"Alright, first thing's first," he said to himself as he took long strides down the driveway toward the Tattler office.

Suddenly he realized he had no idea where the Tattler office was. He took a turn off and headed into the admin building.

"Hello," the General said to Ban cheerfully when he saw her in the lounge.

She looked at him. Attitude. Pure, raw attitude.

"I don't suppose you happen to know where the Tattler office is, do you?"

"Why? You have another exclusive for them?" Darry lashed out from behind him. She flipped her hair and blew a bubble.

"No, I'm going to shut them down," the General said definitively. "If I can find them."

Darry rolled her eyes as she chomped on her gum. "You're the President, you're supposed to know these things."

"Well, I don't," he said, cocking up an eyebrow. "So where are they."

Darry shrugged. "No clue." She blew a bubble and snapped it as she walked away.

~*~

Emmy stood in the middle of her spacious closet. She had absolutely nothing to wear to the college fair at the high school. To her right was a rack full of black velvet skirts of all different styles. To her left was a rack of blouses and sweaters in various jewel tones. In the middle were various slacks, dresses and gowns, assorted funky clothing, and her new Chanel collection. She thought perhaps she could salvage something from the blouse and sweater rack, but there was no way she could go to the high school dressed in velvet or Chanel purchased by the Naboo government. What would the students think? What would their parents think? It was her job to attract new recruits, and she certainly wasn't going to be able to do that dressed like a...a...a diva. The General and the Tattler had been right. People would think she was an idiot.

She needed something responsible and respectable. Something would tell parents that their daughters would be well taken care of at HSU.

Then she had a flash of inspiration. During Spirit Week she had bought the perfect outfit for Dress Like a Boring Grown Up Day. Emmy rummaged through the storage boxes up on the shelf until she found it. It was perfect. Just the thing she needed in order to gain the approval of all the parents she was going to meet while passing out the HSU prospectus featuring a black-clad General giving them The Look on the front cover and The Stance on the back cover.

~*~

Caeryn sat perfectly positioned in her office, surrounded by well-hidden ysalamiri. She had done the same in the General's office, hidden them behind books and such, but given the fact that he no longer had a desk, this exercise had become much more challenging.

No matter. Caeryn had no plans to leave her office anyway. Except to go to her room to sleep. And since she had hidden ysalamiri in all of the other Ho's offices, she was sure that she was fairly safe from the General's Force manipulations.

"Yes?" Caeryn said when she heard a knock on her office door.

"Caeryn, may I have a word?" The General stood in the doorway in a near Stance.

Caeryn took a deep breath. His prowess would be another issue entirely. "Certainly," she quipped, returning her attention to her computer screen.

"How are you feeling?" he said as he walked in.

"Fine, and...." Caeryn's throat tightened as she saw the General suddenly turn pale.

"That is good to hear," he said, his voice sounding rather distressed.

Caeryn glared at Paddington. She wasn't about to have her faithful bear fall to the side of General sympathy. "Was there something else that you wanted? I have all of these schedules to work on."

"Did.... Jael told me she gave you the keys to your car. I had...." The General looked around the room to try and determine the source of the giant Force void that hit him in the gut. "I had wanted to present it to you myself, but--"

"Oh yes," Caeryn said. "It's lovely. Thank you." She turned her attentions back to the monitor.

"If you'll excuse me," the General said, backing out before Caeryn had time to respond. He felt as though his very essence had been drained from him. As he walked further down the hall, he felt his Force strength increase again.

Caeryn sighed and stood up to close her office door. "Oh, Paddington, I'm so glad that the ysalamiri prevented the General from seeing my worry. He looked dreadful, didn't he?" Caeryn huffed as she sat back down. "Yes, I know that they're the reason he looked that way." She continued to work on the schedules. "No, of course it doesn't feel good to see him suffer. I'm sorry, Paddington, I have too much work to do to discuss the ethics of this situation."

Paddington was beside himself. There were so many things to say, but none of them seemed just right. So he sat in silence and awaited the appropriate words.

~*~

"Shana," the General said as he entered her office.

"On. A. Plate," Shana said distinctly and slowly.

"No, I am not here about that," the General said.

"Oh? Then why are you here?" Shana asked in a tone that told him to hurry up and get the hell out.

"Do you know where the Tattler office is?" In his distress he had forgotten to ask Caeryn.

