stay in there," she said.

The Hippie gave Dorotea a disapproving look and Dande lilted, "Dor, who is in the coffin?"

Dor glanced nervously at the Hippie and swallowed. "A friend."

The occupant of the coffin chuckled. Dorotea banged on the coffin again. "Quiet!"

Dande arched a perfectly tweezed brow, but said nothing else. She knew it wasn't LP in the coffin, because she had just seen him racing about campus, waving his arms and shouting loudly to the Ho's, telling them to hide their sex toys, there were parents on campus. She assumed by the cold chill she felt that it had to be the Greysider in there.

Dande glanced toward the Da Mastah, but luckily he had begun examining the many power tools scattered around the room. She looked at the swatches; they were all different shades of black. "Um, I can see why you were having trouble deciding," she said diplomatically.

Dorotea nodded as suddenly the Hippie came up behind her and put his hands on her waist. Dorotea jumped. "What are you doing?" She demanded as he reached over and zipped up her dress.

"Your dress was unzipped," Qui-Gon said flatly.

Dorotea blushed, her wenchiness coming out. "Gee, I don't know how that happened."

A muffled sounding, "I do," came from the coffin. Dorotea kicked it.

Dande looked around at the changes being made to the Library as she picked a black swatch randomly off the coffin and handed it to Dorotea. "This one," she said, her eyes still roaming the room. "Isn't that an awfully big refrigerator?" Dande asked, her eyes fixed on the industrial sized, steel, walk-in refrigerator in the corner by the midnight-blue marble Jacuzzi that was being put in.

Dorotea smiled. "That's for Kai."

The Hippie cleared his throat. "Does he eat a lot of perishables?"

Dorotea shook her head. "No, he's going to sleep- well stay in it. He's been dead for 2000 years. He'll go bad if I leave him out to long, kinda limits our time together. But I will have you know he is fully functional, it just takes a little extra effort."

Dande swooned at the thought of her fellow Wench being intimate with the dead and the Hippie caught her, holding her in his strong arms, while Dorotea fanned her. "Are you okay?" Dorotea asked.

"I think it's time to say good-bye to Laure," Dande said weakly. "When we get back to Coruscant, I'll call you Dor. You and I need to have a long talk about your obsession with the dead."

Dor shrugged. "Whatever."

~*~

Laure sat in her office, listening to Kymira, Kendra, and Ellie all talking at once.

"She won't let me have a Jacuzzi."

"She tried to cancel my appointments with the General."

"Ky tried to stab Logan with a knitting needle!"

"He was chasing my tiger! The poor baby has been through enough."

Laure rubbed her temples as she opened the aspirin, thinking of how she could be out on the golf course, watching RB saunter sexily from hole to hole.

Dande peeked her head inside the door. "Thank God you're here!" Laure shouted over the heads of her clients. "I need a break!" Laure ran out the door, past the befuddled pair, leaving Dande in charge of the Ho's in crisis.

The Ho's in question all started talking at once, voices rising with irritation.

"Did she just up and leave us here?"

"She is SUCH a Ho!"

"So we are stuck now with the Wench and the Mastah? OY!"

"Ooops, sorry Dande."

Dande nodded politely.

"What the FRACK are we going to do now?"

"Well, I'll tell you what, you keep your STOOPID wolf man thing away from my tiger! Can't Dor take him back for a while?"

"Hey, he's MY EA! Stop being a mean Ho!"

"Oh RIGHT! Make me cry...........I'll show you what a mean Ho looks like!"

"GIRLS!!" Dande Shouted above the noise. "Sit down, just........all of you SIT YOUR SELVES DOWN AND BE QUIET!"

The group of testy Ho's went silent and sat down................with much attitude and Ho posturing. Kendra picked up a magazine and flipped through it angrily. Ellie crossed her arms and put the withering stare she learned from her Master to good use. Dande was afraid at any moment Ellie might remember that she had purple lighting at her disposal. Kymira stared up at the ceiling, crossing her legs and bouncing the leg that was resting on her knee.

Dande took advantage of what she knew would be fleeting moments of silence to talk to her Mastah.

"Mastah Dahling.............I have to wench-uh, I mean, talk to the girls a bit, wouldn't you like to talk to Obi Wan before we head back to Coruscant? ....Hmmm?" Dande's face was a mask of silent entreaty, and she was turning up the wattage on the doe eyes to a level Qui-Gon seldom could resist.

