Crow jumped as the door to Shana's office came crashing open. He looked up to find Emmy sauntering in with alarmingly un-Diva-esque disheveled clothing and a huge grin on her face.

"I need to get a hold of Shana," she said.

"I am not permitted to...HEY!" he yelled as Emmy marched over to Shana's desk and began rifling through her contact list.

"Oh, like you don't do it," Emmy snorted. She quickly became discouraged when she didn't find any obscure Alderaan phone numbers. "Alright, where is she?"

"I take payment in cash and cashier's checks," Crow answered, loving the smell of opportunity.

"Bite me, Bot," Emmy said, standing up and walking to the door. "I'll go ask Caeryn."

~*~

"Why are all those tents pitched out on the rugby field?" the General asked, peering out of his office window.

"Ummm...." was Julia's response.

He turned from the window, smiling at her as she obviously searched for the appropriate response. He prowled toward Julia as she leaned against his desk to take the weight off her suddenly shaking knees. "You can tell me," he drawled, winding his arm around her back.

"Jael," Julia suddenly offered. "Ask Jael. Her rugby field. Yes," Julia nodded enthusiastically as though she wasn't being diligently seduced. How in the world did he possess the ability to have this consistent effect on her? Oh well, Julia was never one to question this sort of perfection. "Yes...uh," she stammered. "Definitely ask Jael."

"Later," he purred, reaching for a fresh jar of Nutella.

~*~

"I need to get a hold of Shana," Emmy said as she stood in Caeryn's doorway.

"I haven't heard from her," Caeryn said.

"You don't have a number?"

"No. You can email her."

"I need to call."

"Why?"

"To tell them to get the hell back here for the Nutella fest. Duh!" Emmy said, walking forward and plunking herself down in a chair. "This is not to be missed."

"You have a point there," Caeryn said. "And I noticed that Die was supposed to be giving a How to be a Ho 101 guest lecture today. I'm not quite sure who to have substitute for her." Caeryn glanced up at Emmy rather hopefully.

"Ooohh noooo," Emmy said, putting her hands up.

"Ah c'mon," Caeryn said. "It's only for fifty minutes. And besides, you've already gotten some, right?"

"Well, of course I've gotten some," Emmy huffed. "And I'm gettin' some more this afternoon."

"The class is at one o'clock," Caeryn said.

"My appointment is at one-thirty."

"Okay, I have an appointment at three-thirty. I'll trade you."

"Not sure I'll make it that long," Emmy said.

"Well, we've been without him for a couple weeks," Caeryn said. "Although, once you get back in the groove, so to speak...."

"Exactly," Emmy said. "And besides, I'm not a teacher."

"You do P.R. That'll be close enough. Please. There's no one else."

Emmy shifted in her chair. "Oh, fine."

"Great!" Caeryn said with a big smile, happy that her appointment would be two hours earlier. "Maybe you should lose the tiara for the class. You know newbies, they'll all want one."

Emmy reached up and felt the tiara on her head. "You know, I keep locking this thing up and somehow it keeps ending up back on my head."

~*~

"How did you get this bite mark on your face," the General asked.

"Cut myself shaving," Darry said, tossing his papers to the floor and sitting on top of his desk.

"What?"

Darry grabbed the General by his shirt and locked her legs around his hips. "You talk too much," she said, reaching over and scooping out Nutella onto her finger and holding it up to the General's lips, grinning as her finger disappeared into his mouth.

~*~

"Dear Shana and Die," Emmy said as she typed the email. "The General tossed the devil spawn over the gate and the hell out of here. Now he's going for the Nutella-consumption-while-shagging world record. Get your butts home pronto, if you know what I mean. The man is insatiable." Emmy paused for a moment. "Well, he's always insatiable, but ya know. It's makeup sex time."

"Gee, I hate to interrupt your little worship fest," Tom Servo said. "But if it's not too much trouble, could somebody please put my head on straight."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Emmy asked as she sent the email with emergency priority.

"My head," he said indignantly. "That butler born of inbred nomads yanked my head off."

"Well, you did steal his good line," Emmy said.

"And that damn Vocab Man put it on backwards!"

Emmy stood up and walked over to Tom, eyeing him up and down. "How can you tell?"

"It's my head!"

"Oh. Well, looks fine to me," Emmy shrugged as she walked out of the office.

~*~

"Jael," the General said, stalking toward the Geek Art Goddess until he had her trapped in the corner.

"Yes?" Jael asked, keeping a perfect smile on her face to reveal herself worthy of graduate-level Ho'ness.

The General placed his hand under her chin and raised her head to look her in the eyes. "Why are there tents out on the rugby field?"

"What tents?" Jael asked innocently.

The General smiled and put his arm around Jael's shoulders, pulling her forward and then walking her to the window. "Those tents."

"Oh, you mean *those* tents?" Jael said.

"Yes, those tents." Respecting a Ho's mental boundaries really could try a Jedi's patience.

"Well, those are...." Jael turned to the General and smiled, waving her hand around in search of the words. "You see, those are the tents for...."

Space Dog barked.

"Those are the tents for the mine workers," Jael said.

"The mine workers?" the General asked, looking out the window.

Jael winked at Space Dog in thanks and then said, "Yep. We thought it would be more efficient to have them living right here."

"That's a fine idea," the General said. He then turned to Jael again. "But what about the fact that it isn't really a diamond mine?"

"It IS a diamond mine," Jael said. "Caeryn weighed them. She's a geologist, you know."

