Title: HSU - The Horror!
Author: Emmy
Rating: DIC (Diva in Crisis)
Timeline: Who knows. It's a Halloween fic, just post it with the rest
of them.
Notes: This turned into a LONG ASS fic. Sorry! And, remember, the
General can be in 20 different places at once, so don't let the timeline
of this fic deter any of your writing ideas. We expect him to be with
everyone who wants him simultaneously on Halloween.
23 October, 7:09 a.m.
"Just back from the lake again?"
Emmy jumped and turned to see the General standing in the driveway as she towed Lasher out of the garage. "Uh....yeah," she replied.
"I don't think I've evah seen you awake this early quite so consistently," the General said with a playful smile.
"Oh well," Emmy said, "he's an early riser."
"Of course," the General said as he stepped forward, looking Emmy straight in the eye. "But it's getting colder these days. You should probably dress a little warmer in the mornings," he said before bending down to pet Lasher.
Emmy looked down at the clothes she had worn out on the town the night before with Jerome. Then she gulped. She looked down at the General. He looked up at her and smiled.
He knew!
"Would you care to join me for breakfast?" he asked, standing up again.
Oh God, he really knew!
"Uhhhh....."
The General smiled again. "You don't have to if you don't want to."
"No, no," Emmy said. "That's not it. It's just....I.....need a shower."
"Mmmm," the General replied, wrapping his arm around her back, pulling her close and kissing her forehead. "That sounds better than breakfast."
Emmy cringed with guilt and panic. "Just....uh....." she stepped back from the General.
"What is it?"
"I....I need to feed Lasher. Give me twenty minutes?"
"Of course," the General said as Emmy was already running toward the door of the admin building.
~*~
23 October, 7:13 a.m.
"This is a huge freakin' disaster!"
"You'd better damn well believe it's a disaster! Do you have any idea what time it is?"
"Darry, I'm in serious trouble here."
"Do I not leave bandaids in the hallway? Did I not have *all* the phones on campus programmed with nine-one-one on speed dial?"
"This is worse!"
"Worse? Worse how? I am in the middle of a very important--"
"He knows," Emmy said, covering her head and the phone with a pillow as she laid on her bed, Lasher contentedly snoozing beside her.
"I'm going to throw this phone across the room in five seconds, so you'd better talk faster than that."
"He knows about Jerome."
"I didn't tell him."
"I didn't say you did."
"Well somebody did," Darry said. "And it wasn't me."
"How do you know somebody told him? Did somebody tell you they told him?" Emmy asked, sitting up straight.
"No, nobody told me they told him. But somebody had to tell him. How else would he know?"
"He's a Jedi."
"So?"
"So, he knows."
"How do you know he knows?"
"I know that he knows," Emmy said. "And he probably knows that I know that he knows."
Darry sighed into the phone. "Did he tell you that he knows?"
"He didn't have to tell me that he knows. I know that he knows because he has that way of letting you know he knows something without actually having to say that he knows, or that he knows that you know that he knows."
"So then you don't know that he knows," Darry said.
"Of course I know that he knows."
"If he didn't tell you that he knows, then how could you possibly know that he knows?"
"Because," Emmy said with impatience, "he asked if I'd gone to the lake again, he smiled at me and told me I should dress warmer, he asked if I wanted to join him for breakfast, he smiled at me, and then he wanted to shower with me."
"And?"
"And what?"
"Where's the rest of it?" Darry asked.
"The rest of what?"
"The rest of it. The part where you know that he knows."
"That *is* the part where I know that he knows."
"So he smiles at you, tells you bundle up because it's cold, invites you to breakfast, and then wants to have sex in the shower, and from that you gleaned that he knows all about Jerome," Darry said with impending derision in her voice.
"Exactly!"
"Emmy, you need professional help."
"What?"
"And this is not my department," Darry said. "But here's some advice anyway. Change your clothes, go have breakfast, and boink the man."
"But--" Emmy pouted and whined when the line went dead. "Well, that's just perfect," she exclaimed, slapping the mattress with her hand.
Lasher raised his head and looked at her.
"Oh fine," Emmy said, getting up from the bed and hurrying into the shower.
