"Geez, he really sucks."

"Well, he's only been training for two days."

Caeryn and Shana looked out the window of Shana's office, watching the General shake his head with frustration as Anakin dropped his lightsabre yet again.

"Does the General not think it odd that Anakin has never actually been his apprentice in this conveniently created alternate universe?" Caeryn asked. "And that he only showed up two days ago?"

"Well, maybe the General has his own AU that we don't know about," Shana said.

"Uh-oh," Caeryn said as they saw Anakin point to the "football player" statue, apparently asking the General what it was. Then they snickered as the General shrugged.

"He's rather drawn to it, isn't he," Shana said as they watched Anakin stand before the towering statue, the Vader shadow casting across him.

"Oh, please," Caeryn said, "lose the Lucas cliche."

The General and Anakin looked to the sky with wonder as the sun suddenly scooted over to extinguish the shadow.

"Much better," Caeryn said.

~*~

"God, what happened to you?" Emmy asked as she passed Darry and her swollen lip in the hall on the way to her appointment with the General. "Bar brawl?"

"Closet brawl," Darry smirked.

Emmy, being a Ho, was not lost on the inference. Emmy huffed. "You let him come here?"

"Several times, in fact," Darry said with a leer.

Emmy huffed again and marched off to the General's office. She pushed the door open with much drama. On cue, Normal Al began playing a polka rendition of Dexy's Midnight Runners.

"Ooooh...c'mon, Emmy...oh I swear...emmyemmyemmy...at this moment--"

Emmy took a swing at Normal Al, but his quick accordion player reflexes allowed him to duck out of the way while Emmy punched at the air, causing her to stumble and her tiara to slip off her head and onto the floor.

"Al!" Diebin said, suddenly bouncing out of her chair. "Why don't you go check on...uh...go play something nice for Burton," she said, knowing full well what happened to anyone besides the General who caused Emmy to be de-tiara'd.

Emmy growled at Normal Al as he sauntered out of the room. She replaced her tiara and turned to Diebin. "I'm here for my appointment."

"Em, you know he canceled all appointments."

"I'm afraid he doesn't have that prerogative anymore," Emmy said. "The board is in charge now. So that means he works for me."

"Listen, I know how you get when you miss your appointments, but--" Diebin stopped, meeting the Alpha Ho's glare with bad-ass-chick-in-leather-catsuit look of her own. "But he's not even here for you to storm in on."

"But he dressed like a gladiator," Emmy whined, stomping her foot.

"Yes, but that was before you kicked the shit out of Anakin," Diebin said.

"But that wasn't--"

"You know that. And I know that. But suddenly the General has gone all Jedi on us," Diebin said, rolling her eyes.

"Where is he?" Emmy growled, turning on her heel and marching out the door.

"Em, wait up!" Diebin said, not wanting to miss any dish.

The two Ho's immediately stumbled upon Dande as she sashayed down the hall, the neckline of her peasant-style blouse showing off ample Wench cleavage, her duct tape not even showing. "Hey, girls," she said, swinging her head slightly to show off the sparkling shoulder-duster earrings she wore.

"Where did you get those?" Emmy demanded.

"The General gave them to me," Dande said.

Emmy's brown eyes turned a bright shade of red. "The General gave you MY diamonds??"

"Yes, wasn't that sweet?" Dande shook her head to show them off. "Now, he still can't touch this. He's not a blip and never will be. But he'd make the MacDaddy very proud."

"He's DEAD!" Emmy yelled, steaming down the hall.

~*~

"Wait! Wait!" Diebin yelled, scurrying after Emmy on her tiptoes so as not to catch her stiletto heels in the lawn. She watched Emmy plow through a group of unsuspecting freshman, which slowed down the Diva enough for Diebin to catch her. "Listen, the General thinks those are cubic zirconias. I'm sure he just gave them to Dande because she was pulling that whole 'Ooh, ooh, I'm in labor' bit."

"That's not the point!" Emmy seethed. "The point is that he's passing out my diamonds like they're...well...like cubic zirconias!"

