Title: HSU - The Bare Necessities, 4/4
Author: Emmy
It's 1:30 am. If there are mistakes, OH WELL.

Part 4

Emmy jumped off her small, lumpy bed at the sound of keys jangling. The door to her solitary cell opened and the guard walked in.

"You have a visitor," the guard said in an odd monotone before turning around and walking out.

"Visitor?" Emmy said. "But it's the middle of the night."

"Hello, Princess."

"Oh, shit."

"Now what kind of welcome is that?" Xani asked as he slinked through the door.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"I'm here to rescue you, I've got your get out of jail free card, I'm here with General Kenobi."

Emmy jumped to her feet. "General Kenobi! Where is he?" she asked looking around rather nervously and panicked.

A sly smile spread across Xani's face. "Just kidding. That do-gooder doesn't even know you're here."

Emmy marched forward and smacked him on the chest.

Xani laughed. "I knew you'd miss me."

"Get. Out."

"But, Princess, I'm the only one who can get you out of here," he said, walking a predatory circle around here. "Tonight."

"I'm not going anywhere with you," Emmy said, crossing her arms.

Xani scrunched his face. "That orange really does nothing for you."

"I said get out."

"For a woman of creative scruples such as yourself, I can't imagine that you would pass up such an opportunity," Xani said.

"And what is that supposed to mean, you idiot hoodlum."

Xani chuckled. "Your idiot hoodlum has lots of connections, Princess." He reached to her hair and wound a stray curl around his finger. "Lots and lots of connections," he whispered, brushing his index finger down the back of her neck.

~*~

"SCREWING AROUND SOMEONE IS!"

"@#$%!!" Ellie exclaimed, tossing off the covers and searching for the Yoda.

~*~
Simultaneously in the library
~*~

"SCREWING AROUND SOMEONE IS!"

Thunk. "@#$%!!" Darry exclaimed, rubbing the back of her head. "Dorotea! Unlock this lid!"

~*~

Emmy smacked Xani's arm away from her. "Walk out that door and go back to whatever seedy place you came from."

"That would be your room," Xani said. He raised his arm and laughed to block Emmy's punch. "Well, you're certainly not using it. And besides, you don't even have a job there anymore."

"WHAT?!"

"Yeah, they promoted your padawan once word got out that you were in the Big House," he said.

"Why those little bi--"

"But I hear they're having a luau tomorrow, so that should be worth checking out," Xani said.

"How dare they!" Emmy exclaimed, cursing and stomping around the room, grabbing the cigarette from behind her ear and sticking it between her lips.

"Aw, c'mon Princess. You don't want to be locked up like this. Let me spring you."

"Oh yeah, right. All out of the goodness of your heart," Emmy said, the cigarette bobbing on her lower lip.

"You wanna light for that?" Xani asked.

"I don't smoke," Emmy said, leaving the cigarette on her lip.

Xani arched his eyebrows and cocked his head to the side. "I can clear this *all* up for you right now."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

Emmy put her hands on her hips. "And what's it gonna cost me?"

Xani's eyes remained fixed on the bobbing cigarette as she spoke. And then he replied, "Only what you want," a leer spreading across his face.

"No thanks."

"I'll get you out. I'll get your tiaras back."

"I don't want my tiaras back," Emmy said. She took the cigarette between her index and middle finger of her right hand and began to point with it as she spoke, "I want the *money*."

Xani chuckled. "I can get you the money. And…."

"And?"

"I'll make you Dean of the school," he said.

"WHAT?"

"You heard me," he said. "Freedom, money, a cushy new job as Dean of the University." He grinned as her eyes sparkled at the thought. "You see. You can't stay here."

Emmy saw the smirk on Xani's face and shook her head. "No. No way. You hold the note on the school. There's NO way I'm working under you!"

"Well, you could work on top of me if you prefer," he purred.

Emmy shoved him against the wall and walked to the other side of her cell. "Forget it," she said.

"You can't be serious."

"I *am* serious."

Xani put his hands on his hips. "You'd *rather* stay here in prison wearing orange and cleaning your toilet with your toothbrush instead of leaving here with me tonight?"