~*~
23 October, 8:47 a.m.
"He's with Julia."
"What?"
Kendra glanced over at her computer screen to double check. "Yep, eight-thirty with Julia."
"But he invited me to breakfast," Emmy said, placing her hands on her hips.
"Yeah, you had a seven-thirty with him."
"So, why isn't he here?"
Kendra leaned forward slightly. "Okay, listen. He came in here at about ten after seven saying that he was having breakfast with you in twenty minutes. So I put you down for seven thirty."
"That's right. I told him to give me twenty minutes so I could feed Lasher and change my clothes."
"Emmy, it's almost nine o'clock."
"No way. All I did was take a shower, fix my hair--"
"And while you were doing that, he waited here an hour for you to show. You didn't. So he went on to his next appointment," Kendra said matter-of-factly. "But don't worry about it. Dor forgets her appointments all the time."
"I didn't *forget*!"
"And I'm sure he'll catch up with you later today. Besides, you've missed enough appointments with him in the past couple weeks so it's not like he was surprised or anything," Kendra said, trying to be helpful.
"Well....what the hell were you doing here at seven o'clock in the morning anyway?" Emmy asked, deflecting her own guilt in true Diva fashion.
"I had the all-nighter appointment," Kendra said with a grin.
"And what do you mean I've missed enough appointments in the past couple of weeks?" Emmy continued. "I never miss an appointment with him."
"Actually, you did," Kendra said, looking back to her screen. "On the twelfth and on the eighteenth."
"But I had to take Lasher to the vet and then sign him up for puppy school!" Emmy said. "It's not like I was...well, you know....elsewhere."
"Hey, don't worry about it," Kendra said, turning the monitor toward Emmy. "Look, you haven't missed near as many as Dor. And Darry has you all beat."
Emmy's eyes widened at the missed appointment tally. "He's keeping score?"
"No," Kendra said, "that's just a--"
"He's keeping score?!"
"It's just a nifty thing this program can do," Kendra said. "I was just trying to help you not feel so bad."
"By showing me my rank on the ungrateful Ho tally?" Emmy walked in two quick circles. "This is a disaster!" she exclaimed, turning and marching out the door.
Kendra rolled her eyes and shook her head.
~*~
25 October, 2:32 p.m.
Emmy yelped in surprise as the shower curtain swooshed open.
"You've been avoiding me," the nekkid General said.
"Uh...." The Diva blinked as the shampoo continued to pour out of the bottle and overflow her hand.
"You know what this means?" he said as he stepped in the tub.
The Diva blinked again.
"I'm going to have to punish you," he purred, swiftly pulling the curtain shut behind him.
~*~
25 October, 5:22 p.m.
"He really, *really* knows."
"Emmy, I told you," Darry said, "professional help." Then she threw the phone across the room as Cic pulled her back under the covers.
Emmy slammed her own phone down and plunked down on the floor. "I'm having a crisis here!"
Lasher hurried over to his mistress, crawling into her lap and shnuffing at her chin and cheek, whimpering sentiments of doggie sympathy and love.
"I dunno, baby, maybe I do need professional help," Emmy said, hugging the pup.
~*~
25 October, 5:37 p.m.
"Darry says I need professional help."
Dande's eyes widened. "Well, come in," she said, "let's talk about it."
Emmy remained on the front step, peeking over Dande's shoulder.
"Is *he* here?"
"Let's sit out at the gazebo, shall we?" Dande said.
"Can't he go sit out at the gazebo?" Emmy said. "I don't want anyone eavesdropping."
"Emmy, I can't just kick him out."
"Why not? I'm having a crisis here!"
Suddenly, Qui-Gon appeared behind Dande. "I'll be at the pub," he said, stepping past Dande as Emmy glared at him.
"Typical male," Emmy grumbled, stepping past Dande herself and marching into the house.
"Okay, Diva girl, tell me what's going on," Dande said as Emmy collapsed on the sofa while Lasher tried to become Dande's new best friend.
"He knows about Jerome."
"What?" Dande said, hurrying over to the chair next to the sofa.
"He knows everything."
"Well, I didn't tell him," Dande said.
