~*~

"Shh... someone's gonna hear us," Jael hunched her shoulders down lower at the empty nurse's station as the security guard passed by on the other side.

"I can't believe this is happening again," Tasha whispered back. Both Hos were dressed in black, with black kohl smeared over their faces. While they had attempted to look like something from Mission Impossible, on them, the effect was more like The Little Rascals.

"That nurse is gonna be back any second," Jael grumbled.

"Will you just relax? I have it covered. This is gonna be one hell of a diversion."

"I WILL NOT BE TREATED IN SUCH A MANNER," came a loud voice from outside of the ward's double doors.

The doors were barged open and two women carrying a golden robot with ping-pong eyes and a bad attitude entered the ward.

Caeryn and Shana unceremoniously dumped Crow onto the cold institutional floor.

"We'd like to make a deposit." Caeryn said loudly. The noise in the hall had the effect of waking half the inma- patients, and the ward suddenly became noisy with the sounds of gibbering.

"Now's our chance, go!" Tasha whispered to Jael. They hurled themselves over the nurses' station counter.

"We've got to find out which one of these cells our General is in," Jael said, scanning the roster, which was attached to a clipboard on the desk.

Just then, Nurse Darry, wearing a pristine (Anne Klein) white nurse's dress, hose, cap, navy blue cape, and horn-rimmed glasses, swooped behind the counter, causing Jael and Tasha to jump.

"I'll hold 'em here, you go and get him," she said calmly as the security guard and real ward nurse came rushing in from two directions.

Jael and Tasha ran down the corridor trying to ignore the crazed rattling coming from the rooms they passed. Finally they found the one they were looking for.

They made short work of the lock with the passkeys they had found in Mr. Vocab's locker (he had lock-picking utensils of all kinds- Tasha often forgot to leave her door open).

There was the General, lying huddled in the corner, the institutional hospital gown barely covering his nicest bits, and his hair in a disheveled ponytail.

He sat up and blinked at his rescuers. "Aren't you a little short for a S.W.A.T. team?" he said sarcastically.

"It's Tasha and Jael, we've come to rescue you," Tasha whispered quickly.

"You're who?"

"We're here to rescue you; we're here with a bunch of the Hos." Jael was frantically motioning to him to get up and outta there.

"A bunch of Hos? Where are they?" He finally stood and raced out of the cell.

~*~

"Where are you taking this...thing?" the security guard grumbled at Caeryn.

"We're just dropping him off, okay?" Caeryn was holding one of Crow's long golden arms and gesturing with his hand in a none-too-polite fashion at the night nurse.

"You can't just bring in a...a...person," the nurse stammered, "and expect us to admit him like that?"

"Well, WE don't want him anymore!" Shana shouted.

"Excuse me," Crow began. "I really don't think that the dancing on the table in my boots while removing my clothing was all that much of a threat to my sanity. After all, Tom liked it."

The burly security guard took a step closer as the image of Crow dancing in his go-go boots formed in his small yet powerfully housed mind.

~*~

Tasha, Jael, and the General crept along the far side of the ward.

"Can't get out that way," Jael moaned, looking at the bolted emergency exit they were approaching.

"Looks like they've managed to cut off our only escape route," the General said, listening to the argument raging about the admission of a delusional robot. "This is some rescue; when you came in here, didn't you have a plan for getting out?"

Tasha looked indignantly at the HSU president and decided that in his current condition, he had little swoon potential. "Maybe you'd like to get back in your padded room, General. What do you think we are? Qui-chicks? Of course we have a plan. Jael, what was the plan again?"

"You're the brains, Tasha, I just volunteered to come cause I like to get all dressed up and paint my face."

The General rolled his eyes to the ceiling and jumped in front of the Rambo wannabes to take point.

"What the hell are you doing?" Tasha whispered as loud as she dared.

"Somebody has to save our skins," he growled.

