"So you see, my dear," Chancellor Palpatine said as he dropped the plastic spoon into the empty plastic container of his Peanut Buster Parfait, "it is just that simple."

Emmy sighed. Cheeks squished up as she rested her head on her hands. She'd gone through two Sweet Treats punchcards in the past week, trying to glean any information she could from the Chancellor. And in that entire time, she herself had only consumed one Blizzard, and her mind was all a blur. It hardly seemed fair.

The Chancellor smiled as he dabbed hot fudge from his lips. "Would you like me to explain it again."

"No," Emmy said, rubbing her forehead. Then she sat up straight. "Okay, so how many people would I need to buy the majority of Offworld stock without anyone getting suspicious?"

"In theory....." Palpatine said, pausing for a moment to do the math. "Two hundred and seventy three."

"Two hundred and seventy three?!" Emmy yelled, slamming her hand on the table.

"Yes," Palpatine said, seemingly unfazed by Emmy's outburst, which wasn't surprising given his association with the Nurse. "And each of those individuals would need to invest a minimum of one hundred thousand credits."

Emmy whined and slumped forward, banging her head on the table. "But that's more money than the school is even worth."

"Well, you could always kill the bastard," Palpatine said as he scraped the remains of the hot fudge from the bottom of the plastic container.

Emmy sat up slightly, moping. "Oh, me and what army?"

"Emmy?"

Emmy turned her head toward the sound of the voice. "Jael!"

"What are you doing here?" Jael asked and she and the Diva exchanged hugs. Jael caught sight of the Chancellor. "And why are you here with him?"

"Uh..... Long story. The Ho's were ungrateful, I left, took Darry's car, of course."

"Of course," Jael said.

"Discovered CP in the back on the way to the spaceport. Then figured he could help me buy HSU back from Xani.....so I've spent the past week feeding him Dairy Queen and getting the lowdown on corporate raiding."

Space Dog barked.

"Wait, wait, wait," Jael said. "Xani owns HSU?"

"Well, Offworld does. The Bots mortgaged the school to pay for their Kim Catrall habit," Emmy said.

"I have received word that you are in need of an army," Max suddenly said, stepping out from behind the plastic potted plant. "I shall rally my men. I am still their General. We will lead the charge against this fiend and return the land to its rightful owners."

"Oh, Max, that's so sweet," Emmy said patting his cheek. Then she sighed and flopped back down into the plastic booth. "But your men are lazy. They don't give a rip who runs the show, as long as they get to stick around and be boinked senseless. And God forbid any of them got so much as a scratch, I'd have Ho's banging down my door for days on end."

Max lowered to one knee. "There are still many who are loyal to our cause. I shall contact Cicero tonight and--"

"Uh...no. Bad move," Emmy said. "But don't worry, I'll think of something."

~*~

Emmy sulked as she wandered the beach of the swanky Alderaan resort. The Chancellor was obviously more interested in fake ice cream than in nefarious plots against the Grey Side hoodlum. And she certainly wasn't going to do what the Nurse did to keep him on her side.

On the other hand, Max was happy to offer lots of sweat and bloodshed. While her fellow Ho's probably would enjoy the sweaty part, Emmy was fairly certain they wouldn't be keen on the bloodshed part. And even though Xani would be the target, Emmy wasn't sure she could stomach listening to Dor whine about it for the rest of their natural lives.

Besides which, the General would probably frown upon a violent insurrection.

"Oh, who really cares if Xani owns the school," Emmy pitifully muttered. "It's not like the General actually loves me anyway. If he did, he would have arrived by now. And, no, I don't think I'm being ridiculous at all. I mean, he never knew where Darry went when she ran off, and he showed up to rescue her," Emmy huffed. "Well, not rescue rescue, of course. More like 'Hey, who da man? Me, dat's who' kinda thing," Emmy continued to ramble on to herself despite the curious looks from other beach strollers. "You know, I just give and give and give, and what do I get? Nothing! I defend him all the time, I'm very protective of him, you know," she continued, gesturing into thin air for emphasis as parents pulled their children closer. "I followed him all the way to freakin' Coruscant for God's sake. But when I leave, what does he do? BROOD! He sits around and pouts. Or.....or.....or maybe he doesn't! Maybe he hasn't even noticed that I'm gone. Maybe he doesn't even care that I'm gone! He's just having a good ol' time without me!"

"Uh....ma'am?"

"WHAT?!" Emmy shrieked, turning swiftly toward the timid resort employee, who immediately began backing away.

"Are....are you alright, ma'am?"

Emmy was just about to unload on the hired help, when out of the corner of her eye she saw a bright flash. Before she could register what was happening, a wave of energy knocked her down. Sputtering sand out of her mouth, Emmy sat up quickly and then scrambled to her feet.