Emmy screeched as she covered her face with her hands.
"Alright, calm down. Now, tell me about the confrontation. Let's sort out your feelings."
"What confrontation?"
"Oh," Dande said, slightly confused. "I thought that you were upset because of some confrontation with Obi-Wan."
"Who said there was a confrontation?" Emmy asked, sitting up on the sofa. "Is somebody spreading lies about me again?"
"Emmy, I was making an incorrect assumption. Nobody has said *anything* about *any* confrontation."
"That's because there wasn't any!"
"Why don't you just tell me what happened."
"He's seen me coming back from Jerome's twice. The first time I told him I had been taking Lasher to the park in town by the lake. The second time he saw me returning, he asked if I had been at the lake," Emmy explained.
Dande leaned forward, an anticipatory expression on her face.
"And then he invited me to breakfast."
Dande looked at Emmy for several moments, waiting for the rest of the explanation.
"Oh, come on!" Emmy said. "Don't you see?"
"Um. See what?"
"He knows!"
Dande shook her head. "Wait, maybe I missed the part where you find out that he knows."
"That was the part where I find out that he knows. Geez, is everyone blind around here?"
"Emmy, I don't quite get--"
"And *then*," Emmy said.
"Oh, what?" Dande said, scooting forward on her chair.
"He pounced me in the shower a few hours ago, and it was one of the most incredible sexual experiences of my life!" Emmy said, then sighing and flopping back against the sofa.
Dande scrunched up her face. "And the problem with that is....?"
"Hello!" Emmy said, gesturing with her arms in the air. "Why else would he so enthusiastically give me this mind-blowing sex if he didn't know about Jerome?"
"Because he's good for it and so are you?"
Emmy exhaled sharply in exasperation. "Because he's trying to make a point that he knows about Jerome, and he's trying to prove to me that I'll never get it as good from Jerome as I'll get it from him."
Dande sighed. "And not because he loves and wants you to know how much he loves you by rocking your world? Not because you're all that to him, and he can't keep his hands off you?"
Emmy turned her head toward Dande. "He knows."
"Alright, let's say for minute that he does know," Dande said. "And yet he still pursued you and went all out to rock your world. Now what does that tell you?"
"That he's onto me and is very skilled at instilling huge amounts of guilt," Emmy said.
"Emmy, people can't *make* us feel guilty. We choose that."
"Listen, I don't have anything to be guilty about," Emmy said. "He boinks the whole campus for God's sake."
Dande smiled. "So then there's no problem."
"Of course there's a problem!" Emmy said. "He knows about Jerome! And he knows that I know that he knows!"
"But what difference does it make?" Dande said. "You said yourself that you didn't have anything to be guilty about."
"That's right. I don't."
"Well then, I don't see that there's any problem here. Obi-Wan loves you and is not showing any signs of anger. And you enjoy spending time with Jerome. Everybody is happy," Dande said.
"Do you have any cookies?"
"What?"
"Cookies," Emmy said. "Do you have any cookies? Or cake?"
"Let me check," Dande said. "I don't know if Qui-Gon had any."
"Typical," Emmy grumbled.
~*~
25 October, 8:42 p.m.
"I thought we could go to the club tonight."
"Nah," Emmy said, holding the phone between her ear and shoulder.
"Why not?"
"Because I'm busy, that's why," she replied, shoveling a spoonful of Ben & Jerry's Chubby Hubby into her mouth.
"It's almost nine o'clock," Jerome said.
"Hey, I'm the Dean of a university. I have a very busy schedule," Emmy retorted, reaching for the remote in search of Simpsons reruns.
"Alright, tomorrow night then."
"Yeah, sure, whatever," she responded.
"Don't sound so enthusiastic," he said dryly.
"See you tomorrow," Emmy said. "And I want Thai food."
Jerome chucked, "Of course."
"Bye." Emmy hung up the phone and crammed an extra-big spoonful of ice cream into her mouth.
~*~
26 October, 11:27 a.m.
"I think you're working too hard," the General said, wrapping his arm around Emmy's waist as he snuck up behind her while she frowned at her messy file cabinet.
