Title: HSU: Requisitions (1/1, I think)
After: The Contract, by Darry
Author: Shana Nolan
Archive: Incoming, Darry!
Rating: CMD (cold medicine delirious)
Disclaimers: I think we've all figured out that in all technicality, Lucasowns the kit and caboodle-- to that I say . The General is betterappreciated by his Hos. I mean really, where else in the SW world could heget regular sex -and- good food? As for the other stuff... the quotes arefrom George of the Jungle; Dairy Queen is in no way responsible for afictional crash by a fictional but rockin char, and Crow is going back toBest Brains once David brings back some good Alderaani wine.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

~*~Don't worry, nobody dies in this movie, they just get really bigboo-boos~*~

"So did you get the locks changed?"

Nodding and throwing the thirteenth million kleenex in her trash can, theDean of Student Affairs sniffed. "Yep, all part of the plan to get Ban totalk to the dust bunnies. They said that they missed Emmy."

Pursing a lip, knocking a bit of fuzz off her impeccable Ralph Lauren suit,Darry glanced at the surface of the large mahogany desk and the stack ofmedications sitting on it. "You are taking the ones I told you to, right?"

Shana nodded. "Yep, no more codeine for me. I mean, you miss oneappointment with the General because you're passed out on your couch, makinga lovely drool spot on imported silk jacquard I might add, and not swear offthe stuff."

There was a sagely nod from the Nurse lounging back in the black leatherchair, her perfectly polished heels set on the matching ottoman. "So, therequisitions order?"

Pulling out her own file copy (she made triplicate the previous day), Shanacleared her throat and gave into the cough. "Problem with it?"

"Well, the building supplies to replace the wall Die and Caeryn crashed arefine, but..."

"The ten cases of Kleenex?"

Darry waved her hand in the air as she scanned down her own copy. "Noproblem, I understand that."

Shana sniffed in appreciation.

"But the plastic pansies?"

There was a growl from the other side. "It's my vain attempt to keepflowers around that are immune to Ewoks, shagging Generals, crawlingbenefactours and Vocab Man."

"What did he do?"

Shana blinked. "Who?"

Darry tapped a pen and jotted a note on the paper. "The occasionally vocaltwo tone crayon that Tasha just filled out an External Affair form for."

"Oh, him... um, and ew. Yeah. He apparently finds the gardens offensivelyperky to his Sithly senses."

"Makes sense. So how about the ten 250 gramme tins of Fortnum and Masontea?"

Shana shrugged and pointed at her half-empty cup of tea. "Goes with thetwenty 113 gramme tins of Twinings English Breakfast and Earl Grey..."

Darry blinked. Between Shana's, Caeryn's and her own orders for Englishtea, she'd have to pull some pretty big strings over there in the Senate.

Once he got back with her car, that is.

~*~But if you would just let me order a bowl of fried clams~*~

"Dieben."

Wiping the shit eating grin off her face and looking up from her drawer,slamming it shut, the catsuit clad Ho met the eyes of the General, trying toavoid looking directly in those teal-grey irises. "Yes?"

"Can I have a moment?"

Leaping to her feet and tugging the leather straight, Dieben licked her lipsand braced herself. She knew what was coming... "Sure, can I help you withsomething?" ~Like your zipper?~

Crossing the office, leveling his gaze with his secretary, Obi-Wan moved asto pin the Grrl in her desk area...

And gave The Look.

Die felt her knees try to give.

Smoothing a hand through his reddish blond hair, a few stray strands fallingacross his forehead, he smiled, parting his lips slightly to expose thebarest part of teeth before speaking a little softer. "I wanted to makesure you know that I'm glad to have you back as my secretary. I've missedyour bouncing."

"Meep." Grabbing the door remote from her freshly washed and polished deskand hitting the red button, Die felt the General's strong hand land on herwaist and push her onto the freshly cleaned desktop just as the door slammedwith a resounding bang.

~*~I said "awe." A. W. E.~*~

"Bob, why are we stopping?"

Sighing, the harried feeling man pointed at the stoplight. "It's red."

"Oh, like the law's ever prevented you from doing something."

About to put the midnight blue BMW into a lower gear and turn the cararound, the Sith Intern beginning to grate noticeably on his normallystellar, which was not to forget lethal, nerves, the unknown benefactour ofHSU spoke slowly. "I have a reputation to remain, my dear. Now, if youdon't mind, please get off my monthly reports for my meeting thisafternoon."

"Oooh, session in the Senate. Can I watch?"

Perhaps he should talk to Darry about this particular dilemma... "No, you'renot ready," he paused as the dejected look he received hit him. What was itabout pouting, well lipsticked lips? "Maybe when you're a higher level Sithin training."

