Title: The Mystery of the Messy Nutella 1/2
Rating: M-NDSD (Mystery of the Nancy Drew/Scooby Doo type)
Author: Jael
Archive: Yes

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"Jaeeeeeeeeeeeeeel!" It was amazing how the certain intonation and drawing out of her name screamed at the top of a Ho's lungs made Jael wish she could hide. She decided to ignore it.

"JAEEEEEEEL! GET. IN. HERE. NOW!" It was even more amazing how effective those 4 little words were when spoken by the correct Ho. The Alpha-Ho. The Queen Diva of HSU. Jael cautiously entered the General's lounge.

"Where is Space Dog?"

"Ummm, I don't know."

"She has eaten all of the nutella and the very last of the Godiva chocolates out of the kitchenette. What are *you* going to do about it." "Space Dog ate Nutella and chocolate? Space Dog doesn't even like nutella and chocolate... are you sure?"

Emmy pointed to the counter. There were messy paw prints all over it, and significant signs of slobber.

"I just don't think Space Dog did it Emmy. Perhaps Sugar?"

Judy walked in holding said cat and asked, "What about Sugar?"

"Where has she been all afternoon?"

"With me in my room. Why?"

Jael pointed to the counter. Emmy fumed. Sugar yawned.

And something went "CRASH!" in the lobby, followed by a scream. Emmy looked at Jael. Jael looked at Emmy. They both looked at Judy. Then they were gone in a blur of green velvet, flannel, and jewel studded head adornments.

* * *

Dande was sitting in the floor of the Lobby. Her dress fell in gentle waves across the floor, shimmering ever so slighty in the sunlight blazing in through the window above her head (No matter that it was overcast and glum outside, promising rain any moment) Her hair fell in perfect ringlets around her perfectly made up face. One hand protectively covered her abdomen, the other was once again held dramatically to her forehead. "Oh heavens, I thought surely I would die. Never have I been so afraid in all my days here," (who cares if she had only been here a week)

"What the hell happened to you?" Emmy snarked, still a little grumpy due to recent humiliations and General deprivation.

"There was a terrible beast. It lunged for my throat, I knew for sure I was about to die. Then, ::dramatic music plays:: it stole my last Godiva chocolate right from my dainty and perfectly manicured hand and ran away. I do declare it has broken the statue of your General." She pointed to the statue, toppled from its perch and lying it the floor. Its lightsaber had broken off and rolled to the foot of the staircase. Emmy gasped. Judy gasped. Jael screamed, "The Punk-Monster! It took me a week to get the lightsaber right on that statue!" Emmy snickered. Judy giggled. Jael gave them the look, "That is not the lightsaber I was talking about and you know it. I swear, *some* hos!". Dande smoothed the folds of her dress. Again.

* * *

"Brenda- I need to see the General Now." said Emmy as she stormed into the General's office.

"You know I can't let you do that, you don't have any appointments this week Emmy. How many times must we..."

Brenda stopped mid-sentance as Judy, Jael, and Dande entered the room. Brenda gasped (my the ho's are gasping a lot today-- must be the humidity) "Dande-- your *dress*"

"Oh, this old thing, just something I threw on..."

"No-- it's.. it's.. It's Dirty!"

"What?!" and so it was true. Dande's dress was in fact dirty. It had a large paw print directly on her heaving busom, and I can gurantee you gentle reader, her beloved Mastah did not place it there.

"I knew it wasn't Space Dog-- look! That paw print is much too large, and I'll bet you anything it matches the ones in the lounge." (Of course Jael sounds just like a member of the Scooby Gang at this point. That's the point!)

Just then, there was a crack of thunder outside, and it began to pour. ::Dramatic music began to play, and the lights went out:: The next crack of lighting illuminated a waif-ish figure in the door way, in a large cape (and we aren't talking orange chifon folks). The lights came back on and a strange foriegn voice asked, "ex-cuuse me, is dis the Gennerrrals Offiz?"

"Oh great." muttered Emmy, "Smelly is back."

"Who?" asked Jael and Judy.

"Ho's, this is Smelly-relly." Esmirrilia glared at Emmy. Emmy glared at Smelly-rilia.

"Can I help you?" Asked Brenda.

"Yes, it appeeeears I have mizplazed my masssstif"

"Oh! You've lost your Master? You poor thing. I lost my beloved Master as well, and all I have left of him is this child I will bear. It will be so hard to go on without my master, but my love for him will go on and. on and on..." Dande began.

"Nooo, my Massstif. It is, what is the word, ah yes, A Dug."

All of the girls gasped. Dugs were dangerous. An especially dangerous dug was named Sebulba. They had *all* heard that story before.

"Dande-- was it a dug that attacked you?" asked Jael, determined to solve the mystery of the messy nutella.

"No, I don't think so, I think--"

"It wazzz not a *dug* but my *dug*. You know, like

"wooof woof" a dug." said Smelly-rella.

"Jeeez. Learn to speak the language or shut up."

"EMMY! Be *nice*" the ho's said in unison.

"Emmy- be nice" Emmy said mocking the ho's. "You know- I've had it up to here. Take your stupid Nancy Drew story and feed it to *dug*," she said. ::Enter William Tell overature as Emmy Exits.:: "That's not the kind of music I was hoping for!!!" she yelled over her shoulder and stomped down the stairs. Jael poked her head out the door and yelled after her, "DON'T BE LATE FOR RUGBY PRACTICE EMMY!"

If Emmy kept this up, they were a sure-win for the Championship, but that is beside the point entirely. Space Dog is missing, there is a massive Mastiff running around campus, the lounge is a mess, Dande's dress is dirty, Smelly-Rella has a bad accent, and Diebin still hasn't finished "Seduction" yet. Whatever are the grrrls to do?