"Yup," Emmy said, sticking the cigarette back on her bottom lip.

Xani gave an exasperated sigh. "Fine, Princess," he said, flapping his hand at her. "See you in thirty years." And he turned and walked out the door, clunking it shut behind him.

At that point, Emmy got a little worried.

~*~

Kendra sat back in her big, cushy chair at her big new desk and surveyed her office, enjoying her power position of facing everyone who came through that door.

And then the door to the General's office opened and he stepped out, looking to her and giving her a smile.

Oooohh, yeah, she was gonna like this job.

"Kendra," he said.

"Yes?" she responded, returning his smile.

"Does Emmy have any appointments scheduled today?"

"Oh," Kendra said, turning to her computer and checking the schedule. "Nope. Nothing."

The General sighed. "Has *anyone* seen her?"

Kendra shrugged. "Dunno." She tapped her pen on her desk as she watched him think, the corners of his mouth turning down slightly. "So how's that new multi-head shower working?" she asked with a leer.

The General's eyebrow quirked up. "I have a new multi-head shower?"

"Uh-huh," Kendra said. "In your office."

"I have a shower in my office?" the General asked, making that befuddled face of his and looking toward his office door.

"Yeah," Kendra said. "You must have been out with Brenda yesterday when they installed it."

The General turned back to Kendra, his hips shifting into The Stance.

Kendra gulped.

"Shall we have a look?" the General said low in his throat.

Kendra scrambled out of her chair, and the General pulled her into his office and slammed the door.

~*~

Emmy quickly dialed the phone as the burly guard stood over her shoulder and watched the clock.

"Hello."

"Get me Dande."

"Well, hello there, little--"

"I said get me Dande, hippie man. It's life or death."

Emmy tapped her fingers on the table as she waited.

"Emmy?"

"How'd you know it was me?"

"Oh well, he stormed away from the phone, so I figured--"

"Dande, I need your help. And you can't breathe a *word* of this to the General."

"Of course. What is it?"

"I'm in prison."

Dande gasped. "Oh my goodness!"

"It's not my fault. But nobody believes me, of course," Emmy griped.

"Of course, I understand. We'll be there right away, don't you worry," Dande said.

"We?"

"Well, yes. Da Mastah can get you out of that horrible place."

"No, wait, Dande, I just wanted you to find Bob--"

"We'll be there in no time flat, Diva girl, don't you worry."

"Dande, I--" Emmy heard the phone click. "Dande? Dande??"

"Time's up," the burly guard said.

"@#$%!!"

~*~

"Okay, torch jugglers over there next to the bar!" Jen Jen said as she oversaw the preparations for the luau.

"Um, you sure that's a good idea?" Ellie asked.

"Why?" Jen Jen said.

"You know...fire, alcohol."

"Oh, right. I hadn't thought about that." Jen Jen thought for a moment. "Okay, torch jugglers next to the grass hut! Ukulele trio next to the bar!"

"Ah yes," Ellie said, pushing her sunglasses up on her nose. "Much better."

"Hey!" Jen Jen yelled. "Hula dancers! Yeah, you! Did I say you could sit down?"

~*~

"Gimme another bottle."

"Dor, that's the third bottle of sunblock you've used."

"I cannot have *any* color on my skin. Do you understand that?"

Darry rolled her eyes and threw another bottle of sunblock at the Librarian, nearly smacking her in the face with it. "And how the hell are you going to swim in black velvet anyway?"

"The same way you're going to swim in leather."

"Oh, like I'm even going," Darry said.

Dorotea put her hands on her hips. "You *have* to go."

"My week isn't up yet," Darry said.

"So you mean to tell me that you're just going to stay in here and cuddle in the coffin while I have to go out there and risk browning my skin, and I have to do it with *without* my EA's??"

"Basically, yeah," Darry said.

"Fine," Dorotea said, crossing her arms and sulking on the sofa. She glanced over at the window when she heard a car drive up. Stretching her neck up, she looked out to see who the occupants were. "It's Dande!"

"What?" Darry said, looking out the window. "Oh great, what the hell is he doing here?"

The library door opened and Dande whisked through. "We've come to rescue Emmy from prison!"

