Emmy stared at her phone. She reached forward to dial the extension and then pulled her arm back. She sighed. One of her first duties as Public Relations Director was to attend a local high school college fair the following afternoon.

But she needed her car to get there.

Emmy had heard through the Ho rumor mill about the "conversation" Diebin had with the General, although she hadn't actually seen Diebin to verify the details. But given what she had heard, she was a little nervous about asking for a favor, especially after having made a fool of herself by smashing up her tiara for the entire campus to see.

If people didn't think she was flighty before, they certainly would now.

But that article! The things that were said about her. Not to mention her hormones. She couldn't exactly be held responsible. But then again, when it came right down to it, she was just a plain ol' idiot.

She wiggled her fingers and reached forward to dial the phone. And then it rang. She looked at the display and pressed the intercom button. "Hey, Caeryn."

"We're having our first Board meeting in ten minutes." Caeryn hung up before Emmy could respond.

Emmy sighed. She could ask about the keys later.

~*~

"So, what do you we do?" Darry asked.

"Well, we are now legally in charge of this school," Caeryn said.

"I know that," Darry said. "But, personally, I don't quite feel like being responsible for everyone. I have plenty of my own work to do."

"Look," Caeryn said, "every university has a Board of Regents. We just make sure the school is running as it should."

"Hmmm...." Darry replied. "Well, given recent events, I'd say that it's not running as it should. Can I go now?"

Caeryn twitched. "Let's just get to business, okay? Then everyone can leave."

"Fine," Darry said.

Caeryn looked around the room. "Okay, first on the agenda is my motion to remove the General from his presidency," she said with fire in her eyes.

Darry, Shana, Emmy, and Diebin remained silent.

"All those in favor," Caeryn said, raising her hand.

Darry, Shana, Emmy, and Diebin hid their hands under the table.

Caeryn sighed with obvious annoyance. "All those opposed."

Darry, Shana, Emmy, and Diebin hid their hands under the table.

"You're not doing it right!" Caeryn whined, pounding on the table.

"Well, this is stupid!" Darry said. "Would we even bother with this place if he weren't the President??"

"Yes, but it will teach him a lesson," Emmy said. "I think." She scratched her head, her heart sinking slightly when she didn't feel the comforting presence of her tiara.

"Oh, and you, Jael, and Caeryn going psycho on him didn't teach him a lesson?" Darry said.

"I am NOT PSYCHO!" Caeryn shrieked.

"Right, whatever," Darry said.

"Look," Shana said to Darry. "Just because you're getting laid doesn't mean that we don't have some serious issues here."

"Well maybe you SHOULD be getting laid," Darry said. "In fact," she added as she puffed, "I KNOW you all should be getting laid. I think that would solve a lot of the problems here."

Caeryn twitched and broke a pencil.

"Alright," Emmy said calmly. "What about this? Let's say we take away his Presidential powers. He remains President, but it's just a figurehead role."

"Well, what kind of wussy idea is that?!" Caeryn snapped.

Emmy slouched and pouted. "I thought it was a pretty good idea," she mumbled.

The Ho's all gave her odd glances, except for Caeryn.

"Uhhh...." Shana's eyes shifted from Emmy to Diebin. "Die, what do you think?"

Diebin shrugged. "Whatever you decide is fine," she said. "Just don't put my name on it."

Caeryn banged her head on the table.

"Caeryn," Shana said. "I think we're going to have a stalemate here. I tend to agree that we can't completely remove the General from his seat as President."

Caeryn glared at Shana.

"Now, just hear me out," Shana said. "If we fire him, then what? He leaves. We have no school. I mean, let's face it, people don't come to HSU for our exemplary academic standards."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Caeryn said.

"It means that the Art of Reddi-Whip isn't taught at Harvard," Darry said.

"But WE are the university," Caeryn said. "You all cheered Emmy on when she said that."

"Yes," Shana said. "This school fills a very specific niche, and it's an important one. Without us, there would be no need for this place. But without the General...."

"If he goes, I go," Darry said.

Caeryn whined again.

"Hey, I love you girls, but if he's outta here, I'm following him," Darry said.

"I can't believe you," Caeryn said disgustedly.

"Are you really willing to give up the best lay of your life?" Darry asked point blank.

Caeryn grumbled.

"Here's how it seems to me," Emmy said hesitantly. "I think that this is merely a technicality. Since we have established the Board of Regents, this is simply a legal function of transferring power from the General to us. I mean, really, we already run the place." She paused. "You guys do anyway. Caeryn as Dean and Shana as...other Dean. The two of you really control the finances. He has meetings with parent and community groups from time to time, but most of his meetings are with us...at least they were. I'm handling PR business now, so he has already given up that role." Emmy stopped, thinking about the fact that she was now expected to do a really important job. "So, that's it," she shrugged.