She gave him a look.

"No, I don't know where it is even though I am the President of this university...or was," he said softly, sensing another Force void, yet this one much smaller than in Caeryn's office.

The look on his face almost convinced Shana to throw all grudges out the window and have him take her right there on the desk. But, dammit, she wanted Martha's head. "Well, not that many people know. Just me, Caeryn, and Jael, I think."

~*~

Jael whistled as she practically skipped over to the Tattler office. She had already run out of fliers and needed to use their color copier to make more. It was a good day. A happy day. She was beyond excited for the bonfire that evening. Everything couldn't be more perfect.

Well, except for the fact that Space Dog had ditched her a couple hours earlier. But Jael was certain that her canine companion would return that evening. There would simply be too many legs to chew on for Space Dog to miss out.

"Hello!" Jael called out as she entered the Tattler office. Jael walked around a bit, but found it to be deserted. In fact, it was always deserted when she was there. She figured that the crew probably worked very early hours in order to meet their printing deadlines.

Jael walked to the back of the office where the color copier sat near the print room door. She set the copier for 50, and then took a seat to read through the latest edition of the paper.

As she read the article about Judy embezzling funds from the school's opera house fund in order to build a lavish private beach resort with her Latin lover, a pirate no less, Jael's attention was drawn to a deep rumbling sound. She looked over at the copier as it slowly hummed away. Then she looked toward the front door.

Two desks away stood a growling, drooling Mastiff.

"Nice doggie," Jael peeped as she froze in her chair while remembering what it was Space Dog told her to tell the General.

~*~

"What in God's name are you wearing?" Darry blew a bubble and flipped her hair twice.

"I needed something respectable to wear to the high school this afternoon," Emmy said.

Diebin peered out from behind Shana's 'Esquire' magazine. "Whoa!"

"I know it's not my usual attire, but I decided that I needed a different image for this PR work," Emmy said.

"I thought that's what all the Chanel stuff was for," Darry said, making a hideous face as she continued to examine Emmy.

"I...." Emmy sighed. She really hated confrontations. "I just don't want to seem pretentious."

Darry and Diebin both laughed.

Emmy dropped her head, feeling her self-esteem plummet. "Well, I have to go," she said quietly, turning and walking out the door.

~*~

Jael had climbed on top of a desk and had her back to the wall as the Mastiff continued to growl and move closer to her. "Nice doggie," Jael squeaked, her lip trembling with fear. "Nice, nice doggie."

She shrieked when the Mastiff lunged forward and barked furiously at her.

~*~

The General broke into a dead run when he heard the scream. He reached out with the Force to determine the source. "Jael," he said under his breath as he hurried toward the Tattler office. He drew his saber, the menacing barking growing louder as he approached.

He nearly knocked down the door of the Tattler office and ignited his saber.

"General," Jael gasped when she saw the BLUE blade.

The Mastiff's head turned as well.

The General strode forward, daring the dog to even look at him. The Mastiff had stopped barking. "Sleep," the General said.

The Mastiff looked down, walked in a circle, plunked down the floor, sighed, and went to sleep.

Jael stared wide-eyed at the dog, her whole body trembling from the fright.

The General reached up and put her arm around her waist. "It's alright now," he said.

Jael put her arm around his shoulders as he pulled her off the desk and lowered her to the ground. She quickly scooted around to stand behind him and peeked around his arm to look at the sleeping Mastiff.

"He can't hurt you," the General said.

"Not a he," Jael said. "A she."

"Hmm?"

Jael sighed. "There's something I have to tell you."

~*~

Emmy slowly drove her new Mercedes past the HSU gate. She was rather nervous about driving such an expensive car. What if she dinged something? What if she got into an accident? The General would really be disappointed with her then.

The sun was out, and she had considered putting the top down, but she didn't want her hair to be too wild by the time she got to the high school. She had her exhibit pieces in the trunk and a stack of the HSU prospectus on the passenger seat so they wouldn't slide around too much.

She pulled out on the two-lane road, keeping the car well under the speed limit. It was such a beautiful vehicle, but she didn't quite feel right in it. Maybe she would ask the General if she could exchange it for a new Volvo. Of course, that would probably upset him.

As she drove away from campus, her confidence boosted a bit, so she drove a little faster as she got comfortable with the feel of the car. A smile perked up on her face. The Mercedes actually felt pretty good.