Darry snorted and raised the coffin lid, jumping quickly inside with a laugh as the lid closed down.

Dande blinked a couple times.

"Long story," Dorotea said.

"Hello, Dorotea," Qui-Gon said as he entered.

"Hello, Master," she grinned.

"If this Yoda goes off, you're dead!" came Darry's muffled voice.

"Ummm, D, *why* are you standing around in your underwear?"

"No, Dande, this is my swimsuit. We're having a luau, you're just in time."

"A luau!" Dande exclaimed. "Well, I have to go change," she said, rushing out to the car to get her suitcase.

"The prison?" Qui-Gon asked, turning his head to watch Dande run out.

"Ah," Dorotea said, flapping her hand. "Emmy isn't going anywhere."

~*~

Emmy scratched several obscenities into the wall with her spork. Dande should have arrived already. Not that Emmy was aware of any concept of time aside from the buzzers going off outside of her solitary cell. She sat on her lumpy bed and tried to think of what new trouble she could get into in order to assure that she would remain in solitary and not have to be forced to interact with the lowlifes imprisoned there with her.

~*~

Qui-Gon stepped out of the car, Dande and Dorotea following close behind. The women stepped quickly to keep up with him as he strode toward the prison entrance.

"I would like to speak with the warden about a wrongful imprisonment," Qui-Gon said as they entered the prison.

The guard looked up to see a large, tall man dressed in casual beach wear, accompanied by a woman in a red sarong and wearing a white flower in her hair, and another woman in black velvet lingerie and Doc Martens and a black jacket wrapped around her shoulders. The guard sighed. "The warden isn't here, and even if he were, he doesn't see visitors. You can sign in here and--"

"I am a Jedi," Qui-Gon said.

"Uh-huh," the guard said.

"You *will* let me see the warden."

"I will let you see the warden."

"Thank you," Qui-Gon said.

"That was wonderful," Dande said, patting his muscular arm as he flexed for her.

~*~

"Warden wants to you see you," the burly guard said as he put the shackles on Emmy's wrists and ankles.

"Finally," Emmy said, shuffling out of the cell.

~*~

"Here's the file," the warden said, tossing it down on the desk. "Let's see here....drug possession, stolen cash, resisting arrest, assaulting an officer, assaulting a guard, burning a toilet, assaulting two inmates, bribing a guard--"

"Okay, wait," Dorotea said. "How do you burn a toilet?"

"Padawan prank," Qui-Gon answered. "She probably heard about it from Obi-Wan."

"If I may," the warden said with annoyance. "We also have poisoning cafeteria food...."

"She must have learned that one from Sere," Dorotea whispered.

Dande nodded.

"Breaking a sewing machine."

"She broke a sewing machine?" Dorotea said, laughing at the idea of Emmy sewing.

"Stabbing a pedestrian with a litter stick....and burning two mattresses," the warden said.

"I didn't think they allowed matches in prison," Dande said.

"She learned from the best," Qui-Gon said.

"True," Dande said. "But Obi-Wan has the Force. Emmy just has....."

"Fury," Dorotea said.

Just then the door opened and Emmy jangled through.

"Oh, Emmy!" Dande exclaimed, jumping to her feet. "You're wearing orange!"

Dorotea threw her head back and laughed at the sight of the Diva.

"What the hell is this?" Emmy asked, examining Dande's sarong.

"Oh...well..... There was a little party," Dande said.

"You have all been partying while I've been rotting in prison!"

"Yeah," Dorotea said. "Pool party yesterday. Luau today. Ooohh, you should *see* the General in his black swim trunks."

"You will be the first one to die when I get out of here," Emmy said.

"Okay, let's go," Dande said. "If we hurry we can get back before dinner."

"Wait a minute," the warden said. "You can't just walk out of here with her."

"Mastah," Dande said, going all doe-eyed.

"Well, he is right," Qui-Gon said. "These are very serious charges."

"But I didn't do it!" Emmy said.

"Damn, I wanted to hear about the toilet," Dorotea said.

"Well, that I did do."

Qui-Gon stepped over to Emmy. "You have my assurance that I will assist you in this matter. I will take this information to the Temple and Obi-Wan and I can work out a way to--"

"Ah, fuck it," Emmy said. "Somebody give me a phone."