"You're lucky that I work at all, you know that?"
The General kissed her cheek.
"Do you realize that we have some new students here whose Ho-ichlorian counts are in question?" Emmy asked. "I mean, the things I have to deal with."
"Let me take you to lunch," the General said. "Or I could just take you," he added, nibbling on her neck.
"I'm hungry," Emmy pouted.
The General chuckled and raised his head. "Well then, let's go. How about Thai?"
Emmy's knees buckled, her eyes flying wide open. She turned quickly to face him. "Thai?"
"Yes."
"Why Thai?"
"Because you like Thai," he said. "Or....you used to," he quickly added.
"But why all of sudden this interest in eating Thai for lunch?"
The General attempted to stave off the impending befuddlement that crept across his face. "Love, we went out for Thai last week. And the week before that."
"Well...." Emmy began. He did have a point. Sort of. But, more likely, he had somehow picked up on her conversation with Jerome and was offering Thai food as a signal that he knew she was planning to meet Jerome later that night.
He was just waiting for her to crack.
"I want to go to the Olive Garden," Emmy sniffed, grabbing her purse and walking out into the hallway.
"Very well," the General said, the befuddlement lingering in his voice.
~*~
26 October, 12:02 p.m.
"I'd like the pomodoro," Emmy told the waitress. "And could you bring more breadsticks, please?"
~*~
26 October, 12:39 p.m.
"Any room for dessert?"
The General pushed his half-eaten plate away and smiled at the waitress. "Oh, I don't think--"
"Could I get a tiramisu?" Emmy said.
"Of course," the waitress said.
"And more breadsticks, please." Emmy then looked at the General, whose eyebrow was slightly arched. "What?" she said somewhat defensively.
"Nothing."
~*~
26 October, 6:45 p.m.
"Alright," Jerome said, driving his new Jaguar, "after Thai, I was thinking we could--"
"No Thai."
"What?"
"No Thai."
"I thought you wanted Thai," he said.
"I changed my mind," Emmy said.
"Alright, where do you want to go?"
"Dairy Queen."
"Excu--" Jerome stopped talking as he turned his head and saw the you-really-don't-want-to-argue-with-me look on Emmy's face. "Sure. Dairy Queen," he said derisively.
~*~
29 October, 2:32 p.m.
"Hey, Em, what's up?" Shana said, meeting the Diva on the stairway.
"I'm heading into town to pick up a few things. Thought we should have some pumpkins around here. Wanna come?"
"Sure, let me grab my coat. I'll meet you downstairs."
~*~
29 October, 3:07 p.m.
"Yeah, I'd like a super size fries, chocolate shake, and chocolate chip cookies," Emmy said into the McDonald's drive-thru menu. She turned to Shana. "You want anything?"
Shana, eyebrows raised in curiosity, shook her head.
Emmy shrugged and turned back to the menu. "Make that two super size fries."
~*~
30 October, 9:47 p.m.
Emmy spun her wheels as she rounded the corner into the HSU driveway. She absolutely would not be late for her overnight appointment with the General.
But the vegetarian nachos at Chevy's were so good, and Jerome just kept on ordering more plates as she told him about the Halloween party she wasn't inviting him to. She had lost track of time, never imagining that they would have spent three hours eating dinner.
But that tends to happen at dinner sometimes when you get to talking.
Having given a pouting Jerome and quick kiss goodnight after dropping him off at home, Emmy had raced across town to get back to the highway so she wouldn't be late.
She absolutely would not, could not be late.
As her 4Runner screeched to a halt in the garage, Emmy jumped out and ran toward the admin building.
And then she stopped when she heard Lasher's plaintive barking.
Emmy hurried back to the garage and opened the back of the 4Runner. "Oh, baby, I'm so sorry," she said as Lasher scrambled out and jumped all around her with great joy. "But no time for playing," Emmy said, running back toward the building.
~*~
30 October, 9:59 p.m.
Emmy ripped her dinner clothes off, throwing them into the hamper and then searching around for something that had no restaurant or male scent.
~*~
30 October, 10:02 p.m.
Fully re-dressed, Emmy scurried toward the couch as she heard the knock at her door. Mindlessly grabbing a catalogue, she plunked down on the couch and opened it to a random page. "Come in."