"Em, they're not *your* diamonds, they're *our* diamonds."

"Yes, *our* diamonds, Princess," a sly voice came from the other side of the hedge maze.

"Xanatos!" Emmy bellowed.

"Xanatos!" Diebin yelled gleefully, trying to find a way to climb over or through the hedge.

"Some friend you are," Emmy huffed as she marched back toward the building, having suddenly decided on a new plan.

~*~

"Dear Miss Catrall...no, no...Dear Kim...wait, that's not right either...Dear Goddess of--" Tom Servo's fan letter composition was interrupted by the office door swinging open with a loud bang, followed by the usual rush and flourish of his boss.

"I have a job for you," Emmy said.

"Busy," he said, staring at his computer screen.

"I need a security guy. Scratch that, I need a security *chief*," Emmy said.

"Uh...why? I thought that's what the General was for," Tom said.

"That's the problem," Emmy said, sitting down in Tom's token guest chair. "I need somebody big and intimidating to guard my diamond mine. Somebody who could even take on a Jedi - or a reject Jedi - and keep my diamonds nice and safe until I find a gemologist."

Tom leaned back in his chair, seeing this as an opportunity to score major suck-up points. "I know a guy," he said, his voice suddenly turning very B-movie-esque...which only figured. "Runs a security agency, only hires the best. Contract free agents, you might say."

"How does a twerpie little 'Bot like you 'know a guy,'" Emmy said, imitating Tom's cheap Chicago mobster accent.

"A friend of my bookie," Tom said. "Probably knows a gemologist, too."

"Alright, then," Emmy said. "Call him up." She stood up and walked out of the office.

"Hey!" Tom yelled. "Are you actually going to work today?"

The door suddenly opened again, Emmy's head popping in and glaring at the glorified gumball machine.

"Yes, ma'am," Tom peeped, turning in his chair and dialing the phone.

~*~

"Hey, that Mustang just pulled up again," Brenda said as she peered out the window.

"Alright, that's it," Shana said, walking toward the front door. "I gotta know for sure if--"

"Hey, babies, I´m off," Dande chirped as she suddenly appeared in full modern wench regalia, big hair, and her new earrings. "Don't wait up," she winked as she bounded past Shana and out the door, nearly diving into the Mustang as it instantly peeled off.

"Should we tell her that Ginsu is back?" Emmy mumbled.

"Nah," Diebin says, "we're still safe from Celine."

"Hey, Em," Jael said, skipping into the lounge. "There's an...interesting guy who just came up to the back door. Says he's here about the security chief job."

"Wow, that was fast," Emmy said, standing up to follow Jael. "And he's sly, too, coming to the back door like that."

"What security chief?" Caeryn asked.

"No," Jael said, "he saw all the No Horse Parking zones out front."

"What security chief?" Caeryn asked a little louder.

"I'm hiring a security chief to guard my diamond mine," Emmy said.

Caeryn closely followed Emmy as she walked toward the back door. "Emmy, I am the Dean here. You should have talked to me about this. Besides, we have the General to--"

"Oh yes," Emmy said sarcastically. "The General who has been giving away my diamond jewelry to the Wench each time she has a little cramp. Not to mention that little creeping hoodlum, Xanatos. I decided that we needed someone to secure the mine until we can get an expert--" Emmy stopped suddenly as she saw the candidate. "Oh, my."

Caeryn promptly ran into Emmy, causing Emmy to run into the tall, broad-shouldered man in front of them. "Oh. Goodness," Caeryn said. The two Ho's took a step back, examining the man's ornate breastplate and shoulder guards, their eyes wandering down to the leather skirt, the metal sword and sheath softly clanging against his knee guards atop leather boots.

Caeryn gulped. "Em...uh...how are we going to pay for this?"

"I am General Maximus," he finally said. "I hear you are in need of security."

A sly grin spread across Emmy's face. "Don't worry, Caeryn. I'll find a way."

"T-two Generals?" Jael asked, her eyes wide.

Space Dog barked.