"All right" He sighed with resignation. "Are you sure you will be OK here.......alone.....with them?" He asked, jerking his head in the direction of the three steamed Ho's for emphasis.

"Oh, yes Mastah!" Dandie rolled off in that way of hers that always made him smile.

"I am going to see Obi Wan, meet me in his office later on, or perhaps in Judy's bar, check both places."

The Ho's rolled their eyes and gagged at the Wench scene playing out in front of them, but luckily for Dande, they were still too mad at each other to join forces in an alpha attack. As soon as the Hippie left, Dandie sat at Laure's desk, clearing the lose aspirin and paper coffee cups out of the way.

"Now," she said, "lets just talk about this like mature HO's, shall we?"

Two hours later, after a hard fought compromise that included pork barreling and favor swapping that rivaled the NFL draft pick negotiations, things were ironed out.

"So," Dandie said, blowing a stray curl from her damp brow, "Kendra gets her Jacuzzi, Ky gets an early evening twice a week for the next four weeks...........IN ADDITION to her regular appointments." Dande added quickly as Ky got an alarmed look on her face. Ky and Kendra nodded satisfied that their terms of surrender were clear.

"And, Kymira will keep her knitting needles to herself, IF Ellie promises to keep Logan under control during regular daylight hours. Ky, you've agreed to keep your tiger inside at night, is that right?" Ky and Ellie nodded in agreement.

"Good, then it seems we are finished here grrls! Now, how about a nice Hive Mind type group hug?"

Dande fled the clinic for dear life as the three Ho's, happy in their resumed friendship took off after her at the suggestion of a Wench hug. As she skidded around the corner, she lost the trio of pursuing Ho's, and stopped to catch her breath.

::Seems like old times:: Dandie thought with a smile. And truly, she had done a mighty fine job with the Ho's back in Laure's office................ ::You know, I miss counseling, and I miss the Ho's:: Suddenly, Dande knew what she had to do.........Da Mastah would agree, he almost never refused her! It was an integral part of the Alpha/Wench symbiant cycle! She doted, fussed, soothed, cared for him and fed his ego. He protected, sweet talked, thudded and indulged her. Yes, it would all work perfectly! Happily, the Wench bounced off towards the clinic to discuss things with Darry. All that was left would be the small matter of convincing Qui-Gon. Doe eyes major. Nuff said.

Dande knocked on the Clinic door. It was finally answered by a tall man wearing scrubs and a disheveled look.

"I came to talk with the Nurse."

Cic glanced behind him, blocking the entrance to the Clinic. "She's rather busy at the moment. Can you return later?"

Dande smiled. "Of course. Tell her the new Counselor has come to talk about her latent Wench tendencies."

"Uh....of course," said Cicero, obviously confused. He closed the door and returned to the exam table hidden behind a screen. Climbing back under the sheet next to the Nurse he said, "A woman with big hair and long earrings wants to speak to you about your late wrench tendons."

"Ah, Dande. How wonderful," Darry said through an obviously fake smile.

"What's she talking about?" Cic asked, pulling his shirt off and throwing it aside.

"Here, I'll show you." Darry lunged at him.

~*~

Obi Wan and Qui-Gon sat in Judy's bar, eating bar nuts and drinking Correlian ale. The had little time together these days, and both men enjoyed the chance to talk and get caught up. Judy wiped the new, linseed oiled bar down lovingly, keeping a cautious eye on the tall one. She had been happy to see Dande again, but the former CODG was trouble! She wanted to make sure he didn't start filling The General's head with any crazy talk about returning to Coruscant or giving up the Ho's or other various and sundry nonsense.

Just then, Haken came stomping up from the cellar, a huge keg slung easily over his shoulder. He entered the bar smiling jovially. "Gooten tag, meinen tavern freuline."

"Hello Hak, thanks for bringing up the keg, could you put it behind the bar and hook it up to the tap for me please?"

"Ya ya, Haken do dis for das lagar voman"

"Who IS that moose?" Qui-Gon asked Obi Wan.

"I don't know Mastah........." Then the General grinned mischievously.... "Why not ask Dande, I think she might know him."

Da Mastah almost choked on his ale. There was no way his Wench would be acquainted with a packaderm like that.