Aya brightened immediately. "Oh good."

"Now get off my reports."

"Can't we kill something before I have to go back?"

An idea hit the smooth accented man as he ignored the rest of the grrl'srequest. There was a way to get out of this patience eating situation."Back?"

Aya sat back in her leather upholstered seat and nodded, resisting the urgeto kick on the stereo. Too bad Darry didn't listen to Rob Zombie. "Yeah,back. Gotta get settled in before classes start."

"In that case," he intoned, flipping a bitch in an intersection and slammingthe accelerator, the engine purring to life like the well loved machine itwas, "We'll just go back now. We can't neglect your education."

"But, but, but—"

"Stop simpering. I hate simpering."

Aya scrunched up her face. "And you're willing to take asthma boy as yourapprentice? What does he do that I don't, Bob?"

The look she received was rather dangerous, and had it not been for the factthat a rather irate Nurse and dedicated SPEB member would be waiting for thereturn of her car in -perfect- condition, the smooth talking politicianrefrained from using his nifty blue lightening trick. "Stand up in the WC?"

"Funny. Why don't we stop for some fast food? I saw a Dairy Queen backthere."

"No. No dairy near the leather interior."

"But I really could go for some ice cream."

"It's one of her rules."

"But--"

~*~Java java java java java java java~*~

"That's just so cool. I got to see his innerds!"

"Grrr."

"Yeah, maybe I should get my own looked at."

"Grrr."

"No, I don't think so."

"Grrr."

"Well, maybe, but the General is so well toned, muscle wise, so that wouldlook better than mine."

"Grrr."

"I dunno, but you could."

"Grrrrr."

"No, I don't think radiation from the x-ray will make your frock explodeinto flames."

~*~Was dangerously close to shoving a coconut up Lyle's.... sleeping bag~*~

There was a scratching at her locked door, plaintive and combined with a"Heeey... can't I come in?"

Sighing, knowing that punishment was punishment, and that caving to the Hooutside would endanger her own appointments, Shana covered her ears andtried to ignore the goings on.

"Please? My keys don't seem to work anymore."

Staring at the mahogany chair rail above the table with the quietly tickingmantle clock, she shuffled some papers and dug for something complex andwith an upcoming deadline.

The scratching at the door was interrupted with some quiet knocking.

Getting up and setting the now empty teacup on the saucer, Shana crossed theroom, knelt down to stir the coals in the fireplace and picked up the booklaying on the plush couch. Maybe Michael Crichton could distract her.

"Did the locks get changed or something?"

With a sigh the Paperwork Queen shook her head, knelt down to pull thetrapdoor open on the basement flat and got out of earshot of the locked outHo. Stepping down the stairs, her heels clicking lightly, she noticed withan aggravated sigh that the flapping plastic sheet was still the only thingdividing the place from one of the secret passageways.

"That Valentino number is ravishing."

Jerking her head around, thinking for a second that an MP had invaded herBasement of Solitude, she met eyes with an ogling David. "What's with theBlackAdder impression, sheet boy?"

The tall secretary, recently busted enough to watch his tongue even with hisdirect employer, shrugged. "Accent. Part of the terms for me answering thephone. So where'd you get the suit?"

"Oh, yeah, that. And I made a few acquaintances with some catwalkers lasttime I went to Coruscant. Models there have the best connections."Crossing the room to dig a wine cooler from the refrigerator, Shana pointedat the wall with its obvious hole.

"The insulation comes in tomorrow, along with the brick and paneling."

Biting back a Denis Leary comment, she nodded. "Uh, sure. Now can we talkabout my idea?"

David hesitated. Maybe he should have kept quiet and played I'm-not-here abit longer. "Idea?"

~*~What is it with chicks and horses anyways?~*~

Dande wandered around the garden, her hair floating lightly in the breeze,pausing to smell the roses...

Well, she would have if they hadn't been decimated a while back ago, alongwith the azaleas and the tulips.

But it didn't matter. Here she was in a paradise and sanctuary, safe fromthe evil outer world with her precious love child, these Grrls proving to begood, though slightly deluded, companionship.

How anyone could not love the Master for all his glorious and stallionesquefeatures? It broke her heart that they couldn't understand what she did,and even though, except for that brief moment Emmy truly shined as a Wench,they all still seemed... lost.

Shrugging, the pale silk at her shoulders dancing with the movement, Dandesighed. Well, she supposed, her bosom tightening at the thought, it couldbe worse.

They could be running around lusting after David Hasselhoff.

A soft whinny came up from behind her, a large brown and white nose nuzzlingat her back.

"Oh, harse, how lovely to see you. I thought you were tied up?"

The harse, its mane soft and untangled, bowed his head and stamped a hoofagainst the soft ground.