"Wow, that sounds...almost reasonable," Darry said with surprise. It wasn't often that Emmy had a rational idea.

"Oh, and that way," Emmy said. "We wouldn't have to worry so much about him discovering our benefactor because the figurehead doesn't really have a reason to know."

"Caeryn?" Shana said. "What do you think?"

"I still think it's a wussy idea," Caeryn grumbled.

"Caeryn, we're actually trying to accomplish something here," Shana said.

Caeryn huffed. "Fine. We'll strip him of his powers and leave him completely emasculated." She tapped her fingers on the table. "I can live with that for now."

"Okay!" Darry said. "We done?"

"Noooo," Caeryn replied. "Next on the agenda is our civil suit against him. Emmy, I'm thinking we need to meet with Bobby to review everything before the hearing."

"You're not serious about this thing!" Darry exclaimed.

"Of course!" Caeryn replied.

"Well," Emmy said softly. "I.... I was sort of thinking that maybe we should...uh....drop it."

"WHAT??" Caeryn pounded on the table again.

Out of habit, Emmy reached up again to readjust her tiara. She winced. "Well, a lawsuit is so messy."

"But you're the one who put this all together!" Caeryn said.

"Yeah," Emmy said. "I was kinda mad then."

"And you're suddenly not mad anymore?" Caeryn asked.

"Well, yeah I am. I guess. But I--"

"I wanted to say something about that," Diebin said.

"Yes," Caeryn said, thankful to have someone on her side. "Go ahead, Diebin."

"Well, if you guys want to sue him, that's your business. But I want you to take my name off of it," Diebin said.

"WHAT??" Caeryn shrieked.

"I'm really getting a headache," Darry said. "Are we almost done?"

"I agree with Die," Emmy said.

Caeryn growled.

"Caeryn," Shana said. "Think about the time involved in a lawsuit. With the new semester starting up, we're all going to be very busy."

"But he destroyed my database!" Caeryn said.

"Oh, get over it!" Darry said. "It's fixed, get laid, get on with your life!"

"Caeryn. Darry," Emmy said. "I wish we didn't have to fight about this. Hasn't there been enough strife lately?"

Caeryn glared at Emmy.

"She started it," Darry said.

"Well," Emmy said nervously, "I would never try to tell anyone what to do. You are all entitled to your opinions, and mine really doesn't matter all that much."

Darry stood up and reached across the table and put her hand on Emmy's forehead. "Are you feeling alright?"

"Sure," Emmy said. "I just don't want to cause a fuss."

"Oookaaay," Darry said, sitting back down.

"So are we all agreed to drop the lawsuit?" Shana said.

"No!" Caeryn said.

"I think we should put it to a vote," Darry said.

Caeryn pursed her lips. "Okay, fine! We'll drop the lawsuit!" Then she looked at Darry. "No, we're not done!"

"So, what's next?" Darry asked.

Caeryn sat quiet for a moment. "Well.... Alright, fine, we're done."

"Wait," Emmy said, holding her hand up as the Ho's tried to escape. "Should we invite the General in to tell him what's going on?"

"Are you sleeping with him now?" Caeryn accused.

"No!" Emmy said, although she wasn't quite sure why she was so adamant in her denial. It's not like it would be a bad thing. Darry was certainly getting some.

"Emmy's right," Shana said. "He at least as a right to know."

"Oh, so YOU'RE sleeping with him!" Caeryn said.

"No, I´m not," Shana said. "I just think it's a good idea."

"I would just like to take the opportunity to say that I am sleeping with him," Darry said. "And it's damn good." She puffed.

"Who told you that you could smoke in here anyway?" Caeryn snapped.

Shana sighed. "I'll call him in."

~*~

"I see," the General said quietly once Shana convinced Emmy to repeat what she had said before about the transfer of power.

Emmy looked down at her fingers. He must really hate her now. She really didn't want to explain it all to him, but the other Ho's didn't give her any choice. And she still needed her keys. There was no way she could ask him for them now. In fact, he would probably take her car back and return it.

Diebin bit her lip and played with the long sleeves of her sweatshirt. She wanted them to hurry up and get to the part about her not having anything to do with this. And then she wanted them to hurry up and get to the other part that she wanted them to take her name off the legal complaint against him. After the way she had berated him earlier, she had too much guilt to bear.

