Title: Shotgun Shine
Author: Shannon, doctoral candidate (sorry guys, but no freakin' way am I gonna be a freshman)
Disclaimer: The Dark Side made me do it.
Rating: DPD (deep poo-doo)
Timeline: After "Holding Out for a Hero"
Summary: One more toy to play with, and a small timeline correction.
Author's notes: If Kenobi's already the General, then wouldn't..?
Archive: HSU
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*You woke up this morning
*Got yourself a gun,
*Your momma always said you'd be
*The Chosen One.
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Shannon spread the map flat across the hood of her Dodge Viper convertible (black with gray leather interior). She was late and lost. No doubt someone would be giving away her lab space if she didn't show up soon. "Damn it all to hell!" she muttered, tucking her blonde hair back under the Greek Fishermen's hat and performing the Picard Maneuver.
An old military motorcycle, complete with sidecar, roared to a stop next to her. "Are you lost?" a low voice inquired from behind the black helmet.
"Who're you?" the suspicious Ho demanded.
There was the sound of harsh breathing, then helmet was swiftly removed. Light blonde/brown hair framed an oddly familiar, 19-year-old face. "I'm Anakin Skywalker. I'm here to rescue you."
From the motorcycle's sidecar, an R2 unit warbled.
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*She said: You're one in a million
*You've got to burn to shine,
*But you were born under a bad sign,
*With a blue moon in your eyes.
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"You're who?"
The grin was charming, in a too-clean-cut-to-be-real sort of way. "Anakin. And this is my astronav droid, R2D2."
R2 chirped a greeting.
"Astronav droid, you say," Shannon mused. "Can it read maps?"
"Sure. Where are you heading?"
"Ho State University... heard of it?"
"That's where I'm going," the young man offered. "You could follow us."
Shannon shook her head, slightly confused. "You're going to HSU? Why?" He didn't look like Ho material to her.
"My Master is the President there. He's been really busy, getting it set up and all, but we really need to get back to my training."
"Ooooo-kay." Shannon folded up the accordian-creased map. "Lead the way."
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*You woke up this morning
*All the love has gone,
*Your Papa never told you
*About right and wrong.
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"Nice place," Shannon said, gazing appreciatively at the stone buildings and gardens. Around the campus she spotted students of various styles, from jeans-and-tees to leather- and-lace. Carefully locking up her Viper, she shouldered her Magic Backpack (tm) and grabbed the handle of her laptop case.
"Yeah. I haven't been here since I was nine," Anakin replied.
Pulling open the heavy wooden door, Shannon announced her arrival. "I'm HOME!"
Several heads popped out of the lounge, and eyes goggled at the unexpected arrival.
Emmy glided down the staircase in grand Diva style, ready to greet the new student as a part of her job with public relations. Adjusting her tiara, she smiled (with attitude) and said, "Hello, welcome to HS--WHO THE HELL IS THAT!?!?!"
Space dog bounded out of nowhere and began barking.
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*But you're looking good, baby,
*I believe you're feeling fine, (shame about it)
*Born under a bad sign
*With a blue moon in your eyes.
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"Who's he look like?" Shannon replied, Ho 'tude out and running.
That was a difficult question to answer. Ho's, Ho's-in-training, and even the resident Wench showed up, gathering in a group around the young man to debate the correct answer.
"He kinda looks like..."
"No way. The boat sank. Get over it."
"I'm telling you, he was up for a Daytime Emmy..."
"What's with the on-again, off-again, Aussie accent..?"
"I don't recognize him at all..."
Finally, the fellow in question had had enough. "Where's my Master?"
"Mastah!" Dande cried. "There was only one, true Mastah." Her hands flew to her perpetual pregnancy, a golden light shining down from an undisclosed location, as a well rehearsed chorus sang softly in the background. "So wonderful, such a great man, he was. No other can take his place. I will love him eternally..."
Darry, on her way to find a certain corporate exectutive with a penchant for black silk and branding, paused after glancing at the group gathered in the entryway.
"Oh, no..."
"Hey, Angel!" Anakin grinned at her.
"No way," Darry insisted, turning to Shannon. "I just saw this little twerp on Coruscant. He was this big." She indicated height from the ground with a wave of her perfectly manicured hand.
"Let me refer you to the concept of Soap Opera Time..." Shannon answered.
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*You woke up this morning
*The world turned upside down,
*Things ain't been the same
*Since the Blues walked into town.
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"It works like this. A young child is mysteriously sent away, usually to a very expensive, very exclusive boarding school. Then, a very short time later, the same child returns, at least a decade older... now old enough to get into sexual escapades and subplots. All other characters, most notably the child's parents and their peers, do not age at all."
"He wasn't in a boarding school," Darry pointed out.
"True," Shannon admitted. "But he had to break lightspeed to get here. Going FTL does weird things to time."
"What seems to be the trouble, ladies?" The Voice asked, drawing all attention away from the mysteriously-older-than-he-just-was... "Anakin?" the General gaped.
"Master!"
"Eeeep!"
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*But you're one in a million
*You've got that shotgun shine.
*Born under a bad sign,
*With a blue moon in your eyes.
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"He canceled his appointments!"
Emmy turned to Shannon, fingering the sharp end of her tiara. Darry glared, digging through her Gucci purse for her blaster. They might have been at each other's throats, but a new, far more evil threat had arrived.
"Well, it stands to reason," Shannon insisted. "If Kenobi's a general, then Anakin *has* to be his Padawan learner. Right? And not a little kid, either."
"I've never actually killed another Ho," Emmy growled. "But there's a first time for everything."
"She's not a Ho yet," Darry replied. "Her registration and orientation hasn't been completed."
"No, wait!" Caeryn cried, rushing forward. "Don't kill her! We need her."
"Give us one good reason," the Diva and the Nurse snarled in stereo.
Caeryn held up Shannon's proposed thesis, from her applicant's file.
TITLE: The Alchemical Transformation of Cubic Zirconia into Nutella.
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Next..?