Title: Maximum Return
Author: NurseDarry
Rating: NMB (no more brat)
Summary: General contentment is restored
Archive: uh....
Disclaimer: I'm just sending an apology letter to the whole of Calidfornia and the Almeida theatre. That should cover it all, don't you think?
* * * *
"Oh my god, I hadn't realised it was that serious...I hadn't even noticed he wasn't wearing black." Darry breathed, stopping all movement.
"What?" Xanatos panted.
"This has gone to far!" Darry straightened suddenly and reached for her Vera Wang jacket. She fished around for her cell phone.
"But we just started again," Xanatos argued around a mouthful of earlobe.
Darry speed-dialed her phone.
"Mulder."
"Bloody hell, not again!" She rapidly hit cancel and retried the number.
"Why not again?" Xanatos asked, looking at her through his hair.
"No, not you. You can keep...going." Darry waited while a secure channel was established. "And just ignore what I'm saying, ok?"
"Huh," Xanatos grunted.
"Perfect," Darry responded. "Hey, it's me. Remember me? Yes, that's the one. Well, I have something here that you might want. Huh? Well, besides that...This university suddenly seems to have acquired an older model of what you've got following you around. Interested? I thought you might be. Well, just dump the one you have somewhere and get over here. What? Yes, I'm sure there's time for a spinal... uh... adjustment while you're here. Listen, I gotta go- lots of sick people here to take care of, blood everywhere, you know. See you soon...ahhhhhggggggnnnnnn." Darry dropped the phone on the floor where it clattered apart into pieces.
* * * *
"And thrust and parry and good, Anakin, you're really getting the hang of it, aren't you?" The General beamed at his young apprentice. He had a nagging feeling that he was supposed to be doing something, but couldn't remember what it was. Something with Emmy? Oh well, he'd remember eventually. Right now it was more important to make sure this boy fully understood the nuances of sword fighting.
* * * *
"And thrust and parry and good, Jael, you're really getting the hang of it, aren't you?" Jael just beamed at the big leather and sweat-clad Spaniard.
Three figures stood in the middle of the empty rugby field under the bright sun.
"Bark, bark!"
* * * *
Bang, Bang, Bang!
"Oh no, not again," Diebin moaned as Normal Al attempted to play a polka to the rhythm of the vibrating wall.
"Diebin! Get in here!" Darry shouted through the plaster.
Diebin looked up. "Huh?"
"I need your help," the Nurse called.
"What kind of help?" Diebin responded, not sure she really wanted to know.
"Just get over here. NOW!" The Nurse's Voice was almost as powerful as the General's Voice and Diebin hesitantly made her way to the Clinic door. She peeked her head inside.
Rather than finding chaos and destruction, she found the Nurse, in her uniform standing alone in a pristine clinic.
"Where's Xanatos?" Diebin asked looking around.
"Right here," came the breathy response on the back of her neck. Darry looked over Diebin's head and scowled.
"Will you get going; it's not as though this were a difficult assignment. I think she's with the Wench up in the tower." Darry pointed out the door, and Xanatos slinked out.
"Right. The General's headed round the bend again, isn't he?" Darry asked, filing away an EA application in a tray that said "pending".
"Is that a professional diagnosis?" Diebin smirked.
"Quite. And I have a cunning plan to get him back on the straight and narrow. Hey, why are you wearing a tiara?"
* * *
"pssss...testing, testing." Diebin's voice called across HSU. "Anakin Skywalker, you have a telephone call from your mother. You can use the phone in the administration building. General Kenobi, your presence is wanted in your office. Remember where it is?"
Pause.
"Security! A suspicious man in a red shirt and black trousers has been seen at the mine entrance. Security!" Emmy raced out of the admin building shouting at the top of her lungs, attempting to get to the mine before Max did.
* * * *
The man in the red shirt and black trousers, however, was nowhere near the mine.