Emmy rolled down the window a bit. And then she rolled it down some more. Then she cackled. She was driving a brand new Mercedes CLK430! This was definitely a diva car.

Emmy paused her thinking for a moment. Diva? Where did that thought come from?

She drove a little faster down the road, now approaching the speed limit. She breathed the fresh air and began to feel much more self-assured. Maybe this was just what she needed, to get off campus for a bit and rejuvenate herself.

She had destroyed her tiara and had been moping around in flannel pajamas for the past two days. Was there any chance that she still had some diva in her?

Emmy looked at the speedometer and noticed that she was now going ten miles over the speed limit. Then, suddenly, she laughed out loud. "Damn STRAIGHT I'm a diva!" She reached forward and turned on the radio. She shook her head. "What the hell have I been doing for the past two days?! And why the hell don't I have the top down?!"

Emmy slowed down quickly and stopped the car. She looked across the dashboard and found the controls for the top. Once the top had receded, she hit the accelerator and sped down the road with her hair blowing in the wind. "Now that's more like it!"

The sun was beginning to glare in her eyes so she reached down to find her sunglasses. Her hand couldn't find them, so she slowed a bit and looked down quickly. And then she saw her lap.

Emmy slammed on the brakes, gravel flying everywhere as she pulled off the road. She looked down at the khaki skirt with the pleats pooching up to make her stomach look enormous and the aquamarine pima cotton polo shirt.

Emmy quickly unfastened her seatbelt and scrambled out of the car. She looked down at the wide khaki skirt and she screamed. Emmy knelt down next to the side view mirror and saw her reflection. She wore very little makeup and the light aquamarine of her collar provided no effective contrast to her pale skin.

So Emmy screamed again.

She jumped up and grabbed the skirt. "What is this?!" she shrieked. She pulled on the skirt hoping she could at least rip it, but she was only able to yank it around as she hopped in circles and shrieked again.

Emmy was seething, but she had to think of a plan. She quickly grabbed her cell phone.

"Hello?"

"Ban? Ban, is that you??"

"Yeah, Emmy."

"Get Brenda."

"I don't know where she is."

"I! NEED! BRENDA!"

"Wow, you sound like you're feeling fine again."

"I am NOT FEELING FINE!! I look, like...like...LIKE A TEACHER!!!"

Ban snorted. "Yeah, I heard about that. Well, you are going to a high school, after all."

"Listen to me," Emmy growled. "You get me Brenda right now, or God help you, I'll push that Jag of yours off a cliff with the rest of your opera house fund in it!" Emmy heard a click and then the hold music began. It was Celine Dion. Emmy reached back to throw her phone into the ground when....

"Hello?"

Emmy slammed the phone to her ear. "Brenda!!"

Brenda swallowed hard. "Um, yeah." It really was stressful to be a padawan to such an unstable Master.

"Brenda, listen to me very carefully. I need clothes. I need makeup. And I need you to bring them to me on the highway."

"But I don't have a car anymore," Brenda said.

Emmy exhaled.

"But I will find a car," Brenda quickly added. "What clothes?"

"Bring me my black Chanel suit, any of them will do. Chanel handbag." Emmy looked down at the ridiculous loafers on her feet. "And. Shoes."

~*~

Emmy glared down the road when she heard the strains of Kid Rock blaring from the Mustang that approached. "Oh great," she mumbled.

As Cal pulled over, Brenda jumped out of the car.

"Took you long enough," Emmy said.

Brenda opened the trunk and began to pull things out.

"You put my Chanel in the trunk of HIS car?"

"I'm sorry," Brenda said. "He's the only one I could find."

Emmy heard Cal's snickering. She marched over to the driver side window. "You mention this outfit to anyone, I will throw you on the bonfire tonight," she said. "Don't think I can't."

"Yes ma'am," Cal groveled.

"That's everything," Brenda said, carefully laying the suit bag in the back seat of the Mercedes.

Emmy looked at the padawannabe. "Beat it, pal." She walked back to her car as Kid Rock blared again and the Mustang made a U-turn. "Ready to go dupe some sniveling high schoolers and their yuppie parents?"

Brenda grinned. Perhaps this wasn't going to be as bad as she thought.

~*~

"Well, that went resoundingly well, don't you think," Emmy said, strutting from the high school gymnasium swinging her Chanel handbag.