"Right," the General said as he stroked his chin, suddenly realizing the ramifications of having given away a fair amount of what he thought was costume jewelry to Dande.

"Well, that settles that mystery," the General said.

"It does?"

"Of course," he said. "I know I can trust you."

Jael grinned suspiciously and nodded her head. Her eyes then grew wide as the General pulled out a jar of Nutella from God knows where and began slowly unscrewing the lid as he gave Jael The Look.

~*~

"You need to get rid of this scar on my face," Darry said, sitting herself on her exam table as Xanatos leaned back in her desk chair.

"Why?"

"Because I said so. C'mon, snap to it," she said.

"I'm not a healer," he said, throwing pencils into the ceiling tiles.

"You wanna get laid?" Darry asked.

Xanatos flipped his hair out of his face. "Always," he leered.

"Then you're a healer, got it?"

"Your wish is my command," he said, rising from the chair.

"Bullshit," Darry said.

"Well, yeah." He walked to the exam table and noticed a suspicious looking chocolate smear on Darry's neck. "Should I be jealous?" he asked, rubbing his fingers across the Nutella trace.

"Probably."

~*~

"Okay," Emmy said, glancing at the clock for the hundredth time and finding that it was only one-fifteen. "Now. A Ho has attitude...ya know, confidence, knows how to play every game to her advantage, yadda, yadda." Emmy sighed, looking at the clock again. "Only allows a man to dom her in the bedroom."

"Excuse me, Miss Diva," a whiney voice sounded out.

Emmy sighed again and eyed the eager girl in the front row. "Yes?"

"You stated at the beginning of the lecture, and I quote, 'A Ho never lets a man dom her.' So are you now retracting that statement?"

"No," Emmy said, putting her hands on her hips. "A Ho is never dom'd. Only in the bedroom."

"Yes, well, that seems like a contradiction right there. You also said at the beginning of class that a Ho is a strong woman, that she doesn't feed a man's ego," the obnoxious freshman said.

"Yeah," Emmy said.

"Well, now you're saying that a Ho can be dom'd in the bedroom, which then means that Ho's eventually submit to men in the end. So which is it? Do Ho's submit to men or are they weak like other women?"

"Listen, you," Emmy said. "Only an extremely confident woman allows herself to be dom'd in the bedroom. She can dom her man or be dom'd herself. It's all a matter of getting what she wants. A Ho is secure enough in herself to allow vulnerability in intimate situations. An insecure woman would never allow herself to give in."

"Yes, but why would any strong woman want to be dom'd by some man? Why would any truly confident woman ever allow a man to have the upper hand, especially in the bedroom? I thought this school was about female power?"

Emmy smiled. "You've never gotten any from the General, have you?"

The obnoxious freshman fidgeted with her pen.

"Didn't think so," Emmy smirked. "Why donīt you think about why that is. And shut the hell up in the meantime." Emmy crossed her arms and looked at the clock. One-thirty. Caeryn was gettin' some while she was standing here. "So," she said, turning back to the obnoxious freshman. "Any more insipid, defensive questions that will reveal your embarrassing lack of experience with the opposite sex?"

"No," the obnoxious freshman said gruffly as her classmates snickered.

"Innocence is admirable when you're actually setting standards for yourself, not to mention living this close to Testosterone County," Emmy said. "But a hard shell and a bunch of hot air male bashing are dead giveaways."

The obnoxious freshman seized what she thought was another opportunity. "But many Ho's have hard sh--"

"Those two traits not to be confused with being tough when necessary and standing up for yourself when faced with an overblown ego, of course. Bottom line, girls. Men are fun. The right men anyway. Just don't take any shit from them. Ever. And, of course, keep the right ones guessing." Emmy looked at the clock again. One thirty-five. "But the bottom, bottom line is that a Ho paves her own way. I will demonstrate that now by saying let's get the hell out of here. Go eye up the mining crew and call it homework."

A collective "woo-hoo" rose from the students.

"Well done," Emmy said.

~*~

The General lay in his bed with a gigantic grin on his face. Never again would he cancel his appointments. He now had a clarity and strength he hadn't possessed in weeks. He felt like he could fight the fiercest foe, climb the highest mountain, and run from here to Testosterone County and back all at the same time. Not only that...but...he could...take on...any...uh....

Then General yawned. The General sighed.

The General snored really, really loud.

And when he finally snorted too loud and woke himself up, he sat up straight in bed. Primed to complete his next duty. An odd noise drew his attention to the window. He leaned over slightly and looked out. He saw Dorotea chasing the suit of armor that was normally housed in the library, a suit that had suddenly become animated. He saw Darry grab a dark-haired man and throw him in her BMW. He saw Emmy and Jael practicing their newfound swordsmanship with that security fellow. He saw Dande apparently teaching a group of flouncey women how to feed grapes to one of the new miners, and a group of freshman circling the rest of the miners. He saw Tasha yank that odd person in the orange cloak into the workshed. He saw no sign of Shana or Diebin, but he had overheard something about a visit to the ruling family of Alderaan.

The General fell back on the mattress, pulling a pillow over his face. "These women," he groaned.

"But you love it, Obi-Wan."

The General took the pillow off his face and turned his head, his hair wisping across his forehead and a broad smile spreading on his face as the blue glow reflected off his bed sheets. "Yes, Master, I do."

The blue ghostie smiled, his chuckle shaking his large translucent frame.