"You're supposed to keep me...occupied," Xanatos leered at Dorotea, who fell limply into his arms.
Dande came to the door to see what was causing Dorotea to swoon so.
"Do I know you?" Dande asked Xanatos. He picked Dorotea up and carried her in the direction of the Library.
"I think we know some of the same people."
Music swelled, and Dande placed her hand protectively over her belly.
* * * *
A sleek black shuttle landed smoothly not far from the HSU admin building.
In the dorm, things were not going as smoothly.
"But honey," Tasha whined, gripping hold of a handful of orange chiffon. "Why do you have to go now?"
"Grrr..."
"But we were just getting started...." Tasha whined some more.
"Grrr..." A red and black tattooed hand attempted to extricate the orange chiffon from his partner's grasp.
RRRIIIIIIPPPPP!
"Grrr!"
"Don't blame me! I didn't do it." Tasha barked.
"Grrrr."
"Well, I'm sure I have something that will fit you, hold on."
Five minutes later, Mr. Vocab left to meet the shuttle wearing a checked gingham apron and a Philadelphia Phillies baseball hat.
* * * *
Anakin peeked around the corner of the admin building. He'd never been in here. It was dark and academic looking and smelled a lot of ...perfume?
Ban met him in the corridor.
"Use the Clinic phone, Asthma boy."
Anakin scowled and walked down the long hallway, stopping to peer into offices. In one he saw a woman wrestling with what looked like a gold droid over a videocassette. Weird.
In another, he saw the General's secretary lighting candles in his office and instructing a strange looking man with an accordian.
In still another office he saw a woman sitting at her desk, slowly shaking her head and muttering "Frosh Hos..."
Finally he came to the Clinic where, he found Darry talking to a tall man who was adjusting his Senatorial robes.
"Well, my dear, my back feels much better for that. Well, hello there, young fellow."
Anakin looked up at Darry. "I was told I could take a phone call here?"
"Ah, well, I've just had it routed through to another...office."
"Grrr." Mr. Vocab stood in the Clinic door, smoothing his apron.
"If you'll just follow this...man, he'll show you where all interstellar calls are taken." She gave Anakin her best reassuring Nurse's Smile and nodded to Mr. Vocab. Anakin obediently followed him as he walked toward the waiting shuttle.
"Always a pleasure, my dear," Palpatine said to Darry and kissed her hand.
* * * *
Max was covered in dirt and sweat as he emerged from the mine...again.
"Three times I have been through the entire mine, and yet there are no signs of any intruders."
His employer stared up at him, and then slowly walked around him.
"Is it quite dark in there?" She asked.
"Yes, and treacherous."
"I see." She walked around him again and then continued toward the entrance.
Max's eyes followed her backside as she strolled down the darkened path.
"Mistress, perhaps I should accompany you." He caught up with her and escorted her deeper into the mine.
"Good thinking," Emmy said, smiling like the alpha-ho she was.
* * * *
"Diebin, what is all this?" the General asked, as he surveyed his office. The room was lit with just candles and feathers had been strewn across the desk.
Diebin stood in the door, holding out a short black silk bathrobe. "You might feel more comfortable in this, General," she purred.
"But my appren-" Kenobi sputtered. Diebin began helping him out of his tunic.
"Is talking to his mother on the phone. He may be gone foreve- hours..." He shrugged into the robe.
Diebin popped the cork on the champagne, which was chilling next to the desk.
"Well, if you think so...." The General hesitated.
"I think so," Diebin cooed into his ear.
And the couple was lost in each other while they were serenaded by the muffled strains of "Closer" being played on the accordian.
* * *
Epilogue I
Darry had just finished stitching up the gash in her earlobe when Dorotea entered the Clinic, looking like she'd been in a train wreck.
"Oh, did I forget to tell you he bites?"
* * * *
Epilogue II
"Do you think he's coming back, Spacedog?"
"Bark, bark!"