"And the look on his face when Bobby told him we were suing him!" Emmy howled, wiping tears from her eyes as all the Ho's cackled madly. She patted Bobby's cheek as she leaned into him. "Such a good lawyer."

Bobby smiled, yet he knew better than to sink too deep into hostile estrogen. "I think I'll go watch the game with the guys," he said, scooting his chair back from the table.

"Okey dokey," Emmy said. He could have told her he was going to single-handedly overthrow the Galactic Senate, and she would have replied "okey dokey" after all the margaritas she'd imbibed.

"There's a game on this late?" Darry asked, better able to handle her liquor than Emmy.

"There's ALWAYS a game on," Ban said, the manly cheer erupting from the living room confirming that.

Darry shrugged and then laughed. "But I really thought Caeryn was going to kill him!"

Caeryn giggled. "If Shana hadn't jumped in, I just may have. And I had to get out of there because I knew I'd either kill him or cry."

"Yeah," Shana said, "but you missed Emmy's lecture on just who ran HSU."

"Hold on, hold on, hold on," Diebin said, having appeared downstairs once again with Rick after the dancing had ended and the hysterical laughter (and sports) began. She stood up and began her best diva impersonation, "WE are the university! WE are the ones who made you president!"

"Woo-hoo!" Caeryn cheered as the women once again broke out in hysterical laughter.

Darry wiped her eyes as she chuckled. "You can bet that's the LAST time he'll call Emmy a flake!"

"What?" Emmy said, suddenly not so amused.

The laughter continued as Diebin then impersonated the General's facial responses to Emmy's speech.

"He called me WHAT?"

"A flake," Darry said nonchalantly, her good sense drowned by vodka and vermouth.

"He. Called. Me. A. Flake."

"Yeah," Darry said, flapping her hand. "Right after you took the PR position. He made some comment about how he questioned the value of having the school's flakiest woman - next to Dande, of course - being responsible for drumming up business."

All the Ho's fell serious as Emmy crossed her arms in front of her and pursed her lips, except for Darry who held a pleasant smile on her face. "What?" Darry asked looking around.

"No more martini's for you, Nurse," Ban said, moving the glass away from her.

"So," Emmy finally said. "Not only did he call me a flake, but I am now the flakiest woman on campus?"

"Aside from Dande," Darry offered helpfully, gesturing to the Wench who seemed to being paying remarkable attention since she'd been removed from the tower AND the Titanic CD. "Or maybe it was flighty.... I dunno, some word with an 'f'."

"Flighty. I see," Emmy said.

"Aw, Em, I'm sure he didn't mean that," Ban said.

"Yeah," Caeryn said. "Darry said it was some 'f' word. Could have been.... I dunno.... Flirtatious!"

Diebin and Shana nodded.

"And Dande is flirtatious," Caeryn added. "I'll bet he meant flirtatious."

"Nnnope," Darry said, shaking her head. "It was definitely flakey or flighty. One of those."

Emmy scooted her chair back abruptly, knocking it over in the process. "I'm going to bed," she snapped, stumbling over her chair and kicking it until it was out of her way.

"Nice going, Darry," Shana said.

"What?"

"Hello," Diebin said. "You just told her the General thinks she's stupid and incompetent."

Darry's eyes flew wide open. "No, I didn't! I just said.... Aw, fuck, I hate it when I'm an honest drunk." She threw her napkin down on the table. "Emmy! He also said that he adored you!!" she called out to the diva who had already stomped her way up the stairs.

"Well.... Maybe she won't remember this in the morning," Judy said hopefully.

~*~

"Flakey? I'll show him flakey," Emmy growled, marching into Victoria's Secret and buying every piece of red satin lingerie they had in the store.

"You are going to be so dead when these bills come in," Shana said to Darry.

Darry turned quickly, pretending not to hear, and strolled with purpose into the Coach boutique.

~*~

"I strongly advise against it."

"Flakey! He called me flakey!"

"Yes, but having Darry tell you he said that after she'd had several martini's does not provide sufficient grounds for a libel suit."

"Well...how about slander then??"

"Emmy, be reasonable. You are already suing him for breach of contr—"

"Bobby!! He called me FLAKEY!!"

~*~

"Hey, Dande," Diebin, snuggling into Rick's lap as they all lounged around the pool.

"Yes?"

"Did you bring the duct tape?"

Dande's cheeks turned a bright shade of red as Steve looked at her curiously. Then she put on a perfect smile. "Why, yes I did."

"Good," Diebin said with a grin. "Tonight when Darry starts drinking, I want you to slap some over her mouth, okay?"

"Oh, bugger off!" Darry's head snapped to the right as she heard Mulder's chuckle. "What are you laughing at?"

"What's this about duct tape?" Steve asked.

