Title: Paradise Lost, Part 1 of 3
Author: Emmy
Rating: CYEIAP (Close Your Eyes, it Aint Pretty)
Archive: Yes, please
Disclaimer: I apologize to everyone who I am exploiting for my own twisted purposes. I'm sitting here on my ass while it rains, writing and writing for free. So don't feel insulted because, really, you have much more of a life than I do.
Notes: All this really bizarre and wacky stuff keeps coming to me, so I keep writing it. I hope nobody minds. I'm not trying to take over! By the way, Diebin ASKED for what's about to happen.

Diebin sighed happily from the delightfully erotic dream she'd just had about the General. Her eyelids were still heavy as she lingered in that place between sleep and consciousness, and she could still smell him and feel his lips on her body, the heat of his skin against hers.

She rolled over slightly and smiled as she felt his body against her shoulder, his steady breathing tickling across her bare skin. She scooted around to face him, finally opening her eyes and reaching out her hand to him.

And then she froze.

She sat up quickly as Rick shifted with a quiet snore.

And then she felt guilt. And it was bad. Not that Rick was bad. He was better than bad. In fact, he was better than good. Great, actually. Amazing...mind-blowing....

Diebin stopped herself with a smack to her forehead. And then she thought about the General being all alone...heartbroken, most likely. Angsty General. Needy General. Writhing, glistening, moaning General.

And that look on his face after he discovered her dalliance with George. In one moment it all came crashing down on her. She was a Ho. Not just a Ho, THE Ho. She'd taken up the title proudly long before HSU was even a glimmer in anyone's eye. And now she was just casting him aside for one delightfully luscious adventurer...which didn't seem so entirely terrible....

The pictures! Julia had mailed those pictures back to campus! When the General saw those, he would know for certain what an untrue Ho she was. Diebin quickly scrambled out of bed. There was only one thing to do now.

She quickly pulled on her sweatshirt and jeans and made her way downstairs, being careful not to wake anyone...not that any of these Ho's would be getting out of bed at four a.m.

Diebin turned on a light in the corner of the living room and sat down with the telephone book, paper, and pen that she found in the kitchen. She began to leaf through the yellow pages until she found what she was looking for. She wrote down some information for herself and then jotted a quick note. She set the phone book down and then posted the note on the back door leading out to the deck. She considered posting it on the refrigerator but figured a man would find it first and forget to pass it on.

She grabbed a bag of M&M's and stuffed them in the back waistband of her jeans, pulling her sweatshirt down to cover them. Then she put her shoes on, and with a deep breath walked out the door.

~*~

"QB, can I get you anything more for breakfast?" Dande asked Steve. "More bacon? Eggs? Hash browns? Sausage? Pancakes? Toast? Oatmeal? Cinnamon Roll?"

"I am most definitely going to retch," Darry grumbled.

"Hey, you could probably learn something from her. OW!" Mulder reached down to rub his calf where Darry kicked him.

Emmy snorted as she poured fat free vanilla rice milk over her Grape Nuts. "Watch it there, G-man. You don't want to end up like our General."

"You know," Han said. "I think we've all heard enough about your General."

Zorro, Ardeth, Methos, and Harm all mumbled and nodded. Mulder was still rubbing his leg and decided it was best to stay silent.

"Excuse me?" Emmy said with much attitude.

"Here we all are trying to have some fun, and all you girls can talk about in every spare moment is your General," Han said.

"Why you...." Emmy sneered.

"The smuggler has a point," Zorro said. "This man...this General. Has not treated you ladies well. And yet, you can speak of no one else."

"Um...." Judy tried to gather all the manners her mother had taught her. "First of all, you don't even know him. Second of all, it is not wise to upset a Diva."

"Thank you," Emmy said. "And Judy is right, none of you know him."

"You love him, don't you?" Han said.

Emmy sighed and crossed her arms in front of her.

"Oh boy, here we go," Caeryn said.

"All right. I understand," Han said. "When we get back, I won't get in the way."

"Like you could," Darry laughed.

"Fine," Han said, standing up and walking away from the table.

Emmy rolled her eyes.

"I just don't understand them," Dande whispered to Steve.

"Hey, has anyone seen Diebin," Rick asked as he descended the stairs.

"She's not with you?" Shana said.

"No," Rick said. "Bathrooms are empty."

"Well, I'm sure she's here someplace," Ban said. She got up from the table and looked out on the back deck. Then she saw the note. "Oh, no."

"What is it?" Caeryn said, walking over to her.

Ban read the note, "Dear Ho's. It is time for me to leave you all to repent. I love you and the General. Please don't worry about me, I will be fine. And sorry for taking the last bag of M&M's. Love, Diebin."

"What the hell?" Darry said.

"I know," Emmy said. "I can't believe she took the last bag."

~*~

Julia and Sere fiddled with the video equipment some more in the small den at the far end of the house, trying to get a clearer picture.

"What is all this stuff?"

They both looked up to see Indy staring at the various gizmos and gadgets with wide eyes.

"Oh, just some communications stuff," Julia said.

"I've never seen anything like it," he said.

"Hey, speaking of strange stuff," Sere said. "Why the heck where you digging around under the university?"

Indy slid his hat back and scratched his head. "Oh, well. I have this map." He took the rumpled parchment out of his pocket.

"A treasure map?" Sere asked excitedly.

"Actually," Indy said, "something like that. Legend has it that a great underground diamond vault is hidden somewhere in Estrogen County. A remnant of the ancient kingdom of Queen Gettalay. I think I made a wrong calculation someplace, though."

"Never heard of her," Julia said, taking a peek at the map.

"No, me neither," Sere said.

"Don't you two study local history at that school?"

"We only study one thing," Sere said.

"And it aint in any book," Julia said with an evil smirk to match her sister's.

~*~

"Hey, has anyone been using the phone book?" Mulder asked. "Because it's sitting over here open to the C's."

Darry walked quickly to his side and looked at the pages. "What should we make of that?"

"You see that?" Mulder said, pointing to the page.

"See what?"

"Ink. Looks like a bleed-through, possibly from a piece of paper she was writing on."

"Holy shit!" Darry exclaimed.

"What is it?" Shana said, hurrying over.

"Look." Darry pointed to the ad.

"She didn't!" Shana said.

"It certainly fits with her comment about repenting," Mulder said.

"Repenting for WHAT?" Rick called out for the fourteenth time.

"What? What?" Emmy said, annoyed that she was being left out.

"What does it say?" Caeryn asked.

"Saint Margaret's Convent ­ You Sin? Come On In," Shana said.

"Oh, noooo," Caeryn and Emmy groaned.

Darry slammed the phone book on the table. "Okay, gather all the Ho's. We need yet ANOTHER break out plan."