"Oh, well, I suppose how you got here isn't important. Let's walk for alittle while, I feel the urge to have a quiet, introspective scene where Iconsider just how long I've been without the loving presence of my dearbeloved."

The harse snorted and glanced over at the remaining bits of tulips. Well,the floaty woman could talk all she wanted if there was food about...

"I can practically hear his voice, so deep and musical, that accent liltingpast his perfect tongue as he quotes poetry from my favourite book... "

~*~Watch out for that-- !!~*~

"David! Enough! No more Winston Churchill impressions!"

"'We shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength—'"

*thwack*

~*~Mommy, make the monkey stop talking~*~

"That's a Butterfinger Blizzard and a chocolate covered cherry Blizzard, a large fries, one hot dog with cheese and one with chili, and twomedium Cokes. Anything else today, sir?"

Raising an eyebrow at the girl grinning at him in the passenger seat, theSenator reminded himself that in public places, killing was generallyfrowned upon. "That will do, thank you."

"That's fifteen dollars and thirty six cents at the first window."

"What?! This is a sham, this is a fast food place, this is—"

Aya tapped his shoulder and pointed at the pole mounted next to the menuboard. "Uh, Bob, you might want to watch out for that—"

The front bumper of the formerly impeccable midnight blue BMW crunched intothe cement pole with a sickening crunch.

Wondering if it was possible to take a sudden business trip to Naboo, hewinced. "This is going to be hard to explain."

~*~Watch out for that tree! Ohhh~*~

Walking down the hall with Caeryn and the General, Shana sniffled and tuggedthe edge of her Valentino skirt down. Ho-ness aside, if her -entire- asswas exposed by the high up hem, she'd never make it past the strong,sauntering, sexy General without being pounced by him.

Not that that was a problem.

"So David's on a vacation?"

Nodding at the HSU Dean, Shana pointed towards the hall leading to heroffice. "Yeah, after the, uh, snafu and the following noise pollution, wedecided that he needed some time on Alderaan before the place blows—"

Caeryn, leaping in front of the General to clamp a hand over the other Ho'smouth, pointed at him. "Sssh, no spoilers!"

"Oh, yeah. Well, he's there and I already called a temp in."

Smiling warmly and nearly dropping the two admin to the floor in deadswoons, Obi-Wan queried, "Is he aware of the nature of this campus, Shana?"

Suppressing a giggle, she nodded, trying to ignore the surge of hormones asher name passed his perfect, moist lips. "I was assured that he wasqualified to handle this campus and it's unique... needs."

"Oh, this is excellent, because I seem to recall I have a meeting withyou..."

Caeryn coughed.

"After I review some," there was a pause for the double meaning to becaught, "details with Caeryn here."

Shana nodded and pointed at her door, drawing out her keys and turning theknob once it clicked.

"Oh, hey, there you are, I was wondering. Does this place get cable or isthere some kind of video store nearby I can get some cheesy movies at?"

Caeryn opened her mouth and raised a hand in a question.

The General blinked. "A droid?"

Shana shrugged and walked behind the desk, pulling one of her good Versacishawls out of the gold plastic net. "Yeah, its one of the affirmativeaction programs the Senate recently foisted on the Republic. Oh, and wehave satellite, Crow."

"Oooh, maybe I can call the guys and we can make fun of that crappy sci-fichannel..."

Clamping a hand around the bowling pin beak, Shana shook her head andregarded the faces of the other two humans in the room. So she had odd luckwith secretaries. "Not until you get this work done, or I'll call Mike andhave him come get you."

If two ping-pong ball eyes could look plaintive, the ones fixed on her wouldhave.

Caeryn raised an eyebrow. "Well, now that I'm a tad freaked out, I'll justbe going."

Crossing the room, the General sat on the very edge of the solid desk,gesturing at the auburn Ho to lean over to him. When Shana did, pushing thestrangely shaped droid aside with an "aack," one of his hands laced aroundher shoulder, pulling her across her desk so he could lean into her ear andwhisper silkily, "Don't change your clothes. You don't know how much I'vewanted to run my hands against the material just before..."

His voice trailing off before he finished the sentence, the usually composedHo in his grip trying to melt into estrogen laced goo, Obi-Wan smiled andkissed her briefly.

When he turned and slid off the surface, Shana grabbed the edge of the desk,her eyes wide, a whimper escaping her lips.

Caeryn waved as they left. Traitor or not, at least she wasn't a Wench.

Crow picked himself off the floor and tried to fix the slight tweaking jobon his gold beak. "Did I miss something? Don't tell me he's another one ofthose kids from Menudo!"

Shana whimpered again and pointed at the now closed door. "He's theGeneral."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*