"Oh, don't you worry about it, QB," Dande said, sliding a grape into his mouth.

~*~

"What is she doing?" Judy peered out the window into the dark night sky. A flash of lightening quickly revealed the drama out on the giant rock at the shoreline...and then it was dark again.

"Primal scream therapy," Shana said.

"Uh.... Should somebody go out and get her?" Han asked.

"Nah," Shana said. "It's good for the soul."

"You've tried this...screaming?" Rick asked as Diebin scrambled to get a good look at Emmy going postal since she couldn't be heard over the thunder.

"Well.... Not outside on a rock by myself during a thunderstorm," Shana said, winking at Ardeth.

~*~

Emmy squeezed out her hair in the bathroom sink and towel-dried herself the best she could. Then she wandered into the dining room, walked past the table, and made her way to the bar where Judy was dutifully at work.

"Gimme one of those," Emmy said, pounding on the bar.

"How are you feeling?" Judy asked, never having seen Emmy look like a drowned rat before.

Emmy smiled. "Delightfully refreshed," she croaked, her vocal chords ripped to shreds. "You should try it sometime." Then she turned to the crowd gathered around the table. "You wanna have some fun?"

"Hell yeah!" Diebin yelled...kind of muffled as she sucked sugar free chocolate sauce off Rick's finger.

Emmy grinned. "Let's send the General some postcards."

"WOOOO!" came the resounding response from the Ho's as they banged on the table enthusiastically.

"Let's REALLY stick it to him this time!" Caeryn shouted.

And within 3.7 seconds, all men had cleared the room.

"What's up with them?" Julia asked.

"Men," Sere huffed.

~*~

"Okay," Diebin bounced in her chair. "I'll read mine first." She cleared her throat. "Dear, General. I would say that I wished you were here, but Rick is keeping me so busy that I really haven't had much time to ponder your absence." Diebin grinned as the Ho's cackled. Then she continued. "You remember Rick. He's the one who looks like what George would have looked like had Emmy succeeded in cutting his hair. Love, Diebin."

"Bravo," Shana said as all the Ho's applauded. "Here's mine. Dear, General. We are all enjoying our vacation. I hope you are enjoying yours. I may possibly look forward to seeing you next week, depending on how much sleep Ardeth lets me get. Love, Shana."

"You go!" Darry said.

"Wait, there's more," Shana giggled. "P.S. Stop abusing my secretary, or I will add that to our willful destruction of property charge."

Emmy laughed out loud. "Which brings us to the flake!" She held her postcard up for all the Ho's to see. It was a picture of a mostly naked, well-muscled man wearing an extremely immodest Speedo. He was standing knee-deep in the ocean, the words 'Wish You Were Here' printed above his head. Then Emmy read, "Dear, General. As you can see, the men of Alderaan are nothing like you. That's why we've decided never to return. Love, Emmy."

"Oooooo," Diebin said and then cackled.

Darry laughed, "You're not really going to send that, are you?"

"Why not?" Emmy said.

"It is a little harsh, Em," Ban said.

"He called me a flake."

"Oh hell, he called her a—" Darry stopped suddenly at the sound of ripping duct tape.

"Don't make me use this," Diebin said, holding the tape roll up in a threatening manner.

"Her who?" Judy asked.

"Never mind," Darry said.

The Ho's sat quiet for a moment, each of them examining in detail their overall behavior for any indications that their actions may have been worthy of an unflattering comment.

"Um.... Caeryn, why don't you read yours," Emmy finally said.

But Caeryn had returned to her postcard, suddenly finding more inspiration in those few moments of silence. She continued to write....and continued to write, her penmanship shrinking substantially as she began to turn the card and make use of every available space.

"Caeryn," Shana said.

Caeryn kept writing even when it didn't look like there was anymore room for words.

"Caeryn, that's probably good enough," Shana said.

Caeryn kept writing furiously.

"Caeryn!" Shana shouted.

"Huh?"

"Paddington," Shana stated, finding the bear and holding him up.

Caeryn looked up. Then she dropped her pen, quickly grabbed Paddington, and raced out onto the deck.

Darry puffed and stood up. "Where the hell is that G-man?" she mumbled, wandering toward the sound of the television.

Diebin skipped along after her, grabbing the bottle of chocolate sauce on her way. She waved it around until she caught Rick's attention. He bounded over his newfound friends and hoisted Diebin up against the wall.

"Get a room," Emmy growled as she stomped past them to steal the bowl of M&M's from the coffee table. Then she headed into the kitchen and grabbed a half-gallon of ice cream and a spoon.

"Time for dessert?" Han asked, leaning against the doorframe.

"Bite me," Emmy said as she flew past him and straight up the stairs, locking herself in her room with the requisite comfort food and a stack of movies.