"Yeah," Brenda groaned as she dragged all of the exhibit displays and small television that they used to show the HSU promotional video.

Finally reaching the car, Emmy unlocked the trunk and actually helped Brenda load it up. "That'll teach the crybabies at that Tattler to print that I can't do something."

"They just need to get laid," Brenda quipped.

Emmy laughed. "You are learning very well, Brenda."

Brenda smiled. She never thought that helping Emmy drum up business would be enjoyable, but after she watched her Master make mincemeat of the jocks and homecoming queens who even looked at her sideways without so much as raising the attentions of the school administrators or parents, Brenda knew she was going to enjoy this.

As they drove back to campus, Brenda counted through the informational cards that she and Emmy had convinced the female students to fill out. "So how many did we get?" Emmy asked.

"Twenty-seven," Brenda said.

Emmy grinned. She couldn't wait to flash those in everyone's face. "That'll show 'em."

"Damn straight," Brenda said.

Emmy nodded as they drove on. Once they rounded the bend and the campus came into view, she said, "So do you think that's enough cards?"

"What?"

"Do you think that's enough? Do you think we got enough, or will the General be disappointed in that?"

Brenda raised her eyebrows and looked over at Emmy, whose shoulders were hunched a bit. "Uh.... I think we did great."

"You think so?" Emmy turned onto the driveway and pressed the remote on her visor to open the gate.

"Oh, absolutely," Brenda said. "You were amazing."

Emmy smiled. "Thanks." She sighed.

Brenda was getting really confused again. "Uh, are you alright?"

"I dunno," Emmy said. "Sometimes I think I'm just not up to the job."

"No way," Brenda said. "Everyone was very impressed with your presentation."

"No, they weren't," Emmy said.

"Yes, they were."

Emmy shrugged. "Well, I didn't write it anyway."

"But that doesn't matter. You recruited some new potential students, even convinced their parents that Ho State sounded like a respectable alma matter, and told the jocks where to stick it when they made snide comments," Brenda said. "It was really great, especially for your first time out."

Emmy pulled the car into the garage and parked it. She got out and opened the trunk and began to remove the exhibit pieces.

Brenda eyed her suspiciously. It wasn't like Emmy to unload everything herself. "Are you okay?"

"I made such a fool of myself," Emmy said.

"You didn't!"

"I did. I mean, look at me, flashing these expensive clothes. Hurling insults at teenage boys."

"They deserved it."

"Geez, I bet they're all at home right now talking about that wacky bitch from HSU." Emmy shook her head. "This is terrible."

~*~

Emmy hurried up to her room to change out of her suit. As she was putting her jammies on, she thought about the day's events. She was experiencing so many conflicting emotions. She remembered how great she felt at the high school. Confident and full of diva power. But now she was questioning every little thing she had done and said.

She quickly buttoned up her jammies when she heard a knock at the door. She shuffled over to the door and opened it.

"General wants to see us downstairs," Darry said, blowing a bubble.

"Alright," Emmy said, plodding along after her. He had probably found out how terribly she had done at the high school and was going to tell everyone that she was fired.

~*~

"Okay, say that again," Shana said.

Jael took a deep breath. "The dead body on the field a few weeks back. Ugarte. That wasn't really Ugarte. It was Ugarte's body, but Ugarte's spirit is now in the Mastiff that belongs to that Smelly chick."

"And you know this because your dog told you," Darry said in a tone that indicated she was just about to call for the men in the white coats.

"Yeah," Jael said.

"So this Ugarte person has the ability to actually switch bodies?" Diebin asked.

"Something like that I guess," Jael said.

"Cool!" Diebin said.

"And you believe this?" Darry asked the General incredulously.

"I don't have any reason to doubt it at this point," he said.

"So why plant a dead body on my campus?" Caeryn asked, annoyed that she even had to be there.

"I don't know," he said.

"And where is this Smelly chick anyway?" Caeryn said.

"I don't know."

Caeryn sighed. "Well, what DO you know?"

"I think we can all agree that nothing has been normal around here for some time. And trust me, there are all sort of species with abilities that would seem impossible to many of you," the General said. "What I do know is that many of us, including myself, have been behaving strangely. Plus, there is a distinct disturbance in the Force throughout this building."

"What do you mean?" Shana asked.