Lasher bounded toward the door as the General entered.
"You're late," Emmy said. Suddenly, the catalogue was pulled away from her hands, her field of vision filled with the General's intense gaze.
"I'd better make it up to you then," he said in a husky whisper against her lips.
~*~
31 October, 12:32 a.m.
"Wow," the General said as Emmy stood at the foot of the bed, holding a leather vest and leather pants to the front of her body. He pushed off the covers and crawled to the end of the bed, kissing her shoulder. "I think I will like this look for you."
"Shall I put it on?"
"There will be no getting dressed in anything for several hours," he replied, kissing her lips. "But tell me."
"Hmm?"
"What am I wearing?"
Emmy gave the General a sultry stare down his body. "Looks like you're wearing nothing," she said, grabbing his shoulders and pushing him back on the bed.
~*~
31 October, 10:32 a.m.
"Listen, your lab screwed up!" Emmy yelled into the phone. "I've got seven students here who should be enrolled at Princess Academy, *not* at HSU. Do you have any idea how *your* chain-of-custody error has affected our entire student body?" Emmy tapped her pen on the desk. "I don't want to hear any of your excuses! What you are going to do is contact Princess Academy, find out exactly which students with high Ho-ichlorian counts were enrolled there by *your* error, and then we will make sure each student is placed in the appropriate school. Got it?! Oh, don't give me that! I don't care how many students PA has! Trust me, it won't be difficult to find the Ho's there. Now do it!" Emmy slammed down the phone and looked up to see a cowardly Cal hunched over in her doorway. "What?!"
"There's....a.....a package for you downstairs," he said.
"Why didn't you bring it up?"
"It's too heavy," he said.
"Oh good Lord," Emmy said, standing up as Cal took off.
~*~
31 October, 10:38
Emmy made her way down the hallway, avoiding the dangling fuzzy spiders and Billy Bones that decorated the walls. She hurried her pace when she saw a long package sitting on the floor. "Yes!" she exclaimed upon seeing the return address of the Sci-Fi Channel Store. Emmy ripped open the package and smiled at the Farscape blaster rifle prop. She lugged it out of the box, widening her stance to support the weight of the gun. "Damn, this is heavy," she said.
She made her way back down the hallway, inspecting the gun for the sound effects button.
~*~
31 October, 10:41 a.m.
KABLAAM!!
~*~
31 October, 10:42 a.m.
Emmy coughed as the smoke cleared. "Holy shit," she said in awe when she finally saw a glimpse of the library through the large gaping hole in the wall.
Then Dorotea's face appeared on the other side of the hole. "You are SO dead!"
"I didn't know it was a REAL gun!" Emmy yelled back. And then she felt a sharp stinging in her hands, dropping the gun as the pain worsened. She winced at the site of her singed fingers. Then she looked through the hole at Dorotea. "Everyone still have their eyebrows?"
~*~
31 October, 12:18 p.m.
"I told you, I have a party to go to tonight," Emmy said, shoving a cookie into her mouth.
"Why can't I come?" Jerome asked. "You said that everyone was going to be there."
"No," Emmy said.
"Why?"
"Listen, I brought you to campus once. Wasn't that enough? You got your legs back for God's sake!"
"He'll never even see me. I'll wear a mask," Jerome said.
"No, you won't," Emmy said.
"You're right, I won't."
"Told ya."
"Well, I'm not going to sit home tonight listening to my doorbell ringing incessently," Jerome said.
"Fine. Go out," Emmy said, reaching for some Tim's Cajun potato chips.
"I will," Jerome said.
"Good."
"Good."
"Fine."
"Fine."
Emmy squeezed the phone and tapped her foot.
"Do you love me?" Jerome asked.
"Of course not," she said.
"Good!" Jerome said. "So what's the problem? I'm no threat to him. There's no reason I can't come to the party. I promise to be a perfect gentleman."
"No. No way," Emmy said, stuffing her mouth with more chips. "You don't come here. I come to you. That's how this works," she said, her words muffled by food.
"What are you eating?"