"You don't get any calls today," the warden said.

"C'mon, big guy, help me out here," Emmy said.

Qui-Gon looked down at the mouthy little woman, her wrists shackled to her waist. Then he looked at Dande who looked back at him with doe eyes. Then he reached into his pocket and pulled out his Nokia. He released the handcuffs with a thought and handed Emmy his phone.

"Hey!" the warden said.

"Sit down," Qui-Gon ordered, reaching out to grab Dande as she thudded.

Emmy dialed the number to her room. "What are you smirking at," she said to Dorotea.

Dorotea shrugged and continued smirking.

"Good afternoon, Diva's Den of Debauchery."

"You no good, pathetic fu--"

"Ah-ha! I *knew* you'd come around," Xani laughed.

"What if the General had tried to call me!"

"Well, guess what? He didn't," Xani said. "But I admit, I am flattered. That, given the choice between a life debt to Qui-Gon and a life debt to me, you chose me...well, I just don't know what to say....except....ohh....my price just went up."

"Dammit, Xani! Are you going to help me or not?"

"Xani?" Qui-Gon said. "She doesn't mean Xana--"

"Oh, of *course* not," Dande said.

"Nah," Dorotea said. "This is Xani, one of Emmy's new playmates."

"Is that Dorotea I hear?" Xani asked.

"Can we just get this over with?" Emmy said.

"Well, I'm not sure my offer still stands."

"Xani."

"Yes, Emmy?"

Emmy tapped her foot.

"Did you have something to say?" Xani asked.

"Please get me out of here," she growled.

"Oh, I like that tone of voice on you," he said. "I can't wait to hear it later when you show me your gratitude."

Emmy kicked the warden's desk. "That is not a condition of our agreement and you know it."

"As far as I recall, we had no agreement," Xani said. "I offered you cash, a position of power with an office next to your do-gooder General, and most importantly, I offered to clear all these charges against you. And you told me to go away. So, Diva, looks like you're stuck now. Some advice. First of all, don't bend over in the shower."

"Bastard."

"And secondly, don't eat anything that comes with gravy or cheese sauce," Xani said.

Emmy chewed on her lip, her foot still tapping. She really would be there forever. That meant the General would have to find out....if he actually ever noticed.

Xani laughed. "Oh, lighten up Princess. I'll be there in a half-hour, I just have to make a call first and get it taken care of."

Emmy turned off the phone and threw it at Dorotea.

"Hey!"

"This is all your fault," Emmy said.

"How is it my fault?"

Emmy moved quickly over to where Dorotea sat and gave her the convict stare down. "It. Just. Is."

Dorotea slumped down in her chair. And then she said, "Xani is really gonna dig this new ex-con side of you."

"Girls! Girls!" Dande said as Emmy lunged at Dorotea, knocking her down to the floor. "Mastah darling, do something, please!"

Qui-Gon tilted his head as the bitch fight progressed on the floor. "Wait, do you think they'll rip each other's clothes?"

Dande sighed and looked at the guard who was equally enraptured with the bitch fight. Dande lunged over, grabbed the guard's gun, and fired a warning shot straight up into the ceiling. Somewhere above her she heard a man bellow. Ignoring the wail in favor of more important matters, Dande yelled, "ALRIGHT YOU HO'S! CUT THE CRAP AND LET'S GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE!"

Emmy and Dorotea froze in mid-bitch slap and looked at Dande in shock.

Dande handed the gun back to the guard, dusted off her dainty hands, sat down in a chair, and casually glanced out the window.

~*~

I am *not* riding on your motorcycle with you," Emmy said as she finally walked outside a free woman, having given up her orange jumpsuit for her black sweater and pants.

"I just saved your ass, Princess," Xani said. "I think you can take a ride from me," he leered.

"Sorry, Em, only room for three", Dorotea said, jumping into the car where Dande had already corralled the Mastah to in order to avoid a face-to-face with Xani.

Xani revved up his motorcycle, grinning as Emmy reluctantly climbed on. "Now watch where you put your hands, Princess. No, actually, I prefer them lower OW!" he exclaimed as Emmy gave him a sharp jab in the ribs. "Do it again."