Obi-Wan stalked down the hall with the two Hos in tow. He would have cut an impressive figure had it not been for the humiliating nature of hospital attire. Still, Tasha and Jael had to admit, the view wasn't bad.

~*~

Darry approached the night nurse with a click-clack of her white Gucci pumps. "I'm here for the patient transfer from ward seven," she said, ignoring the rest of the party around her.

"What?" the harried-looking night nurse gave an exasperated sigh.

"It says right here," Darry said in her most professional and irritating voice, "that I am to collect one 'Crow T. Robot' for transfer to a high security facility."

"Hey that's me," Crow said happily.

The night nurse and security guard both looked at Crow, then back at Darry.

"Great," said Caeryn, dumping her half of Crow back to the floor with a loud clang. "Nuff said. He's yours. C'mon Shana."

Together the two girls walked down the hall away from the double doors of the ward's entrance. Neither the night nurse nor the security guard noticed however, as just at that moment, with a little prodding from Darry's shoe, Crow began his I'm-gonna-surely-get-an-Oscar-for-this-performance grand mal seizure at the night nurse's feet.

~*~

Shana and Caeryn met the General, Tasha, and the Geek Artist in the opposite hall by the bolted emergency doors. Shana held aloft the bolt cutters she had sequestered in her bra and everyone gave a great sigh of relief. She made quick work of the bolts and the escape party slipped quietly out of the ward with just a minimum of shuffling as the General realized they wouldn't get far if the grrls kept stopping to admire his ass. He ran to the back of the column and herded them in front of him while they ran toward Emmy (and Brenda) in Emmy's (and Brenda's) car.

Just as they were all squeezing into the back, Darry emerged from the front of the hospital dragging Crow behind her in a large gunnysack. She calmly strode to Emmy's (and Brenda's) car and climbed into the front, tossing the sack at her feet.

"Let's get the frak outta here," the Diva said and she floored it.

~*~

"I CAN"T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!" Diebin wailed. The incessant re-playing of a watery death scene and insipid Canadian singing were too much and she finally barged out of Dande's room and into the hall, knocking over Cal and Mr. Vocab who had been trying to pick the lock without the benefit of the handyman's tools.

"Well, I guess we found her," said Cal as he re-paper-clipped his braid back to his head.

"Grrr."

~*~

The General stormed into his office with as much dignity as his hospital gown would allow, not even glancing at Diebin who was curled up on the leather sofa in her office as he passed.

She had decided to wait for him to return, at which time she would deliver the long thought-out apology she had prepared in her head whilst trying to avoid listening to Dande's Mastah music.

Unfortunately, said music had also caused so much damage to her psyche, her brain had thought a nice little nap would help restore it, and consequently, Diebin slept through the General's dramatic, half-naked entrance.

An hour later, the General emerged from his room, showered, (not shaved), dressed in his finest swooning leather trousers and white Renaissance shirt. His shoulder-length (it IS shoulder-length, Em) copper-coloured hair was tied back rakishly in a neat ponytail. He quickly ran out to the staff carpark, where he tinkered under the hood of most of the cars, returning with a handful of engine parts.

After washing his hands, he sat down at Diebin's desk and activated the public address system and spoke in his most charming of voices. "My dear Hos. This is the General and President of the University." He paused dramatically. Dande would have approved.

"I would like to thank you all for my recent rescue. Had it not been for your bravery, I would not be back with all of my Grrls now. That being said, I would like to ask that in order to avoid any more confusion than has already occurred tonight, I would like all staff to report to their offices and all students to retire to their dorms."

Across campus, the Hos scurried to obey the General's order. The staff, never in that much of a hurry to obey his orders unless they involved Nutella and/or the removal of clothing, were a little slower to get to their respective offices. Diebin's addled brain finally allowed her consciousness to return slowly.

The staff Hos congregated in the administrative hall.

"I just checked the computer. Where the FRAK are my appointments?"

"Don't you mean appointments with your new little boyfriend?"