"Boba Fett?" she said under her breath as he the bounty hunter came marching toward her. "What the?" Then she looked down momentarily and discovered that her calf-length black skirt was now in fluttering tatters around her thighs, her white cotton shirt nearly sleeveless. "WHAT THE FRACK DID YOU DO TO MY CLOTHES?!!"

Boba Fett answered with another burst from his gun.

Emmy froze, gasping in horror as several small diamonds fell from her ears and neck, each plunking silently into the sand, Boba Fett having successfully disintegrated the necklace and earrings that the General had given to Emmy during her period of tiara withdrawal.

"Score," Boba Fett thought to himself. That was until he suddenly found a beach chair wrapped around his helmet. Before he could react, Emmy grabbed one of the large sun umbrellas out of the sand and wielded it like a joust, hitting Boba Fett squarely in the back and knocking him face-first into the surf.

The Diva jumped on his back and pressed the umbrella pole against the back of his neck. "Who hired you?!"

Boba Fett hacked and wheezed a bit.

"It was Xani, wasn't it?!"

Boba Fett sputtered salt water out of his mouth.

"I knew it!" Emmy stood up and jabbed the umbrella poll through on of the straps of his powerpack and into the sand, effectively pinning him to the ground. "Eat rust, tin man!" she yelled, turning quickly to march back toward her room. Then she stopped and ran back toward the bounty hunter, shuffling around in the sand to recover the diamonds. She growled in frustration and stood back up, grabbed another chair, and launched it at Boba Fett before storming off again.

"Well, shit," Boba Fett said as a crab scurried over his helmet.

~*~

Exhibiting a fine impersonation of the Nurse, Emmy hurled the phone across her hotel room after listening to the message from Xani regarding his concern about overspending on Nutella.

"Sure, the HOODLUM finds me," she groused. "God forbid the General make any effort."

Catching her breath, she marched into the bedroom and picked up that phone and then dialed the Chancellor's room. "Listen, Sid, I'm going back to HSU. I've decided to take your advice and kill Xani."

"Spendid," the Chancellor responded in that distracted tone of his as he tried to listen to Hogan's Heroes over the Diva's rather colorful descriptions of just how she was going to kill Xani.

"So I'm leaving now," Emmy said.

"That's very good indeed," the Chancellor said as he sipped his martini.

Emmy slammed the receiver down with another growl. She grabbed her suitcase and her purse and then marched out of her hotel suite in her tattered shirt and skirt, shaking the sand out of her hair as she furiously made her way to the elevator.

~*~

Space flight is cold. Especially when one is wearing half-disintegrated clothing.

~*~

Emmy marched off the shuttle, carelessly dragging her suitcase behind her, oblivious to the shouts of other travelers who she was tripping with it.

Hoping that the Nurse would have been as distracted as usual, Emmy quickly made her way to the parking garage, revealing a small smile of victory when she saw the BMW parked right where she had left it.

Emmy jumped in the car and started it up, gunning the engine a few times and then peeling out of her parking space, nearly maiming a nice Toong couple.

"Short little FREAKS!" Emmy yelled out the window as she sped toward the exit.

And then she realized she'd have to pay the parking fee.

She slammed on the brakes at the booth, took off her seatbelt, and dove into the back seat, reaching into the crevices of the seat cushions.

The cashier watched the odd woman in half-burnt clothes rummaging around in the back. It was always the rich ones who made a fuss about paying the parking fee.

"Ah-HA!" Emmy yelled, scrambling up into the front seat with a Galactic Senate platinum card in hand. She'd remember to thank the Nurse for stowing her EA in the back seat, if such a grateful mood ever struck her. "Here!" Emmy snapped, handing the card to the cashier.

~*~

"Oh great," Emmy grumbled as the gas light illuminated on the dashboard. She weighed her options, knowing it wasn't too much longer back to campus. But she also figured that the Nurse would be cranky enough having her car missing for that long, she certainly wouldn't be happy if it were returned with an empty tank.

Emmy pulled into the Arco station. The Nurse didn't need to know she filled it with cheap gas.

Ignoring the leers from the local yahoos, Emmy walked inside the minimart to pay, her tattered skirt ruffling in the breeze.

"Fifteen on number seven," Emmy said to the clerk.

"Can I get you anything else, ma'am?" the too-chipper boy asked.

"No."

"Lotto ticket? The Galactic Powerball is up to 20 bizillion credits."

Emmy smiled slightly. "Sure, why not. Give me one lotto. I could buy half the town with that," she said with a yawn.

~*~

"Oh my God!" Shana laughed as she stepped out of her office and saw the Diva marching down the hall in ragged clothes and wild hair.

"What are you laughing at?!" Emmy shot back.

Suddenly every door in the hall opened, heads poking out of all of them. Except the Clinic, of course.

"Um...I'm laughing with you?" Shana said.

Laure took one look at Emmy and turned around and walked back into her office, locking the door behind her.

