Title: HSU, Washed Up 1/1
Authors: Dande, Dorotea, and Darry
Rating: U for Unsinkable
Disclaimer: Huh?
Timeline: After Incognito
Summary: The Wench gets a place to live and Dorotea returns from her vacation

Emmy pushed the gold painted Bijoux into the shed where Cal lived. "You don't get to start with the General. You have to work your way up to the General."

As she walked back to her office she heard Bijoux scream and then saw the reporter run toward the main gate -- Cal chasing after her, crying, "Come back, my golden goddess."

Emmy chuckled to herself as her eye caught a headline on a tabloid that had been left on a bench -- 'ALDERAAN LOVE LINER TAKES PLUNGE', and arched a brow. "Good. That hoodlum finally got what he deserved. Too bad about Dorotea, but at least now we can hire a real Librarian. I just hope that they don't find Dor's body in a compromising position with Xani. The poor General doesn't need that ego-crushing blow."

~*~

Laure's office was like Grand Central Station. Cal was there bright and early, lamenting about how a golden goddess had appeared in his room, but had escaped and about how the Ewoks were plotting against him. He had dragged one of the hapless creatures there in his red wagon, causing tremendous interest on the part of the resident tigers. Commo was dressed in golf gear, but using Laure's computer to search LoveConnections.com for his sister.

Laure looked for her bottle of Tylenol and started the coffee maker. It was going to be a day that would put Sunnyhell to shame.

"Why me? Why me? What did I ever do?" she muttered as she contemplated pyromania herself for a change.

~*~

Dorotea and Xanatos walked across the shore of an island, hot sun blazing down on them. "What were you thinking? WHAT?" Dorotea ranted.

Xanatos shrugged, slowing his pace slightly so he could leer at Dorotea's bikini clad body. "I forgot what power setting I had it on."

Dorotea huffed and rolled her eyes. "And did you even think about coming back to the cabin for me?"

"I didn't want to wake you. You said you were exhausted."

"THE SHIP WAS SINKING!"

~*~

Dande awoke to meet the new day, only it was not a typical, "Lovely Wench awakes to the splendor of the morning sun" kinda wake up. Dande was tired, cranky, and sore. Sleeping on the sofa bed in her office was NOT proving to be a workable solution. Instead of her usual ethereal stretch and fluttering of her doe eyes, she reached up to slap the alarm clock off and grumbled.

Da Mastah fared no better. A sofa bed was no place for any alpha male, especially one who made the Wench height requirement in spades. Feet hanging over edge, back screaming at him from where the iron support bar ran under the middle of the mattress, and crick in his neck from the chintz throw pillow under his head, he was not a happy man. Now, while it's true he suffered much worse out on missions, he could not help but think that this was *not* a mission! And, he never had a cranky wench in a delicate condition with him on missions either. Something had to be done before the quality of the wenching he received started to suffer.

"Dandie," he said as he smoothed her hair off her face, trying to be as charming as possible. "We need to talk..."

~*~

Tasha was very helpful supplying a new set of blue prints. Dande was happy she'd managed to complete them before Tasha and the Nurse would have to give up their favorite pastimes in observance of the upcoming holiday. The Wench shuddered to think what would have happened had she knocked on their doors for cottage help then! Not to mention the state of mind Cicero and Mr. Vocab would be in from lack of attention. If the men were to help at all it most certainly should be now, before the coming exile.

~*~

When the Ho's got to the building site that afternoon, they were greeted with a sight that stopped them cold. There were sweaty miners, yes. However, the miners and various and sundry EA's that came out to lend a hand were relegated to ancillary tasks as the major building was being done by...construction workers...from Testosterone County!

Oh, the horror, gentle readers. They were sweaty, they were smelly, their jeans rode down low exposing the cracks of their arses!

Judy stopped her blender in mid margarita, Kendra and Kymira almost took ill. Dandie looked at Da Mastah with confusion swimming in her eyes.

Haken held up the main support wall single handedly while the workers dropped plumb lines and checked things with levels.

"Mastah, what is going on?" Dandie finally managed to ask.

"My Dandelion, I felt it was time to take action. I am sorry if this upsets you. I hired construction workers to do the main work. They might not be pretty to look at, but they are licensed builders. The miners and other men of whom your friends are so fond can do small projects and finishing touches. Based on Tasha's expert calculations, we've moved the cottage site to this spot deeper in the garden where there is ground integrity. Cara, we need a place to live. It was time."