"There are voids. Blank spots. They are very random, but I tell you they are quite distressing," he said.

Caeryn pretended to be fascinated with the plaster design pattern on the wall.

"Wow," Emmy said. "That's a little upsetting."

"Yes," the General said.

"There are very few things that could cause this," he said. "But since I am unable to summon the Force when in one of these voids, I cannot determine the cause. My Force senses cannot penetrate them."

All the Ho's fell very quiet. The idea of something or someone actually robbing the General of his power was rather unsettling.

Caeryn continued to stare at the wall.

"So," he said, "I want to know if anyone has had any unusual experiences since your return from Alderaan."

Darry sighed. "You mean, aside from the tiara thing and the desk thing and--"

"What I am saying is that we have a pattern here. A dead body, possibly planted there given Jael's information. A series of very damaging newspaper articles. Some rather...uncharacteristic behavior. And now Force voids in the building," he said. "Has anyone had any notable experiences that the rest of us aren't aware of."

Emmy's heart began to beat in her chest at the mere thought of saying something. Maybe it was nothing. But she had that lingering sense of her diva power. She had gotten it back only briefly, but now it was gone. Then again, maybe she was just making something out of nothing.

"Nobody?" the General said. "Well, alright then. You can all go."

"Wait," Emmy said. "Something happened today. It's probably nothing."

"I wouldn't say it's nothing," Darry said, snapping her gum. "The fact that you even put on those awful clothes is something."

Emmy sighed. "Never mind," she said, shuffling back.

"Wait," the General said. "Please share it with us."

Emmy played with her sleeves. "Well, as I was driving to the high school this afternoon...." She stopped.

"Yes, and what happened?" the General asked.

"I.... I don't quite know how to say it," Emmy said. "It was like, like...I had this change of.... Ummm...."

"The diva returned," Ban said. "I talked to her myself."

"Yeah, something like that," Emmy said. "It was weird. And then during our presentation.... Well, I was on, you know? Confident, bitchy." Emmy sighed. "And now it's gone," she said mournfully. "Or maybe I was just rude. Forget it."

"Can I just say something here?" Brenda said.

"Of course, Brenda," the General said.

Brenda gulped. She wasn't wearing her swoon protectors. But her knees only shook a little. She was getting better at this. "I was with Emmy at the high school. It went brilliantly. We collected twenty-seven interest cards."

"Twenty-seven?!" Caeryn asked.

Emmy sighed. "See, it didn't really go all that well."

"Emmy," Caeryn said, "we have never received twenty-seven interest cards. Five if we're lucky, maybe ten on a good day, but that's only when there aren't any parents around."

"Really?" Emmy asked. "Well, Brenda helped a lot."

"As I was saying," Brenda said. "She was dead on the whole time. Complete diva. Even her hair was lustrous and full of body. But the second we got back to campus, she turned back into...." Brenda stopped herself before she said something that Emmy could hold against her once the diva returned.

Emmy stared at the floor and pushed her dull, flattening hair behind her ear.

"Thank you, Brenda," the General said. "That gives me something to work with."

"It does?" Emmy said.

"Yes," he said, smiling a bit.

"Did I do something wrong?"

"Of course not," he said. "In fact, you did a fine job today, better than any of us expected."

Emmy sighed. She knew nobody wanted her in the PR position.

"Yeah, Emmers, you rock," Diebin said.

"Thanks," she said, biting her quivering lip. She sniffled.

"Emmy?" the General said.

"I...." Oh, God, she couldn't cry in front of all of them. Then they'd really think she was an idiot. "I just want the diva back," she whispered.

Shana put her arm around Emmy's shoulders. "So do we."

"We do?" Darry said, popping a bubble.

"Just think," Shana said, "you had it back today. Just remember what that felt like. I'm sure it will return soon."

Darry dropped her head to the back of the couch and mumbled, "God, I hope not."

"Which reminds me," the General said. "I have an errand to run." He really needed to buy Darry a nicotine patch before she started killing somebody. "Thank you all for coming down." He walked past them all and stopped at Emmy, putting his hand on her shoulder. "And thank you for retrieving my bike."

"You did WHAT?!" Caeryn, Darry, and Ban all yelled simultaneously.

Emmy squeaked and gave the General a pathetic look. "Thanks a lot," she whined and shuffled away.

The General just groaned and stalked out the front door.