The General, upon seeing Emmy's disheveled appearance, could only think two things. That she had been arrested. Or that she had been arrested. "Emmy," he said, stepping toward her. "What happened?"

"Two words. Bounty. Hunter." Emmy stared at the other Ho's with unbridled accusation.

"Bounty huntah?" the General asked, quite shocked at this new turn of events. He was certain she had been arrested. "Are you injured?" he said, stepping forward quickly.

"LOOK AT ME!!" Emmy yelled, flapping her arms out to the sides.

"This makes no sense," the General said. "Why would anyone send a bounty huntah aftah you?"

The other Ho's snickered. He was so cute when he was befuddled.

"Ask HER!" Emmy said, pointing toward Dorotea.

"I didn't do anything!" Dorotea said.

"And where have *you* been, anyway??" Emmy asked, turning her wrath back toward the General.

"I've been right here," he said.

"Exactly!" she responded.

"And where have you been?" he asked not so kindly.

"Oh, like you even care," Emmy said before turning towards the stairs. She stomped up approximately three and 7/8 stairs when Dorotea said......

"See, I told you she'd come back when she couldn't find anyone better than you."

Laure burrowed under the covers with the RB as crashing noises erupted out in the hallway.

~*~

Emmy awoke grumpy. As usual.

Oh well. There was still time to kill Xani. No doubt after the stern lecture from the General last night - and subsequent Ho huffing and marching out of his office while he was still talking - Dorotea would be scarce and snogging in a coffin. She'd never hear Emmy coming. And since Xani could really only think with his wanger, it wouldn't be too difficult to set a trap.

In fact, Emmy figured she could just go wait for him in her office. She didn't want to risk her evil intent being shaken by an unplanned run-in with the General on her way to the library anyway.

Besides, since she had spent the night alone, she certainly wasn't inclined to do the General any favors.

Emmy grumbled as she sat down at her desk, the rich surface marred by X's. She grabbed the newspaper and laid it out across the desk, so she wouldn't have to look at the desktop. Her eye darted down to see the Galactic Powerball results.

"Ah, what the hell," Emmy said, reaching for her purse to check her ticket.

~*~

"What was that?" Kendra asked as a scream echoed through the courtyard, seeming to come from one of the windows of the admin building.

"You've been here long enough," Ellie said. "You should know better than to ask a question like that."

~*~

Emmy slapped her hand over her mouth as her office door flew open.

The General frowned. Emmy was alone. Not being attacked or murdered. All she was doing was jumping up and down. "Emmy," the General sighed. "We really need to talk about your behav--" The General lost his train of thought as Emmy practically flew through the air and amorously tackled him to the sofa quite enthusiastically.

~*~

"Give me one good reason why we need an emergency board meeting," Darry said, staring impatiently at the surprisingly calm Dean.

"Cool your jets," Emmy said. "This will only take a minute."

"Listen up, Diva, this is cutting into our golf game," Laure said.

"You see," Emmy said, turning to the General. "You see how they gang up on me."

"Oh, please," Darry said.

"Bite me."

"Emmy," the General said, "perhaps we can move on with the order of business."

"Fine," Emmy said, glaring at him. She cleared her throat and sat up a little taller in her chair.

Laure rolled her eyes as she drank her coffee.

"This," Emmy said, "is the current note on the University. I have taken the liberty of making copies for all of you."

"Look, I've done everything short of turning those Bots into Wanker shop projects. What do you want from me? Blood?" Shana said.

"And as you will see, Offworld Corporation no long owns this school."

"WHAT?" Dorotea responded.

"YES!" Judy exclaimed, jumping from her chair and doing a quick little victory dance before sitting back down again.

"Great. Fine. Can I go now?" Darry said.

"How in the world did you pull this off?" Shana said.

"Powerball," Emmy said. "And some quick maneuvers from that Muppet of yours."

"You called Lindsay instead of Bobby?" Laure asked.

"Shut up," Emmy said. "Time was of the essence."

"Well, I must say, I am very pleased about this," the General said. "I was never happy being under Offworld's domain."

"I know," Emmy said, glaring at Dorotea.

"I didn't do anything!" Dorotea said.

"Excuse me!" Darry snapped. "Are we done or not?"

"Well...." Emmy said, leaning back in her chair and pondering the question.

Darry simply, "Phhhhtt"'d at Emmy and walked out of the boardroom.

"Well, that takes care of that," Laure said, looking at her watch. "Ooh, ten minutes til tee time. We'd better get moving."

The General stood up quickly to hurriedly follow Laure out of the room.

"Hey," Emmy said.

"What?" the General said. "We're finished here, right?"

Emmy huffed and crossed her arms.

"Have a fun day all by yourself," Dorotea said with a grin as she sauntered out of the room.

"Margarita?" Judy asked.

Emmy stood up and kicked her chair aside. "Hell, yes."