Darry and Emmy sat in the Clinic. Darry, feet on her desk, was scanning the latest edition of the Tattler, while Emmy was busy filing her nails.
"So, are you cured?" The Diva asked as she eyed the Nurse.
"Think so. Dorotea and I have worked out a timeshare with Xanatos and I've come to realise that make-up sex with the General beats any number of regular appointments. So, I'm content to wait for him to come to his senses and make up to all of us for being such an shit head the last few weeks. I think I could get used to this Greyside thing. Oh look, two-for-one well drinks at Wangers tonight."
"What about this 'horse guy'?" Emmy asked, attacking a cuticle.
"Not sure, what happened there. Something must have snapped while I was processing your application for an external affair. Just keep Max outta my sight and I should be ok."
Diebin burst into the clinic. "He's gone!"
"Huh?" Darry looked up over her paper.
"The General. I just got up to get some more Nutella and when I got back to his office he was gone. All I found was this!" She held out a piece of memo paper that Emmy grabbed from Diebin's hand.
I sense my padawan nearby, and he is close to turning. Something has upset him. I must find him before something happens. Ciao.
"What the hell IS this?" Emmy wailed. "Has everyone gone completely round the bend?"
* * *
Anakin, the nine-year-old, seethed at Wanker College. Dumped like a load of laundry for an older model of himself without so much as a by-your-leave. Well, he'd show that good-for-nothing Sith, and his little dog, too.
And I'll just take out HSU while I'm at it! he thought, exhaling heavily.
* * *
The shelling started at dawn. Mostly just gym shorts and dusty erasers, but it was a nuisance anyway.
"Hey look, grrls!" Ellie pointed to the gates from her window in the dorm.
"What?" Kendra asked sleepily.
JenJen came bursting into the room. "Men, right outside!"
"Huh?" asked Ellie.
"It's 6:30 AM, what are you talking about?" Kendra squinted up at the other Ho's.
"There's men throwing stuff at us from the gate."
Kymira came rushing in. "They're throwing jock straps at us. Quick grrls, get out all you unmentionables. Two can play at this game."
A volley of Pink Banana purchases were hurled back at the retinue of troops outside the gates.
* * *
The PA system crackled to life. "Now here this. We're under attack. General, you are needed at the front gates immediately." Caeryn tried not to sound as desperate as she felt. She'd like the General to get rid of this horde and get back to his appointment schedule SOON.
* * *
General Kenobi was, at this moment, just returning from AYUB_ where he'd been looking for Anakin. The Triumph roared down the road, while the General was getting an uneasy feeling that Anakin was somewhere nearby.
* * *
"What was that?" Darry lifted her head from the Clinic exam table and sleepily looked at the clock on the wall. "Six-forty-five in the morning? What is Caeryn thinking?"
"Ignore it. Hey, that scar looks great. Now we match, sort of. Mine's on the other side, though."
"WHAT?!" Darry leapt off the table and surveyed her appearance in the mirror. Her body sported a variety of cuts and bruises, but the most outstanding wound was a bite-shaped mark under her left eye. "I'm gonna kill you! I like scars on my MEN, not on ME. No one scars up this face. You're gonna get a strongly worded letter from Lancôme for this!"
"Sure, fine, whatever. Come back to be-" Xanatos stopped speaking and looked toward the near wall.
"What is it?"
"I sense a presence...a strong, Greyside presence. Someone really wants to get in here and trash the place."
Darry mentally ran through the list of known Sith. Then she reached for her Chanel robe and ran out the door.
* * *
"I think perhaps I can help."
"Max, she wasn't talking about you," Emmy lay across his chest on her tummy, twirling her spare tiara around her foot.
"But I am a General," he insisted.
"I know that and you know that, but I think it's probably not a good idea to make that publicly known. At least not with most of this public." She ran her hand through his short hair, preparing to pounce.
Darry came skidding to a halt at Emmy's door and burst through. "We have a problem."
"Please come in. No, don't bother to knock. Make yourself at home." Emmy growled. "Would you like a cup of tea?"
"Something is happening. Xanatos felt a stirring in the Greyside, the General isn't on campus, and there's a bunch of frat boys throwing lingerie over the gate."
Max bolted upright. "I knew my help would be called upon. Leave this to me." He rose from the bed and hurriedly dressed. Emmy watched him while Darry's eyes started to cloud over.
He finished dressing and started to walk toward the door. Darry raised a hand to his chest and he halted. "Wait..." Enya began singing from out of nowhere. "Do you know a man- a man with brown hair, brown eyes and a sweet, sweet smile?"
"Max," Emmy ordered. "Just go!" He pushed past Darry, who was staring off into space, a perfect tear beginning to form at the corner of her eye. "What the hell happened to your face?"
Emmy's question jolted Darry back from Wenchdom, and her face took on the half-snide look it normally sported. "I...bit myself."
Emmy locked away her spare tiara and looked back. "Huh? How'd you do that?"
"I, uh,...stood on a chair."