~*~

"OK!" Judy called out, packing up her bar. "Party in the pub for the Ho's and the miners! Hey, Hippie, keep those beer guzzling red necks outta my bar! Or I won't help you wheel your bets anymore!!"

Qui-Gon bowed deeply to the Tavern owner and smirked. "As you wish," he replied.

"Kendra! JenJen! You're with me! I have to go and get more EA alarms to string up...umm, sorry Darry...I mean to put up around this place!" Ellie called out, displaying formidable power as the EA Director that made her Master proud.

"Notten vorry myna construction friendzen. Haken bringing das keggin from Freuline Judy's bar for das workers later!" The Moose said jovially. He was quite happy to find a group of men in whose company he felt like one of the sharper tools in the shed.

"They are outta here by sundown!" Shana said sternly to the vertically gifted Jedi. "We will NOT have drunk ugly men running around here after dark!"

"Agreed," he said nodding. "That would hardly be a safe situation for all these young ladies."

All the Ho's gagged as they made their way to the pub for Judy's special Mega Margaritas.

Chancellor Palpatine walked over to Qui-Gon. "I must say Mastah Jinn, I've just come back from Alderaan, and I am rather surprised that you would bring such ugly persons on campus. Up until now, I have always admired your taste in hair and find your Wench delightful company. I question you judgement on this matter sir. These men are quite an eyesore!"

Palpatine walked off to find his apprentice and to get the hell off campus and its offending personnel.

~*~

The miners/security guards/soldiers/eye candy all sat down in various parts of the bar and rested after being superceded by the real workmen. Cic squeezed into a booth next to Darry and sweated all over her.

Emmy saw this from outside the bar and leapt at the chance to talk to the Nurse while she was most likely in a good mood. She raced out of the building and past LP, who was leading a group of prospective students around the campus.

"And our Dean is always on the go, ensuring the highest quality of living and education is made available to each and every one of our students," he said in his cultured voice. "She is the very soul of concern over the well-being of the girls and the faculty."

"Good news," Emmy called to Darry. "Dorotea's drowned."

~*~

Dorotea slumped against a palm tree. "Look at this!" She complained to Xanatos, sticking her arm under his face.

Xanatos stopped fanning himself with a palm leaf and peered at the Librarian's arm. "It's a bit pink."

"A bit? I'm redder than that horrible lobster Darry bought me!"

Xanatos poked the Librarian's arm. "Does it hurt?"

"Yes!" Dorotea said picking up a coconut and hitting Xanatos upside his head. "What was I thinking when I decided to take a vacation with you? I should have known it would be a disaster..."

Dorotea continued ranting, but Xanatos stopped listening, there was only one thing to do when she was like this. He leaned in and kissed her neck, his hand sliding up her leg.

Dorotea slapped his hand. "Don't touch me! My skin is sunburned!"

Xanatos grinned. "Not everywhere is burned," he purred, moving his hand higher.

"Ooh, that is nice..."

~*~

Darry looked up at Emmy. "What?"

Emmy shoved the tabloid paper in the Nurse's face. "I already hired a new Librarian -- Wicket-yup, yup."

The Nurse thought about questioning that, but decided not to waste her time. She quickly skimmed the tabloid report. She snorted. "They're probably boinking on an island somewhere."

~*~

Dorotea shifted in Xani's arms, waking up slowly. She moaned, her skin felt as if it were on fire. She opened her eyes to see a camera an inch away from her face. She yelped and tried to jump up, but was too entangled with Xani to do so.

Xani opened an eye. "Again?" He asked the wrestling Librarian, before noticing they were surrounded by what appeared to be a camera crew.

"Who are you?" Dorotea asked, finally managing to get untangled from Xani and stand up.

"We're filming 'Survivor 2.' How did you get past the security? Who are you working for? Do you have any recording devices?" A burly man with a walkie-talkie asked in drill sergeant fashion.

"Ooh, I could use a million dollars, can I play? I know a spell that makes rat taste like chicken." Dorotea asked.

~*~

Dande knocked softly and then tried the knob on Laure's door. She found Laure seated at her desk, head in her hands. Commodus took one look at the Wench and said, "Laure Dear, that big haired woman who is NOT my sister is here again. She vexes me, tell her to be gone." Then Commodus stalked out of the room, closing the door behind him.

"Umm, rough day Laure?" Dande ventured.

"Oy, my God! Yes! Cal was here all day telling me he was in love with a golden goddess that turned up in his shed. He said it was his destiny to find her again. Where the frack were you? I told you, I don't do that psych crap!!"