Diebin glanced around looking for something until she remembered she'd left George at WC. Thank. God.

"Shana, I just figured out what that planter is!"

"Will somebody get me out of this bag?"

The General looked over his campus with the air of a content man. Content in the knowledge that he would never have to worry about this again. His eyes took on that glazed happy look that comes only with true serenity or the onset of paranoia.

"RIGHT," he announced, pacing.

Uh, oh, came the collective thought.

"Since I have been away for awhile, we seemed to have missed several appointments." The Hos all nodded. "So it is my intention to have everyone where I want her in order to make up for lost time." The double entendre was not lost on most of them. Smirks were exchanged. "This way I don't have to come looking for you when it's your turn, so to speak." He gave them all individual versions of The Look. Too bad they were too busy swooning that they had missed the pure-D anger that was just behind those multi-coloured irises.

The staff all made their way to their respective offices and prepared to work until the General came to them. Unbeknownst to them, Mr. Vocab had been ordered to lock all of the dorms, so that now every student was locked in her room.

The General quietly made his way down the administrative halls, surreptitiously locking the doors. Since the Hos would all believe that he was just working his way to each one of them, they thought nothing of the delay in his appearance at their door. It was only when Ban's copier ran out of toner and she went to get some more from the supply cabinet that she discovered her door was locked.

"Open this door instantly!" She yelled to whoever could hear her.

Darry, who was listening to her telephone messages for the third time while cursing Emmy, heard a voice shouting from the hallway. First thinking the General was just in "conference" with someone, she ignored it, but then realized even he couldn't go as long as Ban seemed to be yelling. Darry grabbed her little black bag and walked to the door. It was locked. From the outside. She hammered on the door.

Soon, a loud pounding was coming from behind every door. Diebin raced to the General's office, but found that door, as well as the one leading to the corridor, locked. By mid-morning the students had all found their doors locked as well. That is, all but Tasha, who hadn't tried the door yet. Mr. Vocab had been the last one to shut it from the inside...

"Dear Grrls," the General said over the P.A. system. Diebin noticed the cord stretching from her office under the door to his. "By now you will have discovered that I have you right where I want you. This was a little trick taught to me by my Master many years ago when I was a young padawan and would try to sneak out of the Temple in the middle of the night."

In the tower, Dande's eyes began to water.

"I just thought it might be nice if you grlls all stayed where you are for the next-oh...let's say...semester. I've taken the liberty of disconnecting the phones and the computers and also sabotaging your cars. I really think this is for the best, you know? This way I know that my secretary isn't leaping about with a loincloth,"

Diebin's face flushed. Well, if the pictures hadn't made it around campus yet, that certainly had.

"my nurse isn't dating some jailbait podracer,"

With a shriek, Darry hurled her answering machine at the wall.

"my Dean and Office of Student Affairs aren't conspiring against me with two AU robots."

"Heyyyyy!" cried four voices from two different offices.

"And I don't have to deal with any more tantrums."

Emmy hurled her tiara across the room. Brenda raced to fetch it for her.

"At any rate, there you will stay. My work here is finished. I'm just off to see what's happening at Aya's as-of-yet-unnamed-university and scope out the talent there. I'm sure they can't all be as high maintenance as you lot."

In her tower, Dande smiled. She knew the type he was seeking. He would have little success.

"Seeya."

The General calmly climbed out his office window in order to avoid passing through his secretary's office.

For a moment, the staff thought that perhaps all was not right with the General upstairs (there was never anything wrong with the General downstairs). This, however, passed as the meaning of his words penetrated their stunned minds.

~*~

Darry had finished throwing everything that she could easily lay her hands on. If she wanted to continue, it would require that she bend down and pick something up.

She patted the breast pocket of the Armani jacket looking for her smokes. Her hand connected with something else: her cell phone. She reverently pulled it from her pocket.

Then she very carefully pressed *1.

The phone began to ring...

"Mulder."

~*~