"How are things at the Temple?" The General asked, changing the subject.

"Oh, the same.........Mace and Yoda are still fixated on us and our popularity with the opposite sex, yoda in particular" Qui-Gon said with disgust as Obi Wan grimaced at the thought.

Qui-Gon cleared his throat and gathered his thoughts. He wanted to discuss staying at the university with Obi Wan, but he wasn't sure it was appropriate to ask.

Reading his former Master's mind, Obi Wan nodded, swallowed the ale he was drinking and smiled.

"Of course Mastah, we'd love to have you and Dande back here, when can you move in?"

Judy dropped the tray of bar glasses she was holding.

The crash of the glasses shattering was forgotten quickly as the door to the bar burst open and Dande, Dorotea and Emmy entered, talking and laughing happily. Haken saw his long lost Wench, and began singing some happy song in German, pounding the bar top for emphasis.

"Hey! Don't mar the wood!" Judy exclaimed.

"Mastah Mon Chere, do you think maybe we could stay on campus? I do so miss my friends." Dandie said as she made the biggest, softest eyes Qui-Gon had ever seen. She was indeed a powerful Wench.

"Actually Dandie, Obi Wan and I were just discussing that very subject." Da Mastah said as he shot a warning look at Emmy.

"Relax Jedi Man," Emmy said waving him off. "I'll stay out of your way if you stay out of mine, kay?"

Qui-Gon stiffened and made a "harrumphing" noise. The General grinned and winked at the Alpha Ho.

"But where are they going to live?" Judy asked warily, having the foresight to be concerned about how the Hippie would blend with the Ho's. "I don't think the main quarters are a good idea." When Dande, Qui-Gon, The General and Haken looked at her questioningly, she moved quickly into a brilliant cover. "I mean, with the baby coming, you'd want to be in a nice quiet spot, away from all the........goings on.......that seem to happen here."

::That's my Judith:: The General thought approvingly. ::Savvy and diplomatic::

Dandie's face fell into a Wench pout that could melt ice on Hoth. She would not give up her hopes to move back in with her dear friends, not when they were so close to success! Perfect little tears started to form in the corner of her eyes, and Qui-Gon braced for the Wench onslaught.

Slowly...........very, very slowly.............wheels were trying to turn in Haken's mind.......it was a great effort....but... ..maybe........yes!! There was an actual idea in the sweet lug's head!

"Nein cry Venchen, Haken built das housen mit der miners......ya ya, vee maken zee gooot housen, you see."

"Hey! There's an idea!" Dorotea said, grinning slyly. "Cic could help, he knows ALL about home improvements, and LP could take them all to Home Depot for everything! Just don't let him buy anything. Or let any of them drive."

"But..........WHERE are you going to build it?" Judy asked, still the only one with sense enough to realize the exact placement was crucial.

"How about the other side of Campus?" Emmy said sarcastically, then softened when she saw the look on Dande's face. "Ummm, what I mean is.......In the garden! That's it! Wouldn't you like that Dandie? A nice secluded cottage in the English gardens? Just the sound of birds and the fragrance of the flowers.....nice and peaceful?" Emmy hoped that save went over well. Qui-Gon gave the Diva a stern look. Emmy ignored him.

"Ohhh!" Dande enthused, "That would be wonderful!"

"Yes, that works." The General said smiling as Dandie sprung about with joy and repeatedly kissed Da Mastah's cheek.

"Are you sure this is not an imposition Obi Wan?" Qui-Gon asked cautiously. Dande stopped springing, Haken looked confused, Dor looked at Da Mastah, wondering just what phase her moon was in, and Emmy looked disgusted.

"Not at all......I'd.......WE'D love to have you!"

"It's settled then, we're staying. Lets have another round!" The Hippie said as Dandie started bouncing again.

"Well, that's a fine idea I must say." Chancellor Palpatine said smoothly from his booth by the window. "It's always a pleasure to have people on campus who have such smashing hair." He continued, sipping his martini. "By the way, Dandie, I do love what you have done to the BSB's hair! Fine work....that."

Judy rolled her eyes. "OK Palpy, you've reached your limit! Go and smooth talk someone else!"

"As you wish gentle proprietress." He said cheerily and strode out of the bar, still looking for Vocab man.

"I've got a bad feeling about this." Judy muttered.

TBC --- End forwarded message ---