"At the build site." Dande answered. "The Hippie has gone and hired ugly pot bellied men to do the work on the cottage, so there was no point in staying there. Want to go chintz shopping and out to lunch? I hear there is an afternoon showing of Ghostbusters at the cheap seats in the mall theatre."

"We are SO there! Hey, can we stop at Victoria's Secret before the movie?" Laure asked.

Dande grinned. "We are SO there."

~*~

As the pair of psych/law/horse/ghostbuster chicks made their way to the mall to spend way too much money, they passed Chancellor Palpatine packing up his transport, muttering to himself.

"Styless poser! I should have KNOWN that hair was a front! Dean Emmy won't take my calls! And to think, according to the Tattler, we were an item! If I ever eat another peanut butter parfait, I will gag!" Looking up, he said to the Wench, "My dear Dande, you did wonderful work with the BSB's hair, but I must say your Mastah is a crashing boor! I have decided to return to Coruscant for a time and then jet set about the social hot spots of the galaxy. This campus will not be on my itinerary. The nurse will know how to find me if the need arises. Her style is without question! Cheerio."

~*~

Later that night, Dande and Da Mastah sat together in the living room of their new cottage. Ealier, Dande had modeled her Victoria's Secret purchases for him. Needless to say, all was quite blissful chez Jinn and company.

"Dande, promise me something? Will you?" The Hippie asked.

"Yes, of course Mastah Dahling...What is it?"

"No more aggravating the Nurse, please? Have you learned annathang from all of this?"

"Yes Mastah...I promise, no more Nurse baiting."

"Good. Now, feed me some grapes, would you?"

~*~

Dorotea and Xani arrived back at HSU in the middle of the night after twenty straight hours of traveling. "There better not be anything wenchy in the Library other than LP."

Xani opened the door to the Library. "Pelham, we're back," he called.

Dorotea switched on the lights. "What is that smell?"

The remains of many roses littered the floor of the Library and an Ewok slept by the desk. The door to the industrial size fridge was wide open. A coffin lid creaked and LP climbed out. "I knew you two wouldn't do anything as unstylish as drown at sea."

LP moved to embrace Dorotea, but she held up her hand, giving him a quick kiss. "Sunburn, don't touch me. Who said we drowned? Why is there a Ewok here? Where is Kai?"

LP moved closer to Xani and said, "The Dean believed you to be deceased after hearing the tragic news of the um, accident, so she hired Wicket to be Librarian. Kai was forced to leave by an edict from the Dean and the Nurse. Apparently the General was asking too many questions about the men on campus," LP stepped over Wicket and picked up a CD from the desk. "Kai did leave this for you, though," LP said, handing Dorotea the CD and then backing away.

"Thank the Force. Now we'll finally be able to get some sleep," Xani whispered in LP's ear, putting his arm around him.

LP arched a brow, but wisely said nothing.

Dorotea looked at the CD. "Brunnen-G Lullabyes?" Dorotea stared at the CD for a long moment, while Xani groaned. It had been a very long week, it took a moment for the insult to add to the injury in her mind. She very calmly walked over to the sleeping Ewok. She picked up the desk phone and pushed a number in --first things first, she decided.

"Logan? It's Dorotea. No, I'm not a bloated floating corpse. No, I don't want to bring you beer. I do have a gift for you though...a Ewok. You wanna chase him? I'll give you five minutes, then I'm dragging him out of the Library. You're welcome. Anytime. Bye."

Dorotea hung up the phone and pulled out a bottle of Aloe Vera lotion Xani had bought for her on the way home. She handed it to LP. "I'm gonna need you to saturate my body with this, but first lets put some music on for the Nurse to let her know I have safely returned. Dorotea walked to the stereo and popped in the Brunnen-G CD. She turned the speakers toward the Clinic wall and pushed them against it. She hit the play button with a big grin and maxed the volume.

"Its good to be home!" She screamed over the Brunnen-G fight song as the confused Ewok ran out of the Library. She took LP and Xani's hands and led them to the crypt.

~*~

The music was so loud it even woke the sleeping Dean. She sat up in bed. "Damn. I should've known it was too good to be true," she muttered before snuggling up with the General who had crawled into her bed while she was sleeping. "Oh, well, at least we still have someone to blame for everything."

~*~

Darry climbed over Cic, looking for something to throw at the wall. Not finding anything, she just grabbed Cic.

THE END