* * *
"Oh look!" Dande clapped her hands and bounced up and down. "There's one with big muscles!" She pointed to the rugby field from her vantagepoint in the tower.
"Great," Dorotea said, not looking up. "Do you mind? I told Darry I'd sign this contract and get it back to her by noon, but I'm still trying to get my head round all this legalese."
Dande clapped her hands and bounced some more, her hair staying perfectly still. "His swordsmanship is most reminiscent of my beloved Master's. Perhaps they trained together. I must find out..." She gathered up her skirts and fluttered through the room to the door.
"Yeah, Dande. I would like a cool drink, thank you," Dorotea said to nobody. "So the party of the first part may not knowingly slight or unintentionally forget to return said property of the part to the party of the second part without said property reverting to the rightful owner of the Corporation, which is the said property of the first part..."
* * *
"Al, shut up!" Cal yelled, trying to fend off another invader with his Big K Jedi LightsaberTM, his braid streaming behind him, Servo on his back in a knapsack.
"That's right...feel the Force flowing through you..."
Normal Al, whose face was painted like William Wallace, was marching back and forth by the fighting at the gate playing Battle Hymn of the Republic on the accordion.
Beside Cal was Mr. Vocab, fending off the army of gungans, ewoks, little boys, and one soon-to-be-Sith.
Max and his troops had just finished their calisthenics and were trotting toward the fray. Behind them were Emmy, Darry, Jael, SpaceDog, and Brenda, who was trying to put the spare-spare tiara on Emmy's head as they ran.
"I don't get it," Caeryn said to Tasha, as they watched the fracas from the admin building. "Why is Mr. Vocab fighting against this guy?"
"Well, if the brat wins, Mr. Vocab's out of a job. And I don't mean the grounds-keeping job." Tasha explained.
"Good point. Ah, there goes Ban and the music department."
Banaoire and the entire cast of Pirates of Penzance in full costume joined the fray, waving cardboard swords and yelling at the top of their lungs.
"C'mon, Tasha," Caeryn ordered. We gotta do something."
* * *
The General aimlessly drove in lazy circles toward Wanker College. Something just didn't feel right. Oh well...
* * *
"And, HEAVE!" With a colossal effort, the women in the dorm poured a vat of chilled margaritas over the brawl below them.
"Isn't it supposed to be boiling oil?" Lynn asked. "Oooh, what's that?" She pointed to the advancing Romans.
Judy shook her head. "Freshmen..."
* * *
"Oh that's just what this party needs," observed Julia, rapidly snapping pictures from the sidelines. "Booze."
"And some of those boys look a little too young to be drinking...." Sere cautioned.
* * *
"I don't know how much longer I can hold them off," Cal puffed, dueling madly with an ewok holding a short stick.
"I fart in your general direction!" Servo called from Cal's back. "Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!"
"Bark, Bark!"
"That means the Cavalry is here!" Jael called.
Normal Al switched to the William Tell Overture.
* * *
"Interesting..." Xanatos sat at the General's desk, rifling through the paperwork he found there.
"I'm sure it is, but you are busted, my man," Crow said bursting in.
"Yeah, yeah..."
"You're a Jedi, sort of. Why aren't you out there fighting with the others? Afraid?" Crow's voice became shrill.
"Yes, afraid I might rip my leather trousers."
"You're such a momma's boy..."
"Yeah, but it gets the girls..."
Tasha bolted in at that moment, dragging a befuddled-looking Darry behind her. She dumped the Nurse on the desk. "She and Max can't be anywhere near each other or she goes all Wenchie. She was almost captured when she fell to her knees on the battlefield, pining away for some dope on a horse. She'll have to stay here. But you two- get moving!"
Tasha frog-marched Xanatos and Crow out of the office and into battle.
* * *
"Anakin?" The General walked through the empty grounds at WC. This was ridiculous. The Force was alerting him to something, but he couldn't put his finger on it. Maybe it was that two-for-one well drinks special at Wangers...
* * *
"What the hell are you talking about? You're not my father, you adolescent slimoid! " Emmy shouted as she tried to garrote the brat with her spare-spare tiara.
Xanatos kicked a gungan in the shin and ignited his lightsaber.
"Grrr..."
"Yes, it is, but I went for the single-blade option."
"Dande!" Ban yelled. "Get outta here! You'll hurt yourself."
Dande was trying to sneak into the battle and talk to a particularly large, sweaty Germanic-looking gladiator. Course, she kept tripping over Lynn who was trying to reach his sweaty dark-skinned friend.
* * *
"And HEAVE!"
A barrel of piña coladas rained down on the thirsty combatants.
* * *
Dorotea made her way to the admin building with the signed contract. She was going to leave it in the Clinic when she spotted Darry looking at the gate from the window with binoculars.
"Here's your contract. What's going on?"
"Oh, we're being invaded by WC. Everyone's out fighting...well, almost everyone."
"Whaddya mean?" asked Dorotea, taking the binoculars.
"The General's disappeared and I haven't seen Diebin or Shana in ages."
End my part.