"What difference does it make?"
"Alright, alright," he said. "But I bought you a present."
Emmy stomped her foot. "You don't play fair!"
"See you tomorrow," he drawled evily as he hung up the phone.
"Men!" Emmy exclaimed, slamming down the phone and emptying out the chip bag.
~*~
31 October, 1:22 p.m.
"Oh, come on," Emmy growled through gritted teeth as she laid flat out on her bed, pulling the zip fly of her leather pants together in a concerted effort to make button meet button hole.
Emmy exhaled harshly and then inhaled, sucking in her stomach as much as she could. "There," she grunted as she forced the button through the hole, the fly still gaping open.
And then she exhaled.
The button popped straight up into the air and pinged on the light fixture in the ceiling.
"Shit!"
Emmy laid there for several moments.
"Okay," she said. "A button can be replaced." So she sucked in her gut again and tugged on the leather, trying to make it stretch as she yanked the zipper up.
"Now, just don't breathe," she said, finally pulling the zipper closed. She carefully scooted to the edge of the bed, and even more carefully pushing herself by her hands to an uncomfortable standing position. Keeping her body perfectly stiff, she waddled over toward the mirror.
When she realized she looked like an overstuffed sausage, a Homer Simpson-esque scream escaped her lungs, causing the zipper to break wide open and her internal organs returning to their proper location.
~*~
31 October, 1:53 p.m.
"C'mon, you're a nurse! This is a medical emergency."
"Emmy," Darry said with barely controlled irritation, "stuffing your face for a week straight and putting on a few pounds as a result does not qualify as a medical emergency."
"The hell it doesn't!" Emmy said. "I just broke my leather pants!"
Darry snickered. "Why were you trying to wear leather pants?"
"For my costume!"
"I thought you were dressing as Aeryn," Darry said.
"I am!"
"Emmy, she doesn't wear leather pants now."
"Huh?"
Darry rolled her eyes as Cic unbuttoned her dress again. "No, not you," she said to him.
"Not me what?" Emmy said.
"Not you," Darry said.
"Huh?"
"Listen," Darry said.
"Me?" Emmy said.
"Of course you!"
"Well, you said not me!"
"Not for this," Darry said. "Geez, pay attention."
"I am!"
"Just listen to me!"
"I'm trying!"
"Emmy, Aeryn wears those cargo pants type things now, okay?"
"Oh my God, you're right!"
"Of course I'm right."
"Where am I gonna find cargo pants?"
"Target," Darry said.
"Target?" Emmy said. "I have to go to Target??"
"Hey, while you're there, could you pick me up some--"
"No," Emmy said, slamming the phone down and running around her room to find her keys.
~*~
31 October, 2:13 p.m.
"You cannot tell me that you only have a size four."
The Target employee gave Emmy a blank stare.
"Don't you have anymore in the back?"
The Target employee gave Emmy a blank stare.
"How about another store? Can you call around?"
The Target employee gave Emmy a blank stare.
"Do you speak?!"
"We have T-shirts that say Princess for half off," the Target employee finally said.
~*~
31 October, 2:59 p.m.
"Well, what a surprise," Jerome said as he opened the door.
"Don't tease me, I'm having a crisis," Emmy said, pushing him inside the house and slamming the door behind her as she pinned him to the wall.
~*~
31 October, 3:25 p.m.
"So what'd you buy me?"
"Ggnngghhhnn-now??"
~*~
31 October, 4:12 p.m.
Emmy marched into Costume Emporium, her new diamond earrings sparkling even in black light, and made a beeline for the rental desk. "I need a costume. Now."
"Well, we don't have much left," the clerk said.
"Something. Anything," Emmy said.
"Well.....let's see..... I have a French maid."
"Hell no."
"Wonder Woman."
"Nooooo."
"Pippi Longstocking."
Emmy thought for a minute. Pippi was definitely a Ho. But red hair really wouldn't match her complexion. Then there were those mismatched stockings. "Um, no."
The clerk sighed. "This *is* Halloween."
"Duh," Emmy said. "I need a costume. You got a problem with that?"
The clerk's eyes brightened. "I just might have something for you," he said.