Shana was still confused, but she wanted to handle this reasonably. God knows there had been enough upset. And somebody needed to remain level-headed in order to keep an eye on Caeryn. And Emmy was quickly turning into....something.

Darry sighed and wished they'd hurry up already so she and the General could go back to the clinic and go at it. She only hoped this meeting didn't put him in too much of a brooding mood.

"Well, if that is what you all want," the General said, "I will, of course, comply with your wishes."

"Good," Caeryn said smugly.

"However," he said, "if I no longer have any official duties, where does that live Diebin?"

Diebin eep'd very, very quietly.

"What do you mean?" Caeryn said.

Emmy suddenly felt horrible. She hadn't even thought about Diebin. How could she have been so thoughtless?

"Well, she is my secretary. If I am no longer President, or have no duties as such, then that leaves her out of a job," he said. "Have you made provisions for her? I will accept your decision if that has been taken care of. But I am afraid I will have to fight you on this if you are going to leave her out of a job."

Diebin eep'd louder.

"Why can't you just agree to this without some big to-do?" Caeryn said.

"Caeryn," the General said, "this is not about me."

"Oh, right," she huffed.

"Okay, listen," Shana said. "We obviously haven't thought this all the way through."

"I think it's pretty damn well thought through!" Caeryn said.

"I just want to make sure that Diebin is taken care of here," the General said.

Diebin eep'd one more time and then ran out of the room.

"Die!" Emmy called out.

"Oh, let her go brood," Caeryn said.

"Just because you are angry with me, doesn't mean that you can abuse the others," the General said.

"Don't tell me what to do!" Caeryn shouted.

"Just calm down," the General said. "There is no need to fly off the handle."

"Why?" Caeryn said. "Maybe I want to fly off the handle! Or are you afraid that I'm going INSANE?!"

"Caeryn," Shana said.

"Huh, General? Gonna call the LOONY BIN on me?"

Emmy looked down at her hands again. She really wasn't going to get those keys. Her first task in her new job would be a complete failure.

Darry was tempted to whack Caeryn over the head so she could get some nekkid General before the morning was out.

"Caeryn!" The General was losing his patience. "I simply feel that you are overreacting and not behaving like yourself."

"Oh really?"

"Yes, really," he said. "I fear you are becoming rather unstable."

"Unstable? UNSTABLE?? You wanna see unstable? You wanna see insane?"

"Sit down," he said.

"I'll show you insane, you overinflated oaf!" Caeryn shoved her chair into the table and stomped out of the room.

"What the HELL is going on here?" Darry said.

Shana sighed. "I don't know."

"Can't you meditate on this or something?" Darry snapped at the General.

"I have done everything I could think of to make amends here, but you all are being extraordinarily difficult!" he growled angrily.

Emmy squeaked.

The General, Darry, and Shana all stared at the suddenly neurotic diva. Emmy never squeaked. Ever.

Emmy could feel all eyes on her. She would never live down the tiara incident. And she would never get that car. Maybe she could find a bus to take to the high school. She took a deep breath and looked up at them.

"Uh, you sure you're alright?" Shana said.

Emmy nodded.

"I know I sound like a broken record," Darry said, "but are we done?"

Shana sighed. "Yeah, let's try to sort this out later," she said.

Emmy stood up quickly and picked up her notepad. She turned and promptly ran into the General. "Sorry," she whispered, trying not to look at him.

Darry patted him on the shoulder as she walked by. "Clinic."

"I'll be there in a moment," he said. He looked to Shana. "Thank you for your help here today."

Shana nodded but gave him a look that said he wasn't off the hook with her personally.

He looked down at Emmy with some confusion. She didn't make any effort to storm past him, which is what he had expected.

"Excuse me," Emmy said quietly. She had to get back to her office and look up bus schedules. A jangling noise caught her attention. She looked up to see him holding her car keys. She gasped.

"All you had to do was ask," he said.

She looked at the keys and then up at him.

"Here," he said, "take them."

"Thank you," she said, closing her fingers around them.

"I want you to know that I am not angry with you about what happened yesterday," he said. "I also want you to know that I never said those things that were printed in the article."

Emmy nodded, biting her lips. "We're dropping the lawsuit, by the way. We forgot to tell you that."

"I'm glad," he said.

"Sorry," she said. She slowly stepped around him. "I have to go now." She was far too nervous to be in his presence any longer, and she knew he couldn't possibly want to be around her.

The General sighed. "I just don't understand this," he said with a little agitation. "How could you ever think that I would hate you? Hate is not even part of my makeup, and even if it were.... I should hope you would know that it would be impossible for me to hate you. I thought that you knew me better than that."