"Just drive, you stupid pri--"

"And we're off," Xani said. "But I don't think the do-gooder General is going to like your prison language. Might have to tone it down so as not to offend his delicate sensibilities."

"Bastard."

"That's much better," Xani said as he pulled out of the parking lot and back toward HSU.

~*~

"See, we *are* home by dinner!" Dande said happily as they stepped out of the car.

**Rock-a-hula, rock rock-a-hula....Rock a-hula, rock rock-hula**

"And they're even playing Elvis, Diva girl. C'mon, let's go join the party," Dande said as Dorotea darted into the library.

"No, Dande, you go on ahead," Emmy said, walking toward the admin building, only wanting a real shower and her own bed. She turned quickly as she heard footsteps behind her. "And you stay away from me."

"Alright, alright," Xani said, putting his hands up as she moved to smack him. "I'll see you bright and early in your office on Monday."

"You do *not* run this school," Emmy said. "And if the General so much as thinks you might be around--"

"Trust me, Princess, the *last* person I want to run into is do-gooder Kenobi," Xani said as he watched Qui-Gon and Dande walk around the back of the building toward the luau. "Well, maybe second to last." He turned his head back to where Emmy was standing to find that she was already through the front door of the building. "Well,I bet LP probably missed me," he said, heading for the library.

~*~

The General looked up from rubbing sunblock on Laure's back to find Qui-Gon walking toward him. "Mastah."

"Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon said as Dande hurried to catch up for Wench spin control in the midst of all these Ho's. "I'm happy to tell you that we've brought your Emmy back to you."

"Emmy?" the General said, standing up. "Where is she?"

"Oh, terrific," Laure groused.

Qui-Gon looked around. "I don't know."

"I think she may have gone to her room to rest," Dande said. "Oh, Mastah, the food looks lovely. Would you like me to feed you something?" she said, tugging on his arm in order to divert his attention.

"Yes," Qui-Gon said, his attention still on the General. "She seems no worse for the wear given her imprisonment."

Even the music shut off.

"Her WHAT??"

~*~

Emmy sighed as she wrapped her soft robe around her and sank back into her favorite cushy chair, not even caring that her hair was wet as she leaned her head back against the plush fabric. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. It smelled like home. And then she smiled. It felt like home. Finally.

~*~

The General marched up the stairs towards Emmy's room. He could hardly believe the things Qui-Gon had told him. And the fact that Emmy hadn't even bothered to call him was even harder to believe. Between her arrest on Coruscant and this recent escapade, something had to change. And it would have to change now.

He rounded the corner at the top of the stairs and walked quickly to her door. He stood outside for a moment. Sensing her presence, he opened the door and walked in, preparing to handle this as he probably should have the first time she got arrested. Whenever that was.

Not finding her in bed, he stepped into the sitting area. And there she was, curled up in her favorite chair, sound asleep. He looked at her, mostly amazed that this seemingly peaceful creature was capable of causing so much havoc. And then, as she sighed and squished her face up against the arm of the chair, he smiled.

The General knelt down and gently brushed the damp hair out of her face. "What am I going to do with you?" he whispered.

~*~

Emmy awoke, her first perception was that it was dark outside. She tried to move but found that she was trapped. As her senses sharpened, she gasped and opened her eyes. Lifting her head, she saw the General's eyes looking back at her, his arms tightening around her as he held her to his chest, one leg wrapped around her own.

She looked at him for several moments, unsure of what to say.

He suddenly moved, pushing her to her back, resting his weight on one elbow as his other hand cupped her face. "I knew you were gone the minute you left campus. I always know."

"I'm sorry," she said.

"Shhhh," he said, kissing her forehead. "Just sleep."

"Do I have to?" she said, gently playing with a button on his shirt.

The General arched an eyebrow, a sly grin spreading across his face.

~*~

"Has anyone seen my Lady Dorotea?" LP asked as he walked a wide berth around the refrigerator.

"Nope," Darry said as she stocked the coffin with bottled water. "Don't know where she is."

"SCREWING AROUND SOMEONE IS!"

The End