"Well, it's about time," Emmy said, waiting as the clerk stepped into the back.
He reappeared a few minutes later. "We had a cancellation on this."
Emmy's eyes widened. "Wow, that's amazing."
"Yes, it's in excellent condition."
Emmy grabbed her phone out of her purse and dialed Dande's number.
"Hello?"
"Dande."
"Hey, Diva girl!"
"Scarlett O'Hara. Ho, right?"
"Scarlett sort of walked that line," Dande said. "But in her heart of hearts, she was a Ho. I'd say a Ho with Wench tendencies due to historical circumstances and the need at that point in time for all women to make doe eyes."
Emmy sighed. "Scarlett O'Hara in scarlet velvet dress at Ashley's party."
"Ho! Definitely a Ho!" Dande said. "After everyone found out she had the hots for Ashley when--"
"But would a Ho ever have the hots for Ashley?" Emmy said.
The clerk made a very impatient noise.
"Well, probably not. But Scarlet showed up at that demure little party dressed in bold, form-fitting scarlet velvet and sparkles after everyone knew she was trying to score with Ashley while she already had Rhett AND dissin' Melly at the same time. That was pure Ho. Em, she made The Face in that scene."
"Gotcha. Thanks, Dande." Emmy clicked off her phone and looked at the clerk. "I'll take it."
~*~
31 October, 6:22 p.m.
Emmy looked over her shoulder into the mirror, glaring at the buttons on the back of the dress that refused to button. "There's no way in hell I'm gonna wear a corset."
"But, Emmy."
"No, Dande, absolutely not."
"But that's how they got into these dresses. Wenches *and* Ho's. It was a historical thing."
"This dress is a Hollywood thing," Emmy said.
"Yes, but I'm sure Vivien Leigh had to wear--"
"I know," Emmy said. "I think I have some Ace bandages around here."
Dande blinked her long eyelashes and adjusted her golden lasso. "What's the difference between that and--"
"Just don't argue with me!" Emmy yelled from her closet.
"Big mean Ho," Dande said.
~*~
31 October, 7:15 p.m.
"Ouch!"
"Ouch what?"
"You jabbed me with the little hooky clippy thing."
Dande shook back her big hair. "Hey, your dress is buttoned. What more do you want from me?"
And then the phone rang.
"I'll get it," Emmy said. "Thanks for you help."
"See you at the party," Dande said, strutting out of the room.
Emmy picked up the phone. "Hello?"
"So what am I wearing?"
"Oh, shit. I totally forgot."
"I noticed," the General said with a smile in his voice. "So shall I come over and get it."
"No."
"No?"
"It won't go with my costume," Emmy said.
"But I thought--"
"I got a different costume."
"You did?"
"Yes, I did."
"So you're not wearing leather?"
"No, I'm not wearing leather," Emmy said through gritted teeth.
"Why not?"
"They sent me the wrong size, okay?"
"Oh," the General said, sounding a bit disappointed. "So what do you want me to wear?"
"Wear whatever," Emmy said.
"But--"
"Surprise me. Whatever. I gotta finish getting ready." Emmy hung up the phone and hurried into the bathroom to fix her hair.
~*~
31 October, 8:15 p.m.
Emmy entered the party room as the Monster Mash began on cue as she stepped through the door.
"You're looking rather Wenchie, Diva."
Emmy turned around to glare at Darry. "Scarlet was a Ho!"
"Yeah, just giving you shit since you had the nerve to hang up on me," Darry said, dragging her pirate across the floor with her.
"Hey, she said hang!" Emmy said.
"My Diva."
Emmy turned around again to see Max standing behind her.
"Max," she said, hugging him the best she could with her inability to raise her arms in that dress. "So good to see you."
And then Emmy hurried over to sample the artichoke dip.
~*~
31 October, 8:57 p.m.
"While the leather certainly piqued my imagination....."
Emmy turned from the M&M bowl to find the General dressed in his padawan clothes.
"....you are stunning in scahlet," he said.
"Thank you."
"Now I know what you were doing this afternoon," he said with a smile.
Emmy emptied the handful of M&M's into her mouth.