Emmy couldn't look at him. What had she done? She was a terrible person. "Sorry," she squeaked and ran out of the room.

The General sat down in a chair and banged his head on the table.

~*~

"Okay, so basically Emmy has turned into Caeryn and Caeryn and turned into Emmy," Ban said.

"No," Shana said. "Neither Emmy nor Caeryn in their normal states were ever this...manic."

Just then, Emmy shuffled into the lounge. She was dressed in her flannel jammies and dragging her giant Pooh bear by the arm. Shana and Ban watched her as she slowly walked to the sofa, grabbed the soft chenille blanket left by the previous couch potato, and turned to walk slowly back out of the lounge. She shuffled down the hall, opened the door to the movie room, and softly closed the door behind her.

A moment later, Caeryn came stomping down the hall and out the front door, slamming it behind her.

"Like I said," Ban said, "Emmy has become Caeryn and Caeryn has become Emmy."

Another moment later, Emmy came shuffling out of the movie room.

"Hey, what's up?" Shana said.

"Something I have to do," Emmy said as she shuffled out the front door.

"Uh, something is terribly wrong here," Ban said. "Emmy would NEVER go outside in flannel jammies."

~*~

"You're right," Judy said after Shana and Ban told her the whole tale as the three gathered in the kitchen searching for any trace of Nutella. "Something is really wrong with those two."

All three Ho's looked down the hallway at the sound of the front door slamming shut.

"Oh shit!" Shana said, jumping up and chasing after Caeryn who ran up the stairs wielding an axe.

~*~

"So what do you think?" the General said as he and Darry enjoyed a post-coital smoke in the Clinic.

"It's simple," Darry said. "They're both a couple of nutters who need to get laid."

The General smiled. "I don't think it's quite that simple."

"Sure it is," Darry said. "I don't know why everybody has to make everything so angsty and complicated."

"Well, considering that Caeryn seems to want my head and Emmy can't even look me in the eye.... And then there's Diebin," he said.

"I dunno," Darry said. "Just climb in bed with them when they're sleeping. They're nice and quiet and precious that way. You know, like children. Angels when asleep and demons when awake."

The General chuckled. But the shriek from next door killed his jovial mood.

"Oh, NOW WHAT?" Darry griped.

~*~

"CAERYN!" Shana yelled.

"He wants to see insane? I'LL GIVE HIM INSANE!" Caeryn shrieked as she swung the axe and began to make kindling of the General's desk.

"Stop it! NOW!" Shana yelled. "This is crazy!"

"Oh! So now YOU think I'm crazy!"

The General ran into his office, stopped dead in his tracks at the site of his previously level-headed, supportive Dean hacking up his desk.

"Oh my God," Darry laughed.

"This isn't funny!" Shana yelled.

"I know!" Darry said, still laughing. "I can't help it!"

Shana sighed angrily at Darry. "Caeryn, PLEASE!"

"Caeryn!" the General barked. "Enough of this!"

"Oh SHUT UP!" Caeryn yelled, spinning around and promptly losing her grip on the axe. Everyone but Caeryn ducked as the axe flew threw the air and finally hit the wall, lodging into the framed portrait of the General and his Ho's that he proudly displayed on his wall. Suddenly unarmed, Caeryn grabbed the quickest weapon she could find, a pair of scissors, and frantically stabbed the desk.

"That's it," Darry said, "I'm calling the loony bin."

The General sighed. There was only one thing for him to do. He summoned the Force and willed Caeryn into sudden slumber. She slumped to the floor and fell unconscious.

"What did you do to her?" Shana asked angrily.

"She's just sleeping," the General said. "She'll be fine."

The three of them walked up to where Caeryn lay peacefully on the floor. "See," Darry said. "Just like a damn kid."

~*~

Emmy shuffled back into the building after cleaning up her mess. She headed toward the movie room mulling over all the horrible things she had done and how heartbroken and upset the General must be. Not to mention the fact that he was obviously terribly disappointed in her for thinking badly of him.

She quietly closed the door to the movie room and cuddled up with Pooh and her blanket. She pushed the play button and continued Julie's twirl on the lovely Austrian hill from where she had stopped it earlier. And then it occurred to her. There was something she needed to do. Emmy pressed the stop button.

She shuffled back out into the hallway and slowly climbed the stairs, but when she heard the General's voice she ran into her office. She pulled a phone book off the shelf and sat down at her desk.

Emmy found the number she was looking for, dialed the phone, and waited nervously. "Uh, hi. Could you tell me how to go about retrieving an impounded motorcycle?"