Title: The Mystery of the Messy Nutella 2/2
Rating: M-NDSD (Mystery of the Nancy Drew/Scooby Doo type)
Author: Jael
Archive: Yes

* * *

"And I was like, 'Where is she?' and then this new secretary says, 'she's not here today,' and I was like, 'is she sick,' and then *He* came out of the office. He was all, 'Can I help you Cal?' I mean, the man is sooo cool. I wanna be just like him." Cal chatted on and on about his visit to the general's office earlier in the day, Vocab man growled in all of the appropriate places, and even snarled a bit when Cal mentioned how he just couldn't fix the fax machine and that was really annoying, and if the General couldn't fix it, how could anyone expect him to? He was just a lowly Padawan afterall. Soon they reached their destination, the Rugby fields. They had to paint new white lines on the grass for today's practice. What they found there though, had the cops drawing a different sort of white lines on the grass. (by the way, do you know how *hard* it is to draw on wet grass with chalk? Yeah. Neither did the cops)

* * *

There was a hum of a lightsaber and followed by a crash and the smell of ozone in the General's office. He growled, "Sithly fax machine."

"Why? Why me? Why did the Dean make me take over Diebin-- why why WHY?!" Cried Brenda, banging her head against her desk.

* * *

"What do we do with it?"

"Grrrrr."

Cal looked at the dead body. He looked at Maul. He looked at the dead body. Cal went, "Grrrrr."

* * *

"So let me get this straight sir, you and this man.."

"Sith sir, he's a sith."

"Um, ok, you and this Sith were going to paint new lines on the Rugby field. Did you notice anything suspicious?"

"Yes sir we did. The dead body."

"And do you know the desceased?"

"No Officer. I do not."

"And you sir, did you notice anything out of the ordinary?"

"Grrrr."

"How do you spell that?"

* * *

General Kenobi made his way to the Rugby field. Followed by Brenda. Followed by Dande. Followed by Smell-ri-linda. Followed by Jael. Followed by Darry. Followed by Caeryn. Followed by JenJen. Followed by Jain. Followed by Kymira. Followed by Pixxie. Followed by Tasha. Followed by Sugar. Everyone else was in class. Except for Emmy. Noone had seen her since she had stormed out of the General's office.

The grrls were all talking at once.

"Who could have done this?" asked Pixxie.

"She wasn't one of ours," Said Caeryn

"They say she was wearing a big red cape," Pixxie said.

"A red cape this time of year?" asked Darry, disgusted at the fashion horror.

"Maybe the big bad wolf did it?" asked JenJen.

"No, there isn't even a full moon, and besides its daylight" said Kymira.

"It was a joke." Said JenJen.

"Oh." said Kymira.

"Do you think it was Ginsu?" asked Dande in horror, clasping her stomach.

" Of course not. What would Ginsu be doing on the Rugby field?" asked Brenda, trying to comfort Dande.

"Where is Emmy?" asked Jain.

The General shushed the girls when they reached the bleachers, "Grrrls, I want you to stay here. The police do not need the added confusion of so many ladies, and they said this was quite gruesome. I would spare you having to see such a vile thing." He turned and headed across the field.

The Ho's followed him. He stopped, turned, spread his legs apart into the stance, put his hands on his hips and swayed them a little, and gave the ho's the Look. "I *thought* I told you all to stay near the bleachers."     Of course, this didn't phase the ho's a bit, because they were all wearing their Anti-Swoon Glasses, since a murder *did* constitute an emergency.   Dande was glasses-less, but unscathed by the prowess of the General, leaving only one anomoly.

"Smelly-rella-- how is it you have not flatlined? Aren't you apllying for admission to HSU?"

"Ahhh, Yez. Yez I am... but you seee, I amm so vorrried about my massstiff that I ddid not svooon. Normally I vould have."

"Ha! Not a good enough answer." cried Caeryn, thankful she had found a good reason not to accept this girl's application.

The General sighed, "Can we discuss this later?"

"Oh, of course General." replied Caeryn. So the group continued across the field, stopping short of the crime scene.

Jael cried out and sank to her knees, "My field! Look at the chalk! Look at the ruts left by the police cars!"

The Ho's all gasped at the sight of the bloodied body.

Esmellia screamed, "Nooo!!! Itz... itz... itz my Siiisterr!"

* * *

So gentle reader, let's review the facts. Smelly-rella's sister is dead, murdered on the Rugby fields for no apparent reason. But who could have done this? And why? Was it Diebin on the rugby field with an ax in a fit of Sexual Frustration due to her removal from her secretarial duties? Emmy on the Rugby Field with a tiara, because she could no longer take the pressure of celibacy? Was it Ginsu mistaking the foreigner for a certain wench?

And where is Space Dog? Worse yet, where is the chocolate and nutella eating Mastiff? Does Cal get a rash from the glue he uses to put on his fake braid? All of these mysteries are yet unsolved. The only thing the ho's know for sure-- it has begun to rain again.