~*~
31 October, 9:36 p.m.
"Oh my God," Emmy drawled as the General stalked across the floor in his Neo costume, and then she grabbed a freshman Ho by the arm who began to sway in his wake.
~*~
31 October, 10:37 p.m.
"You know, I heard this place was haunted."
Emmy gave Cal a sideways derisive glance.
"So if you're ever in need of a little protection," Cal said, grabbing his crotch and adjusting the lumpy socks.
Emmy placed her hand square over Cal's face and pushed him to the ground.
~*~
31 October, 11:02 p.m.
"Haken danz! Freuline lieben das Haken danz!"
"I said HAAGEN DAZS!" Emmy yelled at the beefalow as he dragged her to the dance floor while 'Vogue' blared over the speakers. "As in ICE CREAM! I wanted ICE CREAM!"
"Ya, ya! Haken scream!"
Emmy hung her head as Haken whooped it up Germanic style.
~*~
31 October, 11:45 p.m.
Emmy glanced over the snack remnants. Jerome was probably out having fun. "The General is probably having fun, too," she mumbled.
"I certainly am."
Emmy looked up to see the General wearing a black shirt and the black leather pants that were part of the costume she had forgotten to give him.
"I hope you don't mind my going into your room, but I was curious what I was supposed to wear."
Emmy shrugged. "Nah, that's alright. I'm surprised Lasher let you leave."
The General smiled. "He responds well to the Force."
Emmy put her hands on her hips. "Did you sleep whammy him again?"
"Just a little," he said with a smirk. Then his eyes, drifted to the diamonds on her ears. "They're beautiful," he said, tracing his finger along the curve of her earlobe.
Emmy quickly reached down and grabbed a handful of candy corn. And she didn't even like candy corn.
"Stop this," he said, gently taking her hand and removing the candy.
"What?"
"Don't do this anymore."
Emmy put her hands on her hips. "Do what?"
The General took Emmy's hand and led her out of the party and down the hall to a quieter spot. Then he turned to face her, a rather serious look on his face.
"What did I do?" she said. "I didn't do anything!"
The General reached forward, holding her head in his hands and pulling her close. "Do you doubt my heart?"
Emmy suddenly forget to breathe, the depth of his gaze causing her to shiver.
"Do you truly *evah* doubt my heart?" he said softly.
"No," she whispered.
"Neither do I doubt yours," he said.
Emmy gasped. And then she grabbed him by his shirt and pushed him into the broom closet.
~*~
1 November, 12:37 a.m.
Lasher jumped from his slumber as the door to Emmy's room flew open. He began barking as two bodies crashed against a wall in the dark.
"It's okay, baby," Emmy panted as she slammed the door.
A split second later, Lasher plunked down and snoozed.
"Watch the buttons," Emmy said, "I have to return this."
"What's this?" the General muttered under his breath as his hand slid against a very taut bandage.
"Uh...." Emmy replied as she grabbed the waist of his pants and yanked him toward the bed. "Bruised a rib playing rugby."
"Does it hurt?" the General asked.
"No."
"Can I take it off."
"Please do."
~*~
1 November, 12:52 a.m.
"How many bandages are there?"
"Here, maybe if you hold the end, and I just twirl."
"Alright," the General chuckled.
"Ack. Shit."
"Are you hurt?"
"No, only the lamp. I am a little dizzy, though."
"I'm sure I can help with that."
"Howwmmmhhhhh...."
And then a ghostly moan filled the air, the room suddenly turning cold.
"What was that?" Emmy said.
"Did you leave a window open?"
"No."
"Get out.....GET OOOOOUUUUT!!" The closet door rattled as the frightful screech grew louder and louder.
Emmy pushed the General onto the bed and turned to face the closet door. "SHUT! UP!"
The screeching paused.
"Dorotea put you up to this, didn't she?"
The moaning began again.
Emmy grabbed her cordless phone and waved it threateningly in the air. "Don't make me call a priest!"
And with a hurried whoosh of air, the room suddenly warmed again.
"Now then," Emmy said, tossing the phone aside and turning toward the General. "Where were we?"
Then she yelped and laughed as the General pulled her to the bed.
The End